This week's Twohundredpercent Podcast walks the fine line between moral outrage and slapstick comedy like never before. However, for once it is neither Ian nor Edward's fault, they are merely playing with the hands that footballing fate has dealt them. There are some serious ponderings on Newcastle United's new Faustian takeover agreement, as well as Manchester United's wanton disregard for both their sporting legacy and their carbon footprint. Your heroes also delve into Paul Merson's affecting BBC documentary about the secret shame of football's gambling problem, complete with some valuable personal insight from Ian, formerly the manager of a bookmaker's shop in London Colney. Luckily, there is some light relief from all of this furrowing of the brow, thanks to legendary Northern Irish team Glentoran's goalkeeper punching his own centre half. Ah football. We knew there was a reason we keep coming back. If you'd like to get in touch with us you can find us on Twitter @twoht or @200percentpod, or you can email us: twohundredpercentpodcast at gmail dot com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

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Podcast 313: Against Modern Everything

This week's Twohundredpercent Podcast is a Listeners' Questions special, with the entire agenda set by a bumper crop of queries sent in by you. Naturally, these ended up with Edward and Ian learning more about themselves and each other than ever before, but in between the discoveries there is also plenty of football chat.Ian holds forth on the efficacy of the Pozzo brothers' approach to running Watford FC, as well as the prospect of a populist fan-led uprising changing British football forever and for the better.Edward, meanwhile, is very keen that no-one notices how good a job Graham Potter is doing at Brighton & Hove Albion, having seen this movie before and knowing what inevitably happens next.There's also significant consideration of onions, high winds and post-apocalyptic survivalism, all of which time and again brought us back to a similar conclusion about our current favourite Premier League football manager.If you'd like to submit a question for us to percolate on for the next edition, you can find us on Twitter @twoht or @200percentpod, or email us: twohundredpercentpodcast at gmail dot com.There’s a bunch of different ways in which you can subscribe to the 200% podcast. You can do so through Spotify, which you can find right here, and you can download today’s episode to listen to at your leisure by right-clicking and saving here, whilst the podcast RSS feed is here and you can subscribe through Google Podcasts here and Itunes here. We’re now also available through Acast, right here. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Podcast 312: Big Mick Energy

On this week's Twohundredpercent Podcast, Edward and Ian - two weary, middle-aged old duffers - met during a torrential rainstorm that at times sounded like being inside a car wash in order to harvest their ripest takes about a sport that has long since stopped caring what they think. On the slate was the embarrassing Tottenham performance in last weekend's North London Derby which has cast serious doubt over both Nuno Espirito Santo's future at the club and also the number of follicles on the top of his head. Your heroes also cast a critical and heartily unapologetic eye on the latest thing to infest professional soccer, players issuing public apologies for mistakes they have made. On the field of play, at least. All this, plus! Three new Jamie Vardy facts that leave at least one of our panel distinctly underwhelmed, a disagreement about who Rastamouse supports and some fond reminiscences of terrible, awful football matches that we went to in the bad old days. If you would like to see the highlights of this week's Match of the Week - which was neither terrible nor awful - you can find them here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wVectMaEDY. If you'd like to ask a question for a future episode, you can get in touch via Twitter (@twoht or @200percentpod) or you can email us, twohundredpercentpodcast at gmail dot com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Podcast 311: That's Rubbish, Spurs

It's a(nother) bumper seaside special edition of the Twohundredpercent Podcast this week, as Edward and Ian return from the international break more fed up with everything than ever. Casual fans of Manchester United and people who vote Conservative should probably give this one a miss, as two weary old Trots do their best to pick through what's going on at Oldham Athletic, try to establish the numerically sustainable level of British football clubs and bitterly critique the BBC's new Premier League documentary series. But there's also hope for the future: Edward comes up with an embargo-busting solution that works for everyone and somehow doesn't suck, we celebrate animals getting onto the field of play and come out as strong proponents of football players being high on recreational drugs at all times. Ian even finds time to commission an epoch-making television series, perhaps not that much of a surprise when you eventually find out that this episode is easily half an hour too long, for which we can only apologise (but don't). If you'd like to get in touch, perhaps to ask a future listeners question or to be extremely rude you can find us on Twitter @200percentpod or @twoht. If you'd like to see this week's Match of the Week you can find it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F8K33fXtas See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Podcast 310: Penbargo

