RecoverYES.com/Episodes How can you deal with stress that isn’t likely to go away any time soon? If you’re living with an addict, your life is stressful. And, the lingering effects of stress are not to be taken lightly. If you find yourself unable to concentrate, lying awake at night, or neglecting the “to do list” of things that need attention in your own life, you are feeling the effects of stress. I’m going to help you recognize the warning signs that stress has taken control and build the stress management skills you need as a Recovery ReLOVutionary. In this episode, listeners will: Build the stress management skills they need to help deal with stress Understand what effects stress has on well-being, including mental, physical, and emotional Learn which kinds of stress is good and which is harmful Time Stamped Show Notes: 01:44 The article was on the USAToday.com website talking about five ways to cut stress in a 24/7 world. This doctor, Dr. Francoise Adan, who heads integrative medicine at University Hospitals in Cleveland … 03:39 Aware Appreciation. 05:54 How can you deal with stress that isn’t likely to go away any time soon? If you’re living with an addict, your life is stressful. And, the lingering effects of stress are not to be taken lightly. 06:28 Let’s start by recognizing the warning signs that we are under a tremendous amount of stress. First, we’ll look at obsessive thinking. 12:02 Ways to deal with stress are going to help you to work your way through this. Let’s start by looking at this … what’s called the PCI index. 17:38 When we attempt to deal with a situation while we are under the effects of tremendous stress, the outcome is not going to be good. In Episode 5, I talked about emotional triggers. 18:25 My husband is going to put our 18-year-old son out on the street. His drug use and emotional immaturity is killing us. We have been maintaining a condo where my husband has been living with my son hoping he would be able to finish high school.

Recovery ReLOVution Show

0019: Recognize the Warning Signs – How Stress Effects Your Health

RecoverYES.com/Episodes When you experience an emotional upset – when you’re triggered emotionally, how do you typically react? Do you fight back or withdraw? In this moment, the brain takes action that makes it challenging to think rationally. There are reasons why this happens but, in most cases, it is an overreaction that results in more harm than good. We need to learn to recognize when it’s happening and take it off auto-pilot. In this episode, listeners will: Recognize when they’re overreacting emotionally Learn what to do when feeling triggered and reacting emotionally Communicate without escalating an emotional situation Time Stamped Show Notes: 01:48 This article was on the Huffington Post. It was titled, “9 Signs You Are Dealing with an Emotional Manipulator.” 06:37 Aware Appreciation. 08:53 When you experience an emotional upset – when you’re triggered emotionally, how do you typically react? Do you fight back or withdraw? 09:22 As we explore this topic today of being emotionally triggered and being in emotional pain, we need to learn to recognize how we respond when this triggering process happens. 16:17 In order to have long-term sustainable healing from this cycle of reacting in a way that’s not really serving you is to allow a period of emotional thawing. 18:48 If you typically react like a turtle, you may find the storms in your life unsettling. In fact, they may be downright frightening. 19:50 My son showed up this morning knocking on my bedroom window wanting to come in and warm up. He has been homeless for several days now since his girlfriend threw him out again.

0018: Dealing with Emotional Pain for a Healthier, Happier You

RecoverYES.com/Episodes When you have an experience that is unpleasant, do you find yourself looking for something or someone to blame for it? And, if your focus lands on someone, do you feel compelled to let them know they have caused you pain? Lastly, when you do communicate your feelings, do you use shaming language? If you’re like most humans, your answers to these questions might stir some emotions. Even a “yes” might be met with thoughts of how your actions are justified. Blaming and shaming is a game that no one wins. There is another way. In this episode, listeners will: Learn how people experience shame Differentiate between guilt and shame Gain insight into the emotions recovery stakeholders will experience Time Stamped Show Notes: 01:56 This article that I’m going to talk about is from a website called Crosswalk. The title is, “Should you feel shame for missing church?” 04:37 Aware Appreciation. 06:52 When you have an experience that is unpleasant, do you find yourself looking for something or someone to blame for it? And, if your focus lands on someone, do you feel compelled to let them know they have caused you pain? 07:30 As we explore this Blame Shame Game, it’s important to acknowledge that Recovery Stakeholders dealing with an addict are regularly put under an enormous amount of pressure. 14:04 You may be wondering at this point why we would choose to communicate like this when it is so destructive. When we’re dealing with an addict, and shaming them, it’s literally like we’re pouring gasoline on the fire that is addiction. 15:46 Unless you’re living under a rock, you are going to interact with other humans. And, that will naturally lead to conflict at times. There’s no better teacher than experience. 16:39 My children are adopted. We could not have children and to say we were thrilled when these twin boys came into our lives is an understatement. We couldn't wait to be parents.

