We all possess an inner world, that we call the mind, no one doubts this. This inner world consists of our feelings, needs, intentions, perceptions, dreams, ambitions, expectations, amongst other. Mentalization is about how we relate to this inner world, both that our own and of others', in a way that is open, curious and continuous. You can imagine how this is especially important in a marriage where you share so much of your life together. Mentalization is therefore the focal point of episode #13, which is a continuation of the series ‘359 ° marriage’, were we focus on the many different facets of marriage. We talk about how the best framework for a good ability to mentalize is deeply dependent on a secure attachment to our parents. The ability to mentalize is something we take with us in to adult life and is especially important when we start a family of our own. This ability determines how good we are at forming strong bonds with our loved ones. But it also determines our ability to understand and deal with strong emotions and reactions, in ourselves and others. 

AbdelKarim & Hamida Talks

#13 Mentalization & Marriage - 359° marriage pt. 4

Episode #12 is part 3 of our series on marriage - ‘359° marriage’. In this episode - 'Marriage & our past' - we address the first domain of married life, our past and how it plays a role in our current relationships. We talk about the way of being in a relationship and our expectations for marriage and how they are inextricably linked to the childhood environment that we grew up in. We also discuss how Attachment theory can help us understand the dynamics that shape our adult life, especially when it comes to our married life. We review the four attachment patterns that researchers points to and hopefully become clearer about our own either flexible or inhibitory behavior patterns and acquired coping mechanisms, when we face challenges or become insecure in our love life.

#12 Marriage & our past - 359° marriage pt. 3

Episode #11 is part 2 of the introduction of our new series on marriage – called ‘359° marriage’. If you haven’t heard part 1 in the previous episode we recommend that you do so. In the first episode we introduced 2 of the 5 domains that our conversations on marriage will cover. In this episode we will cover the next 3 domains. The 3rd domain is intimacy in the relationship. Here focus isn’t on sexual intimacy but on curiosity in each other, friendship and vulnerability. The 4th domain is the practical aspect of the relationship such as personal goals, career, children, economy, chores in the family etc. The 5th domain is about ideals and ideology concerning relationships and gender roles. Here we discuss masculinity and femininity, sameness, and difference between the genders. We also discuss the role of societal and religious influence on the relationship. We hope you will enjoy this episode.

#11 359° marriage - Intro part 2

In episode #10 we launch a new series called, ‘359° marriage’. So in the following episodes our goal is to understand marriage more in depth, using our own personal journey but also psychological and sociological perspectives. In the first episode we introduce 2 of the 5 domains that this series of conversations on marriage will cover. The first domain covers the individual background, upbringing, family life and other influences on both our perception on marriage and on how we take part in the couple. The second domain is focused on personal development or growth and what role it plays in a couple. Focus is here on responsibility, values, boundaries and self-awareness. The following 3 domains are covered in episode #11.

#10 359° marriage - Intro - part 1

In episode #9 we discuss the interaction between being a minority and majority, between what we have in common and what we have in difference. The dynamic line between being a foreigner and being native. Our conversation is tied to a question from a recent SAS (Scandinavian Airlines) commercial asks: “What is Scandinavian? Absolutely nothing!” -  states this SAS commercials. Where do we land according to that logic? And why does the question hit a nerve? We use SAS's advertising on 'What is Scandinavian?’ to further the discussion about ethnicity, culture, religion and extremism. Listen in as we discuss everything from DNA testing, mass media, Cous Cous and extreme right movements. In this episode we discuss both psychological, social as well as political dimensions of a subject that is globally relevant in an ever more connected and interdependent world.

#9 Being a foreigner VS being native

Afsnit #23 handler om Corona og den nye hverdag de fleste af os oplever lige nu. Vi optager afsnittet lidt over 2 uger inde i det danske corona-lockdown. Vi taler om den oplevelse det har været at skulle ændre sin hverdag så radikalt, med fx. at have børn hjemme fra skole. Vi kommer også ind på hvordan man som par er sammen meget af tiden og hvordan det påvirker dynamikken i et parforhold. Derudover kommer vi også ind på nogle sociale og politiske dimensioner af hvordan denne særlige periode påvirker os som individer, familier og samfund.

På kanten af Corona - afsnit #23 - På kanten af enighed

I afsnit #22 tager vi diskussionen op om samspillet mellem danskhed og det som ikke er dansk. Mellem minoritet og majoritet, mellem det som vi har til fælles og det vi har til forskel.  Hvad er dansk/skandinavisk? Absolut intet - ifølge SAS. Hvor lander vi henne ifølge den logik? Og hvorfor rammer spørgsmålet en nerve?Vi bruger SAS’s reklame om ’Hvad der er skandinavisk?’. Lyt med når vi diskuterer alt ligefra DNA-test, Cous Cous til Rasmus Paludan. Vi kommer i afsnittet ind på både psykologiske, sociale såvel som politiske dimensioner af en diskussion som har fyldt og stadig fylder utrolig meget nationalt såvel som internationalt.

