Mark and Lisa, a staff member at his Martial Arts School, shares a story about a tragedy that hit Lisa two years ago.  Lisa talks about the celebration of life of her son, Leo, and how she remembered the happy times about his life.

Strength Through The Struggle

STTS 148: Celebrating Those We Lost

Today’s episode is about the two different but powerful meanings for Strength Through the Struggle that you can use in your life. Let’s get right to it. Hello everybody! Thanks for taking the time to tune in and listen to this episode. I really appreciate your time and energy. While this episode isn’t specifically about martial arts I’m going to use them as an example. When I came up with the name for this podcast it was the result of wanting to be truthful about life. At least my experience with life. And what I’ve learned about it from my childhood, into the military and as a career martial artist and student of life. I wanted people who were looking for solutions to life’s challenges to be able to find honest answers, inspiration, and motivation. The first thing that STTS means to me is that we all actually do have the Strength to get through any Struggle that crosses our path in life. Those can be struggles that were thrust upon us through no doing of our own as well as the challenges we create with our choices. You know what I mean, problems of our own creation. There have been a few times in my life that I didn’t know if I had the strength to do what needed to be done when confronted with a problem in my life. One of those times was when I found out I was going to be a father. My own internal dialogue was very negative concerning how I saw myself. I couldn’t imagine anything good could come from me. More specifically, my seed. I grew up with so many experiences in childhood that I wasn’t worthy of anything good or that anything good could come from me that I spent my adult life trying not to become a father. That wasn’t the truth but it was what I believed. And we tend to behave in alignment with what we believe regardless of whether the belief is true or not. I ended up trying to be the best father I could and overall, I’ve done a fair job of it. Not perfect by any means but pretty good most days. And that is with the added challenges of raising a child with multiple disabilities. Even though I didn’t believe it the start, I had the strength to do it. The truth was, I had the Strength to get Through the Struggle the whole time. I bet you can think of times in your own life where this has been true for you. It could be anything. The ending of a relationship. Getting through school or going on and getting a degree in college. What about sickness or injury? The death of a loved one in your life? A financial crisis. The loss of a job. What about that choice that you made that brought on the difficulty in your life that you didn’t think you could overcome or get through. You see. You had it in you the whole time. You made it through. You did have the strength to get through that struggle. The second meaning and one that lines up with the martial arts is, we get Stronger because we go through Struggles. As a matter of fact, we CAN’T get stronger without resistance, without something to struggle against. If I want to make my body stronger, I must find something to push against. For instance, a floor to do a push up against. If I’m standing in the middle of a room pushing against the air, my body is not getting stronger. There isn’t anything in opposition to my arms. There isn’t anything for me to struggle against. I have to get down on the floor and push against it. The floor and my bodyweight work together to give me something to struggle against which in turn creates more strength in my body. The same is true for events in our life that are a struggle to get through. Those events are what give us an opportunity to get stronger on the inside. When my son Josh was hurt in the hit-and-run with two semi-trucks, it created all kinds of opportunities for me to get stronger. The struggle of dealing with both a life-threatening and ultimately life-altering event made it possible for me to have to dig deeper than I ever had to in my life. I had to develop a stronger Faith in order to keep going with everything that was required of me and Joshua. I developed more patience and new perspectives of understanding that have made me a stronger person. I had to come to terms with the idea that I can’t control everything in my life which made me stronger. A new level of compassion was required for my son but also for myself and others in this world has ultimately made stronger as well. I have a deeper level of perseverance now and can endure (which is another type of strength) difficult things if I must. All of this is as a result of the struggle, that ended up in my life. It wasn’t easy and I’m not going to pretend that it was. I didn’t enjoy going through it. It was hard. But I do enjoy the strength that I gained from it. Without the struggle, I couldn’t have gotten stronger. What about your own life? What have you gone through that has made you a stronger person? A better student, employee or boss. What are the challenges in your life, the struggles you have gone through that have made you stronger as a husband, wife, father or mother? That’s right. You have all kinds of examples of how much stronger you are because of the struggles you had to figure out. So let me tie it all together. 1 – We all have the strength to get through any struggle in our life even if we don’t believe it. 2 – We all can gain new levels of strength because of the struggles we go through in life. Pretty impressed with yourself now? You should be! You’ve been getting stronger and showing strength your whole life. I hope that helps. Thanks again for listening and remember, if you want any coaching to reach out at markgoblowsky.com. Let’s get you unstuck and moving again.    

