Subscribe to the podcast here!Since I received my Fulbright in the creative writing category, I thought it might be helpful for me to share some ideas about how creative writing has helped me and my violin playing:How Creative Writing Could Make You a Happier MusicianIn classical music, we accept nothing less than perfection. We mustn’t miss a shift or play out of tune. This perfectionism made me relentless and hard-working and followed me from The Juilliard School to the M.F.A. classroom. But it also made me deeply afraid to take risks, to grow. I suspect I’m not alone in struggling with toxic perfectionism. If you struggle, too, consider putting your violin away. Not forever, just for a pause.There’s an idea that I like called “wabi-sabi,” the embracing of flaws in pottery where, instead of throwing away broken pieces, they’re mended with gold lacquer so that the restored object is gilded, made more beautiful. In Korea, we have the idea of “mak” or suddenness. A welcoming of imperfection that’s present in architecture and aesthetics. An affection for the unrehearsed, the unprepared. The surprise of unplanned delight.Like meditation, writing has provided surprising lessons that have helped me with my violin playing:1)  Create distance from the inner critic.Our inner critic is a bully who doesn’t want us to change. Through writing, I’ve learned to grow fond(er) of the “sh**ty first drafts,” a term coined by writer Anne Lamott. Crappy early work is necessary. A willingness to tolerate it without self-loathing makes it possible for me to accept “sh**ty practice days” on my violin, too.2)  Curiosity NOT judgement.This is a mantra from the writer and teacher, Megan Stielstra. When I’m too tight in my writing (or violin playing), it’s because I’m trying too hard to be good. Judgement is heavy, mocking the toilet paper stuck to our shoe. Curiosity is lighter, gazing at our mismatched socks wondering, “hmm, how did that happen? Do I want to fix it? Maybe I like it this way?” Curiosity helps us grow in spite of our flaws. Judgement keeps us stuck in our flaws.3)  Clarify your thoughts.Everyone’s a writer. If you think, you’re a writer. If you talk, you’re a writer. The legendary pianist and pedagogue Leon Fleisher said that if we can’t articulate what we’re trying to do with words, then our intentions aren’t clear enough in our minds. Writing helps us understand ourselves. The clarity of mind that comes from writing makes you a better problem-solver and musician, not to mention better human, citizen, and advocate.4)  The importance of “play” and making something of your own.Writing teaches us to follow our creative impulses. Making my own stuff is like being a kid, playing for play’s sake. I’ll write something that I might throw away or put in a drawer. But it's ​mine,​ something I made for myself. What do ​I​ want? What do ​I​ think? Instead of: Am I doing it ​right?​ What will ​other​ people think? Writing cultivates a creative mindset instead of a corrective mindsetA term I use with my writing students and violin students is “creative courage” or the willingness to:...be brave and take risks...make mistakes and fail often...look foolish...be awesomeWriting has made me more creatively courageous and a happier violinist. I think you might enjoy writing, too!

Is it Recess Yet? Confessions of a Former Child Prodigy

I won a Fulbright Award! On creative writing and how it could make you a happier musician.

Subscribe to the podcast here!Learn more about the stuff we talk about in this episode:Jennifer FawcettJennifer teaches at Skidmore College and her first novel, The Octagon House, will be published by Atria, an imprint of Simon and Schuster. Working Group Theatre, the theatre group that Jenn co-founded.Imposter SyndromeThe International Theatre Project, the organization that allowed Jenn to travel to Tanzania and Rwanda to teach storytelling and theatre to young students.  

Jennifer Fawcett. "Perfect isn't interesting." On Imposter Syndrome and why we should "keep going and do it anyway."

Subscribe to the podcast here! 0:59 - Cellist Laura Usiskin on perfectionism and the ways we compare ourselves to others.2:41 - Pianist and scholar, Mina Yang, gives some advice on being grateful and why you don’t have to do music professionally to find value in it.3:43 - Violinist, conductor, and scholar, Sean Wang, talks about the importance of being yourself and finding your unique artistic identity.6:05 - Sarah Carter is a cellist, medical doctor and a former child prodigy herself. Here, she talks about why there’s always enough time to grow and explore.7:50 - And finally, violist Celia Hatton, on taking up space, speaking up, and fighting systematic bias and racism. Thank you to all of my guests and a special "thank you" to YOU, the "Is it Recess Yet?" community. I’m really grateful to you for listening and I look forward to 2021 with more guests and opportunities for us to grow together.

