There are heroes in this life, and then there are HEROES. Like Matt and I drinking beers and eating pretzels and violating many standing COVID restrictions by our mayor, governor, and almighty W.H.O. Council of Elders by coming together for the big 169. Greatest Generation type stuff. Hold your applause.After what seems like a lifetime of coronavirus maniacal scare-casting, we've put out Last Men on Earth Podcast #169. On this week's episode, we dive into our own personal pandemic stories, I force Matt to take a test "NBA Social Justice Slogan or Top Selling Rap Album Name", we project the fate of noted pedo-pimp Ghislaine Maxwell, we wonder where NFL team name changes may end up after full slippery sloping, dive into the fecal details of the Depp and Heard melee, and end on a happy note praising Sports Illustrated for putting a dude who wanted to be a woman in a bikini onto their Swimsuit edition, finally. Banana Hammocks for all my friends!Naturally, we can't live without basic funding for our coronavirus tests. So become a member of our Last Men on Earth patron family and keep hope alive. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Last Men On Earth

LMOE #169 - COVID, Heard Dumps, and NBA SJW

Matt and I are on a roll. Like Mahomes to Hill, and trust me, the pitcher and receiver analogy is perfect. I'm Mahomes. Fuck it, the Niners should've won. I'm going to make Hill pay tonight.Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth and you can live forever. We do need your $1.50 for beer money. And you need to stop feeling guilty about listening for free. On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into the hard landing of Kobe Bryant who Matt wished dead on tape two year ago, though he gets bonus points for calling Amber Heard a liar two years ago on wife abuse charges, we explore Harvey Weinstein's micro-penis, tell you the truth about Meghan Markle's master plan, wonder if two Latina (Latinx!) moms pole dancing at the Super Bowel really constitutes female empowerment, and expose the woke narcissism that is Joaquin Phoenix.We do this for you, because we care. Care back. Become a Patron of the Last Men on Earth for the price of two cigarettes, or one beer, or 1.5 Slim Jims.

LMOE #168 - Amber Heard Lied, Kobe Died

Now that Matt and I are shitting out content on a regular schedule, it's time to consider your patronage of this blessed audio work. Where would the world be without the De Medici family supporting Michelangelo? Or George Soros supporting transnational sex workers? The bare, naked, honest, and horrible truth needs benevolent patrons as well. Support the Last Men on Earth podcast with your couch change, you glorious motherfucker.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive deep into the study that shockingly declares teen boys are watching Internet porn daily, discussing Deb Dugan's Grammy corruption non-revelations, dive into Terry Crews' sex fasting process, discuss the sad fate of fat Canadian trans-activist Jennifer Yaniv, I share my Elizabeth Warren real life nightmare, and we wonder how many more minutes until Julianne Hough's hockey playing husband comes out of the penalty box, err, closet. This episode is jam packed with speculation posing as fact. So very modern.And yes, we want your dollar. Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth podcast. Oh, the hit lists you'll be on when the Bolshevik Bros take over.

LMOE #167 - The Internet Is For Porn

After an extended break where Matt and I each had plastic surgery to look like the other, like Face/Off, only with less straight actors, we are back and fully recharged for 2020. Our commitment to being called vile and offensive, though never wrong, remains intact. Also, my left testicle finally dropped, so that's like a Quinceañera in your pants.SUPPORT THE SHOW AND LIVE FOREVER! On this episode of Last Men on Earth, Matt and I discuss how women in power are just as horrible as men in power in the entertainment industry, wonder how exactly the WNBA business model supports economy-plus seats on flights, lament the fact that Elizabeth Warren can be hailed a feminist hero for faking offenses, discuss how horrible the Oscars are in every way imaginable, estimate the circumference around Lizzo's best life, and mourn the loss of independent comedy in the media-sphere thanks to duopolistic overlords pushing vanilla content to the masses.Among the reasons independent voices on the Internet are dying off is a lack of funding. I mean, that's a bald-faced plea to become a patron of our show. Certainly, you'll go on some list for when the bad people take over and look to genocide all the non-conformists, but you'll be shot in the back with pride. Plus it's only $1.50, you cheap cheap bastard.

