Today we hear from the person who posed and answers that question - Dr. Les Parrott. Les works with his wife, Leslie, to empower marriages all over the world. Dr. Parrott is a renewed psychologist, his wife is a marriage and family therapist and they’re both New York Times bestselling authors. They’ve been featured in USA Today, The New York Times and many others. Les is brilliant on so many levels, this is going to be a great conversation!    Interview:   You’ve been interviewed a lot, but what people really want to know is what it was like to be on Oprah (1:18) What’s it like for two psychologists to be married? (3:31) What does this season look like for you and Leslie? (6:47) What are some of the things you’re seeing with couples that is unique to this season we’re going through? (8:47) What are some of the positive things you’ve seen couples experience during this time? (12:34) You brought up the question - how do I lower my chances of divorce by 31% and increase happiness by a third?  Can you dive into that? (15:03) Is this assessment one of those moments where the truth will set you free? (21:28) An action plan comes with the Better Love assessment. Tell us about that. (25:16) Each week we leave people with one simple thing. What would you tell them to do? (31:35)   RESOURCES: Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Better Love   We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook!   This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.   We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

Married People Podcast

MP 099: How Do I Lower My Chances of Divorce by 31% and Increase Happiness by a third? (Interview with Dr. Les Parrott)

I’ve invited my friend Ron Deal to tackle this question with us. Ron is a licensed marriage and family therapist and is one of the most widely read experts on blended families in the country. He’s the founder of Smart Step Families, the director of Family Life Blended and the creator and author of numerous books on step family living. He and his wife, Nan, have three sons and live in Little Rock, Arkansas. Ron Deal is a wealth of knowledge and has an amazing heart. Join us for this conversation     Interview:   What has COVID looked like at the Deal house? (1:42) How many families or marriages are impacted by being blended families? (2:54) You did not grow up in a step family. Where did your passion for this come from? (5:08) We need to get real on the tension. When we hear ‘blended family’ we often think Brady Bunch. Is that how they work? (6:40) What are some of the common family dilemmas a blended family may be facing? (11:45) A lot of divorced parents get remarried and they’re doing well. But the kids are the ones feeling like they’re tossed all over the place. Talk to that family. (17:38) I read in your book with Gary Chapman - The 7 Blended Family Principles For Loving Well. Can you share those with us? (26:40) As a step child, what is it like for their parent to take up for the step-parent? (32:04) What are some other blended family principles? (36:57) What is one simple thing blended families could do in the middle of chaos? (45:19) We’re going to give some books away - leave your info in the comments! (47:47)   RESOURCES: The Smart Step Family Building Love Together in Blended Families Smart Stepfamilies Family Life Blended Ron Deal’s website     We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook!   This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.   We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

MP 098: How Do We Make Our Marriage Work As A Blended Family?

To help us explore this question, I interview Tim and Pam Elmore. Tim has written a book called The Pandemic Population. Dr. Tim Elmore is the founder and president of Growing Leaders. While Tim was becoming an expert in how to lead the next generation, Pam was putting in the hours in the field of leading their two kids. Tim and Pam have an amazing way of taking research and making it practical and hopeful. I know this is going to really enlighten you.    Interview:   What does it look like at the Elmore house during pandemic times? (1:23) You say there’s some amazing research about why this is such a tough time for couples. What are you finding in your research? (2:24) Tim, what’s going on in our brains right now? (4:08) Do you ever feel like you’re having moments of an out of body experience? (5:18) Pam, do you have a story for our neuroscientist friends? (7:20) What do you guys think about all the structure that’s been removed - does that play any role in this? (11:34) Give me a couple examples of what these things could look like for couples (15:40) What’s the difference between accepting that these are tough times and normalizing it, versus not taking action? (18:50) Pam, it also feels like guys are fixers and I keep forgetting that during this time. Are you that way - do you just want to feel this instead of being ‘guided’? (20:45) Things are so emotional right now, I think if we can figure out how to practice marriage right now we can have opportunities to try things again. We haven’t had this much tension back-to-back in a long time (25:40) From a faith perspective, how do you see God in the middle of all this chaos? (27:32) We always want to make marriage real, fun and simple. Can you guys speak to the folks listening who don’t have hope right now? (33:30) It feels like we’re triggering each other a lot during these days. Talk to those of us who are in flight or fight mode - what do they do in that moment when they get triggered that will lead to growth later and not damage? (39:36)   RESOURCES: Growing Leaders The Pandemic Population: Eight Strategies to Help Generation Z Rediscover Hope After Coronavirus     We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook!   This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.   We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

