My quasi wife and I are having a heated discussion about the foundation walls which will be poured in three days after this upload. The value of this installment is to present and study the ways in which communication breaks down. There are some humurous moments as well but for the most part there was tension as we perpetually did not seem to understand what the other was saying. 

Roaring Mouse

Putting Up Walls

Zoe's Baby, Forrest, alive for a few moments, makes his first sounds. Lisa's got us on speaker phone. There are others in the room apprently. 

Baby's First Sounds

I am driving back home from the Laurentians and reflecting on things that have impacted me on this day. People not wearing masks, radical religious followers in my neoghbourhood. For more, go to my YouTube Channel and search under, "Roaring Mouse".

Stay Home Bitch- Musings on Mandatory Masks and Jews

Went to see Eva, my masseuse, yesterday. Under so much stress right now, not sure what we evern spoke about. My moving company is designated an essential business and I'm concerned about visiting so many different homes in the context of the pandeminc. The work has been challenging, I'm taking whatever I can and as a result I'm in a lot of pain. So let's listen in to how my session went and what was on my mind. Oh yes, the title. I have come down with a normal, tiny cold. When I need to cough, I suppress it so as to not alarm anyone but every once in a while I allow myself... one cough. I make that one cough count. But even with this strategy, I must be careful. I can't cough just once every five minutes for instance, I must spread it out or this too will elicit concern. 

One Cough

My thoughts about the Covid 19 shutdown of the world. Didn't mention this in the recording, it's not the first time the world has ended. It's ending for people now, today, yesterday maybe tomorrow. It's just the beginning, we've created the ideal conditions for these outbreaks. If we survive this we won't survive the next. People are no loger taking things for granted. We are the planet that was obliterated with the Death Star. We are the people seeing it loom above, bigger than a moon. What will it take to rally us into action? A real threat. What about the one that is not immediately tangible, seeable. We bury our heads, our minds. We can't bury this and then we will begin again the cycle of waste, of injustices and social inequities with no concern for those in destitution, the limp bodies of infants, the millions of displaced. Isn't it time we gave the other life forms a chance before we fuck it up for everyone? 

Whistling Past the Graveyard

Musing about my various roles in people's lives. Lamenting how childhood traumas have limited my ability to access a more stable and peaceful life. 

Status

I announce to Lisa that the owner of six acres of lake front property on Lake Argente here in the Laurentians has accepted my offer to purchase his property. 

Got the Land

I was invited to one of my son's friends home on Valentine Eve. We were sending off Florence who is heading out to Victoria to escape some crappy situation here in Montreal. Some classmates have discovered that she is a transgendered and revealed it to others in the school. This resulted in an intolerable atmosphere which has led to Florence having to leave. I got tipsy this night not having eaten all day and made a few faux pas's.

Don't Do Anything Stupid

I am in a suicidal phase. I become my own crisis centre- I document the moment. You hear it in my initial silence, the breath, then I go for it. I describe what's up, how I'm imagining doing it. I intersperse violent images, I talk about my sister's murder, I describe the symbols on my bookshelf, I remind myself of transformations. This is what I had wished for, a simpler life and now it is here and I must shed, shed tremendously, shed significantly, shed painfully. It is unimaginable living in a tomb, this house, my refuge, my sanctuary will be dead to me in eighty some odd days. It will be gone. All I worked for, the memories, the house fire I survived, the rebuild I oversaw, the struggles with the contractors, the necessary magical swims in the lake after work, the motorcycle rides at night along quite country roads, the long moments of contemplation, peace, of feeling present. All this is gone from the cities, where there is no nature there is no soul however hard we might try to replicate it. The vibrations perturb me. This is my perturbed podcast after having come back from the what is to be my 480 square foot apartment, and a funeral home to attend the death ritual of a woman consummed by a bacteria. 

Animus

In driving to my masseuse along a desolate stretch of country road, I reflect on the sale of my house and what this means for my mental state as this was a place of refuge. 

Goodbye House

I discuss going to an Al-Anon meeting, getting a cease and desist letter from the local government for renting my home short term on Air BNB. I lash out at  Brenda from the Lake Association for reporting me. 

The Cycle of Anxiety

Feeling lonely, lamenting the anxiety and stress in my life, how it defines me and my inability to distance myself from it despite an increasingly reclusive lifestyle. 

I Can Hear the Crickets

I am questioning whether to venture on with my life without the comfort of the known. The prospect is terrifying and I explore this as well. 

The Habit of Doubt

I am attempting to pull myself out a listless funk. I have nothing to look forward to, I am scared/stressed most of the time, I am invigorated only by my hatred for power tools. 

Need a Different Way to Live

My mental state being frayed, I remind myself of the power of the moment in order to reach a calmer state of being. I reflect on the precarious nature of life, how we are can determine a moment which in turn can determine us and the vitalness of self respect. 

Self Respect and Inner Peace

Listeners should expect controversial issues. I try to think critically on troubling topics and do so in the context of fully revealing/accepting that I am a bonafide sociopath. Hopefully you will appreciate the humour. Enjoy!

hubhopper

Roaring Mouse

hubhopper