Boners assemble! It's time to rank the fuckability of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the team of Claire, Kit, and Dan Mulkerin, along with MeganBob, are ready to romance one of the most expansive franchises in modern history. In their quest to find the median of fuckability, you'll learn more about robot sex than you ever thought you'd need to know, more about our hosts than ever before, and perhaps an answer to the question of just how exactly does the Hulk smash. So, grab your best spandex outfit and climb aboard the helicarrier for a ride that you'll never forget.  Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/soundroll/funk-me License code: PY3X4XBA59ZDUAVZ https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/funky-junk License code: KIXMIV9S2VDVUHLW https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-gentleman License code: UWXG3BXPCASTYIHY https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/lets-get-it License code: MGTNINNDEXYJBAZQ https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/high-life License code: GE9B1XIV9R1VKMML https://uppbeat.io/t/doug-organ/boogie-time License code: QOVELAYOE1SDZQ4Y https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-brighton-bop License code: VWDJ4C60GOAIPACW

Smash Fiction

Hard Choices 3 - Marvel Cinematic Universe

The second installment of Hard Choices is on the viewscreen and it’s a doozy. Join Miles Schneiderman and Ensign MeganBob, along with special guests Sharon Schneiderman and Kris Newton, as they beam aboard the USS Horny to bone where no podcast has dared to bone before. The show sets a course to discover the median of fuckability in the 90s Star Trek universe and learns a lot about our crew members along the way. So, put on your best jumpsuit and head to the holodeck for some quality hot takes on the Star Trek characters you grew up with.  Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/soundroll/funk-me License code: PY3X4XBA59ZDUAVZ https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/funky-junk License code: KIXMIV9S2VDVUHLW https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-gentleman License code: UWXG3BXPCASTYIHY https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/lets-get-it License code: MGTNINNDEXYJBAZQ https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/high-life License code: GE9B1XIV9R1VKMML https://uppbeat.io/t/doug-organ/boogie-time License code: QOVELAYOE1SDZQ4Y https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-brighton-bop License code: VWDJ4C60GOAIPACW

Hard Choices 2 - 90's Star Trek

Welcome to Smash Fiction Presents: Hard Choices, a podcast appearing approximately whenever the mood strikes and guaranteed to explore new vistas of horniness! In this episode, Miles Schneiderman, Kit Mulkerin, MeganBob, and special guest Katrina Ehrnman-Newton rank the fuckability of 21 notable Lord of the Rings characters in an attempt to uncover who is the median most fuckable character in the LOTR universe. Turn down the torchlight, stuff your pipe with the finest weed in the Southfarthing, and get ready for some big feelings (the ones that really matter) in this sensual journey that Tolkien would absolutely never have approved of. Music and sound credit to: "Long Road Ahead", "Light Sting", "Der Kleber Sting," "Hero Theme," "In The West" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.filmmusic.io) License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Hard Choices 1 - Lord of the Rings

It's been awhile, old friend, but Smash Fiction could never let go of that most sacred of holiday traditions, the Cagemas match. Gather around and let us spin you a tale of some Cages, a Cage Match arena, a man named Ebenezer, and the spirit of Cagemas that lives within us all.  In this episode, Dan gives Spider Man Noir from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse an opening argument that demands a standing ovation and Kit spills all the Alpaca dad knowledge on Nathan Gardner from Color Out of Space. But can Miles use his future sight to bring Cris Johnson from Next to victory? Can Liz make a hard left into Star Wars to secure a win for Wylie from Jiu Jitsu? Will MeganBob ever give us the recipe for a Cage Match winner while telling us all about Behmen von Bleibruck from Season of the Witch?  Claire takes the reins in this Smash Fiction reunion show for the ages, so grab a warm drink and settle in for the Sixth Annual Cagemas Match! 

Cage Match 2020 - Spider-Man Noir vs. Behmen von Bleibruck vs. Nathan Gardner vs. Cris Johnson vs. Wylie

Back when we recorded the fiftieth and final episode of Extraordinary League, Claire prepared one of her Mordin songs just in case we introduced ourselves at the beginning, going with a riff on the main theme from the opera "Maria and Draco" from the game Final Fantasy VI. We ended up not doing the usual type of intro for League episode 50, but we decided we didn't want Claire's effort going to waste. Now that the bonus content has been added to the feed, this seemed like a fitting note to go out on. We love you, ohana!