MP 097: How Do I Connect With My Spouse When We Both Feel Flooded From a Pandemic?

This may be one of the most sensitive questions we’ve tackled on this podcast. But let me give you some good news when it comes to handling faith and politics in this conversation with Sarah Anderson on her view and approach to this topic. Regardless of where you land politically, I’m so excited she’s able to have that conversation with us. Sarah is a writer and speaker and she currently lives in Roswell, GA with her husband and two boys. Because we’re a podcast devoted to marriage, I’ve invited her husband Rodney to join us for this conversation.    Interview:   Sarah, talk a little bit about your story - where you grew up and all that stuff (2:34) Rodney, what about you? Give us a little about your growing up (4:13) I know what people are wanting to know now - politically are you two on the same page? (6:21) Sarah, your story is unique and this attitude I hear from you is so fresh and countercultural. But this was birthed long ago when your views started evolving and changing. Take us back to the story of when you started shifting away from your family of origin (9:45) You hit a point of crisis where you didn’t know if you could vote or not vote and you called your parents. (12:37) I’ll ask you this - you said you felt like you had to tell them. What was that birthed out of? (16:15) What is the Jesus-like response in the moments where your convictions take you to anger? (25:32) What’s the line between people who are not going to listen and people who are just brutal. What do you say to those folks? (30:15) What about those listening who say, “this feels really complicated - I’m never going to change their mind and they’re not going to change mine. Why bring it up?” (33:13) You guys share a story I’d love for you to share - about a moment you had about whether to wrap Santa gifts or not to wrap Santa gifts (36:23) I feel like what you’re talking about is throughout the whole book - let’s keep the relationship the most important thing (43:12)     RESOURCES: The Space Between Us: How Jesus Teaches Us To Live Together When Politics And Religion Tear Us Apart   We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook!   This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.   We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

MP 096: Do Politics Have To Be Divisive To My Marriage and Other Close Relationships?

There is no one on the planet I’d rather you hear from on this question than Dr. Jim Burns. Jim is the president of Homeword He speaks all over the world and wrote the book Doing Life With Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out. Jim and his wife Cathy live in Southern California and have three grown daughters and two grandchildren. Whether you’re an empty nester or not, you’re going to get a lot of encouragement out of this conversation with Dr. Jim Burns.    Interview:   One of the questions we get is that people hear a lot about navigating life with littles or teens, but there’s not a ton of stuff out there about empty nesters. Talk to us a little about the tensions empty nesters feel (2:10) I’ve heard you say before that you and Cathy have a “high maintenance marriage”. What does that mean and how does that tie into being an empty nester? (4:37) Speak to the empty nesters where the kids have left and they’re trying to find their way as a couple (8:46) What are some of the questions or topics you would give to an empty nester couple to ask each other? (14:53) We talk a lot on this podcast about ‘micro moves’ - tiny things that mean big things. It may even be asking if you’ve affirmed your spouse lately (22:06) Our question is “how does parenting adult children impact my empty nester marriage?” How does parenting adult children create tensions? (25:36) I’ve seen a lot of couples need permission to not bring things up or to let things go (28:58) How does having your kids move back in with you impact couples? (30:36) I’ve heard you say that adult children hear opinions as advice - is that right? (34:40) What do you say to the couple who says they made an agreement with the kids, and they see their spouse become lenient about it (or the other way around)? (35:51) You have so many principles and you’ve talked about so many amazing things but if you’re speaking to empty nesters, what is one simple thing they could do today? (40:08) If you were to point empty nesters to one of your resources, which one would that be? (41:19)       RESOURCES: Doing Life With Your Adult Children    We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook!   This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.   We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

MP 095: How Does Parenting Adult Children Impact My Empty Nester Marriage?

