http://www.FAILocracy.com When America needs a new great communicator in the white house, America needs Rick Santorum. His eloquence on racial issues is unrivaled. In defending the definition of marriage against homosexuality, he’s the master of metaphor, ; He words channel the founding fathers. His mastery of language even extends to languages most linguists believe to not even exist.

FAILocracy

Funny Rick Santorum campaign ad

New York GOP representative Christopher Lee has resigned in a statement read on the House floor after a shirtless photo of him soliciting a woman he met on Craigslist surfaced Wednesday Gawker has outed married Conservative New York congressman Christopher Lee for soliciting a woman on craigslist and sending a shirtless photo to her, ;which you can see here- WOAH!! Lucky for him they lifted the DC gun ban! Lee replied to the woman&apos;s craigslist posting on which she inquired as to whether there were any men on craigslist who didn&apos;t look like toads, but,

Craigslist congressman resigned TOO SOON?

There was a new development this week in the historic incident of DEA agent Lee Paige, who accidentally shot himself in the foot during a youth presentation in 2004. Paige filed a federal lawsuit against the U.S. government, complaining that the DEA leaked the video, which he states appeared on such familiar shows as the Jay Leno Show, a Curreent Affair, and Jimmy Kimbel (kimmel) Live. Paige claims that the embarrassment and publicity has ruined his career as both public speaker (like Tony Robbins) and undercover officer (like Tony Robbins with a mustache) which linguists agree is the most oxymoronic combination of terms since "gay Republicans." It must have been difficult for Paige to watch his reputation to America&apos;s youth sink from "Respected Federal Agent" to "nothing but a big fat doo-doo-head" But a judge threw out the case this week, so Paige&apos;s attempt to gain financial compensation for the embarrassment has only served to remind us of the incident so he could face more embarrassment as we note that he has once again shot himself in the foot. This has been a great moment in FAIL. Music from incompetech.com

UPDATE on cop shooting himself in the foot. GREAT MOMENTS in FAIL!

I was shocked, SHOCKED to hear Pat Robertson speaking reasonably about drug policy... or anything at all, for that matter.

Pat Robertson: LEGALIZE POT?!?!?!??!?!?

Funny homophobe interview on "don't ask. don't tell" repeal.

Palin tells Glenn Beck that we need to stand by our "NORTH Korean Allies."

Funny Palin clip "NORTH Korean Allies"

http://www.FAILocracy.com Joe Biden mixes up right and left hands during the swearing in of Mark Kirk.

Funny Biden right/left gaffe

Since the knowledgeable Jan Brewer behacomed Arizona&apos;s governor, everything has changed."We have changed everything since I have behacome your governor."She has done everything she possibly could do, including the following.AWKWARD SILENCEUhh, let me assist you on this one, Jan. Didn&apos;t you say you balanced the budget.. ;"We have balanced the budget."Others who are apparently uninformed say that Arizona faces up to a $700 million shortfall, but how can you trust any information that comes from Arizona&apos;s Joint Legislative Budget Committee?But Jan Brewer has spoken out against the beheadings that have taken place in Arizona because of illegal immigration. These violent decapitations have gone on too far, and they must be stopped or uhhh... well, maybe... maybe nobody knows about it except her.Vote Berry Hess, I mean, uhhh, Jan Brewer, for Arizona Governor. I mean, she couldn&apos;t just be making this crap up, right?

Funny Jan Brewer "Pause" parody commercial

I&apos;m driving a VW Passat TDI that I bought by the border from Arizona to Vegas to meet up with my brother. The day before, I met GloZell: www.youtube.com/user/glozell1

I meet GloZell! Was the Ped Egg review faked? Leaving AZ!

"It&apos;s a free country. I wish it weren&apos;t, but it&apos;s a free country." - Deval Patrick, governor of MassachusettsHe probably meant that he wished Glenn Beck&apos;s rally wouldn&apos;t have been in the place/time it was. But is that what he said? No. Why do I care? Because it&apos;s funny.

Hilarious, HONEST Deval Patrick commercial

Anna Chapman and Czech politicians have posed for sexy photos, and so have I!

