For Episode 38’s show notes, I’ll leave it to the words from a girl I know… “We gathered to remember Randy Hoff, a life that ended way too early. I never knew Randy but I know those that love him dearly. It is inspiring to see their commitment to talk about something that has been stigmatized for so long - suicide and mental health. The only way to save lives is to talk about this. Pain is what people are trying to end, unbearable pain, not their lives. We have to keep this conversation going - to bring into the light what has hid in the darkness for way too long. And, if you are one who is suffering unbearable pain right now - reach out. We need you in this world. Let us help you find a way out of the pain.” -Ashley Pondoff Please tune in to hear from Randy’s mother and daughter as they honor him and continue the conversation on suicide prevention, grief recovery, and how to shatter the stigma surrounding mental health and those that die by suicide. Stigma… Man. F*** stigma. Let us pray. -Chris *I would like to personally dedicate this episode to Weston Randy Hoff, Randy’s nearly two-year-old nephew, who, by no coincidence, is identically equipped with Randy’s bright blue eyes. Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

Pondoff's Anonymous

S1E38 - “Out of the Darkness” w/ Julie Hoff (with special appearance by Maddie)

On episode 37, Jeff and I sit down and discuss: -We’re back in the Studio! Thank you, Jesus! -Jeff took a mental health break. Power to him! -The Bold and the Beautiful is getting fucking good, man. Sup, Stephy. Sup, Hope. -I’ve been to a ton of fucking funerals. Had one this past Saturday. -I’m a bad coach, man. But I know how to delegate. And. -F*** six flags. Let us pray. -Chris Chris Pondoff Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

S1E37 - “F*** Six Flags”

On Episode 36, Jeff and I talk about: -a two week break -Labor Day -Zillow is the new porn -Chris used to live in a shit hole when he was all drunk. Sorry for the short and sweet show notes, life is 2020 right now. But all is well and God is great, mother fuckers! Enjoy the show, tell your friends, and let us pray! -CP

S1E36 - “East Belle Ave.”

Ben Curtis was on LAW & ORDER! And he came on our shitty, fucking podcast!?! I should quit now! For those of you that know me and understand my obsession with L&O, THIS IS MY MOUNTAIN TOP! (The only thing that could top this is having Joey Potter or Hope from The Bold and The Beautiful on.) Amen! Praise the Lord! And, check-fucking-please! Haha. In all seriousness, it was an absolute honor and privilege having Ben on. He has risen, fell, and rose again, and his story shows hope, resilience, and an incredible act of self-realization, self-empowerment, and personal fucking freedom. Ben saw fame, money, and the lack of what we call a “no guy” lead him down a path to drug use and alcoholism in “the city that never sleeps”, NY, NY. The more I think about it, had Ben and I ever ran into each other in Manhattan, we could have had one hell of a time. Not that Manhattan fits the proverbial “small world” cliché, but a guy that gets thrown into jail because he was all fucked up buying weed on a bicycle while free-ballin’ in a Scottish kilt would definitely be a guy that I could have partied with back in the day. Maybe it’s a good thing that God kept us from bumping into each other after all. Haha. Make sure you tune into this one, guys, and hear Ben, Jeff, and I have great conversation about overcoming addiction and listen as Ben gives amazing tips about how to fucking love yourself. Oh, and even if you are not a diehard L&O’er, you still may recognize Ben... Yep, he is “Steve the Dell Guy” from the infamous DELL commercials back in the 2000’s! Thanks for always listening, guys! And, Ben, thank you again, brother! I’ve repeated one of your quotes daily since we recorded and don’t plan on stopping soon… “What we don’t resist, will persist.” Amen. Let us pray. -Chris *Ben Curtis is now a Personal Freedom and Performance Coach and is helping countless folks realize their worth and fight their demons. Check out his YouTube video below, and if you think he could help you, please do not hesitate to reach out! Also, please follow him on Instagram and look for him on Facebook. Ben’s IG: @bencurtisofficial FB: https://www.facebook.com/benbelieves https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-ZzcjjW7yA https://www.youtube.com/BenCurtis

