So the key to getting a Neil Breen film means going to the source. In keeping with our spy movie season, we followed the instructions on the site that said, “If you want a film other than Fateful Findings add the title to the comments section.” We asked for Double Down and paid the man for the DVD. Here we are reviewing what came in the mail, Fateful Findings. We were joined by Jen and Arden, reuniting the Masters of the Universe crew. “Basically the movie is so bad that when there is some clarity, it sticks out to you,” says Jen. Arden says, “If it wasn’t for Film Frown, I never would have been exposed to stuff like this. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.” Lamenting that we didn’t just watch Supergirl again. If you need a Fateful Findings drinking game, it’s here. Is Breen the next Tommy Wiseau? We are all so confused. Even a movie called The Never Ending Story has a plot! Paul recommends you watch the film on 1.2 speed and Arden said he kept fast forwarding 15 seconds and nothing changed. Where did these sounds come from? Lord of the Rings or Star Trek IV. We share how uncomfortable we feel for the other actors in the movie when Neil is undressing them. If you were in the film, you can find help here. The hospital scene confounds us. A breathing apparatus over the bandages, carpet, and a stretcher that would look old on Marcus Welby, M.D.. Doing show notes is hard when I’m laughing. Did I miss something? Neil Breen’s character can do magic if you don’t watch him. It’s like the Invisible Boy from Mystery Men. Neil Breen does product placement for Hefty? Jen points out all the production companies listed see the bottom in the credits are actually Neil Breen. Chris offends Starman. Chris reads Neil Breen’s official summary of the film to see if this is the movie they watched. We talk about continuity. It’s important and completely missing here. Jen struggles to compare The Room to Fateful Findings. Paul calls the film “a Vine but longer.” While Paul and our guests are not to sure about labeling this as so bad it is good, Chris wants the film to become the traditional graduation gift for students. Jen thinks this could be an excellent De Beers-like conspiracy. Arden had to stop watching the film and cleanse his palate with The Toys That Made Us. Oh my, Jen throws down the gauntlet and says her most hated film is Lucy. Arden feared she was going to say, Now You See Me 2. Jen says American Psycho did the plastic room better. The first rule of Hefty room is? Thanks for listening! Thank you to Arden and Jen for joining us. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Film Frown

Fateful Findings

Our season of spy films continues with this very strange parody. It’s 1967 and those Bond movies are making money, let’s jump in on that. Well, the first thing we need is a Connery. Hey, Sean Connery has a brother. Let’s call him? Does he act? Does it matter? Our friend Jacob Cook returns for this episode and we’re wondering if he’ll ever return. This is a bad, bad movie. As Paul says, “The main character’s super power is knowing what the hell is going on.” The film was originally titled, Operation Kid Brother, but in some releases it is called OK Connery because they just gave up on trying to be clever. What’s in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction may be a better discussion than this particular film. According to Wikipedia, the Moneypenny actress made more money for this than all the other Bond films. The Italian Dudley Moore? It’s Alvaro Vitali. And he’s not in this film, or it might be funny. Jacob compares this film to the last parody we watched with him, Our Man Flint. Neil Connery was a plasterer and an affordable Connery. Our hero practices the secret Tibetan art of hypnosis. Paul wonders if it is related to Calgon. Chris confuses Terrence Mann with Terrence Malick. We here at Film Frown apologize for this mistake, Mr. Mann. We love Critters and do not enjoy the sleepy films of Malick. Seeing the portable projector in the film, Chris says he’s 5 years sober from his addiction to woot!. Jacob quotes Insane Clown Posse for the first time in his life we’re guessing. “Magnet’s, how do they work?” The crime syndicate is Thanatos, not Thanos. While Paul says the music in the film is overpowering, Jacob points out that it was made by famous composer Ennio Moricone. Let’s avoid getting in trouble with copyright, but we’ll have a line referencing Ian Fleming. It confuses us all and we discuss this a lot. “Pull the levers!” is this movie’s “Blankets!” Curiously, United Artists released this film and the Bond films. So did they reuse the outfits in Starcrash? So in this film, Neil Connery is Scottish and does not, at all, sound like it. In Highlander his brother plays a Spanish character and does not, at all, sound like it. Thanks for listening! Thanks to Jacob for watching this atrocious film and teaching us the Dolph Lundgren nipple tolerance theory. Next up, a Neil Breen film. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Operation Kid Brother / OK Connery