On this week’s all-thriller Twohundredpercent Podcast, Edward and Ian are thankfully joined by special guest Sam Whyte, who is artfully able to take both of your regular heroes – who had both been on the pop – by the hand through their weekly discussion of all things football. And what a week it’s been. Edward, Ian and Sam look on with grim faces at Manchester United’s signing of Cristiano Ronaldo, which is both inexpicable and wrong whichever angle one chooses to look at it.Arsenal’s recent travails are also revisited, with Sam revealing they’ve now made it onto her Critically Endangered list of the eight clubs who cannot possibly avoid relegation this season and Ian still lost in admiration of Nuno Espirito Santo’s beard. We also remember Wigan Athletic’s very own Keith the duck – whose death this week caused shockwaves across the region – as well as Speckles the chicken, a much less-heralded but equally dead bird from north-west England who met with an igniminious fate.Match of the Week sees more fond reminiscence, as your panel of experts pine for the golden era of the FA Cup: inflatables, haddocks and pitches like ploughed fields aplenty, as Terry Phelan scores a worldy to break Grimsby hearts.You can find Sam Whyte on Twitter @SamWhyte, while we are as ever @twoht and @200percentpod. If you’d like to watch our Match of the Week, you can find it here.There’s a bunch of different ways in which you can subscribe to the 200% podcast. You can do so through Spotify, which you can find right here, while the podcast RSS feed is here and you can subscribe through Google Podcasts here and Itunes here. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Podcast 309 - A Loaf of Bread, Signed by Paul Gascoigne

This week's Twohundredpercent Podcast sees your heroes turn their gimlet eye onto two stories from the Football League. The first is a horror story, that of Nottingham Forest and their dismal start to the season under Chris Hughton. We explore key issues such as: who is responsible for editing his Wikipedia page? Are monkeys in suits any match for modern football data analysts? And are all these questions moot, when the prophecised Chosen One is consolidating his power right now in Sherwood Forest, waiting to scatter his magic beans and lead Forest back to domestic and European glory? The second story is far more redemptive, as Edward and Ian celebrate Rochdale AFC's seeming deliverance from yet another murky takeover attempt in the EFL. There's also news of Sean Dyche, a monstrous road junction in Chesterfield and some more potential solutions to the thorny issue of male pattern baldness; as well as action from the 1989 Full Members Cup, if anyone cared. If you'd like to get in touch with us, to suggest a future Match of the Week or pose a listener question, you can find us on Twitter @twoht or @200percentpod, or email twohundredpercentpodcast at gmail dot com. If you'd like to bask in this episode's Match of the Week, you can find it here. There’s a bunch of different ways in which you can subscribe to the 200% podcast. You can do so through Spotify, which you can find right here, whilst the podcast RSS feed is here and you can subscribe through Google Podcasts here and Itunes here. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Podcast 308: Young MILFs Donkey Sanctuary

This week's Twohundredpercent Podcast is (probably) the only place that you'll get to both hear Sean Dyche talking backwards and admiration for Ron Atkinson's leather jacket. And that's just for starters, because Edward and Ian had all sorts of shit to unpack, what with it having just been the opening weekend of the Premier League season. Amongst their discoveries is that Pep Guardiola is (still) bald, Japhet Tanganga is now one of our own (if you support Spurs) and it's never not going to be too soon to make any jokes about Matt Busby.Ian imagines an alternative universe in which Manchester United are only as good as Sheffield Wednesday, Edward reveals which bird Paul Pogba looks like this week and Arsenal's collective buttocks receive a traditional garnish. Meanwhile, as VAR enters its rebellious and nihilistic teenage years, your heroes also answer more listeners' questions, helpfully establishing Harry Kane's exact cash value and helping to doom a number of previously distinguished top flight clubs to the most igniminious relegation of all. If you'd like to ask a question of your own (or suggest a future Match of the Week) you can find us on Twitter: @twoht and @200percentpod, or you can email us at twohundredpercentpodcast@gmail.com.If you'd like to watch this episode's Match of the Week, you can find it here. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Podcast 307: And Still He Has No Hair

Association Football returns as the mainstay of the Twohundredpercent podcast from this week and it is like Edward and Ian have never been away. Except for the fact that FC Barcelona have run out of money and been forced to let Lionel Messi run away and join the circus. There's also news from Derby County (a club in crisis to a lesser extent, but try telling that to Wayne Rooney), FA Cup Quarter Final action (from 1982), listener questions and praise for the awesome natural power of rhizomes. It's the podcast that finally dares to lay bare the intricacies of The Banks-Shilton-Wallington Contiuum, a rolling set of transfer moves that kept East Midlands football clubs in goalkeepers for more than 20 years. If you'd like to join us in watching our Match of the Week, you can find it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVst4ZayCm4 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Podcast 306: Don't Call It a Reunion