LMOE #166 - Lizzo Needs The Lipo

Young people will always be idiots in the eyes of older people because older people were once young and have the hindsight to see what idiot assholes they were. It's the circle of life. This is why old people vote a ton and don't give a shit that young people don't. Also, they're bored because they can't figure out the Internet.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, Matt and I explore the crotch-level depths of Congresswoman Katie Hill's fall from disgrace, including that Germanic Iron Cross on her pubes, mock Lebron James because you have to, wonder if the Deadspin editorial staff is quite as bad-ass, noble, and speaking truth to power as they think, ponder business tools apps promoting LGBTQ activist content, disavow the entire wing of fake studies known as Social Science, and have the final answer as to why Terminator Dark Fate tanked at the box office.As always, we beg of you in a whorish plea to support the show via a tiny donation to Patreon.com. It's a good way to support the arts without supporting anybody close to being an artist.Blessings,Lex.

LMOE #165 - Making a Mountain out of Katie Hill

It's less often that Matt and I have the chance to sit down and really talk out our feelings. Like who's a fucking moron, who deserves to be felled by a tetanus-ridden cleaver, and who is so hot you'd do it with her even if she had visible scabies rashes. It's a real bearing of the souls.Support Last Men on Earth. Keep hope live. Not here obviously.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we delve into the tween maniacal musings of Greta Thunberg, the most annoying person to come out of Sweden since the last person that came out of Sweden, troll Ed Buck and his meth-injection sex fetish, explain why women crying at work is now being elevated to a sign of business excellence, talk needlessly about sexually ambiguous Ronson sibling DJs, assess the statistically anomaly that is gender-swapping preschools in Hollywood proper, and we talk Des Moines Register hit piece on that kid in Iowa who raised money for children's hospital. All the good stuff that real news outlets would cover if they weren't chicken-shit, mindless, and dry as your grandma. That seems cruel. All of it.If you're not donating a dollar to keep our show alive, you're wasting your dollar. Also, Jesus hates you and you'll probably get butt cancer. Save yourself the heartache. Give.Bless you.Lex.

LMOE #164 - Greta Thunberg Scold-a-thon

You know how in every successive rap album Eminem spends half the record time apologizing for his last album being shitty and promises this one now is finally good -- that's our latest Last Men Podcast, except for the apologizing for the last one bullshit. That's pretty pussy for 8-Mile.JOIN THE FIGHT NOW. OR THE NON-FIGHT. FUCK, CLICK HERE FOR FREE ICE-CREAM AND PORN.In our latest podcast glory, Matt and I discuss Jeffrey Epstein's female lieutenants role in his serial teen girl boning boon, wonder how women got away with turning childbirth into something akin to Silver Star worthy combat duty, analyze the straight-to-Hollywood-twink antics of the latest gay former NFL player, then spend a shit ton of time not really figuring out what straight white males are supposed to do in an age where they are the cellar dwellers of the socio-political pecking order and complaining simply sounds bitchy. It's a tough problem. We're just the guys not to fix it.Now I beseech you to become cheap mofo donors to our podcast Patreon account. While your dollar to PBS simply gives hippy pedophiles who hate America more shows, your dollar to the Last Men on Earth podcast does the same, but without the hippy part. It's super fucking magical. Also, this is how you get into heaven. 

LMOE #163 - Gay Balls, Straight Oppression, and The Miracle of Childbirth

Matt and I get a lot of heat for our irregular podcast recording schedule of late. But if you knew the difficulty arranging venues and times between Matt's ankle bracelet and school and park distance restrictions and my own rule about podcasting naked, you'd realize logistics can be tough. Only half of that is true. Give peace a chance.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we delve into young hot chicks with faux modeling careers pretending their not in the sex business, dudes from CNN being fired for virulent anti-Semitic comments on their high school years Twitter accounts, the epitome of impotent self-importance demonstrated by a million indolent souls signing the Change.org petition to demand HBO re-do the final season of Game of Thrones, tranny fascism underway in Canada's lady-parts hair plucking centers, a frank assessment of childless Millennial couples who routinely visit Disneyland, and a forecast of what life would really be like if men also had monthly menstrual cycles like the self-described braver gender. We take a week off from time to time, but we come back with 2 hours of awesome. Well, 30 minutes with 90 minutes of other. Better than Tarantino's percentage. Now give us a dollar on Patreon.com to pay for our beer, and you may enter into heaven.