S1E35 - “Personal Freedom” w/ Ben Curtis

Episode Notes Vacation episode, comin’ at ya’! I went to Table Rock Lake! The last time I was in Branson, I rolled my balls off on ecstasy. Not this time! This time It was Ashley, Charlie, and I’s first vacation as a family. As: "The Pondoffs”… Very similar to: "The Griswolds.” Lots of “cluster-fuckery”, but also lots of fun. As much as I make fun of the sentimental shit, I really am a lucky bastard with this family of mine. Thanks, God. ‘Preeciate ya’. Anyway, tune in, holla at ‘ur boys, and tell your friends that we rock. Except when we’re sorta offending people. (Sorry if we have… and by “we” I mean “I” because Jeff doesn’t offend people. After all, he’s a liberal.) Seriously though, I’m not perfect, so please don’t cancel me. Have a great week, y’all! And as always, Let us pray. (Shall we.) -Chris

S1E34 - “Vacation”

It’s a bonus episode! I got to take over while Chris is on vacation and give you some quick thoughts on dealing with anxiety. This stuff helps me, I hope it helps you. Here are some links to the couple things I promised you in this episode: Breathing exercise video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdbbtgf05Ek Salsa Recipe! https://www.dropbox.com/s/arm8bqqav2p6m68/salsa%20recipe.docx?dl=1 Check out our podcasting host, Pinecast. Start your own podcast for free, no credit card required, forever. If you decide to upgrade, use coupon code r-de97d3 for 40% off for 4 months, and support Pondoff's Anonymous.

"Don't Panic!"

On episode thirty-three, Jeff and I welcome my dear friend, Chaz Franke. Chaz has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from McKendree University, and he has a Master of Social Work degree from Saint Louis University (SLU). Chaz received his clinical license in 2009 and now owns his own joint (private practice) in Belleville, IL called Light Source (we’ll get to that in a minute). Okay. Now that the fancy introduction is out of the way, allow me to get to it. Chaz is the fucking man! Plain and simple. He was around during some pretty infamous “Fucking Pondoff” moments and has a funny way of recalling a lot of the details… which is good… because when you’re hammered drunk during most of these instances you tend to forget some of the juicy details. I do remember one morning, after inviting myself over to Chaz’s house in Belleville and finishing the rest of my second bottle of whiskey, texting Chaz to see how fucked up I really was… because I thought I remembered him having a three-legged dog. Turns out he did (and still does) have a three-legged dog! So that was good news, I felt, as I wasn’t so fucked up that I was seeing things. Amen! Side note. Diego is one of the best dogs I have ever met (and drank with)! Chaz reminded me again on the show that I would frequently try and pour Diego a drink, “because he only had three legs”. Anyway, you guys gotta check out this episode! It’s funny, it is spiritual as Chaz discusses his life as a Buddhist and how his spirituality basically saved him (I can empathize with that), there’s a lot of brotherly love on this thing (Chaz is a big lover, man… a teddy bear… and fuck, I’m kind of a lover too!), and there are some real aha moments as Chaz describes how trauma affects us as human beings. When Chaz graduated, his first “big boy job”, as he describes it, was working as a counselor in the meth wing of a prison, where he would basically be in fellowship and facilitate conversations with PEOPLE (that’s key here) that happened to be serving a stint for drug related charges. Talk about seeing some shit and meeting mother f***ers where they are at. But that’s what Chaz does. That’s what Chaz has always done. Ever since I have known him since the age of 14 when I was trying to smuggle booze in his house. And now… Now Chaz has opened his own private practice with a team of therapists that have one of the most unique and endearing approaches to trauma therapy (among other therapies) that I have ever heard or seen of. These folks really are helping so many people, y’all. So, tune in and hear how he describes their mission! I promise you it will be captivating! I also challenge you to listen to Chaz. Don’t just hear the words. Listen to this mother f***er! He’s fucking brilliant and the mission that he and his team are on could vastly improve the quality of your life by getting in the weeds with you to iron out some deep rooted shit that you carry… and they will also remind you that it is “okay to hurt”, that “pain does not play favorites”, and that you are so fucking worth it. Listen, I’m not trying to tell you what to do (but I kinda am), if you’re suppressing traumatic shit… whether it was long ago or just recently, please listen to this episode and I am praying so fucking hard that you will consider seeking some help to deal with the pain. And remember that it is o-fucking-kay to do so. Please. I’m talking to you. Thanks, Chaz. Thanks for being a big brother to me and playing a role to get me where I am today. Thanks for coming on the show and thanks for continuing to keep an eye on my bullshit because I realize that I’m still (as my pastor reminds me frequently) a work in progress. I love you, brother. Let us pray. -Chris *Oh… and don’t worry… Chaz and I touch on the glory days of what was the US Ice Sports Complex in Fairview Heights. And, yes, some names were mentioned. ? Find out more at https://pondoff.pinecast.co