On the final free-to-air This Is Our Everest until who knows when, sponsored by Bacon and Mustard, Edward and Ian have been watching a very special edition of Sportsnight from May 1969, when the assembled dignitaries were trying to find a new BBC football commentator. In addition to a potted history of the evolution of the Beeb's football commentary pool, David Coleman giving a cameraman what for, Ed "Stewpot" Stewart and yet another appearance by Anglia TV's Gerry Harrison; your heroes finally call out Gary Sprake on a 52-year old bit of shithousery, Larry Canning gets the arsehole and Idwal Robling quits his job at the toffee factory.  We also reveal the best way to never miss an edition of Trans World Sport as Ian admits he doesn't know how to work his phone and we try and ascertain for sure whether or not Ian was molested during his time in the Boy Scouts, with only a website and three dozen greyhounds for assistance. There's news of a new campaign we thought of that is actually quite good and there's news about the future direction of the Twohundredpercent podcast which will no doubt have you heading here to subscribe in your droves.  There’s a bunch of different ways in which you can subscribe to the 200% podcast. You can do so through Spotify, which you can find right here, whilst the podcast RSS feed is here and you can subscribe through Google Podcasts here and Itunes here.  If you'd like to watch Sportsnight With Coleman, you can find it here. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is our Everest, Part Fifty-One: Sportsnight with Coleman

Get off your arse, because This Is Our Everest returns once again with your heroes watching So It Goes, the Granada TV music magazine show from August 1976. It's a notable programme too, as this was the national television debut of The Sex Pistols, a group of Dickensian herberts who were about to create a very big (albeit brief) stink.But what of the rest of the show? Edward and Ian encounter a geography teacher who should be at home with his family burping out some prog rock, Peter Sutcliffe playing upright bass, Peter Cook phoning it in and Charles Shaar Murray being torn a new hole. It's very possibly the birth of Yoof TV, so now you know who to thank for *that*.Edward successfully establishes that there was at least one person in the UK not in attendance at The Sex Pistols' epochal gig at Manchester's Lesser Free Trade Hall on 4th June 1976, Ian uncovers a potential conspiracy involving Glen Matlock and a microphone stand and we look into the possibility of a TV show about the Mayor of Aberystwyth that involves full-frontal nudity. Business as usual, then. If you'd like to watch what all the fuss was about both then and now, you can find it here.There’s a bunch of different ways in which you can subscribe to the 200% podcast. You can do so through Spotify, which you can find right here, whilst the podcast RSS feed is here and you can subscribe through Google Podcasts here and Itunes here. And you can subscribe through Patreon. We release extra episodes that go off-piste every week now, weeks and weeks (I’m not sure how many weeks) before they’re released to the public. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is our Everest, Part 50: So It Goes, 1976

On this week's Bonus Everest there's a special treat for all of you long-suffering listeners who miss Ian desperately and are yearning to be free. Because this time, Edward has been joined by Chris Oakley from (among many other things) The Football Attic: Rewind podcast, a fellow avowed enthusiast of all things retro, to help take you through five episodes of the venerable Rank Organisation documentary series Look At Life. As Edward and Chris look on and learn about subjects as varied as dangerous jobs, waste disposal or the rise of the supermarket, there's no shortage of issues for discussion. We meet a 55-year old man called Tornado who rides the Wheel of Death on a professional basis, while Chris recounts similarly precarious circumstances from his own CV involving two ladders, a plank and a recklessly negligent Kiwi signwriter.Britain is rebuilt using her two most abundant natural resources: rocks and household waste, we encounter the hippest and most pallid cats on the coffee bar scene and Tubby Isaac is on hand with lashings of malt vinegar to top the whole thing off to a nicety. How might Sid James have felt about Brexit? Was Jack Brabham a closet Englishman? And what is the best thing to serve as an accompanimet to a tin of bees? We attempt to find out. You can find all the episodes of Look At Life we watched here. You can keep up to date with Chris by looking at his website, www.kitbliss.co.nz. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is our Everest, Part Forty-Nine: Look At Life

On this week's bonus Everest, it's time for you to tune up (or detune) your mind to the exacting and often challenging universe of The Professionals. Patriotism, a sense of duty and an almost psychopathic, whisky-addled, disregard for life or property will get us out of this mess: particularly as the world's fattest, wheeziest and most unhealthy group of middle aged white men are hoping to prevail in an all-out race war.Your heroes reveal the secret number to dial to get the nuclear bomb squad, unpick the "aaaaah..." element of the surprise twist ending and watch a young man tie Tony Booth to a chair with the cord that was holding his trousers up. All in all, it's been a revelatory experience all round and one it turns out we almost never had at all, thanks to the vagaries of Ian's vast and ever-growing archive of old television programmes. Lucky, lucky us. This episode was originally released as part of our Patreon subscriber This Is Your Everest series. If you'd like to hear more stuff like this, why not consider joining us?There’s a bunch of different ways in which you can subscribe to the 200% podcast. You can do so through Spotify, which you can find right here, while the podcast RSS feed is here and you can subscribe through Google Podcasts here and Itunes here. We’re now also available through Acast, right here.And you can subscribe through Patreon. We release extra episodes that go off-piste every week now, weeks and weeks (I’m not sure how many weeks) before they’re released to the public. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is our Everest, Part Forty-Eight: The Professionals, 1978