2020: "What would you tell your younger self?" An end of year review, with advice to help you on your creative journey in 2021.

Subscribe to the podcast here! Miki is a core member of the Grammy-nominated ensemble, A Far CryThe Boston Globe profile on Miki's "Little Criers"concerts for families and children. Find "Little Criers" on A Far Cry's Facebook Page.Miki and I play in the Solera Quartet together: MUSIC IN THIS EPISODE is from Mendelssohn's String Quartet, Op. 80, from the Solera Quartet's debut album, EVERY MOMENT PRESENT.Robert Levin, Professor Emeritus, Harvard UniversityRonda Cole, Director of NVSMS , Violin Teacher, Teacher Trainer for the Suzuki Association of the Americas (SAA)Ricardo Cyncynates, Assistant Concertmaster of the National Symphony OrchestraAni Kavafian, Professor of Violin, Yale School of MusicMiriam Fried, Professor of Violin, New England Conservatory of MusicDonald Weilerstein, Dorothy Richard Starling Chair in Violin Studies, New England Conservatory of Music

Miki-Sophia Cloud. "Why am I doing this?" On the importance of great mentors and choosing to find joy and purpose in music.

Subscribe to the podcast here! Noa Kageyama, Bulletproof MusicianNoa teaches at the Juilliard SchoolThe Suzuki MethodNoa got a double degree at OberlinDon Greene, Ph.d, Performance Mastery TrainerSeymour Bernstein, pianist and pedagogueEthan Hawke and his film about Seymour BernsteinThis is Your Brain on Jazz: Researchers Use MRI to Study Spontaneity, CreativitySeth GodinAlexander TechniqueHidden Brain: The Edge EffectIvan Galamian, legendary violin teacher of Itzhak Perlman among many othersLouis Persinger, legendary violin teacher of Yehudi Menuhin, among many others

Dr. Noa Kageyama. "Focus on growth." On growth mindset versus fixed mindset and what we can learn from making music.

Rev. D. Maurice CharlesSubscribe to the podcast here! 2:33 - Dean Charles talks about his growing up in the church and how his family migrated from the Jim Crow South. How his family's stories of slavery and survival and faith make up the story of his heritage.5:12 - When and how Dean Charles was called to the ministry. His background in microbiology, psychology, and sociology. How he became a university chaplain. "Human beings are stranger than microbes."7:31 - What is a university chaplain? "Helping communities process trauma."11:05 - What it means to be the first African American chaplain at the University of Chicago. "Chicago is a challenging place to be a black male."18:18 - How Dean Charles's childhood experiences of the turbulent 1960's led to his scholarly work in religion and violence. "What is the religious response to violence? Can we reform policing?"26:00 - Protest songs and why music is important during social movements: "One cannot live on rage alone....Defiant joy keeps things moving forward."27:49 - [Music] presents an image to us of the kind of community that we're striving for. It also names community pain."28:07 - "We need poets and musicians to help us name our reality." How the arts help us process trauma.28:54 - "We need artists and musicians now more than ever because there is a certain level of pain and rupture that defies prose."29:44 - On Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel's essay, "The Vocation of the Cantor": "Music has a shattering quality; it allows the soul to have an encounter with reality that is beyond what we have simply by mere cognition."31:32 - "You can be aware of the barriers to access and to advancement while at the same time being told by the people on the other side of those barriers that they don't exist. It is absolutely crazy-making."31:47 - Death as the universal experience that allows entry into "intimate settings you wouldn't normally be welcomed into" and how death breaks down barriers.34:07 - "A bad day if you're poor is much worse than a bad day if you're wealthy."38:09 - "Oppression Olympics" and how "we act in this country like empathy is the only impetus toward moral action...you don't have to feel what some else feels to do the right thing."43:25 - "We act in this country like empathy is the only impetus toward moral action. You don't have to feel what someone else feels to do the right thing."44:43 - "Treat others not only how we want to be treated but treat others the way they want to be treated."45:19 - "Create a society that makes space for all of us."48:18 - "When things don't make sense, we still resist because to resist absurdity is to live." What Dean Charles does to counterbalance his own despair in these difficult times.59: 35 - Dean Charles's advice to his younger self: "Take your experience of the world seriously. It's valuable. It's a gift to you and to those around you."