Mordin's Final Song

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for November 2019. The original description follows: WARNING: This episode contains massive spoilers for both Jurassic World and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom! Happy (American) Thanksgiving, friends! If you've been interacting with us on social media or just listening to some of our recent episodes, you know that Miles has been exceptionally busy with real-life stuff lately. However, even major life changes aren't enough to stop everyone's favorite curmudgeon from sharing his thoughts about stuff, particularly stuff voted on by our Patrons! He and Claire sat down to continue the conversation teased in a recent Smash Fiction episode: what's the deal with 2015's Jurassic World? Seriously though, what IS the deal with this movie? Is it a dumb, corporate action movie, or a SATIRE of a dumb, corporate action movie? Is there any intelligent, artistic DNA in this story, or has it been too overwhelmingly spliced with crap? And what does this film have to do with a piece of 1960s installation art? Tune in to find out, and as always, thanks for helping to support the show!

Miles Has Feelings: Capitalism Finds a Way (November 2019 Bonus Content)

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for August 2019. The original description follows: So this is probably going to be the final bonus episode of Extraordinary League on this feed, and I wanted to make sure that we went out strong. I wanted to tie up the loose threads from the previous Patreon bonus episodes, but I also wanted to make sure that this session had plenty of opportunities for antics and character-based fun. And, as always, the character votes that our $5+ Patrons turned in meant that we were dealing with possibly the weirdest group of League I've ever had to deal with. I quickly realized during play that we were dealing with something special. Each of the players came to the table with an unusual degree of enthusiasm and commitment, and approached the adventure with glee and an overwhelming desire to have fun. You'll hear plenty of moments where one or more players are incapacitated by laughter, and even after I spent many hours editing this final cut, I still find myself laughing out loud at many points. League has been a labor of love for me over these last few years, and this is definitely a high point for me. I hope you all enjoy. -Dan

Extraordinary League - August 2019 Bonus Episode

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for July 2019. The original description follows: So I really wanted this song to turn out super country but then I started going through effects for my keyboard and guitar and...I got lost in space.  So. Many. Synthesizers.  For inspiration, I basically just listened to Mordin vs. Spock and ctrl + F'd our episode summaries for the word "space."  There was a lot of material.  My lyrics make no sense just like my Space Judge persona.  Also, the inexplicable train whistle.  Why...   For the actual music writing side of it, this song has a LOT of tracks.  Two vocal tracks, four guitar tracks, one drum track, and three synth tracks.  Space is pretty big so the song needed to be too!  The more I think about it, this song goes through a billion different genres.  My voice and acoustic guitar are desperately screaming "THIS IS COUNTRY" but everything else screams "THIS IS A ROCK CONCERT IN SPACE" and honestly, I think I am OK with that and I hope you are too.   -Liz   Lyrics:   *Space Judge*   I am the Space Judge, And I cross all worlds in search of the dumb. My favorite thing to argue about, is how I would punch you out. *Ah shit I'm supposed to be the judge, dammit!*   You'll see me coming from outer space, to render judgment in a case, No matter who it is or what they are, But they all should be set in space.   Space fights, space jokes Space plights, space blokes I wish my car was a battlestar 'cause I could go so far off the deep end INTO SPACE.   *Space Judge, I am the Space Judge*   *Train whistle*   Yeah, that was my ship's horn, be jealous.   My other hosts have judged from space, and they kept up my lightning pace.   But I am the Space Judge. It's where I get my fix, And play my greatest tricks. Don't worry, just trust me, it won't be that bad.   Maybe. 

July 2019 Bonus Content - Space Smash

After recording Smash Fiction episode 139 (The Shadow vs. The Phantom vs. Darkman vs. Dick Tracy), Claire, Dan, MeganBob, and Miles decided to have a brief but in-depth conversation about the experience of watching some of the weirdest films to emerge from the 90s. Enjoy this rare chance to listen to our hosts not scream at each other as we chat about bizarre characters, unfortunate creative decisions, and--strangest of all--stuff we actually kind of liked about these movies. As a side note, at one point Claire shares a video link with us so we can watch a pretty perplexing ad from the era. Here's the link if you'd like to watch along with us: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZO-Gf2_J4s

Bonus Content - The Dark Shadow of Dick Tracy's Phantom, Man

Sometimes when we have to take a break mid-recording, magical things happen. In this case we were treated to an impromptu piece of live theater courtesy of Liz and a host of dragon sound effects. Gather round for a tale of dragons, divisible hearts, Draco Malfoy, and how cool gold is!