STTS 147: What Strength Through The Struggle Actually Means

What’s the opposite of “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas? I’m here to tell you in this episode of the STTS. Let’s get to it. If you live in the United States, or possibly other countries as well, you may have seen the commercials advertising a visit to the city of Las Vegas. There are dozens of commercials, all about 30 seconds long with different storylines. Each commercial, regardless of the storyline, promote the idea that as long as nobody back where you live knows about what happens, then do whatever you like in Las Vegas. Because What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas. It’s a bit of a wink-wink, nod-nod approach to life. If nobody knows, there’s no crime. No knowledge = no harm = no foul, is not the actual outcome. Now, I totally disagree with that mentality but that is an episode for another day. I grew up with a similar philosophy in my home. It went like this, “What happens in this house, stays in this house.” I distinctly remember hearing this from my mother one summer day. The neighbors severe alcoholics and parents were raising hell with each other. But the message was clear. Do not repeat what goes on inside this house, outside of this house. To anybody! Ever. Now my mother did the best she could trying to raise us kids. Given, her own upbringing, which was ugly to say the least, the deck wasn’t stacked in her favor. She, and her three sisters suffered many types of abuse at the hands of my grandmother who was mentally ill for most of her adult life. We will never know exactly how my grandma came to be mentally ill and abusive. Rumors have it that she was raped and miscarried a child in Italy while my grandfather came to the United States to find work and a house for them. The abuse my mother experienced growing up along with being married to my father, who wasn’t the best of role models in town, gave her more work than she could handle with five children all under the age of five at once. When my mother told me, “What happens in this house, stays in this house,” I couldn’t understand why she said it. What was so bad about what happened in our house? I mean it wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t the worst place on earth as far as I could tell. As I got older, I started to see there were some houses where things weren’t much different. There were other homes where things were very different. What I couldn’t tell though was just how far off of center our home actually was. My mother knew something wasn’t right. I felt something wasn’t right but I couldn’t define it in my childlike mind. My mother also felt helpless to do anything about it. We are talking about the 1960’s and life was very different back then when most mothers didn't work outside of the home. So what does all this mean? In my life, I’ve found that things done in the dark and/ or kept in the dark are there because nobody wants them to see the light of day. I get it that our bathrooms and our bedrooms are private places. I’m not talking about bathroom habits or somebody’s sex life. Certainly there are conversations, and things that happen in a home where there is no need for them to travel outside the family circle. I’m talking about things like abuse in all its forms. Physical abuse, mental, abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse. When these things happen, the perpetrator does not want you tell anybody about it. The reason is they are all harmful things at the very least, but many are also criminal as well as unethical or immoral. When I need to keep something in the dark, so the deed remains unknown to the public including authorities, that is for the person doing the abuse to stay in the clear and out of trouble. Things that went on when I was a child, frequently were swept under the rug or given a shrug of the shoulder and a comment like, “It’s none of our business. There are numerous things I and many others lived through that if they happened today, in 2019, people would be arrested for them and likely do serious jail time. The only way to deal with the darkness in this world is to shine some light on it. Light doesn’t allow things to hide. Light allows us to see things for what they really are. Light heals. Light provides one thing that is absolutely necessary for almost everything on earth to grow. It’s safer to be out during the day in the light than it is at the night in the darkness. It’s safer to drive during the day than it is at night. I have more reaction time because my vision isn’t impaired by the darkness. Many crimes are committed in the dark for the very reason of keeping people from seeing something illegal is going. Darkness hides the truth. Truth needs to be stated and shared where people are being harmed. I encourage everyone listening to this to bring the darkness out into the light and let the light do its job of providing an environment of healing and growth. Before you go, thank you again for listening. It means a lot to me. Would you please share this episode with others. It can’t help if it’s not heard. Thanks again and I’ll see you soon.

STTS 146: What Happens In Vegas

My wife and I are on vacation in the Dominican Republic. This episode is not about how I live some amazing life, although it is amazing in many ways. It’s not about who we live a life of luxury, traveling to exotic places and living where we want and how we want. It’s about how change for the positive can happen when the environment for it exists. Six years-ago Teresa and I were at the very same resort in the DR. We arrived the second day it was open. We opted to take the trip then because the price was outstanding by virtue of being new. At the time the staff was not that fluent in English and we weren’t fluent in Spanish so sometimes we had a little language barrier. Also, there were many things all over the resort that weren’t completed or ready. Some of the restaurants weren’t open that first week and many of the listed resort activities weren’t ready. The beach was in good shape and the pool was in good shape and while we aren’t much for drinking, it seemed the bars were all fully staffed and fully stocked. We were told by the staff not to drink the tap water as it had the possibility of making us sick. We appreciated that bit of info about the water and took it seriously using only bottled water to drink and went so far as to use bottled water to brush our teeth as well. That was all OK. We are pretty easy going and understand the world isn’t perfect. complete. We had a great time relaxing on the beach, jumping waves in the ocean and enjoying the delicious, fresh fruits, vegetables and wonderful meals that were prepared for us. Being a new resort, the surrounding decorative vegetation was just being planted. There was more dirt to be seen than plants and flowers. The property, because the vegetation that was planted, was only planted recently did not have the time to grow to its normal beauty. As my wife and I walked the property she mentioned how she wondered what it would look like had it all been filled in and the plants had time to grow and mature. Needless to say, it didn’t happen by the end of the week that we were there. Here we are six years later. The difference is profound. Every square inch of the property is absolutely beautiful and filled with perfectly manicured flowers, bushes, ornamentals, and trees. The four to six-foot palm trees newly planted in 2013 are now twelve to sixteen feet tall in all of the atrium gardens of each building. The fifteen to twenty-foot palm trees around the exteriors of the buildings are now thirty to forty feet tall. The decorative gardens surrounding the buildings are perfectly manicured and completely filled in throughout the property. Purple flowers abound and you can hardly see dirt in any of the landscaping because they are so full of assorted greenery and flowers. All of this happened in six short years because the environment was right for growth. Sun, warmth, rain, somebody caring for and tending to the needs of the plants. In Chinese culture and martial arts, we would say that is Yang Sheng. Nourishing or Nurturing Life. As a matter of fact, I believe it is so important that we say it at the beginning and end of all our classes. We say yang sheng in the spirit of not only nourishing our life but also the lives of those around us. Most of my students only spend a few hours a week with me or my staff. We say Yang Sheng when we train with each other multiple times throughout class at the beginning and end of each exercise, while looking each other in the eye, as a way of promoting what we want for ourselves and others. The idea of nourishing or nurturing life is meant to be taken with us out into the world. Home, school, work, activities, hobbies. Everywhere. This is also something you can do in your own corner of the world whether at work or at home. What if you could start the day with the idea that I will nourish life at work or home or school or while out shopping for that matter? How about starting with the idea that when I am speaking with my children, coworkers, husband, wife, in-laws, extended family, boss, coworkers, employees I started with the heart-centered idea of all conversations and actions start with Nourishing life. This has made a profound change in my life. I’ve struggled with staying positive at times in my life. I always want to be positive but sometimes, when my load has been especially heavy it was harder. I would lose my place because of the challenges. When I decided to be purposeful about reminding myself about Nourishing Life, mine and others, I became more positive, forward-focused and energetic. Framing my day, my work and my relationships with Yang Sheng helped immensely in making more positive choices and actions in my body, mind, and Spirit. It makes me feel better because I’m actually doing better by asking myself, how can I nourish life here. I challenge you to do the same. Start your day and your activity with the Yang Shenging everything and everyone. You’ll be glad you did because your life will be improving anywhere you apply it.