What do we do when our spouse is doing something that’s driving us crazy? One of the definitions we found is, "minor complaint or irritation that’s more annoying to you than anyone else." We’re not talking about deeper level things, just those little things that drive you nuts.   We found a list of the most common pet peeves:   Toilet seat left up Driving distracted by electronic devices Empty cartons put back in the fridge Leaving clothes on the floor or on a chair in the bedroom Whistling Your spouse telling the same joke over and over and expecting you to laugh Leaving trash in the car Not asking for directions or using the GPS Falling asleep on the sofa instead of going to bed Not putting your keys in the place where you go to get the keys Chewing with your mouth open at the table Chronic lateness Taking the covers at night Squeezing the toothpaste from the wrong part of the tube Leaving stuff in your clothes pockets when it goes to the laundry   Ted and Nancie Lowe Text Exchange Ted: We are talking about pet peeves on the podcast tomorrow. What is something I do that drives you nuts? This is the minor stuff, not the big stuff. Nancie: That sounds like a question designed to hurt somebody’s feelings (especially mine). Ted: You don’t have any and I’m not mentioning them. But I can mention my own.... so what are they my love. Nancie: You break rules. Ted: That hurts my feelings.   So what do we actually do with pet peeves?   A lot of times there is ‘Misattribution’ - This is when you attribute something to the wrong thing or person. You aren’t really the frustration with your spouse; you are frustrated by work and yet attribute to your spouse. It’s thinking, “I feel all this because of them”, not realizing your ‘tank of frustration’ may already be full and it comes out on these small things. On the opposite side is ‘Affective Association’. They did a study where they brought in couples over a few weeks and showed one group images of their spouse interspersed with beautiful things. The other group saw their spouse and then a slide show of neutral images. All the people who saw the first slide show ranked their marriage higher than when they started.     The Truth: How we handle pet peeves matters because silly fights can cause serious damage.   Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”   You can choose to let a pet peeve go or you can talk to them in a way that is loving and encouraging.  We all know we do some things that drive our spouse crazy and we want to be treated this way. How you do this depends on your relationship – it may be playful or more serious. For some people, the humor really helps. For others it may just be talking about it in a softer way.   Your one simple thing for this week: When it comes to your spouse’s pet peeves, there are some things you can drop and some things you have to say. But do both in truth and grace. You could start by asking your spouse for one thing that you do that drives them crazy. Then be brave enough to take it.   Thanks for joining us for the Married People Podcast. We hope you’ll subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and leave a review – they help us make the podcast better.   We want to hear from you. Share with us on Facebook, Instagram or our site.  If you want more resources, check out Your Best Us.   Finally, we hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

MP 094: How do I handle my spouse’s pet peeves? [RE AIR]

Nancie and I adopted a few years ago and we’re not alone. 6-10 million Americans have had personal experience with adoption and 100 million people in the U.S. have adoption in their immediate family. On any given day there are 428,000 children in foster care. Unfortunately, more than 60% of those kids spend 2-5 years in the system before being adopted. We want to say thank you for caring for the ‘least of these’ and for using your home to provide stability for children who don’t have it. We also know that adoption can put a lot of strain on a marriage and we’re going to dive into that today.    Interview:   Today my interview is with Ben and Kim Nunes (1:25) I’d love for you to share a little bit about your story (3:00) So you guys were struggling in your marriage, what are some of the things that shifted? (4:33) At what point were you in this process before adoption becomes a consideration? (7:33) You guys are filling out the applications, talking to agencies, then what happens? (9:53) How was this impacting you as a couple? Was it drawing you together? Pushing you apart? (13:42) So you get the call. How long from then until he was home at your house? (19:17) So what does this do to you guys as a couple and in your marriage?  (21:22) Ben, was it hard for you to see your wife going through the roughest time of her life? (23:39) So Kim, you’re going through all these things. I watched with Nancie that her struggles were all paired with guilt. Did you feel those things? (27:54) You’re sitting across from a couple and they’re considering fostering or adoption. What is one thing you’d tell them to do? (32:13) Now talk to someone who has just brought a foster child home (32:41) What is one simple thing couples can do when life is chaotic? (35:23) Kim, talk a little about the work you’re doing in the foster and adoption space (38:01) How can people find out more about what you’re doing and how they can learn some of these things? (39:38)     RESOURCES: TBRI The Connected Child     We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook!   This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.   We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

