In this episode, I have an entertaining conversation with Marilet Kotzé, a sex therapist & Imago counsellor about all things spicy and sexy, including: the origins of some of the most common issues couples have around sex the importance of couples communicating with each other about sex, and what these conversations can be about reasons why more and more marriages are not monogamous anymore and engage in activities like swinging a description of the balance that a marriage should have between being a safe space and being a sexy space what it looks like to shake off the boundaries regarding sex that has been programmed into us since childhood books that can help people learn skills to have good sex is pornography a good or a bad thing? I hope you enjoy this fascinating conversation. Until next time. Much love, Francois   Remember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life!  

Fresh Perspective

#33 SEX - with Marilet Kotzé

In this episode, Andri Stander (former manager at the Western Province Institute of Rugby) shares the journey his career has taken him on so far and how it has taught him three simple principles that form the recipe for high-performance living. He shares these principles freely. The conversation also touches on aspects like: - How athletes are set up for success outside of the sports arena during their career as athletes - Why being talented is not the determining factor for high performance living - Why you should not see your career as your destination - Why getting a degree is not an achievement that will set you free - The personal development he experienced while doing network marketing for a season - How to be effective in getting things done - The power of being purpose-driven.   Dig in and discover secrets to bridging the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Until next time. Much love, Francois   Remember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life! 

#32 HIGH-PERFORMANCE LIVING - with Andri Stander

(Trigger Warning: A discussion about sexual abuse) In this episode, I had an intriguing conversation with pastor and couples counsellor, Dewaldt de Kock. We talked about the challenges people face in relationships and aspects of having a healthy sex life. Here are some of the main points we touched on: The Mating in Captivity series that Dewaldt and his wife hosted for couples struggling during the lockdown, and what it was all about What can stir sexual attraction to your spouse after you've been married several years What a sexual tasting menu is, and why you can benefit from making use of it in your relationship A story about how sexuality can be reclaimed How much time and attention to dedicate only to your children Why people have affairs and what can be done to repair damaged relationships How to treat the sacred space that is shared in a relationship Why it's important to understand your spouse's "back story" Tips on how to cherish your spouse What the ECCT approach is, and why it is a valuable way of interacting with your spouse You're in for some great stuff here! Enjoy it.   Until next time.   Much love, FrancoisRemember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life!

#31 MATING IN CAPTIVITY - with Dewaldt De Kock

In this podcast, I talk to visual communication designer Dian Wessels about what he does, and we explore the topic of being creative and finding your own creative voice.   Here are some of the key talking points of the conversation:  What a graphic designer does What UI and UX design is and the hidden principles used to do successful designs Why we need constraints to express our creativity Advice for people who think they are not creative An approach you can take to find your creative voice How to plan for being creative The difference between developing a skill and expressing your creativity   I hope you enjoy it   Until next time.   Much love, FrancoisRemember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life!

#30 HOW CONSTRAINTS HELP OUR CREATIVITY - with Dian Wessels

#31 André le Roux - STRATEGIES FOR BRILLIANT DECISION-MAKING   In today’s podcast, I speak with the business strategist André le Roux. He helps businesses increase their chances of achieving success, and shares some valuable ideas that are applicable not only to business, but also to life:   How to develop better decision-making skills What emotional decision-making is, why we do it, and how to stress-test a decision or strategy in life Why knowing who you are is critically important, and how to go about figuring it out Five strategic questions to ask yourself in life Three basic principles for making better decisions 

#29 STRATEGIES FOR BRILLIANT DECISION-MAKING - with Andre Le Roux

Corneels Schabort and I have known each other since our university years, and I interviewed this vibrant friend of mine to share his infectious love for teaching with a wider audience.   Among other things, we discussed: Why Corneels loves teaching How love for a subject field can be born What helped Corneels sharpen his teaching skills Why having mentor(s) is important What makes a good teacher The dynamics of a teacher’s style of teaching and a learner’s way of learning The responsibility of a teacher in caring for students What self-directed learning is, and why it’s important Why it’s important to be able to critically evaluate information and why this is a scarce skill Why it’s important about being honest with yourself about your mindset regarding learning   I hope you enjoy it!   Until next time.

#28 LEARNING WITHOUT LIMITS - with Corneels Schabort

In this episode, I had an intriguing conversation with my friend Llewellyn Morkel about cultivating a mindset for continuous growth. Llewellyn is a strength and conditioning coach at Stellenbosch University’s High Performance unit.  Here’s a quick overview of what we talked about: What Llewellyn does and why he loves it Why strength and conditioning is about problem solving The difference between bodybuilding and strength and conditioning The role of a fixed mindset vs. a growth mindset in strength and conditioning The role of strength and conditioning when someone sustains an injury Your circle of concern vs. your circle of influence and what makes you effective Why it’s important to find enjoyment in what you’re doing, and two kinds of joy that you can draw on How to be aware of the mindsets that you develop as you engage a process in life, and why it’s important Advice for people who want to achieve higher levels of performance   Llewellyn can be followed on Instagram: @llewellyn_m_performance   Until next time.   Much love, FrancoisRemember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life!