SAS-reklame og danskhed - afsnit #22 - På kanten af enighed

Episode #8 is a discussion about some of the topics that we want to cover in the upcoming future. Some of the topics we discuss are focus on the individual VS the collective, the challenges between the genders, grown kids and relationship with parents, conservatism vs liberalism, modern technologies and much much more. Our discussion is tied up with what role our values play in all aspects our life.

#8 What to come in 2020

Episode #7 is part 2 of our discussion about having small children, pursuing career and pros and cons of daycare. If you haven’t heard the first part of this conversation you can find it in episode #6.

#7 KIDS vs CAREER part 2

In episode #6 we address the topic of having small children, pursuing career and pros and cons of daycare. For what matters most? Children or career? And how does it affect the choices we make concerning our small children. Can daycares replace the close relationships and the necessary security that our young loved ones so desperately need? If not, is it then better to prioritize your children and stay home with them while they are young?  With three children of our own and high ambitions, we ourselves have been confronted with these issues. Listen along as we share our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes when it comes to what we love most in life. Note to listener: this podcast is in two part episode.

#6 KIDS vs CAREER - part 1

Episode #5 is about oppression in marriage or other close relationships. We delve into the topic as Abdelkarim asks Hamida if she feels oppressed in their relationship. This of course, is no coincidence. The narrative of the oppressed Muslim woman is widespread, especially in our part of the world. In our conversation we try to bring more nuances into the discussion. We explore how the roots of oppression come from misusing your advantages or strengths in any given manner. We do not address the culturally enforced or legally conditioned oppression that unfortunately takes place in many parts of the world, including some Muslim countries. On the other hand, we look at the dynamics that characterize the relationship between two people, where power and authority always lurk in the shadow.

#5 Oppression in relationships

In episode #4 the topic is sexuality. We discuss what culture there is in the Muslim families when it comes to sexuality, and what generational differences there may be in terms of conversation about sexuality and the challenges associated with talking about sensitive topics. We also discuss what role sexuality plays in the community, ranging from education, commercials, dating culture, pornography, the 'Me too'-movement and much more.

#4 Sexuality - between taboo and reality

Episode #3 is part two of a two-part podcast about how to navigate through difficult conversations. We believe that the abilty to have difficult conversations is vital in any kind of relationship and that ignoring these conversations will hurt you in the long run. In this part we talk about the last 4 out of the 7 guidelines. The fourth one is Your honesty & responsibility for your speech. The fifth is listening with the purpose of pursuing the good. And the sixth is regulating your emotions. And the final guideline is about always remembering that things take time, especially the important ones such as relationsships, personal development and social changes.

#3 7 guidelines for the unpleasant conversations PART 2

Episode #2 of AHtalks is part 1 of 2 episodes on how to make meaningful conversations a part of your relationship habits. We believe that thriving relationships rest on the ability and willingness to talk about the issues that are difficult and unpleasant, because that's where you develop as a couple and get on track with each other. But how do you embark on disagreements without falling pray to destructive fight patterns? We bring you 7 guidelines, to help you on the way. This episode covers the first 3 guideline. The first is being aware and formulating your own intention and motivation for initiating the conversation. The second guideline is protecting the dignity of the person you are arguing with, and your own. The third guideline is being aware you ideology and way of thinking. The remaing 4 guidelines will be covered in part 2.  Enjoy.

#2 7 guidelines for the unpleasant conversations PART 1

First of all welcome to the show.  In this episode, we outline what you can expect from this show. Basically you get to know us and our credentials (both personal and professional) for talking about relationships, life struggles, and higher values.   We also talk about how you might benefit from this show and find out if it's for you. Based on our experience from our initial Danish podcast, we discuss the particular subjects and themes that we want to cover in the English version and why we think they are important.  These subjects are, among others, family and marriage struggles, gender roles, sexuality, technology and screens in our homes, social justice, personal responsibility, the concept of freedom and how it relates to being a practicing Muslim and many more. If you like the episode, please help spread the word (i.e. text a friend or family member)  Also, leave a comment if you have request or any kind of feedback.  

#1 What to expect from AbdelKarim & Hamida Talks

This show gives you a Muslim couple’s perspective on relationships, life struggles and higher values. In each episode co-hosts AbdelKarim and Hamida go beyond the apparent and make honest conversations about sensitive issues such as marriage difficulties, bringing up children in confusing times and how socializing impact us for better or for worse. Who is it for? Anyone who wants to reevaluate and discover their core values and have more fulfilling relationships and clear life goals. Come along on the journey and be inspired to make better choices on what matters the most.

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AbdelKarim & Hamida Talks

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