0017: What Families of Addicts Need to Know About Guilt and Shame in Addiction Recovery

RecoverYES.com/Episodes Why doesn’t change stick? It defies logic that an addict would muscle their way to sobriety only to fall back into addiction’s trap. Yet it happens over and over. As Recovery Stakeholders, we have a lot at stake. We can relate on some level. We managed to make some change we really wanted to make. And before we even finished celebrating, we found ourselves right back where we started … maybe even worse off. It’s important to understand what causes relapse. Once we understand why it happens, we can get out in front of it to prevent it. In this episode, listeners will: Understand what causes relapse and how to avoid it Differentiate between relapse and a “slip” Learn the warning signs for a relapse and what the stakeholder’s role is in recovery Time Stamped Show Notes: 01:48 This article that I came across was in The Lasallian and it talks about this program that is focused on training families and helping professionals so that they better understand addiction 05:27 Aware Appreciation. 07:44 Why doesn’t change stick? It defies logic that an addict would muscle their way to sobriety, only to fall back into addiction’s trap. 08:20 I want to start by differentiating between a slip and a relapse. It’s important that we differentiate between these two terms because we’re going to treat a slip much differently than a full-blown relapse. 17:04 Our ReachYES Program at RecoverYES.com … we provide coaching and help point you in the right direction to get the additional help you need to deal with the issues that you are working with. 17:40 We use a phrase often at RecoverYES.com. “Muscling your way to sobriety.” You may have even heard me use this phrase today in this episode. 18:26 My son went to prison for three years for manufacturing meth. He’s been home for several months and I'm starting to worry. He is doing everything correct.

0016: What Causes Relapse and How to Prevent It

RecoverYES.com/Episodes It is helpful to understand the stages of change so that you can recognize them … for yourself and others. Trying to make a change when you haven’t moved to the appropriate stage will do nothing more than increase resistance. At a minimum, that will make the change process way more difficult. As Recovery Stakeholders, there are changes that everyone in the family system needs to make … that will make living with an addict (in recovery or not) much easier. In this episode, listeners will: Learn to ease the struggle that accompanies change Understand what is required to change any habit … and make it stick Discover the warning signs that flash before a relapse happens Time Stamped Show Notes: 02:13 I found this article at Psychcentral and I thought it was really interesting. I had not heard of this particular stage of change referred to in this way previously. 04:57 Aware Appreciation. 07:12 What happens when someone breaks through denial? They move into the next stage of change. It is helpful to understand the stages so that you can recognize them. 07:51 I want to open this episode by going through the Stages of Change with you so that you really understand what we’re working with here. 13:21 You want to focus a great deal of energy on the Determination, Planning and Preparation Stage. Create a good blueprint that addresses all the things … 19:16 It’s safe to say that any habit we’re engaging in is providing some relief. Of course, some habits are healthy and aren’t accompanied by unwanted side effects. 19:58 I see so many stories about multiple trips to rehab … up to 15 times. My 24 year old daughter is in rehab for the first time.

0015: Making a Change - How Bad Habits and Addictions are Stopped

RecoverYES.com/Episodes As Recovery Stakeholders, you know that denial is not unique to someone struggling with addiction. Stakeholders also experience denial … not wanting to accept the reality of their loved one’s addiction. How do we recognize something we can't see? What if denial is actually serving a purpose? Could it be an unavoidable part of the change process? Rather than being frustrated by denial, let’s dig a little deeper to understand it. In this episode, listeners will: Learn when denial can serve a good purpose, and when it doesn’t Accept that denial happens, and determine what to do about it when encountered Deal with denial and prepare to make necessary changes without denial getting in the way Time Stamped Show Notes: 01:42 This article was on Today.com about David Cassidy. David Cassidy struggled with alcoholism many years ago and had an issue on stage not long ago. 05:00 Aware Appreciation. 07:15 You may have heard that the translation for the word denial is “Don’t Even kNow I Am Lying.” I’ve always had a problem with it because the word ‘know’ doesn’t start with an ‘n.’ 07:44 Let’s start by considering why people deny that something or anything is going on? Denial is actually a defense strategy to protect yourself from feeling pain or shame. 13:29 The most common way an addict (or even ourselves for that matter) are forced to deal with and breakthrough denial is that the consequences have become too great. 16:41 Breaking through denial typically requires a pattern interrupt ... a sort of intervention. In a moment of new awareness, we see (or hear) something differently. 17:16 My son told me he's an adult and he can do what he wants. He wants to get high (heroin). He says he's going to keep doing it. Of course, I'm devastated.