Rev. D. Maurice Charles. "To resist absurdity is to live." On why "you don't have to feel what someone else feels to do the right thing" and creating a society that makes space for all of us.

Subscribe to the podcast here! Kenji Bunch 3:56 - How Kenji got started in music on violin and piano.5:32 - How Kenji always had an "abstract notion" that he wanted to compose and how this led to his double major in Viola Performance and Composition at Juilliard.6:49 - The creative aspect of music and how making his own music was always attached to Kenji's musical consciousness and imagination.7:56 - The value of listening to music in "a non-hierarchical way where everything [is] worth our listening attention. Listening to everything with the same ears and treating it with the same respect."9:22 - "We see a tendency in the classical world of sometimes dismissing the seriousness or value of non-classical or more commercial kinds of music."9:40 - "Even if it's a pop song with three chords, a lot of people worked really hard on that song and took it very seriously....there's something to learn from that amount of detail that's put into a product."10:57 - Kenji's "Neo-American" sensibility in his compositions and how he responds to critics."It would seem less authentic to me to write music that sounds like I'm in Vienna in the 1920's or if I only played music from Vienna in the 1820's. That's not the life I'm living and I don't want to be disconnected...I'd rather embrace and draw inspiration from what's going on around me."12:11 - Why Kenji draws parallels between his compositional style and chefs of the past twenty years who elevate comfort food and respond to multitudinous cuisines present in the culture.13:01 - "I've never thought of myself as an innovator...[but] simply part of a long tradition...of composer who are influenced by what they are hearing around them."15:52 - "My mere existence was a creative risk, as a bi-racial Asian kid in the 1970's." How this experience of identity was "awkward" for Kenji but also liberating: "You're already imperfect in the eyes of a lot of people, so the pressure is off."17:10 - "So much of it is giving ourselves permission to take those risks and to define ourselves, to call ourselves composers or composer-performers, or improvisers.17:59 - What Kenji is doing to continue to grow and develop during quarantine. "The direction I was heading in as a musician has been accelerated because of this extra time."19:45 - "I want to be able to connect with people with my music. If there's a barrier to that, I don't want it to be because of me. I just want to be a flexible musician who can find some way to connect with anyone else through music."20:23 - "I tend to say 'yes' to everything because I want to prove to myself that I can do these things."22:26 - "I felt like a misfit at Juilliard."23:13 - "The paradox: there has to be a rigorous standard for the level of [classical] training and it's very hard to put that in place and also leave room for creative expressions and taking risks."23:45 - "In the last twenty some years, the music world has changed more radically than it ever has, since [Juilliard] has been around."23:54 - Why "being willing to fail publicly" is the key to becoming a flexible musician. Kenji talks about Citigrass, his bluegrass band of fifteen years. "None of us actually knew how to play bluegrass...at one point we were paid not to play." How failing publicly leads to the acquisition of new musical skills and language: "we couldn't help but improve."25:45 - "Willingness to suck in public is so important but also counter to our [classical] training. We spend so many long years learning how not to suck in public."26:57 - Why people assume classical musicians can play everything: "Classical players can play with a facility and virtuosity that's very easily identifiable...and not only [do we assume that] you are a genius and do all these amazing things, you must also somehow be virtuous and noble." The truth is classical musicians are just regular people and "the abilities they've attained have come at the expense of other experiences in theirs lives and it's often a painful thing."27:62 - How classical training "develops the coordination between your eyes and your fingers" but can also "stunt the connection between your ear and your fingers or your mind and your fingers."31:31 - Kenji is the Artistic Director of Fear No Music, a new music group and music education organization in Portland, OR. 34:08 - Why Kenji would tell his younger self to "lighten up, have some fun, don't worry....if you stick to what you really want to do, that's the thing that [you] can contribute to the world that has the most value." Why Kenji wishes the competitiveness of classical music training could be inverted to focusing on what each individual needs to be happy because "when you are comfortable in your own skin and doing something that makes you happy, that's when you can start to contribute and do stuff that's going to help other people."   