STTS 145: Nourishing Life

Have you ever had a moment of absolute anger? What about Outrage over something? A little indignation maybe? Maybe things didn’t go your way in a situation. Somebody hurt you. A person close to you won’t hear what you are saying. A person wronged you. Someone took advantage of you. You felt disrespected I’ve been there. I’ve lost my cool over plenty of things that were small. True misunderstanding when the other person didn’t mean it the way I took it. What about something that is righteously wrong. There is no arguing about it. It was unfair, unjust and unwanted. Something sexual abuse. People who abuse the elderly. Wanton violence that has no purpose but to hurt another. I have. I’m probably the only one though… wink, wink. Of course, we’ve all been there. We’ve felt the anger at something unjust. We have felt indignation when we see another has had to suffer some indignity such as sexual abuse. What if when we see things that could lead us to anger or bitterness, we could, in turn, use it to go somewhere better? One day I'm watching Josh struggle to get into the truck. Nothing really new. He's had to relearn to do things we all take for granted. Walking, talking, eating. Getting run over by a couple of semi-trucks when you are three years old creates challenges in your life. Today however his challenges were compounded by a neon green cast that encased his left arm. The result of falling over while simply walking. No tripping. Nobody pushing him or falling into him. He simply lost his balance. As I'm watching him trying to get into the truck and struggling to figure this new scenario out of living with a cast on his arm. I'm trying to figure it out myself. And as I’m trying to figure it out, I also notice that I'm feeling frustrated over the whole deal. I realize I'm lamenting our situation. I’m angry because we have to go through this as the result of nothing Josh did to himself. But as the result of someone else. The driver of a semi-truck that kept on rolling. All the emotions of the past challenges and injuries and mishaps and disappointments come rushing into the present moment again. My feelings of frustration for my son having to go through this are amplified from these events that exist in the past yet are haunting my present. As I catch myself starting to feel bad about this, I realize I have a choice. I can see this as an ongoing tragedy with all the negative emotions and thoughts that go with it or an opportunity for me to reframe my own thoughts and meanings of the situation to something positive. And I HAVE to choose. Consciously, I have to make a choice. Am I going to live in the past or the Present? See this as a Tragedy or a Triumph. Become Bitter or Better. I decide to choose Better. To look for a Triumph. To see this as an opportunity to overcome a monumentally difficult situation that nobody would want in their life and turn it into something good. The steeper the hill, the stronger the runner becomes. I choose to be present. To stay relevant. I can't change what landed us here. I can, however, choose how I respond to it. It took me a while to get to this point. I’m sharing it with you because I understand the emotions that go with life. They are all useful. Even the ones you or I would term negative. Ones like bitterness, anger, rage. Those emotions point to something that is screaming for attention. Something that if we choose, can exist to make us better and stronger. Not angry and emotionally weaker. I will never be able to serve my son while I'm limping around feeling sorry for myself or angry at the world. I can only be of value to him if I choose to live in the Present and help him to see his own situation in the best possible light. I am not suggesting to anyone to sugar coat something. I mean if you take a pile of cow manure, put it in a box, put beautiful wrapping paper on the box and tie it up with a pretty bow, it’s still poop. I can, however, take that horse manure, and with a little work and a little time, I can turn it into fertilizer and grow something beautiful or nourishing with it. Bitter doesn’t move life forward. Bitter doesn’t leave us feeling good. Bitter doesn’t create positive energy in my life or yours. This is our Path here on earth. This is our Journey. This is the road we travel on. To hell with Bitter. I want Better.

