(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") There are rogue patrons and there are Rogue Patrons and Mr. B-Natural, Grumpiest Old Man in All the World, was usually somewhere in between.  Not an evil human being by any stretch, but a tremendously cranky man, except when in the presence of his beloved pooch, Bubba.  Our main beef with him is that Mr. B-Natural was a guy who definitely took pleasure in annoying the bejeezus out of the library staff by blatantly breaking as many rules as he could get away with just to piss us off.  To hear him tell it, a library needs patrons who break the rules, otherwise we would have no reason to have rules at all.  (Which, I think, was exactly the motivation of Professor Zoom, the arch-nemesis of The Flash.)  So he continually signed his name upside down on our computer sign in sheet and tried to sneak his coffee back to the computers for his daily crossword.  These are but a few of his stories.

Tales from the "LiberryCAST"

BEST OF WEEK DAY 7: EPISODE 40 (140): Mr. B-Natural

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") When I was first planning this podcast, there were two entries from the original Tales from the "Liberry" blog that I knew I had to adapt. The first you can hear as the first episode. The next is this episode. For all the entries I wrote in my "Actual Conversations Heard in Actual Libraries" series, only a few were labeled as paraphrased and none were outright fiction.... well, except for one. I got pissed off at a certain set of real circumstances one day and started writing unreal dialogue. So I now present Non-Actual Conversations Not Heard in Actual Libraries #74--a completely fictional conversation between a number of real rogue patrons, inspired by actual events if not actual words.

BEST OF WEEK DAY 7: EPISODE 034 (234): Non-Actual Conversations Not Heard in Actual Libraries #74

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") We're all neophytes at something in life, but the number of people who remain computer neophytes in 2012 is still pretty astounding to me.  Even more astounding are the people who are neophytes to libraries themselves--entire "famblies" of people who would only set foot in one if sent there by THEY.  This podcast tells a few such stories that befell me during my time working for a "liberry." (Featuring a guest appearance by Parka.)

BEST OF WEEK DAY 7: EPISODE 035 (235): Cranky Liquid Paper Guy (and other tales of Library Neophytes)

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") One of the patrons who I assumed would remain my arch-enemy for the life of the blog was Grumpiest Old Man in All the World, Mr. B-Natural.  This turned out not to be the case, as by the time I ended the blog in 2008, Mr. B-Natural had stopped actively trying to piss us off and we had developed something of a grudging mutual respect.  However, he still had his moments where the old grumpy soul would flare through, especially when his beloved Wall Street Journal cross word puzzles were endangered.  This podcast also tells the mysterious tale of Mr. B-Natural's briefly adopted toupee.

BEST OF WEEK DAY 7: EPISODE 045 (245): Cross Words

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") Public service brings with it one constant: The Public. And not everyone among the public is an avid fan of bathing nor is capable of comprehending that noxious fumes are produced by their butts, nor the readily available ways to combat said fumes. This was a reoccurring problem at my "liberry" that drove me nigh unto insanity. Today's episode presents one of the simple and elegant remedies to our library's ass fume problems that I actually proposed to my bosses. As an added bonus, following today's reading is an interview with friend and former fellow library compatriot from another state, Glen B (no relation to Mrs. B), who will enlighten us as to the exact stench classification of some of the patrons in his library. He'll also enlighten us as to what one does when one's home is swallowed by a lake and how that smells afterward. This is one for the Hobo Power record books, gang.

BEST OF WEEK DAY 6: EPISODE 16 (116): Stanky Patrons and other Dusty Turds

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") While not the stinkiest patron we ever had to deal with, the man who became known as Crusty the Patron was still counted among the worst of the stinky patron lot due to his tenacity in inflicting his stench on us for hours at a time. Crusty suffered from a number of other hygienic ailments that made working at my "liberry" downright unappetizing. And while I was not allowed to kick him out directly, I was able to find at least a temporary solution to the basic problems he caused for us without a direct confrontation.  (Don't eat any pastries while listening to this episode.) This ep also features appearances and references to Parka and the worlds second stinkiest patron, Mr. Stanky.

BEST OF WEEK DAY 6: EPISODE 36 (136): The Ballad of Crusty the Patron

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") I've often maintained that if a person is going to go around pointing fingers at the foibles of others (or recording podcasts adapting blog entries about the foibles of others), it's only fair for that person to occasionally point a few at some of their own.  I did this pretty frequently during the course of writing Tales from the "Liberry" and even devoted an entire week to it. Adapted here are a few entries from that week, as well as dumbass things I did beyond it.  Guest stars include Mr. Stanky, Mr. Perfect, my moms-in-law, and, unfortunately, my junk.