Kenji Bunch: "The willingness to fail in public is so important." A chat with composer and musician Kenji Bunch, about taking creative risks, being a bi-racial Asian kid, and saying "yes" to everything.

Subscribe to the podcast here! Karen Rile2:05 - Karen's childhood growing up in an "arts friendly" family.3:53 - Nathalie Hinderas, an African American pianist who faced career challenges due to racism and how Karen's mother, Joanne Rile, became her manager and pivoted towards a career in arts management, championing African American classical musicians.5:58 - Why Karen found music lessons very stressful and anxiety producing.6:56 - How Karen grew up surrounded by musicians and learned to revere them and how this led to a lifelong fascination with musicians.8:00 - How Karen found her literary path.11:04 - How Karen's children started music lessons despite her reservations.12:25 - How Suzuki and Montessori pedagogies "collided" for one of Karen's daughters.13:56 - How "small amounts of deliberate practice yields huge results" for Karen's children.From the Top18:16 - How the classical music culture of daily practice informs Karen's creative writing pedagogy: "focusing on technique some of the time (in writing) helps a lot."20:18 - How creative writing culture can also inform classical music culture and why taking a break can be very necessary and helpful for classical musicians.22:21 - How classical music gave Karen's children "an incredible work ethic."22:50 - How Karen learned about homeschooling: "radical unschooling" and the flexibility Karen gained from this experience.24:16 - Karen's obsession with the lives of musicians and how this informs her writing. Karen's novel, Winter Music, about a child prodigy musician.27:03 - Karen's experience of Juilliard Pre-College as a parent. "It was more stressful for my daughter."32:23 - How Karen started her literary magazine, Cleaver, with her daughter. How Cleaver became successful by combining flexibility with diligent practice.Cleaver Workshops' online writing classes 38:56 - How classical music training is so consuming, making it difficult to develop other skills. "The professionalism starts so young and there is hardly any time for anything else."40:47 - "Everyone comes to writing because they've experienced ecstasy as a reader." Why college students and classical musicians seem to have very little time to read for pleasure.43:03 - "A lot of classical musicians aren't comfortable writing because they haven't been allowed to just lie around and read a book."43:43 - "Professional and academic writing is unclear and filled with jargon....creative writing helps develop the ability to write clearly and communicate well." Why creative writing and cultivating a writing practice are important.47:06 - How color theory and psychology college courses continue to influence Karen's like and pedagogy.Martin Seligman49:34 - How arts entrepreneurship and day jobs can enable artists to pivot more quickly, especially in the COVID pandemic. Also, the flaws of a culture that wants the arts to be available but doesn't want to pay for it: how this makes it extremely difficult for artists to make a living wage.1:03:54 - How Karen learned about creative courage from her daughter's experience with a tragedy. "The world keeps changing but you can change with it."1:10:16 - "One Train May Hide Another," a poem by Kenneth Koch. How unexpected change can bring new opportunities.1:11:55 - "Be flexible and know that a small amount of work every day yields more than the sum of the work. And one train may hide another....be open because you have no idea what may happen to you."   

Karen Rile: "You can actually change your life very quickly." A chat with writer Karen Rile, about parenting, flexibility, and how deliberate practice yields huge results.