Spy season continues with Weng Weng, international little person of mystery. A parody of the Bond franchise, For Y’ur Height Only brings us quick and dirty filmmaking and a script that just gives up at some point. “Hey, it’s a parody, do we need to explain this or that? Nah.” This week we’re joined by friend and regular Arden to talk about this Filipino martial artist, his film, bad edits, repetitive music, awful stunts, worse dialogue, and nipples. Show notes usually contain references to characters, people, films, or jokes we make about the movie we’re reviewing. There’s not a lot of notes for this film because it is just BONKERS. Arden, Paul, and Chris are lost in the script by Cora Caballas or the dubbing possibly done by Dick Randall. We learn that Verne Troyer was actually shorter than Weng Weng. Arden continues to drop history on us as we discuss Weng Weng’s ties to his karaoke buddy Imelda Marcos. The John Woo slide. We have to apologize for the all the talk about peperoni nipples this season. This film and Masters of the Universe had lengthy scenes of men without their shirts on. There’s no shame in nipples or shirtless men or podcasts, right? Sadly, Arden that is not Cesar Romero in this Filipino film. Hey, my dialogue needs something extra. What can I do? How about a nursery rhyme? So there’s actual dialogue in the film from Rub-a-dub-dub in a gangster scene about drugs? Weng Weng will Have a Coke and a Smile. Is it a Manila Coke or the evil New Coke? Look at me, I’m Mary Frickin’ Poppins, y’all! The best James Bond film, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, starring George Lazenby is referenced in Erma’s death. So, it’s bad. Can we watch another one though? D’Wild Wild Weng? Paul wants to know if the thumb-high-five is a cultural thing we don’t understand or a Tim Cook and Bono awkward moment. Chris shares the story of why Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter has never been on the podcast. What about Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter? A film that was successful as parody of a cult classic and has become a cult classic itself is Black Dynamite. Michael Jai White’s next cult send up that is coming out is called The Outlaw Johnny Black. Random Lou Diamond Phillips reference. Paul’s favorite movie of the season is still Masters of the Universe. Thanks for listening to our mouth sound effects and we send you all virtual thumb touches. Until next time. Support Film Frown on Patreon

For Y'ur Height Only

A dancing, swinging, good time on this episode because Chris has quit the synopsis. So guests Jacob & Sean dive right into this film to talk Mormon spies, a harp as a weapon, the distinct varieties of bouillabaisse, and the island of misfit Canadians. In this film the title character is played by James Coburn who is playing Flint as Spock. Paul adds that this is Spock in the love planet episode. Sean says this film is way better than Murderer’s Row, the last film we asked him to watch. It has happened, we broke Jacob with Our Man Flint. The sequel to this film is Austin Power’s favorite film. Chris is waiting for the future these 60s films promised. Where are the pneumatic tubes? The organization bent on taking over the world reminds Jacob of E.V.I.L. from Spongebob Squarepants. Also, who knew there was a SpongePedia? “To the computer!” Everyone ran to UNIVAC or more precisely the women who program it, Hidden Figures for real. Well, in a movie from the time. Flint can do anything! A kick ass Jesus figure. Remember when we watched UHF? Here’s a trailer from that film for Gandhi II. The “incredulous” claim that this movie is the basis for Rain Man. An Automan reference that only Chris gets. Every movie needs a Hans Gruber? It’s Devon from Knight Rider playing Devon in this film, but he’s a bad guy? Bland villain is bland. The supervisor programming women to be “pleasure units” is Mr. Whipple? Say it isn’t so! This movie was premiered in Jamaica and reviewer Pauline Kael thought that was the only reason this movie received positive reviews. Not going to lie, Jacob is obsessed with Jodorowsky. He always brings up The Holy Mountain. Is he challenging us to watch this? Obviously Zardoz stole the “programming” scene from Our Man Flint. BLANKETS! Darwin Deez has this music video made entirely from stock footage. Directed by Keith Schofield. Sets, logos, and other designs from this film are used in the TV show Land of the Giants. Thanks for listening! This was a tremendous amount of fun thanks to Jacob and Sean. Check out Jacob on Twitter or his Slowne.ws. You can find Sean on Twitter and read his musings on open source and decentralization projects over at We Distribute. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Our Man Flint