MP 093: How Do I Enjoy My Marriage In the Middle Of Adoption/Foster Care? (Interview with Ben and Kim Nunes)

On the day of this podcast recording, we’re still in the middle of a lot of chaos. There are so many stressors and changes all at once, so it’s understandable that there may be tension in your marriage. Or maybe you’ve used this time to get closer and you’re loving the togetherness. Or maybe this time has helped you remember how important your marriage is. But no matter where you find your marriage, the struggles are real during all this. Let’s talk about this question with our guests - Montell and Kristin Jordan. You may remember them from he #1 hit song, “This Is How We Do It”. You’re going to love these two as they share their story and answer the question How Do We Keep Our Marriage Together When The World’s Falling Apart?   Interview:   Montell and Kristin Jordan are my guests on the podcast today (1:16) Tell people a little about your story (4:46) So you guys met pre-Jesus, fast forward us to when you’re a producer and he’s a recording artist (7:53) Talk a little about the song, “This Is How We Do It”. That was a huge success and a moment for you guys. (10:10) You guys went from recording artists to pastors - what was that journey like? (13:08) I want to rewind a little bit and talk about this idea of the counterfeit lifestyle (18:33) You guys are very transparent - what were some of the trials in your marriage during this time? (23:18) What was the turning point for you guys? (28:04) Talk a little about what God has done through this decision to lay it all down (33:43) What is one simple thing people can do right now? (41:40) Tell people where they can find out more about you (47:50)   RESOURCES: This Is How We Do It Book montellandkristin.com  Instagram Facebook     We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook!   This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.   We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

MP 092: How Do We Keep Our Marriage Together When The World’s Falling Apart (Montell And Kristin Jordan)

Today Ted Cunningham joins us to talk about this question. Ted is a pastor, speaker, comedian and author. He has been married to his wife, Amy, for 21 years and they have two teenagers. When it comes to having fun in your marriage, I don't think there’s a better expert in the country than Ted. The things Ted encourages you to aren’t big things, but they make a big difference!   Interview:   The thing I’ve loved about being friends with you over the years is that we are both fans of laughter and fun in marriage. Can you talk a little about that? (1:54) Was laughter something that brought you and Amy together? (3:48) Why do you think some couples choose to laugh about things and others live in tension all the time? What’s the difference between those couples? (8:50) Talk to people who feel like it’s inappropriate to be silly or fun right now (14:17) The biggest thing I hear from couples is, “We can’t have fun because we have an unresolved issue.” What would you say to that couple? (18:40) I know there are people who feel like they don’t even know what fun is even more. If you could tell couples one thing to go and do, what would you say? (22:11) Ted, thank you for your work. Tell people where to find you and what book they should read of yours (32:22)   RESOURCES: A Love That Laughs Book Fun Loving You Book Woodhills Church     We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook!   This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.   We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

MP091: Is It Possible To Have Serious Fun When Things Are So Serious?