S1E33 - “What Do You Need in the Dark” w/ Chaz Franke

What’s up, y’all! On Episode 32, It’s just Jeff and I. We talk about: -Xanax -Coping -Friday’s South Tavern’s fish fry. -Some employee at Friday’s didn’t know me when Jeff name dropped my ass. -I’m calling her fucking boss. -I should be apart of the God d**n interview process! -We then talk about cravings. -And dopamine. -And how now I’m a little fat. Tune into the podcast! Let us know how we’re doing! And holler with problems, tips, and (if you’re hot AF) ‘dem digits! Kidding. We’re both married. For now. Let us pray. -Chris

S1E32 - "Cravings"

“Wake up, wake up, wake up…” This episode will drop on Monday, August 3rd. But, we recorded it on the first of the month. “So cash your checks and up.” On Episode 31 Jeff and I bullshit back and forth about a variety of different things: -Jeff quit Facebook. -Kindness. -My wife went to Pepperdine. Have you fucking seen Pepperdine? Yeah well, if she had money, she sure doesn’t anymore. Finally, after jabber jawin’ like two coked up barbers, I get to this episode’s topic: My college experience. Belleville, meet Champaign, IL. Champaign, meet Belleville. (As an aside, whether I drive the topic home or not on this episode is for y’all to determine, but as I say a couple times on the show, I only skim the surface here. There’s a little more to the story and maybe one day I can dive deeper. Hence the episode being titled, “Part 1”. I cannot promise that I will ever get there, but… maybe. Never say never. Especially considering that these parts of my story could potentially help folks. So, we shall see.) Take a listen to see if something resonates. And as always, we are both so grateful for all of you for supporting the podcast. Let us pray. We love you, Josh. Your memory and kindness still lives in our hearts today, brother. -Chris

S1E31 - “Bellev-I-L-L-e. Part 1”

We made it to episode thirty! Hot damn! The dirty thirty! When I was done recording, my wife Ashley asked what we talked about… After I told her she replied, “Do you think people will find that interesting?” Smart ass. You barely listen anyway! ? Anyway. To all the loyal listeners out there... (by "loyal" I mean the seven of you - we're growing! - that I guilt trip the fuck out of to listen... ) Are you just now starting to listen to the podcast? Are you overwhelmed that you haven’t listened to them all? (I’m sure you are.) Well, on episode 30, you’ve come to the right place. Jeff and I sit down and recap the highlights of each episode we’ve done since we started this little shindig and, yes, I personally think it will be pretty fucking interesting, Ash-LEY! Man, we’ve had some awesome guests on. And by awesome I mean... SO-FUCKING-AWESOME. We cannot thank each one of them enough for coming on this shit-show and spilling their guts. I can attest that each guest has touched the life of at least one human being that has stumbled upon this dull, vile, dogshit podcast. I don’t do this for money. And the reach that these guests have had is pretty freaking cool! Can I get an amen!?! Ha. I’m such a tool. Rhyme city. Anyway, tune in to this one! I think you’ll like it! Last, I want to take a moment to dedicate this episode to my best childhood friend, Johnny Gibson, who tragically lost his life 28 years ago today (07-25-92). Your death has defined my faith and your subsequent connection to me from heaven above has made me the Jesus loving mother fucker that I am today. I love you, your mother, and your sister Lauren. Forever and ever. Amen. Let us pray. -Chris

S1E30 - “The Candy Cane Knife.”