This week's Everest sees Edward and Ian revisit a time when television was never explicit but nevertheless still fucking terrifying: the world of British Public Information films of the 1970s and 1980s. Their relentless efficacy is demonstrated early as Ian recalls exactly how the word SPLINK might save your life, before Les Gray, Kevin Keegan and Alvin Stardust step in with further handy hints.The general utility of a 30-foot long metal pole as a children's toy is considered, the dirty and disease-ridden European continent is thoroughly repudiated and your heroes are warned how to avoid gas explosions and IRA car bomb attacks. Then, in a scintillating finale, we decide once and for all whether not it is a good idea to give the time of day to strangers (spoiler alert: it isn't). Why is all this stuff suddenly our fault? And why don't they make a public information film about the real danger facing us all on a daily basis? Let's find out.There’s a bunch of different ways in which you can subscribe to the 200% podcast. You can do so through Spotify, which you can find right here, whilst the podcast RSS feed is here and you can subscribe through Google Podcasts here and Itunes here. We’d also like to remind you that you can subscribe through Patreon. We release extra episodes that go off-piste every week now, weeks and weeks (I’m not sure how many weeks) before they’re released to the public. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is our Everest, Part Forty-Seven: Public Information Films

On this week's This Is Our Everest, Edward and Ian visit some game show action from 1974 with The Golden Shot, ITV's terrifying crossbow-related teatime juggernaut. With Bob Monkhouse no longer on hosting duties, your heroes discover all they need to know about people casting a long shadow. Meanwhile, studio guest Frankie Holmes gives a terrified audience member guaranteed PTSD, something Ian no doubt makes worse by immediately trying to find her on Facebook. Ken Dodd does five minutes of material about Income Tax reform, demonstrating that he had at least a keen sense of irony if not a commensurate sense of humour. Marxism is dismissed completely out of hand, Ian reveals what he got up to of a Sunday afternoon in 1974 and Edward reveals a deep-seated dislike of The Brotherhood of Man. We ask: why does he hate Britain and democracy so much? If you'd like to see The Golden Shot, you can watch it here.There’s a bunch of different ways in which you can subscribe to the 200% podcast. You can do so through Spotify, which you can find right here, while you can download today’s episode to listen to at your leisure by right-clicking and saving here, whilst the podcast RSS feed is here and you can subscribe through Google Podcasts here and Itunes here. We’d also like to remind you that you can subscribe through Patreon. We release extra episodes that go off-piste every week now, weeks and weeks (I’m not sure how many weeks) before they’re released to the public. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is our Everest, Part Forty-Six: The Golden Shot, 1974

This week's This Is Our Everest sees your heroes reach an important (to them) milestone: their 69th episode overall, including the 24 Christmas Everests. To celebrate, if that is the correct word, Edward and Ian watched the bawdy 1974 sex comedy Confessions of a Window Cleaner. We quickly gain an insight into the jaded state of the former's addled mind now, while the latter not only undergoes all seven stages of grief but even finds time to invent an eighth.It's hard to know where to start with this curdled film's shortcomings: Is it the unrealistic dialogue and situations? The lazy and anachronistic sexual politics? Maybe it's the ease with which the parents of newborn babies are able to find adequate childcare to attend their sexually incontinent brother's shotgun wedding. Whichever way to look at it (including from beneath) it's an unruly mess down there. If you'd like to be both unamused and unaroused, you can watch the film here.There’s a bunch of different ways in which you can subscribe to the 200% podcast. You can do so through Spotify, which you can find right here, whilst the podcast RSS feed is here and you can subscribe through Google Podcasts here and Itunes here. We’d also like to remind you that you can subscribe through Patreon. We release extra episodes that go off-piste every week now, weeks and weeks (I’m not sure how many weeks) before they’re released to the public. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This is our Everest, Part Forty-Five: Confessions of a Window Cleaner, 1974

Two weary middle-aged men discuss issues relating to football both old and new. The podcasting equivalent of shouting at clouds.

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