Paul & Chris fill another request from our friend, and guest Daniel J. Hogan. Joining us on our quest to save Castle Grayskull are Arden and Jen. On this show we decide Superman hates whales. We puzzle over He-Man carrying a rifle. Sweat-filled boots make choreography difficult. This episode is 16 milliparsecs long, or something. Intros done in a bad commercials from the past style. Here come the 80s via Dan, “Where’s the beef?”, Reaganomics, and “Just Say No” with Clint Eastwood. This episode’s film stars Dolph Lundgren “and his nipples.” What’s Frank Langella doing in this picture? Oh hey! It’s the principal from Back to the Future, actor James Tolkan. He’s from Michigan like our hosts, slacker! Other stars are Meg Foster from They Live! Courteney Cox, Tom Paris from Star Trek: Voyager, Robert Duncan McNeill and our favorite Billy Barty. Dan tells us how DC’s New Gods may have influenced the film. What no sequel? No worries, we’ll just tweak the script. This is how we got the Van Damme film Cyborg. Arden was all about the character Teela because actress Chelsea Field was a Solid Gold dancer. Let’s forget about this awful film and watch The Toys That Made Us or Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films. He-Man is not allowed to kill people. So, we get to see storm troopers and lasers instead of swordplay or scary Legend characters. Is the slippery nipple named after Dolph? Speaking of our star, he is ACTING! Dan points out that Courteney Cox’s character is going to leave their small town and move to Jersey. He wonders if this is a Dancing in the Dark reference. Snap has the power, not He-Man. Here comes a She-Ra reboot by Noelle Stevenson of Lumberjanes fame. Synth music is the key to the universe! We know because we’ve watched a better movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Oh no, Paul gets into his Southern lawyer, chauvinistic robot voice from our Starcrash episode. Skeletor has THE GLOW. Paul’s comment about “laser nipples” reminds Chris, about a certain music video. Yup, save yourself some time and watch this music video, it’s basically a 3 minute version of the film. The robots swear in Transformers The Movie. Avoid the Noid! Dan tells us the actor who played Saurod was the Noid. Pons Maar, the Noid, was also a puppeteer for Dinosaurs, a favorite for some on our panel. That’s it for this episode, each of our wonderful guests put on their space thongs and rode off on their hover boards. Thanks to Jen, Dan, and Arden for such a fun time. And we’re grateful that you took the time to listen. Good Journey! Support Film Frown on Patreon

Masters Of The Universe

Friend of the show and the intelligence behind Clattertron and Foxes & Boxes, Daniel J. Hogan suggested this week’s film. Surely he’s chose it out of some sort of patriotism because it stars the commander in chief, Ronald Reagan. Oh, it also stars a chimpanzee. Pet Sounds Radio host Sarah Hoyles kindly joined us as well. We didn’t learn until the day of the show that she rarely watches films with animals! It was a pleasure to see things from her perspective. We hope you’ll listen to learn more. Don’t worry if you’re falling from an 8 story building, the Browder Life Safety Net will certainly break you in much more interesting way than the ground. Sarah reminds us of The Bear. Sorry for the spoilers, but it is 30 years old. Let’s not hurt animals in film Leonardo DiCaprio. Who is the moustached character in the photo? Is it Rappin’ Ronnie? Our show is not brought to you by 23andMe. Instead, we’re funded by listeners like yourself. And our moms. Chris thinks this film is a precursor to Three’s Company. Meanwhile, Dan points out that it may actually be the predecessor to Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Bonzo is to be sold! What? Can’t we make money in the Iran-Contra affair instead? Chris steals a joke from Noises Off and it gets awkward. Dan reminds us, as does the film, to study our Freud. There’s a sequel? Oh no, Bonzo Goes to College. Bonzo was played by Peggy the chimpanzee. There’s a nice page here on this beautiful creature. Dan shares this wisdom from actor Dick Miller, if a chimp gets aggressive, bite him. He heard this story on another podcast, but their archives are behind a paywall. Tippi Hedren, the mom of Melanie Griffith, founded The Roar Foundation to provide sanctuary for mistreated exotic animals, educate the public and advocate for legislation. The insane trailer for Tippi Hedren’s film Roar. As it states, no animals were harmed in making the film but 70 of the cast and crew were. The 80s film that was far more than teenage angst, Project X, with Matthew Broderick and Helen Hunt. Movies from the past are an insight to the culture of their time. Eww, that Elivs film we watched. Can’t stop, won’t stop watching Leave It to Beaver. Dan suggests a few podcasts, Star Wars Minute, The Dollop, and The Adventure Zone. Congrats to our guest Sarah for joining the Entertainment One podcast network! Thanks to you for listening! You can find us wherever you get your podcasts, Google, Apple, or your favorite apps. Be sure to check out the amazing Pet Sounds, we guarantee you’ll love it! You can find Sarah Hoyles on a number of social networks. Also, find our friend Daniel J. Hogan’s work on Clattertron.com. Again, he’s on a number of sites, just follow the previous link. And remember, never give or sell your chimps to Yale. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Bedtime for Bonzo