Liz's Dragon Theater

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for May 2019. The original description follows: Okay, this show is now officially called "Miles Has Feelings," so you probably think you know what you're getting into, but guys... Miles has so many feelings about NBC's sci-fi sitcom The Good Place, it's not even funny. Miles loves this show. And not in a half-trolling "I think this movie is deeper than it appears" way like Sucker Punch, or a novelty act "hey look, I like a video game way like VTM: Bloodlines. This is the real deal. Miles fell in love with The Good Place like you fall in love with another person, and the honeymoon period is far from over. So what do you do when you feel this deeply for something you truly love? Talk about it with MeganBob, of course! Miles and Bob begin this bonus episode with a spoiler-free section aimed at those of you who haven't seen the show yet, in hopes of convincing you that you should rectify that immediately. Then it's time to dive headfirst into plot recaps, character arcs, and themes in an effort to unpack what, exactly, makes The Good Place so good. Along the way, they explore the new subgenre of hopepunk, discuss the difference between individual responsibility and systemic consequences, examine the show's focus on moral philosophy, interrogate its attitude toward gender, racial, and sexual identities, and explain why humans are fundamentally good while basically blaming all the bad stuff in the world on capitalism. So, you know, heads up if that's not your thing. Don't worry, though, there are also jokes! Mostly jokes from The Good Place! Enjoy! -Miles

May 2019 Bonus Episode - Miles Has Feelings: No Place Like The Good Place

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for March 2019. The original description follows: So here’s a fun opening story…  The first thing I recorded for this song was the bass line.  I then picked up my sax to play in order to figure out what key I had played the bass line in.  Well, I actually couldn’t figure it out.  No note or scale was matching up with what I had played, it sounded terrible!  Of course, I then realized, I HADN’T TUNED MY BASS.  I turned on the tuner and lo and behold, I was 20 cents flat.  That’s enough to be its own unique note.  I had already written the entire bass line and promptly forgot how to play it.  My fix was to literally tune all my instruments to 20 cents flat!  It somehow worked and my sax was matching up.  Unfortunately, I had picked an extremely difficult key for an Eb instrument (which is what an alto sax is).  It ended up being in the key of B, which has 5 sharps for the sax.  Plus I was adding additional accidentals (other sharps and flats) to give the song a jazzy feel.  Ok, that’s enough music theory. This was quite a challenging song to write.  I’ve played tons of jazz music in my lifetime but have actually never wrote/recorded a song.  Instruments included are alto sax, guitar, bass, drums, and my lovely voice.  This would essentially be a small combo jazz group.  Some combos have three “horns” (i.e. trumpet, sax, clarinet, etc.) so this is definitely a small one.  Jazz groups always have a bass, usually drums, and then some type of “comping” instrument (i.e. guitar or piano, one or the other, not usually both).  Guitar or piano generally provide chords for the horn to play off of but as you can hear, at some points I just followed the vocal line with the guitar, giving it almost a rock type feel.  Jazz is the progenitor of most modern music so I thought it was fitting.  Here I am talking about music theory again, sorry! Onto the actual League content of the song, I tried to make this a string of consciousness for Dante remembering the League’s various exploits.  There really is no rhyme or reason to the song and I tried to make it seem like scattered thoughts.  Of course, the song revolves around the events that Dante thought were cool (Corolla frames) or annoying (like Lace being a better distraction than him in the fight against Cthulhu).  As I was listening to episodes, I came across a line that absolutely made me laugh: Luna asking if we were very likely or mostly likely to die.  I had to incorporate it as it could have easily been a Dante type question.  Then, there is the title…  Shout out to my friend Evan Staves for this title immediately popping up in his head and helping me get my groove started.  That made me just have to comment on the fact that yeah, I forget my swords and guns exist.  Ultimately, Dante is happy to be involved with the League and loves the new friends he has made. -Liz What’s the Name of That Sword Again?   Welcome to the Castle Club Name’s Dante Drummer, hit it Yeah… I’m gonna tell you about some of my friends They’re called the League And it’s gonna be their stories Actually, it’s mostly gonna be about me Feels like just yesterday, I joined the League It’s been a fun time, with no reason or rhyme Except I kinda lost my arm This is the only job where I wonder If I’m very likely or mostly likely to die Sometimes people ask me to use my sword, but I don’t! However… Luckily we’ve beat a bunch of Phyrexia I don’t really use my swords or my guns much But I do remember the Corolla It was a good car…frame Once, we stopped Dracula Because I stole his cool ass cape And everyone else got there too late They were still clapping at my performance at that play Dante saves the day!  Yes I did.  Without my swords and guns people But y’all are pretty cool too, anyways… Think about all the cool things that we’ve done Except I got upstaged by a dino driving on the run At least we beat Cthulhu Then one time we got famous for playing rock without a clue And too bad our only reward was a green slime Stitch fu Manchu So thank you friends for the good and bad Your double taps and your portal guns, take me to my favorite danger zone Is he bothering you over there?  No?  Ok great.

