Dan wants to talk to Maureen about some things going on in the news, like the fact that Steve Bannon is in hot water. Maybe. Possibly. If everyone gets together and decides to do something about all the crimes and whatnot. Maureen is interested, but there is some stuff she would like to tell Dan as well, like how the number six is magic. Remember January 6th? And all the other things that go with six? So many things. Also, she is in Philadelphia, so she does not have to worry about elevators or people trying to steal her toilet in the night.Dan would really like to talk about the news. Donald Trump sent a fax! Maureen is not having it. She still has more she needs to tell Dan, like stuff about the internet and the Bad Art Friend. Maureen may be possessed—but the sun, or maybe Satan, or possibly the spirit of a certain shoe.Anyway, things go about how you might expect, but since you’re already here, you probably like that kind of thing. Everyone likes something. 

Says Who?

SIX IS A MAGIC NUMBER

SaysWhovia, the months are getting jumbled and the holidays are colliding and all anyone really wants to do is get through it. Because let's face it: what is time anymore, really when you think about it?It's time to ask big questions, SaysWhovia: What day is it again? Have they minted the trillion dollar coin yet? Will Maureen ever get a second elevator? Is Dan's kid ever getting a vaccine? We'll figure it out eventually.

HAPPY OCTONOVEDECEMBEREEN

There’s a trillion dollar coin out there. Someone’s got to steal it.Why not Maureen and Dan?cue suspenseful drumming

HUDSON'S ELEVEN

Content warning: It gets spicy in this one, and it’s all Dan’s fault. He’s sorry. Far too much is said about Trump’s lil’ tooter.Yeah, it’s pretty much covered in the content warning. Buckle up and keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times.

DAN'S FORMAL APOLOGYCAST

Oh, hello! Dan and Maureen didn’t see you. Dan is hiding in his basement, writing emails. Maureen is stuck in an elevator. Both of them are trying to help their families outrun COVID. Because, COVID! It’s Still Here! Dan has a lot to say about testing and tracing and AP History. Maureen is still really just trying to get in or out of an elevator. Will she ever leave New York City? Can Dan convince her to move to the woods? Have you ever had fried clams?There’s a lot of talk of elevators in this one. So much elevator. And a surprising amount of harmonicas. Yes, it’s one of those episodes where the rails never come into the picture.Toot toot, SaysWhovia!

IMAGINARY HARMONICAS

FIVE YEARS! Yes, you read that right. Says Who is celebrating FIVE YEARS of this EIGHT WEEK podcast! It’s time for celebrations! Parties! Picnics on the square! Dancing!Except Maureen has had A Week, and she needs to tell you all about it. ALL about it. This may take a while.Plus, Rudy gets drunk and Trump hangs out with a cult. What else is new.HERE’S TO FIVE MORE YEARS!

IT'S LUNCHBOX TIME

Dan and Maureen are out of the news business this week. It’s bad. Instead, this Says Who is about culture! Fun things! Things that make Dan and Maureen happy!At least, it will be once Maureen is done explaining all the things she has to do to get ready for Oscar’s green card interview in the morning. So much paperwork. So many details. What did they serve at the wedding? Was there cake? There were jars of stuff, but what was in them? Dan will try to get a word in edgewise, but he will not succeed. And then…out come the dead flowers.The green card interviewer has no idea what is about to happen to them.Just fill in this form right here, Says Whovia. Your citizenship is guaranteed. But what was in the jars?

DEAD FLOWER SPECIAL

Welcome to the Says Who Good Times Fun Hour, which is what we’re calling it this week as everything is A Lot and people are starting to get a bit crispy around the edges. So let’s keep it light and fun! Let’s talk about Rudy Giuliani eating soup! Because he does not eat it like other people. He eats it Rudy Style. And it’s gross! You won’t like it.Also, let’s talk about medicine for horsies, because it 2021, and people take that now. And then they get a case of the Rudys. It all comes back to Rudy in the end! Seriously, though, people are taking a lot of horse medicine.And Maureen got a pair of roller skates.Saddle up, SaysWhovia! Let the fun times begin!Note: the organ music at the top of the episode is courtesy of Josh Kantor.

IT'S FOR HORSIES

Pretty sure Maureen forgot what was discussed on this episode.