STTS 144: Bitter Or Better

When Your System in Life Isn’t Working Welcome Back. What we are going to chat about today is how to overwhelm can get us off track and how to overcome that. Let’s get to it. First of all, THANK YOU, to everyone who is hearing this today. I appreciate you and the fact that you took the time to listen in. These podcasts can only help if they are heard. Please share them with your friends and family. Does it ever seem as if at the end of the day things are not going your way? I mean you care. You aren’t lazy. You are working super hard every day. When the day is over you are definitely tired. You are trying to do your best with all of your responsibilities.  But in spite of your best efforts, things aren’t going well or in the direction, you hoped for. Maybe things in your life aren’t changing for the better and you almost feel as if your wheels are spinning and you are stuck in place. There was a time when I felt exactly like that. Actually, there have been a number of times in my life where I went through a period just like that. A number of years ago, the grandmother of one of my students came in with her grandson Edgar. She walked over to me and asked if she could speak to me. They had been a part of my school for a number of years at this point. I had a few minutes, so I was more than happy to oblige. She told me she had a book that I might find helpful. She said the reason she was asking was that she had noticed how tired, run down and stressed I looked all the time. As far as how I looked, I had to agree with her. Inside I felt the way I looked in the mirror and to the world. So this nice grandmother, who was a practicing Buddhist, handed me a book on Buddhism. I wasn’t surprised. People make all kinds of suggestions if they think they can be helpful. I was already familiar with some elements of Buddhism. And while I never practiced it, I had used some techniques in my own life. The following week I read the book. It was good. I enjoyed it and it was helpful to me towards understanding all that I was experiencing in my life at the time. Grief from my son being hurt. Fatigue from caring for him. Frustration with dealing with his mother. Struggling to keep my business afloat. Fighting to keep my attitude positive.  The problem was that I was a Christian who wasn’t practicing what I knew from my faith. I didn’t have anything against Buddhism but it dawned on me, I wasn’t doing the things I already knew. What good would another system do me if I wasn’t using what I already had? This isn’t me coming at this from a theological position. It’s about our psychology. You see, excluding any theology, it doesn’t always matter what system you choose to go through life with. But if you choose a system but aren’t using it, then you don’t get any benefit from it. I wasn’t working the system so the system couldn’t work for me. If I have a system for building a strong marriage and it works for others but I don’t use it, I won’t get the benefits. It’s the same with food choices and exercise or finances. If I have a budget but don’t use it, I exclude myself from its benefit. If I have an exercise plan but don’t use it, I will continue to get weaker over time. Switching to a new program will only help me if I actually use the program as directed. My problem was I wasn’t using the system, which was my Faith walk, to help me cope with and get through my challenges. Switching to another system whether it is Buddhism, Daoism or Cognitive Behavior and Meditation won’t get me what I want and need unless I put it to work for me by doing the work of the system. When I got back to prayer, scripture reading, meditation and study, things started to change for me. I saw the world differently and in turn, the world saw me differently. My energy, my attitude, my behaviors started to reflect what was happening to me from the inside out. We have to learn to take care of ourselves and remember put into play those things that will work as soon as we put the work in. That’s it for today. Hope this was helpful So that’s the lesson for me. If I don’t work the system, the system won’t work for me.  My son had been badly injured in a hit and run collision with two semi-trucks. He needed around the clock care due to a massive traumatic brain injury. His recovery was on my mind 24/7. My business was shrinking by the day and at what point was down by 90%. As a result, I was in the middle of a foreclosure on our home, bankruptcy as well as my truck being repossessed. I didn’t even know how I was going to get my son to his therapy appointments which were a total of twelve per week. I was in a relationship that was difficult at best. Unfortunately, it was with the mother of my son and at the time, it was 100% dysfunctional. A friend of mine suggested that I could always move to a new city in a different state but that would have felt like I was abandoning my  There was a time in my life when if you saw my face, you would have been able to see the stress I was living with as if it had been painted on. It was there every day and around the clock. I couldn’t sleep at night and could hardly stay awake during the day. Son, I could walk away for fear of how not sticking around would have effected Josh growing up. I was also in the midst of a custody battle, as a result of his needs with his mother which was very ugly. The pressure from my son’s daily needs and the conflict with his mother were on my mind had too much going on at once.

STTS 143: A Christian and a Buddhist Walk Into A...

A couple of years ago, I was having a really hard time breathing when I would try to sleep at night. As time went by it got worse. I was in Colorado to do some training with one of my martial arts instructors and it got to the point that I was afraid to fall asleep because I actually thought I would die. I ended up canceling my training after the first night of no sleep and flew back home to go to the VA hospital and get checked out. After a CAT scan, the Emergency Room consulting Ear Nose and Throat physician came in to see me to give me the diagnosis. He chucked a bit and said, “Looks like you are going to need surgery. Your thyroid has a rather large mass growing on it. That’s why you can’t breathe at night. It takes up a good portion of the space in your throat and when your body relaxes to go to sleep the airway gets cut off. I went through the surgery and it was a success. Even better, the tumor was cancer-free. My wife and I had plenty to celebrate. I was so grateful. I was so very pleased to be able to breathe again and not have cancer. I GOT WHAT I WANTED. Even though I got what I wanted, what made this so poignant is that I also understand there are times when WE DON'T GET WHAT WE WANT and other times when WE GET WHAT WE DON'T WANT. You see, when I got to the hospital the day of surgery, there was a lady with brown hair in the surgery waiting area. She was carrying on a conversation with another couple. Mostly about the election. Her husband was already in the prep area getting ready for his surgery. Eventually, Teresa and I went back for me to get prepped. We saw the surgical nurse, then the doctor, then the anesthesiologist. Everyone was professional and pleasant. My parting words to the anesthesiologist, "Please make sure I wake up." I didn't want to die that day. My faith informs me that "absent the body, present with the Lord" and in one way - AWESOME! But I really wanted to wake up, be cancer-free and get about my work here on earth. I don't know for sure what was going through the minds of the gentleman who went in to be prepped before me, his wife or two middle-aged children who showed up later. I will go out on a limb though. I think it is likely they were planning for Thanksgiving together in the tradition of their family. Christmas was also on the horizon a few weeks later. Maybe they had even started buying gifts. That day, the day I GOT WHAT I WANTED, they not only didn't get what they wanted, they GOT WHAT THEY DIDN'T WANT. The husband and father who went to be prepped before me didn't go home that day. At least not his earthly home. The Thanksgiving Day meal they were planning for 2016 had an empty chair where he once sat. That man's experience, that family's experience of an unexpected turn that day, made my experience of waking up from surgery more profound. I GOT WHAT I WANTED. THEY GOT WHAT THEY DIDN'T WANT. Since that day in the hospital, my gratitude list has grown. One of the things I see when I work on my gratitude list every morning is a little piece of wood on my desk. It’s the size of the tumor. I cut it out myself and use it as a reminder for me to think about how good life is even when things don’t look the way I want them to. It’s a reminder for me to be grateful for what I do get as well as for what I don’t get.   Might I suggest to you to think about and appreciate what you do get? As well as what you don’t get. APPRECIATING WHAT I MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN BUT DIDN'T HAS BEEN A POWERFUL EXERCISE IN MY LIFE. It has helped me to LOVE MORE. To care more. To be more patient. To try to understand others better and to be appreciative of even the smallest things in my life like hot running water in my home   Take more time to connect with those we care about. Take more time to feed our soul and give to the world the gifts that we are here to share.   Things can change in an instant. Frequently for the better like my own outcome. But there are also days when we get what we don’t want. And on those days, if I can remember all the good that is in my life, while it won’t change the pain I feel or the difficulty I’m going through, it can help to feel deep gratitude for everything else in my life.  