On July, 6th 2016, I drove to my guy's house to pick him up for a baseball game while he was in town visiting from Florida. When he let me into his house that afternoon, It took me all of two seconds to realize that we weren't going to a baseball game that night. Eric was sick. When we first started this podcast, there was one person at the top of my list to have on. So, on Episode TWENTY-NINE (HA!), I give to you, my surrogate little brother, Eric Conley. *Cue the Ultimate Warrior’s entrance music. (There’s a reason we waited this long, jerkoffs.) Anyway, growing up with two sisters, I was always good at finding surrogate brothers. But, it wasn’t until high school that I got stuck with a little punk kid wannabe baller named Eric as my “little brother”. Haha. In all seriousness, I met Eric when he was little as his sister and I were… ya’ know… close friends. I remember always saying, “Eric, go outside and hide and I’ll come out and seek ya” so I could get him out of the house and make out with his sis. Kid would fall for it every time. She wouldn’t, however. In fact, if anyone was playing hide-and-seek.. it was usually me seeking her in high school and into college… And lemme tell ya’, she hid pretty fucking well. Not “restraining-order-well”… but well enough to move a couple of towns away and into a different county. And on goes the story of that lengthy saga. ANYWAY. Back to Eric. He and I always stayed close. I tried my hardest to be a “role model” for him, and at times that responsibility felt pretty good. However, before I was able to commit to a life of sobriety, I was anything but a role model to him. “Hey Eric, don’t fuck around with pills.” Meanwhile I was telling him this with a bottle-and-a-half of whiskey in me and about 8 lines of coke. Nice fucking role model, eh? At least back then. You guys, this episode is the most powerful episode we have done yet. July 15th, 2020 (this past Wednesday) was the ten year anniversary of the death Eric’s mother, Diane. And since the birth of this little show, Eric and I had this week earmarked as his recording week, to honor his late mother. Spending as much time in her home as I did when I was a kid (she would always call me Eddie, as in Eddie Haskell), I had a firsthand view of how much she loved Eric. Eazy was her baby boy, no matter how much it would piss his sisters off. And Diane, well she was a warrior. Period. She battled multiple rounds of cancer and never gave up. No matter how f***ing sick she was. But it took a toll on Eazy. It did. And he couldn’t cope. Well, he “coped” I guess. Eric turned to drugs. We all handle things differently… we all grieve differently… and unfortunately… a lot of us self-medicate. As Eric puts it in this episode, he had “a pocket full of lent” and once last chance to get sober at the end of his ride. So tune in, and hear his story. I bet you’ll cry… I think you’ll laugh a little… and I know that you’ll wrap up with a renowned sense of hope and a big ole’ fucking smile. Eric – Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your incredible fucking journey, brother. And thank you for doing what you do in your line of work today. You are helping save lives and you sit right in the pit with people like us. Oh, we'll makeup that ball game soon too, my man! Promise! You can buy the fucking hot dogs. Love you, bro. Your mother is so fucking proud of you. I even loved you back when I was dunking on your ass and that John guy from Champs in your parents drive-way. Give me the rock! And, Let us pray. -Chris

S1E29 - "Eazy-E" w/ Eric Conley

Episode 28, y’all! Thanks for allowing us a break for the 4th! Personally, I needed one. And nobody blew off any fingers in the Pondoff household. So, I’d say the holiday was a success. Guess what. Had a Covid scare! All good though. That test was like a prostate exam through my nose! Aye yai yai! Speaking of prostate exams... The last time I had my prostate checked, the doc had both his hands on my shoulders. Ha! I’m here all day! Anyway, episode 28 is more than just Jeff and I bullshitting. I dive right on into some foster care sh*t. Brutal? At times. Heavy? Most of the times. Worth it? Ab-suh-fucking-lutely. Listen, there’s so many kids our there that don’t stand a God d**m chance. And that really fucking sucks. Here, let me read you a txt that foster parents get when a kid is looking for a home. Ball crushing, right? Yep. We need more fixers, y’all. We have plenty identifiers. WE NEED. MORE. FIXERS. Maybe it’s you? Let us pray. -Chris