You’ve heard of Bond, but what about Matt Helms? When your friends start taking the Bond movies in a direction you don’t like, you go out and buy the rights to another spy novel, of course. Dean Martin plays the hero in this drunken series of a spy films. They’re like spy film lite. Sean Tilley joins us to talk 8th grade biology, quitting villainy to make toy models, and Bond’s alcoholism problem. Join us in our hovercraft with projected scenes in the windows as we get saucy with Dean Martin. Oh look, a misogynist trailer for the film! A A Ron! Sirius Stuff was falsely arrested before they actually caught Sirius Black. Murderers’ Row is the second film in the series, the first was The Silencers. This film and You Only Live Twice largely influenced Austin Powers. Is this a comedy? Paul says at least he knew Doctor Goldfoot and His Bikini Machine was. Sean believes the B.I.G.O. headquarters is something from The Holy Mountain. While Paul thinks set pieces are borrowed from Forbidden Planet. “Juicero tried.” We get a lesson in Mod. Oh hey, Dean Martin’s character “dies” just like Bond in the last movie we watched, You Only Live Twice. The bad jokes abound so much that characters seemingly ignore Dean Martin like he’s Al from Quantum Leap. Is Karl Malden your Pollyanna villain or Chris’ Jack Klugman. Hey, when your dad’s the star of the film you can get your band, Dino, Desi & Billy in the picture. Dean Martin’s blocking during scenes, when he’s not talking, is basically the male gaze. Ironhead is actually Bender? He blows fire! The dancing style has confused us all, including Dean Martin. The parade float dress made of flowers with, yet another crazy, crazy dancing scene. Is Ironhead Inspector Gadget, perhaps? A Knight Rider reference? Yes please. Chris shares his love for Mom and Dad Save the World. Behold the light grenade! Why do we like Dean Martin more in Cannonball Run? Sean thinks this bad film is no The Room. Is it Mike Myers or Michael Myers, we always get those two deadpan comedians confused. That was it for go-go dancing bombs and rat pack references. Thank you for listening and thanks to Sean Tilley for watching this film with us. Will he be back in Our Man Flint? Support Film Frown on Patreon

Murderers' Row

Like James Bond in this 1967 film, we’re back from the dead. As Chris returns from a mental health break, he challenges his sanity and that of Paul and guest, Arturo. This lack luster Bond film is so bad that even Connery vowed to quit afterwards. Should you be brave enough to watch the 007 film yourself, here’s a list of available sources. Or, Arturo says fly to Mexico and buy a copy of the film from Roger Moore and Sean Connery in a supermarket. Just watch out for the trap doors. Child author Roald Dahl wrote the script. As Paul said, “That explains a lot about this film.” Arturo was on our Montreal Sauce Halloween special. The James Bond Formula is a thing. Pervy Chris admits that his favorite Bond was George Lazenby in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Paul wants to cut the beginning of this film together with Gravity, or to have the astronaut pull an Iron Man like Mark Whatney. Space is dark according to this movie and The Expanse books. Did you know there is an Outer Space Treaty? The first scene with Bond has an amazing mix of racism & misogyny to truly disgust you. Did you know there’s a movie cars database? Sure there is and this is the 2000GT Aki drives. The Rock’s grandfather plays a henchman who Bond beats awkwardly with a couch. Arturo’s opinion that Bond drinks too much on the job has validity. Bond hits the chair like Riker. Does Connery play Bond in Zardoz. Paul does his Connery impression and Chris tries using Connery’s line from Dragonheart, but he sounds more like Brian Blessed. Little Nellie was an actual production model helicopter, the Wallis Autogyro. So are all the henchmen evil and it’s okay that they die? It’s the Clerks debate. Dr. Claw must be inspired by this film. Ninja school didn’t have a pommel horse for the Gymkata. So the “rocket guns” in the film are a real thing. They were stoked to have their product in the film. Too bad it was a terrible invention. Connery becomes Spock? Oh, no. It is much worse than that. When swimming from an exploding volcano hideout, you need a hat like a shark fin. Who will be the next Bond? Arturo says maybe Michael Fassbender. Paul compares Bond to Kirk from Star Trek. They are from a similar period and are a similar archetype. Arturo and Paul now want to watch a good Bond film, GoldenEye. Thanks for listening to a lengthy show! Thanks to Arturo for joining us. Perhaps he should do the recap instead of Chris? His impression of Roald Dahl pitching the film is much shorter and hilarious. Stay tuned for more spy shenanigans this season. Up next is Dean Martin as Matt Helms in Murderer’s Row. Support Film Frown on Patreon