STTS 142: I Got Everything I Want But...

I once heard a story about a famous landscape architect. He was a master at what he did. He traveled the world creating amazing gardens and landscapes for prestigious locations. It is said that on days when he felt particularly challenged, he would pull out a piece of paper from his pocket, look at it, nod, fold it up and get to work creating another masterpiece. People were astounded by the brilliant designs that would seem to come out of nowhere after he studied that tiny piece of paper. Eventually, this master designer died. After the funeral, people went to his house for food and to share stories they each had, of this great man. His colleagues approached his widow and asked her about that mysterious piece of paper. They were convinced it contained the secret formula to his success. She told them she did not know what was on the piece of paper. He kept it in his coat pocket normally and she never asked to look at it. After many requests for the opportunity to see the paper, she went upstairs and looked in the closet for his coat. Inside the coat pocket was the folded-up slip of paper. The widow brought it downstairs and handed it to one of his colleagues. As everyone gathered around, the man unfolded the paper. Convinced that whatever was written on it, they would now have in their possession the key to their own success. When they looked at the unfolded slip of paper, it simply said, “When laying sod, always put the green side up.” It’s a brilliant little story about remembering what is most important. It’s also about not taking things for granted. It is too easy to make life complicated. Especially in the United States. But I believe the temptation to complicate life is everywhere in this world. With the growth of technology and the rate of change that it occurs with, it often seems like we are playing catch up every day. I know I have done this in my own life. There have been times when I would worry about what I was doing and at the same time, I would worry about what I wasn’t doing. I would worry about money, my health, my relationships, my business. I would worry about my skillsets that I thought were always falling behind and that I needed to grow more skillsets to keep up with a changing economy and world. One of the most valuable things I’ve ever done was to take the time and learn what I valued most in this world. I’m not talking about possessions either. I’m talking about what was intrinsically important to me to be as a man, a husband, a father, a businessman and as a human being who was created for a purpose in this world. I also had to learn that I couldn’t have everything all at once. But if I did the work of figuring out my own value system, I could have the most important things to me, at the center of my life daily. Figuring out what is most important to me, allowed me to take other, what seemed like important things, out of my life, off my plate and outside my head. That way I was able to give my energy to only the most important things to me. It allowed me to get back to basics. To focus on only the most important five things in my life. My Faith, My Fitness, My Family, My Future, and My Foundation. I learned to remember when laying sod, to put the green side up. If you would like some help clarifying what’s most important to you, and want to simplify your own life, stop by my website and send me a note. I answer all the emails myself and will get back with you ASAP. If you are on Facebook, you can reach out to me there as well and send me a direct message.

STTS 141: How To Simplify Life Without Regret

An old student of mine stopped by in the middle of July. I didn't recognize him and had to ask his name. As soon as he said it I recalled his time with me. He was a student for about 5 years. Roughly age 9-13. He was being raised by a single mom. She hoped the martial arts would help him get some discipline, direction, and focus. It was a challenge getting him to do what would help him. It was a challenge to get him to make better choices. It was a challenge to earn his trust. He was a boy then and a man of 32 now. I asked him what he had been up to. He extended both arms which were covered in tattoos. It seemed as if he thought I should know by me looking at his arms. I asked him what it all meant. He said, "I've been in and out of prison." I asked him how long that had been going on. He said, "Fourteen years. I just got out again about a month ago." He told me how he had found his way into petty crime and then stuff a bit more serious. He told me how he had been doing this for so long, he just saw himself that way now. Gangster life. I asked him if he wanted a different future to which he responded, "Yes." He kept bringing the conversation back around to what got him where he was at. I kept bringing the conversation back to where he might want to go. After about 20 minutes, I had to get back inside to teach and let him know as much. I also told him he was always welcome and that I would help him if he liked. He said he would like that. I invited him to come back so we could continue our conversation the next day. The next time I saw him was two weeks later when his face popped up during the local news. Police were searching for him. He had stabbed somebody. Ricky saw himself a certain way. God didn't see him that way. I didn't see him that way. I saw his potential when he was still a kid. If he ever saw his potential the way I did, you couldn't tell it by his choices. Not everybody you try to help is capable in the moment of receiving it. Sadly Ricky is back in prison. I'm certain that if what he saw in the mirror wasn't broken but strong and of value, he would have made different choices. This same phenomenon happened in my own life. I was home on leave from the Air Force. I had been in the military for over two years at this point. On this visit home I stopped by the house of one of my Aunt's. She catered for a living at the time and there was always food on the stove, in the refrigerator, or freezer. And it was delicious! We chatted and visited and as per normal Italian life, food showed up almost immediately. Pizza, rigatoni, sauce, bread, Italian sausage with peppers and onions. After we ate, my aunt stepped over to the two, six burners each industrial stoves. She started to prepare more food for the weekend wedding reception she was working on. My cousin and I were hanging out at the table and talking. At one point she says, "Mark, you are so different." My response, "What do you mean?" Well... You... You're... um, what's the word... nice!" After a brief pause, I simply said, "Well, maybe this is who I really am." My cousin wasn't really saying I was "nice" as much as she was pointing out that I was different than when I left home. Our environment, the experiences we have in our youth, plays a heavy role in who we think we are growing up. And who we think we are is reflected in our behaviors. Getting in an environment where somebody hasn't already defined you, allows for your healthy growth. When your soul is nourished, you will grow in a healthy way. Going to a new environment allowed me to be more of who I wanted to be. It was safe. I wasn't going to come under fire for who I wanted to be. I could just be me. Maybe you too grew up in an environment that didn't allow you to be who you were meant to be. I get it. But life doesn't have to stay that way. We can choose a new path. The one we were always meant to get to. And then start being more of us and less of them.