S1E28 - “Fixers"

It’s, “I’ll see you later”. Man. This episode sure does have some “feels”. It would have been a lot easier to do three or four months ago… before she “Dear John’d” us. For those of you that don’t know, Yvi Martin, the pastor of the church that I go to in STL (my f***ing pastor) is leaving us for Kansas City, MO. F*** me. But God bless her. It’s a pretty awesome deal for her and her fam. And even more awesome for the people in KC that she’ll be serving. They’re a lucky group… For some reason though, I cannot get George Strait’s song, “All My Exes Live in Texas”, out of my head. But instead of Texas, it’s Kansas City. Coincidentally though, Yvi is actually from Texas. Anyway, tune in and hear her story and listen to her words… We talk about her upbringing, her literal call, and her witness to people’s lives being transformed by Jesus’s love and grace. (Shit’s for real, b.) We also workshop a plan to be where-the-rubber-meets-the-road on bringing Jesus’s love and grace to hookers and call-girls over on the east side. The plan is still in its infancy, but I’m dedicated to making this happen. (Amen. Ya' hear, Wyclef). But seriously, Yvi’s words are fucking inspiring. Like for real inspiring…. not bullshit inspiring. She’s been instrumental in my recovery journey with her truthfulness, authenticity, and love. She’s been a constant rock for my family through fostering a child, getting married, and some death shit. She’s fierce, she’s wise, and she will meet you where you are… Especially if it’s in the fucking pits. Is someone chopping an onion around here? Aye yai yai. Yvi – To say we will miss you is an understatement beyond all understatements. Thank you for being our “mother hen” these past 4 years. So, as God once told you, you can “go” again. In peace. While I go OD on ice cream and pizza to try and get over you. Let us pray. -Chris

S1E27 - “This is Not Goodbye…” w/ Rev. Yvi Martin

What’s up everyone! I hope you all had a peaceful Father’s Day weekend! On episode 26, I really wanted to hear from Jeff. I’ve gone on and on… and fucking on… about my old man. But we really never have asked Jeff about his. Jeff? What say you? And, you big fucking liberal ( ? ), how fired up are you to be a dad? You actually kind of are anyway. While she’s preg, right? Fatherhood has been quite the fucking roller coaster for me, emotionally. And the process of it has taken years off my life, I’m sure… And coming from a guy who’s already on borrowed time… I wouldn’t change a thing about it. In fact, I would do it again. Let us pray. -Chris

S1E26 - "Happy Father's Day

Forgiveness, y’all. Don Henley don’t have shit on us. Is it just me or does or every time we go on social media, three things become more clear? 1) Nobody fucking forgives anyone anymore. 2) Nobody seeks forgiveness anymore. And. 3) Must be nobody fucking out there. Like literally. There’s no way people are getting laid right now. Not on the reg at least. Pick a side. Stand firm. To hell with your neighbors. Jesus Christ! Go get fucked (literally… for real) and blow off some steam… and maybe you can find some fucking peace and kindness in your heart and soul. And maybe, just maybe, you can start listening some more. Even if y’all disagree. ESPECIALLY if y’all disagree. Look… I don’t have this thing down perfect… but I really am trying… I promise… And just by trying this shit… I become more peaceful, less arrogant, and I’m generally not spending hours and hours of my day all liquored up and pissed off. And it really is dope AF to live this way. For real. Forgiveness, y’all. It looks good on you. It’s in the bible. It’s a cornerstone of recovery. And there’s no better sex than makeup sex. Let us pray.

S1E25 - “Forgiveness”

What the back of the book would say… Pondoff’s Anonymous offers a sober, unique, authentic, and faithful perspective on grief and alcoholism… hope and grace… anger and love.

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Pondoff's Anonymous

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