Did you hear what I said? You must be stupid of deaf. If you touch me again I'm gonna take off your head. Hahahaha Nobody's taking anyone's head off today, Peter, you silly little goose. Where's all that aggression coming from? Jesus. They hurt! The voices are lying, don't worry. Are you sure we're not insane? There's no possible way to prove nor disprove insanity, therefore it's a waste of time worrying about it. Can't argue with that. So why would you? Come have some tea. I don't feel like tea, it will make my snaggletooth go browner. Fuck the snaggletooth, you're due for dentist visit anyway. You can do the dentist this time. I did it last time. I'm not getting into this argument again, just go get a drink.

Schemey Pete's Scenarios

Juggernaut

Graham Turner is an English comedian and story-teller who gets angry if you claim that "nice" is a real word. Today we discuss violence towards ne'er-do-wells, incontinence, and the absurdity of all this podcast nonsense.

19 - GRAHAM TURNER

Steven Baker is a poor man's Bill Burr, or a rich man's Louie CK. We talk about the dangers of having a minimum wage, the practice effect, and how to capitalise on natural disasters.

18 - STEVEN BAKER

Louisa is a mathematics and MMA fanatic. Today we discussed breaking the law, upholding the law, and the outcome of a polar bear versus two reticulated pythons in a mixed martial arts bout.

17 - LOUISA MANN

Jay Strydom is a Christian and a software developer. We discuss the philosophy of morality, justice and organised religion. In other words, this is a long argument about religion, ending with a fierce brawl out of which I come second best.

16 - JAY STRYDOM

Becky Turner is a biology enthusiast and part-time sniper. We speculate how Derren Brown did his latest psychological tricks on his new Netflix special "Sacrifice", Epicurus' hedonistic treadmill, and the illusion of self.

15 - BECKY TURNER

Bevan is a maniac. Today we discuss the sexual rewiring of Bruce Jenner and some geese, robotic appendages and handy tips on how to hack time (time machine required).

14 - BEVAN EARTHLING

Brad "Wolf Man" Ramsey is a mixed martial artist and sports scientist. This week we talk about the virtue of Thanos, passionapples, and how to determine whether a person is morally worth of flight.

13 - WOLF MAN

Bevan Earthling is a bee enthusiast and professional maniac, who spends his free time walking, preferably to a supermarket. Today we argue about Donald Trump, the best kind of cake, and the merits of hiding in a barrel at the bottom of a pit.

12 - BEVAN EARTHLING

Becky Turner is a biology enthusiast. This week we criticize the anti-vax movement, argue about time travel and quantify the qualities of the best dinosaur.

11 - BECKY TURNER

Chris Welch is a high school maths teacher. We talk about how to outsmart a bear (which is a type of gay man), bodily gas-powered Mexican shockwaves and the doom of Sub-Saharan Africa.

10 - CHRIS WELCH

Becky Turner is a nuclear weapon engineer, but not really. This week we talk about breaking the laws of physics, invisible colours, kicking Gisby in the balls, what we think God is or isn't, and why chimps never attacked Jane Goodall.

9 - BECKY TURNER

Chris Welch is a high school maths teacher. Today we discuss eating human flesh, fondling dogs and the right fictional character to help defend you from the zombie apocalypse.

8 - CHRIS WELCH

Becky Turner is the maniac behind ScienceMe.com and is a passionate eternal student of science. I love her! Today we talked about Pete's brain damage, who is technically one of the operators in this conversation. We also cover the important topics of synesthesia and chicken-driven world domination.

7 - BECKY TURNER

Brad "Wolf Man" Ramsey is a mixed martial arts fighter. In this episode, we discuss the best way to bring down a corporation, develop a designer drug and deal with a zombie apocalypse.

6 - WOLF MAN

Pete poses hypothetical scenarios to a new guest each week.

hubhopper

Schemey Pete's Scenarios

hubhopper