Theft is in the air at Law and Ordeals this week, though what's with the trend of stealing things that are alive? A motorist in Port Washington is having a particularly bad day. We discover possibly the worst place ever to conduct an affair. A dubious package from Japan arrives.

Archive: Law and Ordeals

23: Five hats for five tortoises and five lobsters

Diplomacy doesn't always work when it comes to garbage collection in the Fox Cities. An 18-year-old chooses the wrong terrain upon which to test his new Subaru. Vaping isn't for everyone. Pick-up basketball isn't for everyone. Round-the-clock home surveillance makes it awful challenging these days to surprise your spouse with new furniture.

22: Nothing makes neighbors more feisty than garbage disposal

A wildlife center gets calls to assist and injured animal and discover something unusual. A man apparently couldn't microwave his stolen burrito fast enough. People get hangry when the pizza order takes a while. Don't flush that weed, man. And we know you're the guy peeing in the Starbucks cups, because your name is written on them in Sharpie.

21: The duck was not in peril because it was made out of wood

A neighbor employs an unusual method to dim the lights across the street. A dispute over laundry. A dispute over headphones and sweat pants. Can you tell the difference between the smell of marijuana and burnt food? Maybe just make sure it's drugs before you call the police.

20: There are two kinds of dimness, and one can be established with spray paint

A phone demonstration turns into a missing phone. Fishermen are told they need to choose a different venue aside from the golf course pond. A woman's wedding requests go unmet until she finds someone to wed. A backpack suspended in the air. And you guys, just, like, never go on the ice, OK?

19: Booking a banquet hall with my fictional fiance

The messiah pays a visit to local retailers. An illegal way to make a makeshift Santa sleigh. Christmas dragging one motorist down in a literal way. A burglar who has trouble negotiating the winter elements. And seriously, don't mess with a Marine, whether or not he's 95 years old. It's a special holiday edition of the Law and Ordeals podcast.

18: It wouldn't be Christmas without Jesus opening a dojo

A man's Thanksgiving ends in sword-wielding frustration. It turns out you can't get to China by traveling underground. "I love you" feels hollow when it's scrawled in marker on your vehicle's upholstery. A stuffed animal is complicit in electronics theft.

17: Where will we put the Thanksgiving leftovers after you took a sword to the fridge?

The cops have already been called on Santa, and it's not even December. The local cop shop is not a suitable drop-off location for your outgoing appliances. Some calisthenics at 2 in the morning get the attention of local police. A woman looking for one end of the Milwaukee metro finds ... the other. And: If you're driving a car loaded with illegality, maybe obey the basic traffic laws, mmk?

16: The cops have already been called on Santa

For the first time, Law and Ordeals navigates outside the jurisdiction for a Marshfield story that's too irresistible not to share. A thief can't hide the evidence on his face. Thieves take some very intriguing items from a local hotel. A grandma gives a scammer a piece of her mind. And a woodchuck on the loose!

15: What do you do when you're stuck overnight in a cooler? You drink the beer. Obviously.

Law and Ordeals adopts an animal theme this week. A plot to kill a neighbor's cat is foiled by the potential assailant's talkativeness, a cat tries to murder its house guests by setting the kitchen on fire, flamingos go missing in the midst of a school rivalry and a dude in Cudahy tries to escape police in an unusual getaway car.

14: Your neighbor is on a mission to kill your cat -- unless the cat strikes first

A neighborly dispute emerges over a voodoo doll in one neighbor's driveway. Local police turn to technology to track down a naked yoga practitioner. A man demonstrates the worst possible way to confront what he believes are drug users on his block. And if your house gets broken into, maybe hide the 32 marijuana plants before the cops arrive? It's this week's navigation through the strange and stupid of Milwaukee-area police reports.

13: (fixed audio): Breaking out the infrared cameras to catch naked yoga guy

JR's heartless stance toward helpless little creatures is brought about after a Pewaukee driver flips her car over a squirrel. A zombie-response vehicle is on the loose. A 3-year-old temper tantrum that shook the house, some Drive-Thru Drama at McDonald's and could somebody get that person some pants?

12: JR is not going to swerve to avoid a squirrel on the road

A man in Greenfield lost his pants but not his fear of heights when confronted with a mid-air conundrum. A dude goes way overboard after his roommate eats all the eggs. A potential diamond shopper appears to be in the market for something very, very different and Drive-Thru Drama that may or may not have been just a spectacular pun.

11: If you're gonna get naked, make sure you're on the right balcony

The newest celebrity in Oconomowoc is a 5-month-old goat named Waffles after his "run-in" with the police, one neighbor is particularly sensitive about his sidewalk, a dispute over -- what else -- the TV remote control turns ugly and a dumpster diver with a heart of gold.

10: Waffles the Goat is in custody

Violence erupts when a man tries to pay in the worst possible way for a not-so-wholesome service, gummy bears have become the vessel for something else, a family dispute over a new tattoo and is that guy drowning or just, like, swimming? Also, Lainey and JR reminisce on their shared history of horror stories involving flammable pastries.

9: Two Dollars in Quarters

Lake Country Publications/Now Newspapers senior staff members Lainey Seyler and JR Radcliffe dig into the treasure trove of police reports in Suburban Milwaukee and highlight the stupid and strange.

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Archive: Law and Ordeals

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