0014: How to Deal with Denial – What Addicts and Their Families Need to Know

RecoverYES.com/Episodes There is tremendous value in expressing appreciation, especially when you do it with regularity. As a Recovery Stakeholder, you are living through a challenging situation. If you’re feeling like the world you live in is just too stressful to find things to appreciate, you’re not alone … and you have an even greater need to practice. Let’s find the motivation and learn how to do it to get the most benefit from it. In this episode, listeners will: Learn why Aware Appreciation is a beneficial practice Appreciate the positives in their lives, big and small Interrupt negative thinking with appreciation and move past negative emotions Time Stamped Show Notes: 01:43 This article was on Courant.com and it talks about the family’s experience. The person writing the piece is a lawyer. 05:42 Aware Appreciation. 07:57 Why do I take a couple of minutes in each episode to lead you through a mindfulness practice that ends with Aware Appreciation? There is tremendous value in expressing appreciation … 08:30 As a Recovery Stakeholder, you would be totally justified in finding things to criticize and complain about regularly. 12:09 I’m sure you’re thinking “Geez! Dr. Gala, I’m already practicing appreciation. What more do you want me to do?” 14:14 All I can say is just try it. Go get a copy of the Aware Appreciation Quick Start Guide at AwarenessAddicts.com/AA. Do it right now. Don’t delay. 15:36 My daughter got arrested last night. Her boyfriend is trying to contact me … I assume for help bailing her out. I think she’s better off in jail.

0013: How to Flip the Disadvantage of Addiction – Benefits of Gratitude

RecoverYES.com/Episodes Many Recovery Stakeholders have attended 12-step meetings to show support for the recovery process. While this can be an eye-opener, it can quickly become an act of codependence. Rather, the 12-step program that is appropriate for the Recovery Stakeholder is not the same program that an addict attends. These programs for family and friends of addicts are companion programs with a similar structure. Some find just what they need with these groups. Others find them lacking. In this episode, listeners will: Get an overview of the positives and negatives of 12-step Anon programs Learn about Anon programs for Recovery Stakeholders Find community resources that may help aid their own recovery Time Stamped Show Notes: 01:33 I like to find stories that help us know this to be true and this one is no different. This story is from a site called Hightimes.com. It talks about marijuana or cannabis, which is a topic that is quite controversial these days. 07:45 Aware Appreciation. 10:00 Many Recovery Stakeholders have attended 12-step meetings to show support for the recovery process. While this can be an eye-opener, it can quickly become an act of codependence. 10:34 The 12-step programs for stakeholders are commonly referred to as Anon programs … Al-Anon, Nar-Anon. CoDA is not really considered an Anon program because it’s not a companion program. 15:13 Some of the limitations of the 12-step programs are related to what I’ve just shared … that everybody is using the same piece of material. 18:22 You may have gathered that I see both sides of the coin where 12-step programs and Anon programs are concerned. 20:30 I'm feeling guilty. I asked my son and his girlfriend to leave my house. I just can't do it anymore more.

0012: Twelve-Step Group Support for Family Members of Addicts

If you've got a close family member or friend that is struggling with addiction, you're undoubtedly affected by the chaos and collateral damage that addiction leaves in its wake. You've got a lot at stake! That makes you a Recovery Stakeholder. And, you wouldn't be the first person living with an addict to say "I hate addiction." Well, hate is a power-packed word. Rather, you can channel that energy into something that will make a positive difference. Here, Recovery Stakeholders are becoming ReLOVutionaries...loving the addict and outsmarting the addiction.

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Recovery ReLOVution Show

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