March 2019 Bonus Content - What's the Name of that Sword Again?

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for February 2019. The original description follows: Man oh man, I never know what sort of team we'll end up with when we do these bonus episodes, but the $5+ Patrons never fail to make some really interesting choices. As usual, I didn't decide on the central concept of this episode until I saw what characters everyone was going to be playing. In this case, I wanted to give our stealth- and social-centric characters plenty of opportunities to be sneaky and manipulative, so I came up with a scenario that would lead them away from taking a forceful and direct route, at least at first. Most of the PCs were pretty straightforward to design. The ones that gave me issues were Austin Powers and Esmé Squalor. In the case of Austin Powers, I felt like it was important to give him abilities beyond just being a James Bond clone--I eventually came up with the Mojo mechanic, which allowed him to weaponize his catchphrase. In the case of Esmé, both Claire and I wanted to make sure that she could at least handle herself in combat. Claire eventually came up with the idea of giving her a clothing-based weapon from another setting--we tossed a number of ideas back and forth before settling on the Dresspheres from Final Fantasy X-2. It felt very appropriate to essentially tie her combat abilities to being able to change clothes rapidly. This was a fun episode to record and I hope it's a fun episode to listen to! -Dan

Extraordinary League - February 2019 Bonus Episode

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for December 2018. The original description follows: Those of you $5+ patrons who get our monthly bonus content poll must have been surprised when Miles gave you a list of media he liked... and one of them was a video game! That's right, Miles is (briefly) putting aside his role as everyone's favorite curmudgeon to gush about the 2004 computer role-playing game Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines. He's joined by Dan, who has played the game, and Kit, who has not, and the three hosts have fun chatting about the video game, the tabletop RPG, and the wonderful, terrible World of Darkness as a whole. There are some light spoilers for Bloodlines in this episode, but if you're interested in playing the game, our discussion should hopefully only whet your appetite for a genuinely great, if not perfect, cult classic of a game. Let us know what you think!

December 2018 Bonus Episode: When Video Games Don’t Suck

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for September 2018. The original description follows: Thank you to everyone for allowing me to finally use one of my two ukuleles and a harmonica in an actual meaningful context. This song truly is a tribute to my fellow podcasters in how much I enjoy playing League with them and how interesting it can be solving problems with characters who approach things very differently. This song is also a great way for me to ask for Kit's forgiveness regarding a certain episode (listen to Surprise Party 3, you'll understand). In terms of instrumentation chosen, you are listening to a ukulele, a standard size harmonica, a palm-muted electric bass, a Jamaican hand drum, my vocals, and Kit's lovely Stitch statements. It is me playing everything except Kit's voice. I used my condenser microphone for everything except the bass, which I just plugged straight into my audio interface. Just so you know, I was using pots and pans for percussion at first but it sounded so loud and ridiculous, I had to take it out. -Liz Lyrics: Did you know What family means in Hawaiian? Well I didn't know Until Stitch came along Ohana means family Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten ...stupidhead And then this motley crew Went and stepped on through To become ohana How would we have known That Stitch doesn't like whipped cream That Luna just wanted to have a pet 'Cause she's sick of you assholes That Mordin clearly likes to watch the world burn Incinerate it all That Nico really likes to read that one weird book That Dante probably doesn't know what ohana means Hint, it's family And you know what Just like a real family We certainly have some problems Dante cares too much about his muscles And Nico has some homicidal urges Mordin sometimes wishes he could stay in his lab And Stitch has an issue with, SHINY... LET ME EAT IT And Luna is, wait, yeah I don't have anything for this one One big League family That everyone can see! Saving the universe One world at a time If we weren't together we wouldn't be ohana

September 2018 Bonus Content - "Our League Family"

Smash Fiction is a debate-style comedy podcast in which a rotating cast of nerds argue on behalf of their chosen fictional characters. Only one can win!

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Smash Fiction

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