You Only Live Twice

Nope. We’re not watching the cheese-filled CBS show, we’re watching Helen Slater fight Faye Dunaway in a very strange film from the 80s. arkOS creator Jacob Cook and the talented artist & developer Jen Montes join the guys to review a piece of super hero history, Supergirl. Chris watched way too many documentaries like You Will Believe: The Cinematic Saga of Superman to prepare for this show. Meanwhile, Jen watched Supergirl religiously as a child. Like Superman III, Supergirl was panned by reviewers. Also, it did not do well at the box office. Note the poster on the Wikipedia page. There’s something wrong with the Statue of Liberty. “Look at the British Peters!” Shouts Paul. Meaning O’Toole and Cook. Why is that Brenda Vaccaro looking so familiar? Chris live tweeted his viewing, the new version of show notes. Chris confuses who gets shrunk into who in Innerspace. And is this where Kara’s city is? Paul thinks the pocket universe is the inside of Zardoz’s stone head. Paul wonders if the spaceship flight is inspired by 2001: A Space Odyssey. Jacob thinks this can’t be anything but a space dildo. Chris thinks Faye Dunaway is wearing the Cybill Shepherd collection from Moonlighting. Jen says “the flying ballet” scene is to remind us that she’s a girl and we all cringe. What’s America like? Truckers. Matt Frewer delivers the worst dialogue as a trucker in a scene where Supergirl meets Max Headroom. We don’t like these writers very much. Jacob wonders why all the A&W product placement. Even on rapist truckers. Next on Law and Order: PZU (Phantom Zone Unit). Gardner guy is also the douchey guy from the first Die Hard film. Paul says there’s more magic in this film, but it is way more boring than Doctor Strange. Paul compares the lengthy flying scenes to the very long Star Trek: The Motion Picture. We have no budget so we’ve dressed all the bad guys like their from THX 1138. Is that a morlock in the Phantom Zone? Nope, it’s Peter O’Toole! Jacob suggests no one can replace Faye Dunaway in this film except maybe Tilda Swinton. Chris argues making the film even worse with Melanie Griffith. Jacob recommends that listeners watch Labyrinth. Then, he says we should review it on the show. Hmm… Jen says you need to check out Barbarella. Paul says he cannot make a better recommendation and jumps on this, well. Chris suggests Electric Booglaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films. In the time since we recorded this, Jacob has launched an awesome way to get your arkOS on, with his new hosted service Skylark. Jen can be found on twitter or github. Thanks to both of them for all the laughs. It’s probably our longest show because we spent 24 minutes laughing. Stay tuned for next season. It’s right around the corner, by the time we post this! Thanks for listening. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Supergirl

We love Spielberg, we love aliens and fedoras. How could this go wrong? On this episode Paul & Chris are joined by their better halves, Tina and Colette. So does the film hold up to the lego game? That’s the big question. Can you use Square Cash to transfer money between Canada and the US? Hmm. Nope. Crystal Skull came out in 2008. BoxOfficeMojo lists it as 3rd for the year, below The Dark Knight and Iron Man. This film is actually above Wall-E and Twilight. WHA? The biggest film shot in Hawaii since another film we reviewed, Waterworld. Of course, hands down the best Hawaii film we’ve watched is Hard Ticket to Hawaii. This is not the Mitchell-Hedges skull, yo! It’s like ALIEN! For your entertainment, real-time searches of the The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, Sean Patrick Flanery and River Phoenix on air. Such wow! Are we watching American Graffiti? Between all of Chris’ coughing, Indiana Jones jumps the shark in a stolen Tardis. Paul educates us on the history of nuclear weapons testing. The only movie star who has talked to us is in this film! We’re super excited to know Ernie Reyes Jr. is on our screen. Ants dislike Cate Blanchett. Always do your CG in the dark. Don’t do it in the light, Golden Compass. Just stop. It’s a quiet group on the podcast because the movie isn’t that awful. One exception: them Shia Labeouf scenes like the Shia-monkey. Our take overall, this is an entertaining film. As an Indiana Jones film it is bad. Thanks to our biggest patrons, our wives for joining us again. For more of Tina and Colette check out Harem Scarum. Interested in sharing an opinion about next season check out Chris’ post and let us know what you think over on Twitter. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