Subscribe to the podcast here! Byron Au Yong3:13 - The genesis of "Activist Songbook." The murder of Vincent Chin as impetus for U.S. legislation against hate crimes.5:12 - "'Activist Songbook' is the third in a trilogy of works where I've been addressing what Americans fear; ways out of oppression; and the central focus of these three works: an Asian male in America who receives media attention."6:03 - "Launched in 2017, 'Activist Songbook' was directly impacted by the election of Donald Trump and the increasing racism and xenophobia that have always been present in the U.S. but were further unleashed by Trump's method's of rhetoric...'Activist Songbook' is a project to counteract hate and energize movements."Asian Arts Initiative, an intersectional organizing group, founded in part as a response to the race riots following the Rodney King verdict in 1992. Founding Director, Gayle Isa.8:20 - Byron talks about his musical (written with Aaron Jafferis), "Stuck Elevator," about Ming Kuang Chen, an undocumented Chinese delivery man in New York City who was stuck in an elevator in the Bronx for 81 hours.The Asian American Legal Defense and Education Fund 11:14 - Byron talks about his piece, "The Ones," about the 2007 Virginia Tech shooting, the largest school mass shooting in the U.S.19:32 - The need for collective action by marginalized groups in order to be heard. How do we broaden the classical music canon beyond music of dead, white, male, European composers?21:48 - Byron talks about his song "We Are Leaders," from "Activist Songbook," written from an interview with Wei Chen (Asian Americans United, Civic Engagement Coordinator), who immigrated from China to the U.S. at age 16 and his experiences - alongside those of other Chinese and Vietnamese students - of bullying and violence in American high school.22:48 - Why drag is important as related to visual representation. "Figuring out alternatives to dominant systems that oppress people."23:16 - The Japanese American elders who are still protesting because they were incarcerated as children in the Japanese internment camps in the U.S.23:40 - Jae Rhim Lee's Mushroom Burial Suit, to reimagine the funeral industry. 24:15 - Why representation matters. Byron talks about his realization that beyond Bruce Lee, he has no other Asian male artists or public figures to emulate. "I should be able to populate a wall with images of Asian male heroes."26:50 - The damages of justifying music under the label of "comfort, care, and bringing together." "The arts are part of a different economy, a gift economy...capitalism debilitates."29:52 - "I believe activism happens in so many different ways." The importance of "inner action and small actions, walking down the street."31:39 - The UceLi Quartet opens the Barcelona Opera house with a concert performed for plants. 32:05 - "Activism can be reading certain authors." Alice Walker, The Color Purple. Lynn Nottage, Ruined.33:07 - "There is activism in making the world a little bit nicer."33:33 - How the immigrant experience fosters both very high expectations and the ability to "make do."34:18 - "We learn from our experiences, especially the painful ones." Why we can't avoid going through our "shit" and how our "grand plans" become more flexible as we grow older.35:30 - Why the "solitary artist" is BS and why we can't create in isolation. "Music is made in ensemble. Art is created in community with other people.""Go into the forest with your friends and sing with the trees."36:48 - Why we have to write our own roles and stories. How classical music separates us from our whole humanity. Why classical music performers need to reclaim their agency.38:57 - I voice my frustrations with micro aggressions and invisibility in white dominant culture. Also, some stories about online dating and white guys who "prefer" Asian women. *eyeroll*41:54 - Kristina Wong, performance artist, who, in response to Trump's election, ran for elected office and won in L.A.'s Koreatown. Also, her projects, "Big Bad Chinese Mama" and "Auntie Sewing Squad, " making masks for vulnerable people.43:35 - Why finding similar ideas in multiple authors is the "connecting thread."43:51 - Byron's practice of keeping a quote book of autobiographies and biographies of composers. Shostakovich: "just try to reach one person."44:23 - Ronald Takaki, scholar who worked to rewrite American history to include Asian Americans. "Find gems that connect humanity...keep writing and know that those nuggets connect with other people....there's room for ALL of it." 

Byron Au Yong, PART 2: "Shouting comes from having no choice." A chat with composer Byron Au Yong, about activism, representation, and why we can't avoid our painful experiences.

