    Gordano!   Today is gonna be the day That they're gonna throw it back to you By now you should've somehow Realized what you gotta do I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do, about you now Back beat, the word was on the street That the fire in your heart is out I'm sure you've heard it all before But you never really had a doubt I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do about you now And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I Would like to say to you but I don't know how Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my latest Sorry Not in Service podcast etc and so on...

Sorry Not in Service

Look

 Gordano!   Welcome you hoary old dogs to this extra special Sorry Not in Service podcast. 'Why so special?' We hear you splutter as you finish off your 4th pint of beefshake. Well, it features not one, not two, but TWO of your regular presenters PLUS the extraordinary comic stylings of our brother Richard. He really is a #ultramegadude and a mean compiler of all things.   We discuss Richard's Top 5, his advice for Simon about child rearing, and our memories of Richard's yute/yoot/yout (delete as correct). We also neatly put the PodPodCageCage feature to bed.   Some might call this the most self indulgent Sorry Not in Service ever, but they would be fools to do so because they are doofuses. You wouldn't want to be a doofus now would you?   Gordano!

Clean Windows

Gordano!   Dear competition winner. You have been selected ENTIRELY AT RANDOM to receive a complimentary Sorry Not in Service podcast. It is both lightweight and Ab enhancing. Furthermore, for ease of use you can listen to it using your ears.   All that we ask from you in return is that you are kind about us to your friends and kin, and overlook the poor audio quality / poor audio found within. One of us was ill and the other was in a funk. See if you can work out which was which.   In many ways it was the perfect level of incompetence and disinterest in our listeners to mark our 100th podcast.   Gordano!

The Birth of a Child That Nobody Wants

Gordano!   Person A: 'Fancy meeting you here, you're looking well. Have you had a nose job?'    Person A: 'I thought so.'   Person A: 'Yes, Dr Dexter is a marvel with a scalpel isn't he? Anyway, must dash, I've got a baked potato in the oven and it won't butter, cheese, tuna mayo and side salad itself now will it?'   Person A: 'Actually, just before I pop off can I give you the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast? It's Podcast 3 (see title) and is 42 minutes long. Yes you're right, that IS one minute less cumbersome than a PodCage podcast. It's got a dog, an Audio Pictionary competition, Will not being drunk and some admin in it. It really is the full ticket.'   Person A: 'What's that?'   Person A: 'You'll treasure it forever?'   Person A: 'That's right, you will.'   Person A: 'Now bugger off.'   Corpse A: *continued reverential silence*   Gordano!

Podcast 3

Gordano!   Check you out with your internet connection. Ooooh la-di-daa, aren't you just Lord/Lady Muck with your cutting edge technology? Well Lord/Lady Muck, we are your humble servants and will bow and scrape to you and your every whim.   Speaking of which, that whim you had to download and listen to a nice fresh Sorry Not in Service podcast has been fulfilled. Here it is!    In this one, Simon has doubled his initial outlay on the home studio in an effort to improve the audio quality, with the inevitable consequences (it is worse). Will tells us about his Darty Party, we review PodCage in PodPodCageCage and we hear from the voice of reason, Tooty Baghorn.   All in all, it's 59 minutes of your life that you won't get back. Like every other minute you've ever had.   Gordano!

Gordano!   Look! It's shiny! It's new! It's a 10radio-less Sorry Not in Service podcast!   Actually, on closer inspection - while it is a 10radio-less Sorry Not in Service podcast, and it is new, maybe we're over selling it's shininess. It's a dull coloured, slightly scraggy, rough at the edges podcast with poor quality audio equipment and two flailing hosts trying to make sense of their surroundings and having an existential crisis with bells on.   But fear not! There are no bears in your bathroom and the content of the podcast is still just about palatable.   Just like the world, it will get better. Or fizzle out, just like the world.   Gordano!

I Spy

Gordano!   Well butter my sandwiches if it isn't the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast*   In this one we make an announcement, discuss our beloved Queen's strong arm, botch the weather, eat some food stuffs and bugger the Varmints ('s start of their show).   It's jam packed. Much like our sandwiches.   To listen to the more bloated version of the show with all the pop music in it, go to mixcloud.com   Gordano!   * it is

Too Much Sugar and Too Few Ideas

Gordano!   Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.    That’s right, it’s the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast, resplendent in jewels and smelling of polos. In this one, we get historical, drunk, arrogant, challenged, visited by a generous benefactor and keen for exoneration from an infant.   If you'd like to hear the version with the pop music, go to mixcloud.com. For the secret to everlasting beetroot, go to sorrynotinservice.com   Gordano!