On this bonus episode Chris thought he was throwing a softball to his friends, the cult classic Dolemite. A recognizable so bad it is good staple, right? Well, not so fast. Mad Dragon & Spike Matthews have less than flattering things to say about Dolemite. Perhaps this is why they’re not using their real names? Of course, there are few characters in the film that have real names. We’re looking at you Creeper. What is this PMOG? Michael Keaton, Pierce Brosnan & Tom Baker walk into a bar… There’s a sequel? Yup. The Human Tornado. Who is Dolemite? Rudy Ray Moore. Spike thinks one of the cops looks like John Cleese. Spike also wonders if Shatner attended the same acting school as the folks in this film. Our reviewers have issues understanding English while discussing Jet Li, so Mad suggests we talk in Greek. Spike says anybody who thinks early Doctor Who sets & props are rough, should have a look at this film. Spike says that every time some says “Dolemite,” he hears catamite and sets the tone. Dolemite looks like Simon Cowell with his high-waist pants. Sorry, it’s a sign of your age. Spike wonders if one of Dolemite’s girls is a Mohel? Instead of a Dolemite sex scene, Mad would rather watch Twilight. Mad compares the gun play in Dolemite to the lack of anyone getting shot in Star Wars. Hash tag: #DolemiteShotFirst Mad wonders who is the audience for a Blaxploitation film. Mad schools everyone in The Quiet Man, “a perception of an ethnic group by people who have no connection with the culture.” Mad says a better film to watch would be Blazing Saddles. Lip sync is terrible in the film and it reminds Spike of Top of the Pops. He mentions the “Martha’s Harbour” incident. Dolemite performs The Signifying Monkey. How big is Dolemite’s bow tie? Here’s an estimate. Chris wonders why kung fu is so terrible in the early movies, like The Octagon. Our reviewers debate the loyalty of the club employees much like the Deathstar contractors discussion in Clerks. If your name is Spike and you want the Dolemite soundtrack. Chris says the kung fu in this film is like watching marionettes do the Matrix. It reminds Spike of Joe 90. That John Cleese cop looks like Kriss Kross with his backward jeans. The Mad TV “Dolemite” sketch. Mad recommends Tangerines. Spike suggests that you watch Spirited Away. Thanks so much for listening! We really appreciate it. We also love feedback, so let us know how we’re doing on twitter or iTunes. We’d love to hear from you. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Round the World with Dolemite

In the cozy warmth of their homes in December, the boyz team up with Daniel J. Hogan of Clattertron.com to throw a house party. Err, that is to watch House Party. I was just Kid’n Playing with you. Want to risk watching it? Amazon Video iTunes All else fails? Try canistream.it. Bullworth is a “rap’ movie? Paul wants this soundtrack on The Last Dragon. Dan has recently enjoyed Straight Outta Compton, bought the N.W.A. album with the same title and wants this soundtrack, yo. Hip Hop Family Tree is a suggested comic you should read. Chris & Dan cannot recommend Cool As Ice enough. They are totally down with Vanilla Ice. The late, great Robin Harris is “Pops” in this film. Wait, are we watching Pee-wee’s Big Adventure? Paul & Chris are getting matching sweaters like Kid’n Play from the Gittin’ Funky video. Chris has a Youtube playlist of more old hip hop tracks he had the cassettes or singles of, click at your own risk. The film’s villains are the group Full Force. They have great professional names, way better than the character names in the movie. Oh look! A very young Martin Lawrence and Tisha Campbell-Martin from that TV show Martin(1992). Dan says we need to add Reagan’s Bedtime for Bonzo to next season’s Film Frown. How different would this movie be if it was written by Tennessee Williams? Pops wants to watch Dolemite, the forefather of bad movies. Don’t break your nose doing this dance move. Here’s a how-to. Oh hey! It’s Lou B. Washington from UHF. Red dyes are evil! Why does that cop look familiar? Barry Diamond The graphic sex scene is disturbing in a different way than the one in A Boy and His Dog. George Clinton is the DJ at the elephant graveyard party. Who is the better actor, Christopher “Kid” Reid or Christopher “Play” Martin? Daryl Mitchell from Galaxy Quest was part of a rap duo? Another great performer in this film is John Witherspoon, from Friday, The Boondocks and Black Jesus. There is no drug use, no smoking, the one guy drinking is made fun of and absolutely no hanky panky without birth control. This movie is actually pretty responsible. That explains why Kid’N Play had a cartoon as well. Oh no, Dan remembers the awful that is Hammer Man. Magic shoes? That’s not 2 legit. At your next cocktail party, be sure to challenge someone to a dance off. Everyone loves the scene where Robin Harris is talking to the police (NSFW). Dan teaches us what CPT means. What’s the deal with those burglars in the film? It’s the producer and director. The most amazing voice of Fats Williams gives advice about not getting raped in prison. Dan thinks this is a good movie, but no From Justin to Kelly. Meanwhile, Chris kept thinking he was watching Class Act. Dan plugs the Capital City Film Festival as he was volunteering for them. Thanks to Dan for joining the show! He’s 2 Hype. Be sure to peep his web comic, Clattertron. Thanks for rolling with us and listening. Please check out our other podcast, Montreal Sauce and enjoy doing the Kid’N Play kick step this week. Support Film Frown on Patreon