STTS 140: How We See Ourselves

Recently, I had the honor of giving my One Last Talk. If you haven’t heard of OLT, the idea is to share with the world what you would most want people to know if you only had 15 minutes to do it and then you were gone from earth forever. It is the idea and program of Philip McKernan. If you’ve been listening to this podcast for awhile you may have heard of him here or at a conference, you may have attended or on a different podcast. I’ve interviewed Philip 3 times now. If you would like to hear them the first one is Episode 33 and the second is Ep 99. I don’t recall, at the moment, the Ep number for the third. I had the good fortune of giving my OLT in Boulder, Colorado. Philip was hosting the event. There were several other people in the audience I knew. I had gotten to know these other people a couple years earlier at another Philip McKernan event called BraveSoul. That event in Ireland. It was a retreat of sorts and we were there for 8 days together on the west coast in a little village named Ballyvaughn. You could throw a stone into the ocean from some of the cottages. One of these wonderful people I got to hang out with is a lovely woman by the name of Heidi who is from Great Britain. She happened to be one of my two cottage mates, both of whom I feel so blessed to have been there with. After I gave my OLT, Heidi came to me and said she was confused. I asked her why. She said her confusion came from what seemed like two different people regarding what I shared about my life and how I saw myself at my OLT in Boulder in 2019 compared to the person I came across as in Ireland in 2017. I still didn’t really get what she meant. I mean, I live with me, and my thoughts 24 hours a day. And while I knew I was different in many ways over the timeframe of two years they didn’t quite so significant. For the most part, I felt like the same person. What Heidi shared with me surprised me a bit. She said to me, “In Ireland, you came across as this grounded, wise, loving, beautiful kind of soul. After hearing your OLT today, I couldn’t believe how recently it was that you had these, other, darker thoughts about yourself.” Even as I’m saying this, it makes me want to pause. I’m thinking about how different I was 2 ½ years earlier. I was bottoming out emotionally. And when I say bottom, I mean the very bottom. I don’t want to tell the whole story here. I’m hoping that my One Last Talk is released as a podcast episode by Philip at some point and if it is, I will share it with you. You can hear first-hand what Heidi heard. As far as my conversation with Heidi, when she pointed these things out, I could see what she was saying. To hear the OLT and see me in Ireland it did seem like two different people. In truth, I guess I was. There was a lot of growth and change, and shifting between January 4th of 2017, and when I met Heidi in Ireland in June of 2017 and again all the way to when I gave my OLT in Boulder that Heidi was also there for. As I reflect on it, I guess we are never a completely different person and we are never completely the same person given enough time and space and experiences. I had no desire to present myself as two different people. My goal over the last 4 years has been to be as honest and transparent as I can be with myself first but certainly also with the world as well. But it is hard to be completely transparent about everything in our lives. In light of that, Heidi’s question still made me step back and ask myself, “Was I wearing some sort of mask during that week in Ireland?” “Was I trying to put on airs about myself and present to the world some guy who didn’t have a problem and Worse some guy who had all the answers because Lord knows I don’t. In giving my OLT I had to go deeper than I ever had before. I decided to share some things I had never shared before. And in so doing, some people who knew before the talk would have learned something or somethings they had never known before about me. And that is the whole idea behind One Last Talk. To share your deepest pain so others can learn they are not alone in this world. OLT was absolutely one of the best experiences of my life. I didn’t have any intention of sounding like I’m doing a commercial for OLT although I could. I didn’t plan on doing a promo for Philip McKernan although I could and would. And actually, as I’m sharing this with you it occurs to me that I should unpack a little more of what happened for me when I gave my OLT. But that is a story for another day. It’s hard to tell the complete truth. We are so terrified of being judged for what we think. We are so scared of sharing who we really are, what we have really felt and what we truly believe that opening up to the world can seem like a fate worse than death. Having been on this journey for the truth for the last few years, at least the truth of who I really am, Of who I completely am, Of who I really want to be in this world, unashamed, unapologetically, unabashedly, I really wish I could reveal all of who I am at once. The problem with that is it’s similar to when we look out on the horizon. We can only see so far. We don’t know what is beyond the horizon until we get there. And then we can see the new horizon in the distance. Only then do we get to see what is between us and the new horizon. That’s how life really is. We only know in part. We only know the part of us who we are willing to explore and challenge and question. Once we figure that out part out, we get to explore and challenge and question and wrestle with the next part. And on we go. Year after year until we run out of years. I don’t want to run out of years before I run out of understanding who I am. I don’t want to run out of years before I understand the world better. I don’t want to run out of years until I learn how to love this life and everything in it. What do you want to do? Are you willing to go to that horizon in the distance? Are we willing to go that far so we can not only see more of the world but also so the world can see more of us? More of the gifts that we have to share? More of the vision we have for ourselves and others and the world? We may not be able to see far enough that we know exactly what is ahead for us. Maybe we only have to see the horizon, head in that direction and along the way, find out a little more of who we are and the gift that we are to each other and to this world.