Today’s topic is actually the subtitle of André and Jeff Shinabarger’s book called Love Or Work. This book and interview led to some great questions for myself (Ted) and my wife Nancie and I’m sure it will for you and your spouse! Join us as we dive in on this topic. Interview: I would love if you would tell our listeners a little about yourselves (1:00) The thing that excited me about this book is that you guys got specific on a topic that couples may not even know they need to talk about. What was the tension in your own story that made you want to write this book? (2:21) So someone called you and said, “Come get an Airstream”. Tell us a little about that story and how that connects to the idea of love and work (7:22) André, talk a little about your passion as an individual (11:34) You guys had so many tweetable moments in this book. Talk a little about the journey to get to where you are today that is so healthy (15:18) Your communication style seems to be blunt. How do you start having these types of  conversations? (18:35) You guys talk a lot in the book about affirming each other’s giftedness. Share a little about that (21:26) André, there’s a point in the book when you talk about encouraging Jeff to do the next thing and it meant a lot to Jeff. Can you describe that a little bit? (24:30) When you saw the research, what were a couple things that our listeners should know or wouldn’t have seen coming? (27:00) Why do you think so many people have a hard time being for their spouse? (30:15) I imagine that a lot of people are where you guys are - they both have big dreams. Talk a little bit to couples who are in different places with their dreams (33:30) I see some things in my wife that she is so great at but she doesn’t necessarily see. What do you say to that? (44:50) Tell people where they can find out more about you and the book (49:49) If you could have couples do one thing, what would it be? (50:20) RESOURCES: Love Or Work Book Love Or Work Instagram We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook! This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership. We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode!

MP 090: Is it possible to change the world, stay in love, and raise a healthy family?

When it comes to serving people in ministry, Stuart and Kellee are a power couple. They wouldn’t want us to say that but it’s true! Stuart serves as the Director of Student Leadership for Orange. He deeply desires to fuel the next generation and speaks to a ton of students, leaders, coaches and parents. Kellee Hall is the founder and director of The Echo Group. Kellee and Stuart are the parents of 3 adult children. They are some of the most genuine people and we’re so happy for you to hear from them. Join us as we hear their story.  RESOURCES: The Seven Checkpoints For Student Leaders Max Q Student Journal We’d love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook!   This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it - all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.

How Do I Love My Spouse During Times Of Sickness and Health? (Interview With Kellee and Stuart Hall)

In today's podcast, Ted talks with Jackie and Stephana Bledsoe of HappilyMarriedCouples.com about how racism impacts marries and families of color.  https://marriedpeople.org

EP088 How Does Racism Impact Marriages and Families of Color?

You may have googled your way to this podcast because you want to protect your marriage from “all this.” Good job, we have good news. 

MP 087: How do I protect my marriage from COVID-19?