House Party

This week a TV movie crushes a group of reviewers that has already been beaten down by so many bad films this season. The cherry on the top of this steaming pile is The Hoff! Armin & Arden join your hosts and discuss a movie Marvel would like to forget. Also, forget David Hasselhoff, one of the costars is actually named Ron Canada! Arden is in love with the Swedish villainess, Viper! The Hoff says he’s a better Nick Fury than Samuel L. Jackson. What’s your job? “I write only super hero movies. All of them. Good or bad.” Arden points out in Commando Schwarzenegger has a nice house & is doing well. In contrast, The Hoff in this film is working a mine in the Yukon? Armin mentions this Key & Peele sketch about a retired military specialist that highlights the cliché. Of course, he can’t watch that clip because it will only work if you’re in the States. Thanks for nothing, internet. The spokesperson for collagen, Lisa Rinna. Everyone loves The Hoff. Chris believes even K.I.T.T. must have hit on him in Knight Rider. Chris thinks this movie is all kinds of Stargate SG-1 gone wrong. Paul says, Babylon 5. The British character in the film is the “comic relief,” and the actor was really happy to do it. He says so in this old article. The guys get in a discussion of other bad movies you’d watch instead of this one. Which is worse, this movie or Batman & Robin? Armin believes Ron Canada is the affordable James Earl Jones and calls him Mufasa. Gary in the chatroom thinks the only thing that could make the movie worse is Brendan Fraser. The henchmen are the Blue Man Group? Arden thinks the set from the baddies’ lair was stolen for the recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film. The villainess has obviously been through the A Clockwork Orange treatment and it didn’t work. She crazy. All of The Hoff’s best lines are in the Quotes section on IMDB. Armin says the mind reading scenes are just Action Essentials 2 plopped into the TV film. Armin also adds that he missed years of the plot of Interstellar on a restroom break. Arturo in the chat room reminds us of the great website, RunPee.com. For just such an occasion. The Hoff has been poisoned, but not from eating cancerous rats. Paul’s pitch for the new Oregon Trail: “Two of your party have died of cancerous rat poisoning.” Terry David Mulligan is recognized by Arden because he did a lot of Canadian TV shows. Here, he’s the president of the USA. We saw Gremlins so we’re going to steal this bit. Arden thinks the false ending with The Hoff & Lips on the Helicarrier could have been more Titanic-like. Wait, there’s a helicarrier? Yes, the Lego version is very expensive. Armin says this movie is better than Gymkata, but as bad Waterworld. Arden tells us the other movies that came out this year, The Big Lebowski, American History X and Saving Private Ryan. Generally, things started to turn around for Marvel with Blade and X-Men. Arden read Baywatch for the articles. Armin says you should watch Blade and Chris recommends Spider-Man. Arden suggests Spectre while Paul warns you to not watch Tomorrowland, ever. Since the film was so very bad, ignore it. Instead, be sure to check out Arden’s Prairie Noodle Shop and Armin’s webcomic, Biasedcat. Thanks to both of them for watching the film and reviewing it. Thank you for listening! Support Film Frown on Patreon