#27 HOW TO UNLOCK YOUR PERFORMANCE POTENTIAL - with Llewellyn Morkel

In this episode... Please meet - Rito Hlungwani. Forwards coach for the Stormers, and in today's podcast, he shares with me some secrets of success based on his own journey in life as well as the work he does with some rugby players. Rito uses coaching techniques that he developed from years of research. He explains these techniques to me and how they are also very applicable to life outside of rugby.Here are some issues that were touched on: How can teams reach goals? How can someone become a better problem-solver? How can someone become better at learning from others? What can be challenging in hosting a collaborative setting? How can a coach gain the trust of players? What determines the success of a player? What aspects of the game of rugby makes players well-adjusted to the business world? What is a cultural architect and what role do they play in a team setting? What is the best advice for someone who wants to achieve something great, like being a professional player? Contact Rito: Ritohlungwani@gmail.comor Follow on Twitter: @shangaanator_1 Enjoy! You can also subscribe to my newsletter here: FreshPerspective  You can also mail me Lekker! Remember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life! Much Love

#26 BIG DREAMS VS UNREALISTIC DREAMS - with Rito Hlungwani

Molweni! Please meet Lianca Fourie. A friend and bundle of joy... and a play therapist. In this episode of Fresh Perspective, I chat with the bubbly play therapist, Lianca Fourie. She offers play therapy for children between the ages of 3 and 18, using the theory of Gestalt therapy. If you don't listen to podcasts here are some highlights compiled for you by Melise Botha and edited by David Liprini and me. Melise and David will be helping me to continue creating when the demand on my time has increased so much - even starting at 5:00 am doesn’t cut it anymore. 0o: Please feel free to give me(us) feedback on this overview. Any feedback will help to improve… Should it be longer, shorter, more highlights, questions asked, etc.Until next timeMuch love Francois You can always reach me at francois@vuurdoring.co.za Over to you Melise:Gestalt therapy can be viewed not only as a method of therapy but also as a mindset or a life philosophy. Its principles are applicable to persons of all ages. The concept of Gestalt therapy is that the parts of a whole are more important than the whole itself. So, I am not only Francois the relationship therapist, I am a father, a son, a husband, and more. All these parts make up the whole of me as a person.In our life approach, we should consider the parts of ourselves and be present within them. So Gestalt therapy is about being present in the moment because our power lies in the present. This therapy also focuses on taking responsibility for our lives and emotions. Being present starts with awareness of what’s happening around you and the emotions you experience. You become aware by using your senses. So working on your emotions starts with working with your senses. A typical Gestalt therapy exercise is to close your eyes, become aware of your breathing, how your heart is beating, and where your body touches the chair. Using your senses in this way then opens the door to your emotions, because the sensory and emotional parts of the brain are next to each other. Being yourself means you accept all the parts you’re made up of. So you should take responsibility for what has happened in your life, your feelings, your actions, etc. You recognise that though you may not be able to change what has happened or is happening, you have power over your reaction to it. A basic way in which to start doing this is by using “I”-language. Instead of saying “you are making me mad”, you say, “I feel mad when that happens”. Taking responsibility can also include recognising the role that you play in the lives of others. The parts you’re made up of (or roles you fulfil), each reflect the core of who you are, the things that make you unique. But you don’t react the same way in every part/role. For instance, you may be a great play therapist, but when you function as a mother, you sometimes forget what to do, how to stay calm, because you’re more emotionally involved in that setting. And you should realise that this is OK.When working with very young children, the focus is their emotions. They’re too young to understand why they’re doing what they’re doing. So instead, they’re taught how to handle and manage their emotions. This is done by teaching them that all feelings are accepted, but actions must be limited. The feeling is not a problem, it’s what you do with the feeling that makes it a problem or not. For example, many parents struggle with their three to six-year-olds, saying that they’re angry and out of control and hurt other children. So during therapy, Lianca will use emoji stickers to get the child to indicate their emotion, why they are feeling that way and where the feeling sits in their body. If the anger could talk, what would it say? Anger is a secondary emotion, and another feeling is usually hiding behind it. So the child will say something like “The anger says, I hate my baby sister”. The feeling will then be accepted with a statement like, “It sounds like your baby sister is making your life a bit challenging?” To which the child will respond, “She always gets all the attention from mommy!” The fact that the child has less time with his/her mother because of the baby is acknowledged, and the child is asked what he/she usually does when he/she gets angry. The child will say that he/she hits things, and will then be asked what they could rather do instead of hitting things. Ideas will be collected, and rules will be set e.g. when I’m angry, I’m not allowed to hit my sister or say bad words, but I can do x, y and z. The child’s parents are also taught how to diffuse the child’s emotions and help them expand their emotional vocabulary even before an outburst can happen. So parents also have to take a lot of responsibility in the process, and a big part of that is being present and aware of their own feelings too. With older children and teenagers, they will be given more responsibility during the play therapy. When there’s unfinished business, a dialogue is necessary. For teenagers, the biggest issue is typical that they feel like they’re not being heard, and their feelings are not being acknowledged or understood. Also, parents often don’t realise that they should make a shift from parenting a child to mentoring their tween (age 10-12) or teenager, and then transition to friendship. When this happens, the parent tries to handle the perceived problem such as a tantrum or the slamming of a door, instead of getting to the real problem. The teenager doesn’t feel connected to the parent and refuses to share. So parents must first focus on connection and then on correction.During therapy with a teenager, the focus will be on diffusion of the emotions. He/she will have to picture his/her parent in an empty chair where there’s a picture or other kind of substitute for the parent, to connect the process with an emotion. Then a dialogue will be had, where emotions are let out. Children and teenagers are very able to move past something when they feel that it has been handled. With adults, it is not that straightforward, because they will say they’re OK when they’re not. Following the dialogue, the teenager will be taught how to take responsibility for their own emotions. What can be done when this incident occurs again? How they can approach their parents. Communication skills are taught, so the teen can safely share feelings without feeling guilty or making it about the other party. A technique used in Imago therapy is to work on appreciation, linking it with an emotion, going into the opposite emotion, and then trying to resolve that. For example, “Hello Dad, I like it when you spend time with me. It makes me feel special. A time that you don’t make me feel special is when you’re working all the time and not spending time with me. That makes me feel like I’m not important. I need you to spend more time with me.” Depending on the child’s temperament, the parent will sometimes physically be in the session. Parents are taught that a child or teenager’s behaviour will not improve if they don’t feel better. So it’s important to help them feel better. Their feelings should be accepted and then managed.Lianca says her work has changed her through the realisation that we’re all only human. We’re going to make mistakes and hurt each other. It’s OK, as long as we learn from it and grow because of it. Life should be embraced with all of its curveballs. All feelings should be acknowledged and accepted. We should be ourselves, with all our feelings, within our circumstances, and then grow in order to help ourselves and others. We will change the world by caring for ourselves and others. Many people don’t know how to accept negative feelings and manage the effect of others’ negative feelings on them. For instance, parents struggle to overcome their feelings when a child is defiant. Knowing and understanding something doesn’t mean we will implement it perfectly because we’re not perfect. The best we can do is to try and do better! Lianca’s superpower is being joyful and sharing joy, even when life is difficult. She tries to teach her clients that joy is always a choice. You can reach Lianca at: 072 123 6683lianca@spelterapie.co.zaShe also does Zoom sessions.

