Equinox snagged a fresh round of funding to push the luxe gym chain into coworking and at-home spinning bikes. Plug Power shares have popped because it’s become a “cult stock”. And Lyft’s latest acquisition is in response to #profitpressure, so it’s sticking ads on top of its cars.

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“We have to talk about ‘cult stocks’” — Plug Power’s stock jump. Lyft’s ad-cquisition. Equinox’s coworking/bikes.

Domino’s shares popped 26% because it’s got a uniquely DIY approach to delivery apps. Victoria’s Secret split from its L Brands parent, but turns out it’s worth just $1.1B. And Morgan Stanley buys up E*Trade in a deal that’s really all about saving time in the race to Main Street for the big banks.

“We didn’t sell salads to sell salads” — Domino’s pizza domination. Victoria’s Secret ghosts. Morgan Stanley’s E*Trade trade.

We’ve got a new era over at Google on word that its parent, Alphabet, has put its wind energy bet to sleep. Our “Unicorn of the Day” is Toast, which hit a $4.9B valuation as it tries to do everything at restaurants, but we’re focused on its SaaB (“software as a bank” — just made it up). And Garmin stock jumps 7% because it’s going places where your iPhone and Apple Watch can’t.

“Garmin finds you when iPhone can’t” — Alphabet kills an “Other Bet.” Toast hits $4.9B. Garmin’s GPS pop.

Walmart’s earnings report wasn’t anything special, but we think it’s latest moves to buy up startups, suck out their innovation, and then spit out the remains is. A report on the impact of Uber and Lyft reveals that the rideshare apps really aren’t about ridesharing at all. And Molson Coors isn’t a beer company anymore as it whips up its first spiked seltzer (did we mention it’s testing a spiked coffee?).

“We found an Innovation Vampire” — Walmart’s Jet black shutdown. Molson Coors spiked seltzer. Uber/Lyft’s “rideshare” lie.

The 3 major marijuana producers have had a tough year, but Canopy Growth’s latest earnings powered pot stocks up thanks to price per kilo. Delta announced plans to go fully carbon neutral by 2030 — how can one of the most polluting industries can pull that off? And Headspace snags $93M in fresh funding to one-up its rival in the wellness app showdown.

“It’s like Ben & Jerry’s going dairy-free” — Delta’s carbon neutrality. Headspace’s $93M fundraise. Canopy Growth’s rebound.

Fresh after Tesla shares hit their all-time high, the company has a surprise: It’s selling 2.6M fresh shares to raise $2B in fresh cash. Kraft Heinz shares fell 8% after the 150-year-old pantry icon showed it has no turnaround plan -- it just wants more processed foods. And the epic $10B JEDI deal between Microsoft and the Pentagon is frozen (and the real winner could be Amazon). Cloud computing is the new oil.

“Cloud computing is the new oil” — Kraft-Heinz 70% stock drop. Tesla’s “buy low, sell high”. Microsoft vs. Amazon.

Facebook has added a new addition to its army of information regulators for the election year, but we’re looking at their odds (spoiler: not great odds). SoundCloud snags a fresh $75M in funding from SiriusXM, but the music platform still hasn’t found itself. And DoorDash’s CEO sat down for an interview with Fortune that revealed how First Mover advantage isn’t an advantage.

“Facebook fact-checkers vs. 4.75B posts per day” — DoorDash’s not First-Mover Advantage. SoundCloud’s desperate $75M. Facebook’s hires Reuters.

Sprint surged nearly 80% on word its T-Mobile merger is good to go (because Sprint was basically a dead wireless man walking). Samsung whipped up a foldable new phone that you should definitely care about because we don’t actually live in an iPhone world. And Starbucks snagged a new airport partnership that’s innovatively all about getting you coffee without any terminal friction.

“Starbucks wants to pick you up at the airport” — Sprint/T-Mobile gets approved. Samsung’s flip phone. Starbucks’ airport deal.

Restaurant Brands International happens to own both Burger King and Popeye’s, but it was Popeye’s chicken-powered quarter that’s getting all the attention. Softbank-backed nearly-unicorn Brandless is shutting down after trying to create a brandless brand. And coronavirus is causing a financial crisis for many Chinese companies, so we’re looking at the lenders of last resort.

“Burger King is jealous of Popeye’s fried chicken-palooza” — Brandless shuts down. Coronavirus’ lenders. Popeye’s power earnings.

Warner Music filed to IPO because streaming saved the music industry. Uber shares surged 10% before the weekend on word it’s actually planning to become profitable by the end of this year (*depends how you define “profits”). And Europe’s telecom giants Ericsson and Nokia woke up to word the US government may want to acquire them because we’re desperate for a 5G internet network.

“Warner Music is Venture Capital for musicians” — Uber’s profit shocker. Ericsson/Nokia 5G awkwardness. Warner Music’s IPO.

Dunkin’ announced earnings, but we’re focused on the subtle hints that it’s transforming into a fancy coffee chain. World Wrestling Entertainment stock dropped 9% and we’re blaming the XFL situation. Twitter shares surges as the social network tries to convince you it’s in the most healthy shape of its life.

“Dunkin’ stealthily went fancy” — WWE’s XFL problem. Twitter’s record surge. Dunkin’s premium coffee strategy.

Turns out Spotify just made (another) acquisition in the podcast space because it’s trying to build a “gated garden.” Instagram’s numbers leaked and we finally learned how it stacks up to YouTube. And Chipotle’s sales surged 13% because its new CEO is cooking up a Taco Bell-ificiation strategy.

“By that math, Instagram is worth $150B” — Chipotle’s Taco Bell-ification. Instagram owns Facebook. Spotify’s acquires the Ringer

Snackers want to know why Tesla stock has surged a freakish 60% in the last week, and the answer lies in avocado trees and orange groves. Visa is already Earth’s biggest payment processor, but now it’s making the biggest change to credit card transactions in a decade: AKA, “the swipe tax.” And BP’s oil empire is getting harvested by BP.

“Why Tesla is like a young avocado tree” — Visa’s swipe tax. BP’s empire. Tesla’s Elon-sanity.

Alphabet’s stock fell 5% after its earnings report, but the real highlight was YouTube — the company disclosed financial info for the first time. Harry’s razors was supposed to be acquired by Schick’s parent company, but now federal regulators are trying to block the deal. And last week we looked at the companies hurt by Coronavirus, so this week we’re looking at who’s benefiting.

“YouTube sells more ads than ABC/NBC/FOX… combined” — Harry’s razors acquisition gets sued. Coronavirus-benefiting companies. Alphabet’s YouTube surprise.

Shares of One Medical jumped 47% because it’s trying to make you love doctor’s appointments. Nike’s freakishly performance-enhancing shoe just got approval for the Olympics — and gold medals are critical to its brand. And Pinterest whipped up a virtual makeup feature because being your first spot to discovery is what it depends upon.

“One Medical is the Equinox of doctors” — Nike’s olympics shoes. Pinterest’s makeup feature. One Medical pops 47% IPO pop.

Digestible financial news. Get smarter fast with an entertaining breakdown of our top 3 business stories in 15 minutes. Pairs perfectly with your commute, workout, or morning oatmeal ritual. Hosted by Jack Kramer and Nick Martell.

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