Subscribe to the podcast here! Byron Au Yong2:50 - "If you hear a child sing, they're trying to comfort themselves." How music provided solace for Byron and a way to process the multiple Chinese languages of his family plus "the healing powers of music."4:27 - How Byron's Chinese immigrant parents raised him to be English speaking and his experiences growing up in a multilingual family.6:23 - Byron's experiences in musical theatre and how his aunt encouraged him to audition for "The King and I." Byron talks about the strict delineation between composition and musical theatre in higher education institutions.8:32 - Why Byron centers his music and creative work in the larger context of social justice.9:07 - How Byron was bullied in school, living in a white suburb, and how he instinctively used songs as "a way to shield myself."10:12 - "Who is like me in the world?" How Byron found his way in college as he navigated the largely white landscape of his composition program.12:25 - "Writing was my way out." "Being able to write well is a power."The International Examiner, the oldest and largest nonprofit, pan-Asian Pacific American publication in the Northwest.16:08 - Gary Fukushima. Byron talks about how he was siloed in music school as a "classical composition" major and how this tracking perhaps limited his access to jazz improvisation. How this led Byron to the avant-garde and experimental music. "We're trapped in Western art music, how do we escape?"19:34 - "The cracks are made larger but the cracks have always been there." How Byron found his way toward ethnomusicology and musical diversity. "Western classical music is not the only music in the world." The importance of breaking down hierarchies and making them more "horizontal."23:16 - The importance of lifting up and embracing Black Lives Matter.23:40 - Byron's project, Activist Songbook, and his work interviewing Asian immigrants, refugees, organizers, and activists.24:13 - The importance of continuing to "counteract the hate." "People of color are the global majority. White supremacists have to be scared because they don't actually have the numbers."25:14 - "The last four years have been a disaster." Why young people are yelling and why "they SHOULD yell." The importance of protest.The Vincent Chin murder.Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong27:29 - "Ultimately, I'm intersectional but there is something about affinity groups."28:29 - Why we need to figure things out within our own groups and why white people need to figure things out "on their own," without burdening BIPOC to provide that education.Ron Chew28:39 - Why storytelling, music, and artifacts are important vehicles for social justice and community building, especially through a community curating process.29:22 - "Sometimes, a 'learning' feels like a 'robbing' without any reciprocation." On appropriation and the importance of reciprocity.30:22 - "As hurtful as it may seem, some of our relatives are clueless." How white people are not the only perpetrators of white supremacist thinking.30:30 - Why love is the agent for change and how it can make difficult conversations with loved ones possible. "It becomes part of your toolkit." 

Byron Au Yong: "Counteract the hate." A chat with composer Byron Au Yong, about how Western Classical music is not the only music in the world and the "healing powers of music."

In my conversation with composer Augusta Read Thomas, she expresses her heartfelt support of Black Lives Matter; her empathy for the performer in her compositions; why the music profession should be "wildly diverse"; and the three things that one needs to be an excellent composer.Subscribe to the podcast here! Augusta Read Thomas2:40 - Augusta makes a statement about Black Lives Matter and says "it's profoundly urgent that we finally, hopefully, this time, make things better."3:44 - How Augusta got started in music.6:40 - How she brings "enormous empathy" for the player when she is writing music.7:10 - Why "Jazz is the great American music" and her obsessions with Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, etc.8:21 - "I don't see any reason why the profession of music should be anything but wildly diverse....Music is so much bigger."11:00 - "I love music!" Augusta talks about collaboration and the range of her output.Luciano Berio15:23 - Augusta talks about her opera, Sweet Potato Kicks the Sun, which features the "astonishing" beatboxer, Nicole Paris. "Opera should be able to include all voices."20:06 - How the large majority of people who make music on the planet don't read music and the importance of "breaking down every wall," "deep collaboration," and the integration of art forms. "Come with your creative courage. Be crazy, let's go!"24:09 - Why Augusta never encounters "creative blocks.""Every piece I've ever written starts as an improvisation."26:32 - Why music is Augusta's main source of inspiration and why she also loves poetry. "The reason I write music is to give thanks."31:59 - Augusta talks about her love of and dedication to teaching.33:04 - The three things one needs to be an excellent composer.34:57 - How Augusta started the Chicago Center for Contemporary Composition at the University of Chicago as well as her robust volunteerism and citizenship within the music profession.Tania Leon39:35 - "I've worked so hard for so long; I've worked as hard as anybody."41:43 - "I look forward to a time when we can all be together and can make music together." The challenges of the COVID pandemic for musicians, especially for performers.44:15 - Augusta's advice to young people: "What do you want to do? Be true to yourself. Always be honest. Look for integrity in your own work and your own life. Be generous to others. And work toward extreme excellence."

Augusta Read Thomas: "Music is so much bigger." A chat with composer Augusta Read Thomas, about the importance of "breaking down every wall" and composing for beatboxer, Nicole Paris.