Nick Fury

You see that title up there? That’s right, we watched Son of the Mask to celebrate Halloween. Armin joined the guys to review this legendary bad film. Well, he joined Chris. In a Film Frown first, Paul could not finish the movie. How’s that for a review? Dare to watch it? Buy on Amazon. iTunes And now the review: Chris & Paul claim to be part of the Q Continuum. Showing guests bad movies is the way they test humanity. Production designer on this film did a great job. Makes sense, his other films: Alien, Superman, The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark and An American Werewolf in London. This cinema stinker includes a decent cast of Bob Hoskins, Alan Cumming, Traylor Howard and Steven Wright. This film was nominated for a bunch of Razzies. Unfortunately, it lost to Jenny McCarthy’s Dirty Love. Remember The Chevy Chase Show? Of course not. Son of the Mask was a sequel to an 11 year old movie. In between, there was an animated series. Ben Stein is the only actor to be in both movies and the above cartoon. Who is the better Loki? Alan Cumming or Tom Hiddleston? The Adventures of Milo and Otis. Paul thinks Drew Carey would have been a better Jim Carrey replacement than Jamie Kennedy. All the action in this film is borrowed from the cartoons of Tex Avery. Jamie Kennedy was destroyed in reviews of this film. His coping mechanism was making the documentary Heckler. Armin’s take, Kennedy is no Carrey. The metaphor used, “Simba shouldn’t try to be Mufasa” via The Lion King. Kal Penn is also in this film. Is Odin renting space from Morgan Le Fay who was in a recent film we reviewed, Doctor Strange? Jamie Kennedy’s Mask is less of a party animal than Spuds MacKenzie. Nine Inch Nails performing Hurt vs. Johnny Cash’s version. In other words, make it your own. Hulk sperm from the Mask? The baby learns his hi-jinx from watching Looney Tunes on TV. Is that still on? Also the baby seems to know a pretty famous Exorcist scene. An archive of the Entertainment Magazine Son of the Mask article. Armin likens the film to Madagascar. There’s lots going on and really the Penguins could have their own film. The insane Mask hot rod. Roger Ebert’s review of the film. Why does the baby only use his powers when Jamie Kennedy around? Tribute to Michigan J. Frog? Paul wants a drama version where they lock this kid up like E.T. Recommendations Armin: Madagascar Paul: Thor Chris: Killer Klowns From Outer Space Thanks to Armin for joining us to watch this film (not so much for choosing it). Thanks to you for listening and reading this synopsis. Laters. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Son Of The Mask

Chris & Paul were incredibly lucky to be joined by Darren Herczeg & Adam Dachis from Supercharged & The Awkward Human Survival Guide shows on the 5by5 podcast network. The cinema flavor sampled on this episode was Hard Ticket to Hawaii, a titillating adventure featuring useless bullets, inconsistent bazooka blasts and bad actors that make the co-star centerfolds look like Glenn Close or Julianne Moore. As Darren would say, “Aloha!” Adam will be starring in a West Wing reboot? Adam is a co-author of The Awkward Human Survival Guide . Darren’s amazing short, Tennis. You’ll love it. (pun intended) Chris steals his intro styling from Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast! Adam says Gilbert Gottfried Reads 50 Shades of Grey is the best Gilbert thing ever. Chris rather enjoys that Cards Against Humanity sponsored Gilbert’s show once and ask him to read the Bill Pullman speech from Independence Day in lieu of an advertisement. Listen around 1:45, here. Director of the film, Andy Sidaris was the father of the “honey shot” in sports broadcasting. Darren asks if Dona Speiris related to Albert Speer? That will really kill the mood in your masturbatorium. Is that a non-little person version of Hervé Villechaize as a henchman? Adam shares that Florida warns people to wear long socks to protect themselves from snakes. WHA? Surely that will work as well as the duck and cover during a nuclear attack. Oh, hey! Why not get some snake protection leggings instead of long socks? Joe Bob Briggs interviews Andy Sidaris. Another interview shows Dona Speir with her arm around Andy while his wife Arlene promotes the movie. Apparently this film is a sequel to Malibu Express. The company uniform for the girls’ cargo business? Darren points out that this movie has not one, but two theme songs. You can sample one, here. The confusion of white people playing races other than white? It happens with the film’s villain. Also, Darren says see Emma Stone in Aloha. Is that Glen A. Larson’s real-life yacht? Darren compares Sidaris to Mark Cuban, who you may recognize from Shark Tank. Harold Diamond went to the kickboxing school of acting. The master class. The delivery boy is played by Sidaris’ son, Christian. Darren tells us you can travel to Cambodia to blow up a cow with a bazooka. Who is a more convincing woman? Adam, Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie or the character in The Crying Game. Hawkeye vs. Green Arrow, the battle no one really cares about. Chris wants a sequel where the snake has 36 hours to live and it’s in the same vein as Crank. You think the podcast is long? Imagine how the guests feel. Darren decides to draw while he’s bored (NSFW). Darren wants to hire Dona Speir Berman for his next project. Here’s her FB, Darren. Does Taryn suffer from upspeak? “We need more female body builders in film.” Except Chyna, of course. Cut and suddenly the bad guy has a knife and Jake is wearing shuko hand claws? We don’t recommend you cheat yourself of the viewing pleasure of this art film, but Paul did mention there are GIFs available at giphy. Thanks to Darren & Adam for taking the time to join Paul & Chris on a show that ended up being longer than the movie reviewed. Please check out their shows, The Awkward Human Survival Guide and Supercharged. Of course, thank you for listening. If you’d like to support the show, please see our Patreon page. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Hard Ticket To Hawaii

We watch bad movies and frown so you don't have to.

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Film Frown

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