STTS 139: Showing Two Lives

First off, I want to Thank You! For listening today. It means a lot to me, that you brought your time, your energy and your attention here today. Thank you. Sometimes as I look around this world we live in, it can seem pretty confusing. There are often things going on that don’t make sense to us as an individual member of the human race. People do hurtful things to others. People do harmful things to themselves. People do illegal, unethical and immoral things to themselves and others. If we try to look at the world from a “logical” perspective it is impossible to do effectively. In part because what is logical to me, isn’t necessarily logical to you. The values I hold may not be the same values that you hold. What I feel is moral or ethical, you may not feel the same way about. That being said, one thing I’m 100% certain of is, I’ve never seen any good come of focusing on the negatives in our lives. With one exception… focusing on a negative is only valuable if we use to create something positive. There are plenty of things wrong in this world that many of us would agree on. Violence, abuse, abandonment, poverty, bigotry, sexism, sex trafficking, homelessness. I mean there is a good portion of the world who doesn’t even have clean drinking water. What kind of world do you want to live in? A world that is a little less poor. A little more kind. Has put a dent in the sex trafficking trade. One with clean drinking water. A world with enough food, shelter, clothing. A world with less waste and pollution. How about a world that is less about consumption and more about compassion or conservation. What about a world where there are more kindness, patience, and consideration for others. I want to share with you a few people who decided they would actually create a world they want to live in. John Walsh – John Walsh’s son Adam, who was only six years old, was kidnapped and killed by a sociopath. John went on to create the TV show America’s Most Wanted as well as The Hunt. Those shows were responsible for putting 1,200 violent felons in prison where they couldn’t hurt kids and adults anymore. Larry Hagner – Larry grew up without a father that showed him how to be a good dad. Larry desperately wanted to live in a world where dads celebrated and worked hard at being good dads so he created the Good Dad Project Podcast and has helped change for better fatherhood for families around the world. Candy Lightner – Candy had her heartbroken when her 13-year-old daughter Cari was killed by a drunk driver. She wanted to live more happily in a world where parents didn’t have their children taken from them by someone who got behind the wheel of a car and drove drunk. So she founded MADD – Mothers Against Drunk Drivers which can be found in all 50 states as well as each province in Canada fighting to keep drunk drivers off the roads. Andrew Lewin – Andrew sees a need for a better conservation in our Oceans. Less Pollution, better management of this beautiful resource. He created a podcast, Speak Up for Blue to help create a world he is happy to live in. One that values our natural ocean resources now and for generations to come. John Williams – John grew up in an environment of poverty, violence, and abuse. He saw how those three dynamics challenged his own life and he wanted to create a world where teenagers were taught how to make better choices with health outcomes. That world is being created by his non-profit, Life that counts. Ryan Michler – Ryan thought he knew how to be a man. He came to the conclusion that in fact did not know how to be a man when his wife took their 10-month-old son and left him. Ryan did some soul searching and realized his ideas of being a man weren’t working so he started to work on himself. Eventually, he founded the Order of Man movement which is shaping men into a strong and positive version of a husband, father, and man. My son Josh and I are creating a world we want to live in. A world where there is more interaction, understanding, and connection between what would be termed normally developed people and those people who were born with or acquired intellectual deficits. I want to see a world where people are more kind to and connected with the intellectual disabilities community. I believe if we were interacting in more ways in more environments between normally developing people and those with these extra challenges, we all will. I live with someone who has that extra life challenge and you know what, my life is better because I do. It has most definitely made me a better person in so many ways. I believe when these two communities to spend more time with each other in school, at play, and at work, the world is a better place. And that is a world that I want to live in. So, I have a question for you… What kind of world do you want to live in? What kind of world could you create that makes this world a better place to live? You don’t have to solve the poverty problem for the entire earth. But what if you solved it for a community? What if you solved it for just one family? What if you solved it for just one person? What if… What if… What if… It’s possible. It’s actually possible to create a world you would want to live in. I want to thank you again for listening. I would love to share a message of encouragement and possibility and how to overcome any adversity with your group or church or organization. If you go to markgoblowsky.com you can click on the contact us tab and send me a message. I will be sure to get back to you within a day or two.

STTS 138: Creating a World You Would Want to Live In

I am a big Allman Brothers fan. I have been since I was a teenager. After Duane Allman died in a motorcycle accident, I became a fan of Gregg Allman as a solo artist. There's a song Gregg wrote titled These Days. It's really about regret. And, more specifically, the regret of a relationship that came to an end. The first time I heard the song, the last line got my attention. Let me share it with you. Please don't confront me with my failure. I'm aware of it. For me, it isn't just about the regret of a relationship ending but the regret we all feel when we have made a poor choice or when things haven't gone our way. When talking about the statement, I've frequently made a small adjustment. Please don't confront me with my failures. I'm aware of them. One thing that would get to me when I was growing up was to have my shortcomings or failures brought up to me repeatedly. Not the run of the mill kind of failure like 2+2=5. But the kinds that were a big deal. Like not being liked for who I was being seen as inherently bad because of a stupid choice I made as a child But there are other places where we can be reminded of how we don't maybe measure up with the crowd or what is defined as normal. There have been many times when I have been in a doctor or therapist's office with my son Josh. If you aren't aware of his situation, When Josh was three years old, he was riding in the back seat of his mother's Chevy Cavalier, when a semi-truck hit them which sent the car spinning out of control. That semi kept ongoing and hasn't ever been found. When the car Josh was in stopped spinning, it was hit by another semi-truck which totaled the Cavalier. While that truck stopped, it had nothing to do with causing the accident. That driver was a victim of the first truck, just like Josh. The collision left Josh with a massive brain injury. Ever since that day, he has lived between the world of people with disabilities and those without having recovered partially but never wholly. So back to the doctor and therapist visit. In the past, I had to answer the professional's questions because Josh couldn't. As he gained more and more awareness, he could tell we were talking about him. The more he understood about himself, the more difficult being at these appointments became for Josh. Eventually, he began to cry after being in an appointment and having to listen to all the things that he needed to work on in therapies in order to keep healing. He couldn't understand that it wasn't his fault. He just heard that there was something wrong with him. He's being reminded not of any failure on his part, but of his differences. And for him, those differences are both perceived and real. The differences are noticeable because he can compare himself to others now. He was, and still is, reminded of a day that changed his life completely every time we go to a doctor or therapy appointment. He is much better at handling it now that he is 17 and he can see his life in a more positive light, but it still gets to him. Something that many of us are good at is reminding others of their failures and their differences. We often believe we are doing it out of care or concern or even love. And possibly that is true. Sometimes though, it comes from another place. A not so kind place. A place where we may actually enjoy reminding them of their failure, or misstep or how they are different. I remind them of their failure for the benefit of reminding them of their failure. If you ever find yourself or someone else being overly critical in reminding someone of their shortcomings, there is a way to turn that upside down and make it work for both you and them. Being a teacher, I have to make corrections to students' actions. The more I point out the mistake the more likely that person is to repeat it. Even if I tell them what to do to correct it, if I come from the negative, the thing I don't want to be repeated, more that person's mind is drawn to that mistake and the more that mistake is re-inforced. What I have found that works best is to focus on the thing I want to see more of as opposed to the thing I don't want to see. For instance, if a student is misbehaving, I can highlight and praise different students' correct or positive behavior. We all want attention. In a perfect world, we would only do good things and seek positive attention. But if we don't get what we want, we often change tactics. It's amazing to watch a child who is not getting the positive attention from a teacher, sit straight up, keep their hands to themselves and focus when you point out how well their classmate is doing those very things. It works with adults as well. I can't count how many times I've complimented an adult student and actually had the other students in class adjust their own effort to match the person being complimented. We all want to be noticed... the key is to teach ourselves to focus on what we want, not what we don't want. It is easier for an adult or a child to see what is wanted as opposed to what is not wanted. Of course, people need to be reminded of things. Including to look both ways when crossing the street. Don't play with fire. Be nice to others. What we don't need is someone who is all too ready to confront us with our failures. We are already aware of them. Thanks Gregg!