LMOE #162 - Game of Moans

Coming off my audio failures this week, I put extra effort into being profound, on-topic, and thoughtful -- or, none of the things that come naturally to me. Meh, too much work. It's like the frog and the scorpion porn clip where the girl dressed up as the frog tries to figure out why the dude scorpion put his thing in her. Some things in life are better left as mysteries.On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we mock Kim Jong un and Donald Trump in equal measure, decide whether gay Pride needs a full-month victory lap, talk about Chelsea Clinton, but mostly as a means to make sexist looks jokes, fear for the testicles of John Legend, consider the women's pay gap in soccer even though it's soccer which is even more inane than pay gap arguments, talk about Andrew Yang's fruitless attempt to bring on-paper, detailed solutions to politics which prefers neither, and suggest that England's ITV network insisting that all TV comedy writing teams be gender diverse is likely the death of comedy.Stay with this one, it's a helluva show.As always, I supplicate myself before you like a NXVIM sex slave to ask for your kindly DONATION TO OUR PATREON PAGE. Your $1.50 is the fuel that keeps this Gulfstream of goodness going. Do you realize how much Matt's beverage rider costs weekly? We swear so that you don't have to.

LMOE #161 - Yang Gangs, Bang Gangs, and Chelsea Hooligans

One thing I've learned in life is to admit when you made a mistake, learn from that mistake, then beat your children to mask your feelings of shame. Everybody has their own plan. I did manage to delete the front half of the show and somehow have an audio software that rolls circa 1988 without auto-save or auto-recovery or "hey, you fucked up, now restore your file" as an option. Damn you, shareware!Nevertheless, Matt and I recorded some incredibly meaningful conversations regarding female pilots in the cockpit (see where we land), the latest allegations involving Trump rape dick, the obviously foreseen failures of X-Men: Dark Phoenix and MIB4 at the box office, and the arrival of O.J. Simpson to Twitter (could this be a blessing in disguise?). LMOE #160 is chocked full of goodness. What is dead can never die. Now give us a dollar on Patreon and show you truly do support the deviant arts.I love you more than your parents ever did.Lex.

LMOE #160 -- The Unbroken

It's harder for Matt and I to get together these days, what with my running a shelter for runaway teen girls who are height-weight proportionate and hate their fathers, and Matt's multiple ankle-bracelets and restrictive curfews. So when we do meet up, we try to make it count with insightful comments, wise analysis, and profound thoughts. I mean, we would do that if we could, but we can't, so we slather on the bullshit and add a few exclamation points to make it seem official.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into the tormented life of Amy Schumer as Gaia figure to child, wonder who Ashley Graham's even more corpulent sister is supposed to inspire in burlap sack bathing suit promos, question the legitimacy of Taylor Swift calling people sexist for asking her if she wants children someday, wonder whether STEM programs for girls are truly working if they're now masking them as art classes for girls so girls will pay attention, remain confounded by the WNBA and its sycophants insisting it's as good as the men's sport, mock people who are now dying atop Everest waiting for Sherpas to guide them down the busy mountainside, and further mock Drake for being a Raptors fan with Warriors players' tattoos on his body. It's 90-minutes of pure verbal exhilaration slash diarrhea. You can't miss this.And, because we're awesome and you're awesome, we ask that you kindly kick into the kitty to keep the show going with a buck or two a month. Yes, it's charity. No, it's not tax-deductible. So even better!

LMOE #159 - Amy Schumer Pump and Dump

Nothing says kiss-ass like a men's media outlet putting together a woman's edition. There's the obligatory celebration of Serena Williams and a chick in Pakistan who was murdered for trying to attend a typing class The two hero stories being largely interchangeable. Matt and I decided to take a different tact for our annual women's edition by focusing on some really appalling stories of feminist overload overkill. Not everybody can be as woke as GQ or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we delve into feminist speaker Roxane Gay's claim that WNBA games routinely sell-out thanks to underreported lesbian fan support, Natalie Portman's claim that meat-eaters consume eggs and milk as a sign of misogynist domination, question the validity of Luke Walton's sex assault accuser choosing to skip police involvement and go straight to a personal injury attorney lawsuit, wonder who might be fondling themselves to SI's ballyhooed burkini clad Muslim swimsuit model, figure out if leggings criticism is really coming from the totalitarian patriarchy or merely catty women, and try to applaud the dude who claimed he's a woman and dominated every single power lifting event this past week.Also, we run through Matt's new book on Amazon: Hide This From Your Wife.As always, we embarrassingly beg you to support the show with your sofa coins and recycling CRV cash money, via our Patreon.com supporter page. It really is the nicest thing you can do in the entire world, as ranked by scientists!