#25 BEING PRESENT AND BEING YOURSELF - with Lianca Fourie

In this episode... I chat with one of the most creative and productive - (rare combo!) people I know. You will love this guy and his accent! Follow Bennie on Instagram Enjoy! You can also subscribe to my newsletter here: FreshPerspective  You can also mail me Lekker!

#24 CREATING FROM NOTHING - with Bennie Fourie

In this episode... We get a fresh perspective about the autumn of life, overcoming fear of otherness and “The Choice” from Grete Becker Enjoy! You can also subscribe to my newsletter here: FreshPerspective  You can also mail me Lekker! Remember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life! Much Love    

#23 THE CHOICE with Grete Becker

In this episode... We take a fresh lool at feelings, thoughts and beliefs and how they help us create a brighter future... Enjoy! You can also subscribe to my newsletter here: FreshPerspective  You can also email me: francois@vuurdoring.co.za Lekker! Remember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life! Much Love

#22 HOW TO AVOID A F-UP, CREATE A BRIGHT FUTURE AND BE PART OF A WINNING TEAM.

In this episode... How to radically and quickly, but not easily improve your communication. You can also subscribe to my newsletter here: FreshPerspective You can also mail me: francois@vuurdoring.co.za Lekker!Remember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life!Much Love

#21 HOW TO WIN EVERY ARGUMENT

In this episode... I interview fellow Imago therapist and psychologist Carol Dixon - based in the UK. Here are some of the ideas we will explore:  The value of upstream prevention The healing potential of a corrective emotional response Healing together; the profound effect of witnessing another’s healing journey Listening to and validating your child doesn’t undermine your parenting The value of validation How important the skill of articulating your experience is The challenge of validating your child without being unrealistic Curiosity as a central driver of growth Downstream vs upstream (prevention is better than cure) The survival suit (defence mechanisms) - adaptive and maladaptive expression Open and hidden wishes The agenda of love is not happiness.    You can find out more about Carol at www.carol-anndixon.org or contact her at imagoCD@gmail.com   You can also subscribe to my newsletter here: FreshPerspective  You can also mail me Lekker! Remember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life!

#20 Healing the Father and Son relationship with Carol Dixon

In this episode... I share with you my take on why we fall out of love... You can also subscribe to my newsletter here: FreshPerspective  You can also mail me Lekker! Remember: Change your perspective and you can transform your life!

#19 Why falling out of love is like learning to ride a bike

Take another look at life...Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Growth

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