BEST OF WEEK DAY 6: EPISODE 51 (151): Dumbass Things I've Done Lately Week

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") Way back in Episode 16 of this podcast, I started to tell the story of our penultimate stinky patron, Mr. Stanky.  So, 67 episodes later, I finally get around to picking up where I left off.   Mr. Stanky was a guy who was so eye-wateringly stinky that he defeated all comers from our air-freshener arsenal.  Astoundingly stinky... except when he wasn't.

BEST OF WEEK DAY 6: EPISODE 031 (231): Monsieur Stanky

BEST OF WEEK DAY 5: EPISODE 035 (235): Cranky Liquid Paper Guy (and other tales of Library Neophytes)

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") Back for the new year are tales of everyone's favorite puffy, white, Michelin Man parka-clad, innanet crowd patron, Parka. Detailed here are tales of his repeatedly thwarted efforts to drink his coffee while chatting with his e-skanks on our computers, what it might sound like were he to have been given a microphone with which to chat with them, his deep roots into the synchronicity fields surrounding our building, and his banning from the use of our computers at the hands of... himself.

BEST OF WEEK DAY 5: EPISODE 43 (143): ParkaST 2

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") Everybody has a secret these days. If nothing else, they have at least one computer password. We went through several at the "liberry" for our patron computers, mostly because our patrons kept hacking them. And, sure, we didn't always make this as difficult as we should, but people having the patron computer password wasn't exactly the end of the world. It was just irritating. And who among our patrons tended to be the ones who tried to hack us most frequently? Why the Rogue Patrons, of course. (Featuring appearances by Parka, The Evil Fed Ex Guy and the Devil Twins Auxiliary League of Neighborhood Kids)

BEST OF WEEK DAY 5: EPISODE 39 (139): And the Password Is...

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") For most of my "liberry" career, I was a part time employee. Once in a while, though, when EVERYONE else was out of town, I was called upon to take on not only a full 8 hour day, but sometimes a full 10 hour day, almost entirely by myself. This is when my experiments with real time blogging began to take shape. It's not all funny material, but it was often surprising. Guest stars include: Mr. Smiley, Parka, Kanji the Kid, Brent & Brice the New Devil Twins, Chester the (Potential) Moletster, and more.

BEST OF WEEK DAY 5: EPISODE 24 (124): Who's Got the 10 and a Half?

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") Just when we thought we had it bad enough with frequent visits from Chester the (Potential) Molester, another seeming sicko fell into our midst. And, unlike Chester, this one actually had computer skills. He also had a habit of exclusively wearing a puffy white Michelin man winter parka in the warmth of April, so his nickname officially became Parka. While I didn't know it at the time, he would become the MOST chronicled member of the "Liberry" Rogues Gallery by proving himself to be the MOST irritating patron we had to deal with, in a multitude of ways. Your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to play the Five Tacos and a Taco podcast game Dick, Douche, or Dumbass and see if you can tell which category Parka falls into best. Or worst, as the case may be. As an added bonus, the final story of the podcast features a magnificently satisfying tale of both a massively unprecedented event for our library as well as one of the aforementioned Chester getting his comeuppance at the hands of another library.

BEST OF WEEK DAY 5: EPISODE 18 (118): Parka Life

Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and this is the end of the weekly edition of Tales from the "LiberryCAST."  (You'll have to listen to it to find out why I put weekly in italics.)   Contained herein are some of the final entries I wrote as a "Liberry" employee, and one that I wrote afterward.  There are a number of appearances from prominent members of the Rogues Gallery as well as cameos by a few long lost "liberry" friends to boot.  

EPISODE 052 (252): Final Days (Final Episode)

(Welcome to Best Of Week. As Tales from the "LiberryCAST" rockets toward its final episode, this is my chance to have a look back at some of my favorite episodes from this podcast adaptation of favorite blog entries from Tales from the "Liberry.") I loves me some Christmas Party.  Yessir.  Nearly my favorite kind of party due to high concentrations of fantastic food and drink and presents.  Our "liberry" Christmas parties were especially fun, as we usually did them potluck style and stuffed ourselves beyond full with the amazing dishes created by the wonderful cooks I worked with (and am married to).  But there are many varieties of Christmas party beyond the "liberry", not to mention just nutty seasonal crap to deal with.  This week's podcast explores the topic all around. (Features unfortunate guest appearances by both Chester the (potential) Molester and my colon.)  

BEST OF WEEK DAY 4: EPISODE 41 (141): Christmas Party Pack

A podcast chronicle of one man's quest to remain sane while working in a small town "liberry" with patrons who had apparently missed the Twin Peaks casting call. Adapted from the blog Tales from the "Liberry" (liberry.blogspot.com)

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Tales from the "LiberryCAST"

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