For this episode, we’re exploring a slightly unusual question—why should you move into a van with your spouse? And that’s our topic because Ted recently had a conversation with a couple who recently uprooted their lives and now live in a decked-out Sprinter van traveling all over the country. They’ve learned some important things about their marriage and we can all learn from their experience. Links Let’s Be Us website: https://letsbe.us Let’s Be Us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/letsbe_us/ Chris on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrispochiba/ Sara on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sara_aho/ Chris’ website: https://chrispochiba.com/ Sara’s website: https://www.saraaho.com/ YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/letsbe_us Holy Hustle: https://holyhustle.co/ Interview Can you tell us how you met? Chris: We met five years ago when we were both bicycling across America. We were biking from Seattle to New York City to raise money for refugees in Thailand. We fell in love—you know, because of all the spandex. We were team leaders and with all the other people there we didn’t want them to know there were feelings growing so we kept it a secret. Sara: I was still living in Athens, GA and Chris was in Raleigh, NC. After I graduated, I moved up to Raleigh and we dated another year and then got married. Why did you guys decide to elope instead of having a big wedding? We wanted to move out west to Seattle, where we officially met. Both Sara and I like big parties and don’t like big parties at the same time. So eloping felt right to us. It felt intimate. We climbed a mountain in our wedding clothes with a photographer. There’s a lake at the top of the mountain and we baptized each other there to start off the marriage. We missed having our families there but it was very us. Can you tell us about your current living arrangements? We live in a van, but not down by the river. We transitioned from living in a stationary apartment to an 80 square feet Mercedes Sprinter van. It looks like a FedEx truck on the outside. We do need to make it clear—it’s by choice, not by lack of work or something like that. What made you guys decide to live in a van? We’d been saving money for a while; some of it had been for wedding money. We’d been in Seattle for a while but had landlord issues and we weren’t buying there anytime soon. We’d been talking about doing this and we just bit the bullet and did it. What about your personalities played into your decision? Chris: We’re both adventurous and like trying new things. We weren’t ready to settle down and buy a house. From an Enneagram standpoint, Sara is a 7, the adventurous type. I’m a 9, which is the peacemaker. I think that compliments each other—she’s always pushing and it gets me out of my comfort zone. Sara: And he keeps me level headed and makes sure we’re grounded. How did you get rid of enough stuff to move into a van? Chris: We moved before that Netflix show, Marie Kondo, came out. Everything we had brought us joy, for me at least. We went through and made a designated area of essential items. The rest we decided to sell and make some money. Sara: We didn’t know how long the van thing was going to last, so some of our bigger items we put in storage. We also kept all of our books. If there was any tension, it’s because I’m a big collectible guy and we compromised on those things. How are you continuing to work from the road? Chris: A lot of savings ahead of time. But we also work full time from the road. I do a lot of branding and graphic design and have been able to work from anywhere. My work allows me to travel and the van just put that to the test. Sara: Before we lived in a van, I was growing a photography business. It’s been hard in the van, but in some ways it’s allowed us to grow our business jointly. I’ve been using those skills to grow our YouTube channel. Why did you decide to document your journey on YouTube? We had been on the road a few months and we were at a campground at Disney World. An older couple was there who had a YouTube channel about following their dog around on their travels. If they had one, we needed one, too. We recorded our first episode that day, and now we’ve surpassed 2.5 million views. What have been some of your favorite experiences? We actually have a YouTube video going up today about our favorite experiences so far. This summer we drove up to Alaska and at the end we drove up to the Arctic Ocean. It was like 500 miles each way on a gravel road and we saw grizzlies. It was a really fun adventure. In the town of Bellingham in Washington, the director of the downtown association reached out to us to offer a tour. We went out and had coffee with him and for the next three days he gave us a behind the scenes tour. Our impression of a town after we leave always comes down to how the people were. One place that stands out is that we really like the people in Maine—it was an awesome experience for us. What has been peoples’ reaction when you tell them you live in a van? Sara: I think we were more nervous about Chris’s family. My family took us van shopping when they found out.  But everyone has been really supportive and not that surprised. How has this living situation impacted your marriage? The thing about living in a van is you have really high highs and really low lows. Alaska for us was just awful. It was fun but for us relationally it was not great. When we were driving back and decided to go to the Arctic Ocean, it was the complete opposite. We’d never been more supportive of each other. In Alaska, we had really high expectations because there’s a lot of hype around Alaska. The weather was rough and the mosquitos were out of control. It was all these little things adding up. We did enjoy the state but the produce from the grocery store would be rotten by the time we tried to eat it. It was all these elements adding up and it was tense—a combination of circumstances and expectations. What principles have you learned no matter where you live? There are other ways you can do cool things without having to live in a van. You can take it one step at a time. You both have to be on the same page no matter what the adventure is. It’s natural to have one person be more balanced, but if one of you is all in and the other is not, it’s not going to be healthy for your marriage. You guys are a team and that’s what it comes down to—playing as a team. Your one simple thing this week Chris: Put down the phone (or whatever you’re working on) and make eye contact with your spouse while you’re talking. Sara: Be intentional to seek new experiences together that only you can share. Show Closing This episode was brought to you by the Married People Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that provides married couples like you a ton of great resources every month to help you do marriage better. That means new date nights, videos, eBooks, messages, and more available to you when you need it—all in one place at one low price. Go to our website to find out more about the Married People Membership.

MP 086: Why should I move into a van with my spouse? (with Chris & Sara Pochiba)

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