Racy photos of politicians, spies, and ME!

http://www.FAILocracy.comhttp://www.twitter.com/FAILocracyThe Facebook event page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=149976315028568&ref=ts

Send Jon Stewart a gift!!

http://www.FAILocracy.comAmericans are divided on whether or not we should allow the building of the mosque at ground zero, and, of course, by, "mosque at ground zero," I mean, "building that is not a mosque and is also not at ground zero." (It&apos;s actually an Islamic community center two blocks away from Ground Zero, and if I can get fired for including work as an artist on South Park on my resume when I really only worked as a graphic designer at a sign company on South Park Street, which shouldn&apos;t have happened because I wasn&apos;t even technically lying, then there&apos;s no way I should get away with calling this a mosque at ground zero.) But here are the details:Now, first, the space was designated with the name, "Cordoba House," which its organizers claim was invokes 8-11th century Cordoba, where Muslims, Christians, and Jews are said to have co-existed peacefully. But critics say the name is in honor of the Muslim conquest over the Christian city in Spain. But the stubborn organizers wouldn&apos;t have any of it! They gave a proverbial finger to critics and said, "We&apos;re keeping the name whether--" Oh wait, no, they changed it. Organizers changed the name of the space to Park51 to avoid association with conquest while subtly hinting that they&apos;re hiding UFOs there.But what is in a name? That which we call a Cordoba House, if by any other name, would it smell as subversive? Newt Gingrich knows what I&apos;m smelling. He said, "It is a test to see if we have the resolve to face down an ideology that aims to destroy religious liberty in America..." Exactly! If we don&apos;t act now by taking away religious freedom in this country, then this country might lose its religious freedom.And don&apos;t try to argue equality under the law because that&apos;s not the issue here. As the constitution says, "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." Wait a minute, this isn&apos;t the constitution. This is George Orwell&apos;s ANIMAL FARM!Okay, the Bill of Rights actually says "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances," which pretty much means that it would be unconstitutional to legally interfere unless it could be demonstrated conclusively that it&apos;s a terrorist group.But as New York Daily News writer S.E. Cupp points out, the argument for the constitutional right is a straw man. She wrote, "No one in serious circles who oppose the mosque at Ground Zero is suggesting it should be made illegal to build a Muslim house of worship near the site of the 9/11 attacks."Exactly. No one is actually suggesting that we actually take legal action to prevent them from building-- oh, okay, well there&apos;s that. And that. And, okay a lot of people are. ;But what about the people who recognize the legal right to build the community center, but feel they should voluntarily avoid doing it. The man heading up the project said that he wants the location near ground zero to "push back against the extremists," demonstrating the ability of peaceful Muslims to thrive in a community of mutual tolerance, a spirit opposite of that which was behind the 911 attack.Many prominent Muslims, including Akbar Ahmed and others with names that are even-more difficult to pronounce have publicly opposed the building of the mosque saying that it has the appearance of "fitna," or "mischief-making" that is forbidden by the Koran. Some peaceful Muslims worry that violent extremists would point to it as a symbol of victory despite the intent of those behind the project.For those reasons, I honestly don&apos;t know whether the project is a good idea or not. Those of you who have been following FAILocracy for a while may remember when I received death threats a few months ago for criticizing violent Muslims while displaying images of Muhamad created by Persian Muslims. (Of course, I did literally draw a target on my forehead.) The video has been removed from YouTube, not because I was afraid of radical Muslims; I knew what I was getting in to when I drew the target, but because YouTube rejected my revenue-sharing application because of it. It&apos;s okay to be a broke martyr, but if I&apos;m going to stay alive, I&apos;ve got to make some scratch.

"Ground Zero Mosque" protected by Constitution?

Dig this! http://digg.com/d31Zp0v ;http://www.FAILocracy.com

Ron Paul WILL run in 2012!