Subscribe to the podcast here! Blair McMillenBlair's YouTube channel2:12 - Blair talks about how he got started, going to Interlochen, and then Oberlin.4:59 - Blair's struggles with a "debilitating fear of performance" and how he learned to manage this anxiety and stage fright. How beta blockers helped him deal with his "preoccupation with playing perfectly."Noa Kageyama, The Bulletproof Musician13:08 - How Blair helps his own students deal with performance anxiety and stage fright.14:36 - How talking about "uncomfortable things and awkward truths" was "taboo" when Blair was in school. The "hero worship" of teachers in music school who seemed to have "perfect lives." "Students want to know their teachers aren't perfect human beings."16:30 - How a broad liberal arts education helped Blair discover his interest in music of the 1950's, 60's and 70's and opened the door to contemporary music for him.Tim Weiss, Oberlin College and Conservatory21:08 - Blair talks about his years at The Juilliard School, going from a broad range school to a conservatory's narrower focus.23:44 - Blair and I talk about life after graduating from Juilliard.26:05 - How the advent of the Internet changed the perception of entrepreneurship and self-promotion in classical music. The need to change the classical music paradigm.29:08 - How the "old guard" mentality about achieving a career in classical music gives very little agency to the performer.31:20 - How COVID has affected performers and how the pandemic may push us to be more creative and resilient.32:42 - Blair's love of learning music that has little or no "performance history" and how this liberated his interest in contemporary music.34:22 - How music students today are interested in expanding past the idea of classical music as Eurocentric. "A life in music will not be a recital-oriented, soloist-oriented life."37:07 - How the attitudes towards contemporary music and teaching have changed.38:02 - The pandemic and the importance of "trying things you're not good at." "It's okay to have doubts and it's okay to try other things for a while....It's okay to be vulnerable."42:34 - "I so wish that classical music could be more about the process than the product."45:49 - Why being a part-time, semi-professional musician can be a healthy option. "It's okay to be part-time, it's okay to let it go for a while." "Try not to base your own self-worth on what other people think about you."47:50 - Why open conversation about the realities of a musician's life is important. "It's okay to not have a clear vision of what your life is going to look like as a musician." "Doubt about the future, for better or worse, is part of the 'crazy life' of a musician."

Blair McMillen: "It's okay to be vulnerable." A chat with pianist Blair McMillen, about performance anxiety, perfectionism, and why process is more important than product.

Subscribe to the podcast here! Sean Wang 4:00 - Sean's arduous process and emigration from Taiwan to the U.S. How he won a major competition and left Taiwan to study music abroad.5:39 - How at age 13, Sean took time off from school in order to practice and win the competition.6:10 - How leaving Taiwan was necessary at that time, in order fro Sean to develop as a musician.7:45 - "I always knew that I would be a musician one day. It was always what I wanted to do." Sean's love of music and his true desire to be a musician. How classical music was a kind of "bubble" and an escape for Sean, a place where he could be comfortable. "Going abroad was a realization of a dream."8:52 - Sean remembers how performing expressively was a challenge, partly because of what Sean calls the "cultural pressure" of his upbringing - to be quiet, to listen to adults - and how some of this affected his playing and put him at a disadvantage as he confronted conflicting messages. "I wasn't supposed to express myself."11:10 - The challenges of "assimilation": "Why are you being snobbish? Why are you disrespecting your trio mates?" How a music coach shamed a 14-year-old Sean for being reserved and quiet. How this music coach failed to understand or feel the need to understand Sean's background as well as his limited English at that time. How the burden of assimilation is placed on immigrants to adjust their behaviors, customs, and personhood for the comfort of the dominant culture. "My quietness was misunderstood and taken almost as an act of defiance."15:04 - "In this society, one is assessed by how he/she talks and acts....the initial impression is everything, the first 10-20 seconds can form someone's impression, sometimes permanently." Without knowing this because, as Sean puts it: "in Asian societies, things work slightly differently," Sean recounts his struggles with inadvertently making a "not good first impression" and how for the longest time he wondered, "why don't people like me? Why am I so unpopular among my classmates and teachers?"16:07 - How it was only in his 20's and 30's that Sean began to examine and reflect upon his experiences and how the difference between his Taiwanese culture and American culture was bigger than he wanted to admit, even to himself.17:03 - The implicit bias that Asians experience in white culture. The myth of meritocracy and how that burdens non-whites with the belief that all things are fair and equal in American and therefore, the deficiencies lie not within the system but within the individual who fails to be "good enough."18:50 - Sean and I share our experiences with microaggressions and how we experience them on a nearly daily basis.19:28 - What led Sean to his multi-faceted career as a violinist, scholar, and conductor. How the perception of specialism versus generalist has affected his career.22:22 - How Sean's scholarship in musicology changed his approach to violin playing.25:20 - "The freedom one gains from knowing more." "Knowing more helps me make better decisions and helps me teach."30:04 - Sean's challenges in finding a career path after graduation while also balancing his family's needs, leading him to playing country music in Nashville, teaching at various institutions, joining Ars Lyrica Houston, executive directing Bach Society Houston, and now, conducting and teaching at the Longy School of Music of Bard College.33:50 - Sean talks about times in his career when he became aware of his race. How "Asian musicians are admired for showmanship and not so much musicianship." How people make assumptions about Asian musicians.39:19 - The "bamboo ceiling" that continues to prevent Asian musicians from rising to positions of executive power. "It seems that in order to get to the same place as white colleagues, an Asian has to work almost twice as hard."44:40 - How Sean feels the priorities have changed for current students and graduates of music schools today.47:36 - "At times, it's healthy to not feel all that comfortable."53:22 - East West Music, a non-profit that Sean founded that commissions new music for Western and Eastern instruments.54:40 - Sean's "practical advice" to his younger self, about the importance of having an "artistic identity" and the importance of breaking from tradition.