LMOE #158 - Powerlifting T's and Burkini Arousal

America may now be evolved enough that we can have a completely immature discussion about what it might be like to have a sexually active gay President in the White House. Or would this ever happen? Is America ready for a male President who is crushing hard on Zac Efron?In addition to discussing what may pass if Cory Booker becomes President, on this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we dig deep into the hair follicle scents and sensibilities of Joe Biden, Matt openly hate on Kobe Bryant while I cry and listen to Dear Basketball, we discuss when it is a good thing that federal prosecutors trample over defendants' rights (i.e. when Lori Loughlin may be taking showers in the Big House), and get hard for the L.A. Mayor chasing down the perpetrator of the Nipsey Hussle murder. It's not every day a gangsta rapper gets shot dead. We implore you with all the gusto of Kevin Spacey at a Boy Scout jamboree to dip into your coin jar and become a patron of the Last Men on Earth on Patreon.com. We rely on the kindness of strangers for our continued existence. No pressure.Enjoy.Lex.

LMOE #157 - The One With the Gay POTUS

The better part of having a show like the Last Men on Earth podcast is knowing exactly how to respond to any app tool asking if your content contains explicit language. YES. Though you might think it odd that the presence of adult language remains of utmost concern to publishers in 2019, what with fake news, data theft, the willful distribution of crass commercialism and idiocy parading as clickable content, and war in 37 nations as we speak. But, yes, fuck, and shit and piss still seems to be the great correlation to modern civilization horror.On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, Matt and I try to solve the political riddle of Jussie Smollett's radical release, examine just how messed up it is nobody cares that Cardi B used to drug and rob her johns, how anybody thought Michael Avenatti was anything but a sleazy broken gumdrop of a man, the ill-essence of privileged people over-buying their kids into elite colleges, applaud Robert Kraft fighting his rub and tug arrest, explore Matt's NBA plan to help out sad-sack small media market teams, and fight for the God-given trailer park right of Mama June to have her abusive boyfriend back in her home. It's a lot. Enjoy it all with crackers.As ever, I implore the charitable and benevolent and Christian-Muslim-Jewish-Buddhist-Nihilist side of you to become a patron of our show for a buck or two a month. Batteries for sodomite sex toys are far more expensive than you might believe. 

LMOE #156 - Cardi B Robbing and Whoring

I don't know how your town or industry works, but here in Hollywood, a hot girl with an amazing body can't catch a break. Blonde beauties like Brie Larson and steamy hot busty Latinas like Salma Hayek struggle share a bond of oppression previously only know by Southern sharecroppers and the embattled Hmong people of the central California valley regions. Thoughts and prayers, ladies. Be strong.On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast we dig into the systemic bias against bodacious hotties like Salma Hayek, compare Brie Larson's Captain Marvel to an empowering high school assembly, wonder how anybody could call you outrageous for thinking Michael Jackson a sex criminal, plunge into false campus rape hysteria, Matt gleefully roots for Johnny Depp in his lawsuit against his former lesbian wife, and we wonder why any of that matters since moms are now refusing to vaccinate their children due to Facebook shared information from other mental moms. Do you know what MMR stands for? Well, learn it, because we're all about to die from it, again.As always, just short of a Bob Kraft happy ending, we beseech you to become a patron of the show on Patreon.com, such that you might support the continuation of this show and earn your 72-virgins in the afterlife. 

LMOE #155 - Hollywood's Hot Women Rise Against

The setting is today. The male of the species has been cowered to near extinction by a combination of privileged white girl Soul Cycle feminism and excessive pass interference calls in football. From their drunken repose at a Hollywood area bar and pizza joint, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston broadcast the last bastion of masculine thought to a dispersed audience of survivors. Like a giant dick beacon, if that’s your thing.

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Last Men On Earth

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