I live 11 miles from Ben Quayle&apos;s campaign HQ. Apparently someone called the police on us when we were shooting this. A cop parked and stared at us for the last 10 minutes or so of shooting, then followed our car for a few miles after we left.Ben Quayle and Barack Obama actually do talk exactly like this.Kevin: Hi, I&apos;m Kevin R. Breen from FAILocracy.com.Victoria: And I&apos;m Victoria Andrews.Kevin: We&apos;re here today in front of Ben Quayle&apos;s campaign headquarters, about to do an interview with not only Ben, who is running for election in Arizona&apos;s 3rd congressional district, but also his father, former Vice President Dan Quayle.Victoria: Now they were supposed to meet us here, but I don&apos;t seem to see them anywhere...Kevin: Yeah, that is weird. Tell you what, we&apos;ll split up. You stay here in case they come by while I go look for them.Victoria: All right, sounds good.KEVIN WALKS OFF SCREENVictoria: Oh, there they are!CAMERA PANS OVER JUST SLIGHTLY, REVEALING KEVIN&apos;S HAND IN A SOCK PUPPETVictoria: Mr. Quayle, Mr. Quayle, so glad you could make it.Ben: So glad to be here!Victoria: Now first, Ben, now that you&apos;ve been caught writing explicit material and lying about it on dirtyscottsdale.com You said "my moral compass is so broken I can barely find the parking lot." A lot of people are saying that you don&apos;t really believe in the conservative Republican platform on which you&apos;re running, and that you&apos;re just a puppet for your dad. What do you say to that?Ben: Well, frankly, I think that&apos;s ridiculous!Victoria: Could we pan the camera over to get Dan in the shot with Ben?Dan (from offscreen) No! Pretend I&apos;m not here.Ben: Sorry, my dad can&apos;t be in the shot because he run my teleprompter. Quit going off script Ben. No, don&apos;t say that part. Or this part. That&apos;s it, no ice cream. But dad! (Continues rambling)Victoria: Ben. Ben!Ben: Oh yeah, sorry. Anyways, as I was saying, my dad really has nothing to do with this campaign. I have a lot of respect for my dad, but my platform is mine alone. We aren&apos;t the same, but we complement each other. It&apos;s like he&apos;s the meat and I&apos;m the potataueeDan: That&apos;s potato!Ben: Well then why did you put the E at the en--Dan: Shhh!Victoria: Well, your campaign commercial has a lot of people talking because you say that "Barack Obama is the worst president in history," even implying that you&apos;re going to go to Washington to "knock the hell out of it." PLAY COMMERCIAL Now first, I have got to say that your voice sounds much more masculine in person!Ben: Yeah, I was tearing up in that video because I was chopping an onion before filming.Victoria: Seriously? Your excuse is that you were chopping an onion?Ben: Yeah, I was making a potatauee salad. Just a minute.BEN POPS OFF SCREEN AND WHISPERS ARE HEARD, THEN HE COMES BACKBen: My dad can&apos;t believe you&apos;re making that joke.Victoria: Okay, so you say you&apos;re going to go against Obama and "knock the hell" out of Washington. What&apos;s you&apos;re strategy?Ben: Oh, yeah, well, Obama must be stopped, so first I need to have a chat with him. We&apos;re going to get together a team of elite Republicans like Arnold Schwarzenegger, then we&apos;re going to go in to the West Wing to overthrow the Obama, who is practically a dictator. Now, along the way, we&apos;ll probably discover a plot far-more sinister than we were led to believe when we were first hired, and innocent lives will be in the balance-Victoria: Okay, okay. Did you come up with this strategy while watching The Expendables?Ben: uhh... no! No! That&apos;s ridiculous. What, are you suggesting that a legitimate political candidate would take tactical strategy from a Sylvestor Stallone movie? Come on, that&apos;s the most ridiculous thing I&apos;ve ever heard!CUT TO REAGAN QUOTE: "Boy, I saw RAMBO last night. I know what to do the next time this happens."Former US President Ronald Reagan -following the release of 39 American hostages by Lebanese terrorists in 1985Ben: Oh. Huh. Well, this is awkward.Victoria: Well, once you get close enough to knock the hell out of Obama, what will you do?Ben: Oh, easy. I&apos;m going to look him in the eyes, and I&apos;m going to be like, "Go ahead punk! You make my day."Victoria: It still sounds like you&apos;re getting your strategy from movies.Ben: Let me finish. I&apos;ll get all up in his grill! I&apos;ll be like, you are screwing up America! You are ruining our freaking country, and I&apos;m going to beat the crap out of you cuz I&apos;m freakin Ben Quayle, bitch!Victoria: Well you&apos;re in luck! You don&apos;t have to wait!Ben: What?A BLACK SOCK PUPPET WALKS ON SCREENObama: Hey Victoria, hey Ben. Whatcha talking about?Ben: Oh, uhh...Victoria: You&apos;re just in time, Obama, Ben is about to set you straight! You aren&apos;t even going to know what hit you!Ben: Oh, well, Victoria, I, uhh...Victoria: Go ahead, give it to him, Ben.Obama: Uhh... what&apos;s going on?

Fake Ben Quayle interview by his real headquarters. (SHOCKING!)

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