The Crowning of King Canute

Gordano! We wish you would stop doing that, we wish you would stop doing that, we wish you would stop doing that, it won't bring the party alive. That's right one and all, it's YET ANOTHER placeholder podcast. The boy is wonderful but time consuming so rather than broadcast live on Friday 23rd, Simon and Will absconded from helping the family do the washing up on Christmas evening and recorded this podcast in Will's former chamber. We'll be back on the radio soon, we promise/assume. Gordano!

It's Not Just Masturbation #3

Gordano!   Make no bones about it, this is a podcast. So how would you even do that? Now that we're all in agreement, welcome to the Sorry Not in Service podcast and it's the return of the original lineup! That's right, Simon and Will back in the studio for the first time in two months for one last pay cheque.   In this one, we discuss the biggest things that have happened to us in the months since our last show. For Will it was a caravanning holiday and buying some jumpers, for Simon it was finding himself in a situation where the amount of credit that a financial services provider might offer him is lowered because he now has to tick the box 'do you have any dependants?' on application forms.   Much radio ensued and was then smeared all over the internet.   For the version with the pop music, go to mixcloud.com. For twenty £, go to a reverse charity event.   Gordano!

Stay Now

Gordano!   Fear not dear listener, we haven't named the podcast 'Send Them Back' because we've boarded the far right choo choo train The Politics of 2016 Oblivion Express. No, it's merely in reference to a comment made during this podcast about returning your first born child from whence it came, because it turns out not to be as much fun as you'd hoped.   But fear not dear listener, because Simon is yet to make his mind up on that front. His attention sapping first born has merely created an enforced absence from his true love, radio broadcasting and so this is another placeholder podcast (#2).   But fear not dear listener, for we will return for a proper show and podcast on the 9th December.   Gordano!

Send Them Back

Gordano!   Welcome along dearest listener (you are the dearest one to us, don't let on to the others though - they are very needy people).   The responsibility enforced hiatus is half over! That's right, while Simon is still coming to terms with the fact he can no longer spend his weekends and week day nights splayed on the sofa watching Challenge TV, William is available and has stepped up to the plate and then deposited something on the plate*   Simon may be back for the next one, depending on how time consuming parenthood is. We can report that he pleasantly surprised to learn that he still has time to edit a podcast and write this introduction to it. Quick tip for other new parents, cupboards are excellent, money saving alternatives to child minders.   So make love, one and all!   Gordano!   * The plate in this metaphor is 10radio and the item deposited on it is a radio show, latterly turned into this podcast.

Many Happy Returns

Gordano! Due to childbirth based circumstances there was no Sorry Not in Service broadcast on the 28th October. But because we have a keen grasp of where our priorities lie, that was not going to stop us recording a place-holder podcast (this podcast) It's not immediately clear when we'll be back to our normal schedule but just know this: you dear listener are our number one priority and nothing will get in the way of you and your need for entertainment. We'll ask you to think about that when Simon's marriage falls apart and he is estranged from his child because of you and your demands. Gordano!

The Sudan Special

Gordano! And may the Lord be your salvation. Also, here's the very first Sorry Not in Service podcast of November 2016, not only that but it's got a special guest host, not only that but it's a Carnivorrrr special! That's right, it just keeps getting better and better. You are well within your rights to be salivating as much as you are. Best get listening before you get forcibly removed from the internet computer booths at the library. To hear the version of the show with all of the Carnivorrrrr songs on it, go to mixcloud.com. To buy your physical or imaginary copy of Carnivorrrr's second album go to carnivorrrr.bandcamp.com. To receive your OBE for services to sultanas, go to carnivorrrr.bandcamp.com Gordano!

Dad, Thanks For Picking Up Will's Coat From Isle Brewers

Gordano! Welcome to the podcast that The Times of London has described as ‘a seminal piece of work, a bit like the Jesus story crossed with something else that is really cool - a must listen. xxx’ Moreover, the Queen is now confirmed as a subscriber and if hearsay is to be believed, HearSay are also keen. Lead singer Clive Dugdale was recently seen falling out of a popular Folkestone nightspot whilst listening to said podcast. So it really is very good. In this one, we get our debate on again and receive e-mails sent from an iPhone! We also learn about self control, Will’s latest attempts to get fired from Sainsbury’s and have a grape thrown at a mouth. If you’d like to hear the version that has the pop music on it, go to mixcloud.com. To book you place on the ‘How to Be As Attractive as Prunella Scales’ seminar, go to sorrynotinservice.com. Gordano!

There'll Always Be Moira Stuart

A period of highlights from 10radio's fortnightly show Sorry Not in Service. Tunes and Chat (without the tunes)

hubhopper

Sorry Not in Service

hubhopper