PODCASTING FOR GOLDFISH

Dan and Maureen are back after last week’s absence! Dan has returned home to Chicago. His teenager has returned to school. We’re going back out, except where we’re all going back in! No one has any idea what’s happening! Except for two people: Rudy and My Pillow Mike. Rudy is now on Cameo, and that is a lot of what today’s episode is about. Rudy will greet you for $400! Would you like a greeting from Rudy? Find out what that sounds like!Dan and Maureen almost veer into terrible news, but you’ve had enough of that, so they turn the car around. It’s all burgers and Rudy today. And Dan’s throat. Dan’s poor, poor throat.Grab a napkin SaysWhovia. It’s time to eat. 

BACK TO BURGERTOWN

Greetings from the road, SaysWhovia! Dan is in the wilds of Colorado. Maureen is in Philadelphia. Both are super alarmed by the fact that no one seems to be wearing masks! They do not like it!There’s been news this week—classic, SaysWho type news. Rudy Guiilliani is having a bad time. He’s broke. He’s in trouble. He’s down to the cheap booze and his pants keep falling off. Trump is no longer taking his calls. So this is the right time to give an interview and let it all hang out.Meanwhile, COVID can’t stop, won’t stop—because people won’t take simple measures.Then Maureen gets distracted by her own Tumblr feed and things just devolve from there.Mask up, vax up, let’s go! It’s Says Who Time!CONTENT NOTE: at the 30 minute mark, there is a brief mention of the Cuomo sexual harassment and abuse allegations. We don’t go into any detail at all—we just mention that it’s happening, and it’s bad

THE LAW FIRM OF DRUNK, BROKE, AND FARTING

Dan is out on the road, not in a hot car. Maureen is up in the cool mountains of Massachusetts. Did politics happen this week? Probably. Dan and Maureen do not want to know. For a blissful moment, they are Somewhere Else doing Something Else. Both have chosen good times to be somewhere else, because things are going great, and nothing is happening with COVID. Or everything is! No one knows. This is the time for hot, maskless gatherings in Nebraska parking lots and anti-tax teachers to head into schools. In short, nothing can go wrong now.Then Maureen starts speaking German. Jetzt wir hatten eine gute Zeit! 

SETTLE DOWN, GISELA

SaysWhovia! Dan is on the road, which in this case is literal: he's recording from the back of his car again. But it's OK! He's under a tree, what could go wrong.  Meanwhile, Maureen and Dan have been reading the new Trump tell-alls that have been coming out. Today, let Maureen and Dan tell you about them so you don't have to read them!Maureen started "Frankly, We Did Win This Election: The Inside Story of How Trump Lost" by Michael C. Bender but ended up being deeply invested in the menu of a New Hampshire diner that serves some remarkable food.Dan read "Landslide" by Michael Wolff and learned that his imitation of Rudy is lacking in flatulence.  Curl up with a good book—even a bad one will be better than these—it's the new Says Who!

Some Light Summer Reading

It's really summer now SaysWhovia, but Dan and Maureen are gearing up for... leaving? Is that still a thing? That is if covid variants and government bureaucracy let them go.But before they leave town, how about discussing the various Trump legal clowns who have been playing clown games this week. Sure, of course there's Rudy because there's always Rudy, but there's enough clownage to go 'round this time.Put on your giant shoes and your rubber nose, SaysWhovia, because it's clown time. 

PLAY CLOWN GAMES, WIN CLOWN PRIZES

It’s the 200th episode! Yes, the little podcast that was a coping strategy that was never supposed to exist like this celebrates its 200th episode! To mark the big 200, Dan and Maureen answer your questions! Learn about Maureen’s very flexible policies in terms of where she will go. Find out what young Dan did for fun. Why are they still doing this? Do they like it? Can they ever stop? What is going on?All of these questions and more will be answered. Now, blow out these candles! The curtains are on fire!

THE 200TH TIME IS THE CHARM

Are you looking for some friendly company to help you through the hell that we find ourselves in after the 2016 election? Dan Sinker and Maureen Johnson—one journalist and one author—try to figure out what the hell is going on. Maybe, together, they can figure it out (spoiler alert: probably not)! Why not grab your coffee (or something stronger) and pull up a chair? SAYS WHO: it's not a podcast—it's a coping strategy.

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Says Who?

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