STTS 137: What Gregg Allman Taught Me

There was a time in my 30’s and 40’s when I wanted to change my name. Not my first name. I was good with that. I considered changing my family name. Growing up I had a number of experiences that landed for me in a negative way. I was molested at the age of 6 and again at the age of 9. I experienced physical as well as mental and emotional abuse. My father was fond of telling me, “You aren’t worth the powder to blow you to hell.” I heard that “I wasn’t worth the powder to blow me to hell,” so many times that I actually started to believe it to be true. It was a lie, but in my young mind, I couldn’t make sense of it. Why would my father say such a thing if it wasn’t true? I came to the conclusion that I was broken beyond repair. I’m not saying it made good sense for me to end up believing that lie. Those words along with the other forms of abuse seemed to validate each other. Through that process, I came to believe there was something inherently wrong with me. That I was fundamentally broken. And seeing myself that way hung around with me like a dark shadow all the way into my fifties. Maxwell Maltz –was a cosmetic and reconstructive facial plastic surgeon. Over the years that, he was active as a surgeon, he helped many people with reconstructive surgery needed for various abnormalities and injuries to a person’s appearance. Over time he realized that even when his skills brought about a stunning improvement to a person’s appearance if that person didn’t see themselves from the inside as beautiful, the outward changes didn’t matter. Even if they could see a difference on the outside, it didn’t matter to their self-esteem or confidence. The inner negative belief they held about themselves would win out. This same dynamic impacted me in such a powerful way. I wasn’t going to have plastic surgery though. I thought if I changed my family name, I could somehow, miraculously become a new person who would also have value. The problem was I could change my name 1,000 times but that couldn’t change how I saw myself. Even though it wouldn’t work, there was a part of me that believed it would. I never did change my name. Maybe deep down inside me, I knew that wasn’t the real problem. I have been able to change how I saw myself but it took me some time to do it. I tried everything imaginable. Self-help and personal development books, seminars, and programs. I tried praying and affirmations and visualizations. All of it helped but none of it completely fixed it. I had to go deeper. I actually had to go back and wrestle with the truth of what the root problem was. That I had come to believe a lie. It didn’t matter that it was a lie. I believed it to be true and I behaved in accordance with it. After doing the inner work of unpacking the lies, I was able to see myself more clearly. When I could see myself more clearly, I was able to behave differently. I was able to see the world more clearly. Things took on a new brightness. I found more joy even though my circumstances hadn’t changed. When we change how we see things, the things we see begin to change as well. I hope that was helpful to you. Would you please share this with somebody you know. The only way it helps is if it is heard by others. Will you also subscribe to the podcast, download the episodes and give a rating and review. I would really appreciate that. If you want the episode delivered straight to your inbox every week, go to markgoblowsky.com and sign up to our list. We won’t spam ever. We will send you each episode though, and stories to stimulate your thinking and help you grow and experience more pa. See you next time.

STTS 136: When You Run From Who You Are

Mark reflects on the life that has revealed itself for him over the past few decades and realizes how grateful he is to have the life he has.

STTS 135: Why Does God?

I discuss the new direction and structure for the podcast that I have implemented today. I have been thinking about it for a long time and I am excited for you to continue to follow me on the j9urney of Finding Strength Through The Struggle. http://www.markgoblowsky.com  

STTS 134: A New Direction

The Strength Through the Struggle Podcast shares stories of real people and the real challenges they have had to go through. The stories are honest. Neither the guest each week, or the host, Mark Goblowsky shy’s away from the truth... sometimes life is hard, really hard but we have what it takes to overcome all obstacles. We are all going through something. We each have what it takes to overcome. We are not alone. Success leaves clues and each guest shares how they overcame their own struggle and the strength they gained as a result. From a blind man who climbed Mount Everest to a Super Bowl champ who, just a few years later had to sell his Super Bowl ring to pay his rent. From people going through divorce and financial collapse who rebuilt their life to people who have lost a child to death and how they built a charity to help others. Each person found the strength and wisdom to not just overcome but to be stronger as a result of having to go through their struggle. We aren’t always prepared for the challenges that show up in our lives but as a community, we can overcome and be stronger for it. It’s Mark's mission to find those who’ve come through pain and heartache and are stronger for having done so – and share their inspirational stories with you. Because it’s not only our own experiences that bring lessons and strength.

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Strength Through The Struggle

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