Sean Wang: "My quietness was misunderstood as an act of defiance." A chat with violinist, conductor, and scholar, Sean Wang, about the burden of assimilation, microaggressions, and the "bamboo ceiling" in classical music.

Subscribe to the podcast here! 2:32 - Celia talks about growing up in a musically and artistically eclectic family and how she got started on the viola.9:18 - Celia talks about what motivated her to play classical music.11:55 - Celia talks about what it's been like to be a bi-racial, black woman in classical music and why she started to feel self-conscious about her race in high school and college. Her experiences of invisibility as she rose into the "higher spaces" within classical music.21:05 - Celia and I talk about how "blind auditions" in orchestra auditions are not actually fair because the final rounds of auditions are not behind a screen, in most cases.22:26 - Celia and I talk about colorism: "the whole construct is that light is good and dark is bad and anything in between is related to those two ends of the spectrum."24:09 - We discuss code-switching in different spaces. Sphinx Organization. 27:06 - We discuss white supremacy and the elevation of white beauty. 36:19 - Why representation is imperative in connecting with our communities: "Play a piece by a person of color."38:02 - What Celia would do to increase representation in classical music organizations. "[Classical music] is not a bubble."40:52 - The problem of "universalism" in classical music and the notion that Western classical music is the "best" music. "We have to expand the canon. We have to go beyond what is comfortable."45:20 - We discuss "the pursuit of perfection versus creativity" in classical music. "We're trained to seek perfection....I have felt that creativity was secondary. The pursuit of technical brilliance came first and I wish that weren't true." 48:42 - What Celia would tell her younger self: "She deserves to be in the room. There are forces at play that will make her doubt that and it will be there but you have to stand up. You have to speak up. You have to take up space because you deserve it."50:26 - We discuss becoming aware of institutional racism and Celia's lifelong feeling that she was "weak" and my lifelong feeling that "I wasn't enough." "I'm not crazy. You're not crazy." 

Celia Hatton: “You have to speak up and take up space.” A chat with violist Celia Hatton about microaggressions, implicit bias, and institutional racism in classical music and beyond.

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Tricia Park performs "Ferdinand the Bull," the children's storybook classic, for solo violin and speaker (story by Munro Leaf and music by Alan Ridout).

Is it Recess Yet? Confessions of a Former Child Prodigy is about concert violinist Tricia Park's years as a child prodigy and her quest to evolve beyond that identity. Get an insider’s look into the classical music world and listen to conversations with innovative artists who are forging new - and playful - paths into creativity.

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Is it Recess Yet? Confessions of a Former Child Prodigy

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