Explaining where I've been the past few weeks. 

Wannabe Balanced | Mormon Enlightenment | Post LDS

Ep #124: Ghosted...Why I Disappeared

Our motto this year is really been about letting go and letting it flow. So this week on the podcast I wanted to elaborate more on that topic since I feel that has been such a big part of our experience lately. 2020 has really turned out to be a gift in many ways. Mostly because it has presented us with the opportunity to practice our “letting go” muscle.    It’s been one of those huge letting go lessons that has yet again turned out to be the catalyst for receiving MORE. It’s one of the benefits of allowing things to flow instead of gripping so tightly to results, expectations, and outcomes. Many of us have a strong hold on what the outcome SHOULD be in any given situation. And if it doesn’t go the way we hope then it leaves us feeling discouraged and sorely disappointed.    We are taught at a young age, that if you believe then you can achieve. But there’s the fine print that I never even considered before. There have been many times in my life when I BELIEVED. But things didn’t happen the way I wanted which always left me wondering, WHY?    Did I not believe enough? Do I not deserve it? Am I not worthy of it?   What I didn’t realize is that I was believing in the wrong thing. Instead of believing it would happen the way my limited perspective wanted it to happen, I needed to believe that my deepest desires are at play. Desires that I may not even be aware of yet. It’s a part of me that is still unknown, the unrealized aspect of me that is manifesting the magic.    It’s the part that has the power to manifest what is truly wanted, at a deep soul level. So it’s more like getting into a space of believing that what ever the outcome, what ever happens, it’s all happening for me and for my greatest benefit. Beneath all the superficial, impatient, human minded desires. It’s much deeper, and much more gratifying. So trusting in that can be extremely empowering. 

Ep #123: Letting Go & Letting it Flow

Today Sean and I wanted to share an update as far as where we are, mentally and emotionally as it pertains to our journey out of Mormonism.   This past year has been quite the whirlwind. I turned 40 and for some reason, along with that came a whole host of internal issues that came up for me. I was struggling with finding a purpose and positive outlook in life. I was confused and overwhelmed by my own lack of beliefs, and unanswered questions. There were so many things swirling around inside of me and I couldn’t make sense of any of it.  Felt like absolute chaos.    At the same time I was becoming more tolerant of the Mormon beliefs. I didn’t feel as much anger and resentment around it all. Sean and I both stopped focusing on it and decided that we were done being “post Mormons”. We wanted to just be US. So me made a conscious decision to put our energy elsewhere. In that sense things felt great but on the other hand I was plagued by lack of understanding how the world works, what is my PURPOSE!   I was so worried of being deceived or brain washed by information that I became far too skeptical of Everything. I began to miss having the beliefs that strangely brought peace and comfort to my days. Now looking back I find it silly to believe in many of the things that used to have such a hold on me, but I really began to miss feeling the “spirit” if you will. And don’t get me wrong, I’m very much aware that what we called the “spirit” was just elevated emotion from being inspired by something we see or read. That can happen in any moment of life, and it does’t mean that the Mormon church is true. Just means that you liked something that was said and the thought made you feel warm and cozy inside. So I feel like there was a time that I had completely closed myself off from feeling that way. My world became so black and white and I didn’t even realize that I had unintentionally blocked out all the beautiful colors in life. It’s as if I was trying to go back to my little tiny box like home, and out of fear began nailing all the  doors and windows shut in order to protect myself, believing that the sun itself was a threat to me.    And it’s only been recently that I’ve allowed myself to believe in certain things again. A few things that I’ve selected are God, prayer, Jesus, and spirit guides. But I don’t believe in God, prayer, and Jesus as Mormons do and the way most religions do. I would like to even use different terminology for these things because I don’t want to associate it with any kind of religious belief. But God for me is just source energy. The part of us that is one with everyone and everything. There is the human part of us, but then there is also the “being”. And that to me is God, and each of us come from that same source. It’s like God is the ocean and we are all part of it, each of us is a drop in the ocean. We think we are separate but that’s impossible. If we are a drop in the ocean then we ARE the ocean. Then prayer is just a way to send out positive vibes of gratitude to the universe and also a way to ask the universe for answers and guidance in our lives. I want to believe that the universe responds to the requests we put out there. As I’ve allowed myself to pray again, of course it’s nothing like the Mormon prayers. I don’t get on my knees, I don’t address God or Jesus, and I simply think or say all the things I’m grateful for, then I ask for answers to questions in my heart. That has been a really cool thing for me to practice. I’ve noticed some awesome things and it really feels good to accept some of these things back into my life but in a much different way.    And as far as Jesus goes. I still think of him as an important figure in history who taught us a lot of good things through his parables, wisdom, and example. I think a lot of what religions teach about Jesus is completely misunderstood, misused, and misinterpreted.  

Ep #122: Update on life after Mormonism

I'm BACK at it my friends. I had a crazy busy summer and in this episode I'm just catching you up on what I've been up to the past few months.

Ep #121: I'm BACK!

The more people I get to know on a deeper level, the more I'm realizing that every one of us has some level of childhood trauma. Not to shame and blame the caregivers because heaven knows I'm no saint when it comes to parenting. We are all doing the best we can with what we know therefore we must offer that same understanding and compassion for the people who devoted so much of their time and energy in raising us. Healing the inner child is not about bringing up old wounds for the intent of revenge but rather to rewrite the narrative. Today on the podcast Lenny Evans gives us some useful tools to start the work of healing from past trauma. Lenny Evans is an author, motivational speaker, belief coach, yoga teacher, and much much more.

Ep #120: Healing Childhood Trauma

 ER Shred Ambassador Jesse James Jamnik interviews me about my weight loss and personal growth journey thus far.   "As Co-Founder of the ER Shred Protocol, along with her husband Sean, Crystal has a true passion for helping transform people's overall well-being. Especially seeing as though she herself struggled for years before finally cracking the code. Join us as Crystal and I break down the past and touch on subjects that you very well might be struggling with yourself. Sugar & Carb Cravings Baby weight Self Esteem Adult Acne Dieting and the restrictions on life And so much more!" 

Ep #119: My Weight Loss & Personal Growth Journey

First of all, how can we possibly know how people SHOULD love us? Letting go of all my shoulds has been the hardest thing for me to do. I want to believe that people should do things the way I think they should. But as Byron Katie always says, when you “turn it around rather than waiting for someone else to do it is the end of the road not traveled”. I love the turn around technique she teaches, it helps me really put things into perspective and switch my focus off the person I’m judging and allows for my own introspection. I can then ask myself how I might be doing the very same thing I think others should NOT being doing. For example, when I want someone to stop being so critical of me. I usually discover that I too am being critical by criticizing that others should not criticize me. Or when I yell at the kids for yelling at each other. I often get angry at them for fighting with each other but in turn I end up arguing with them about arguing with each other. "Shoulds" are just our own biases and opinions.  “As you inquire into issues and turn judgements around, you come to see that every perceived problem appearing “out there” is really nothing more than a misperception within your own thinking.”

Ep #118: When people don't love you like they "SHOULD"

We all dream of the days when life ceases to be challenging. When we learn all the lessons there are to learn, we make our millions, solve our problems, achieve all our goals, and ride off into the sunset with our happily ever after. Unfortunately, or should I say FORTUNATELY, life never stops presenting us with a healthy dose of difficulty. Itt all comes down to our attitude and whether or not we’re able to embrace life’s challenges and see them as the perfect opportunity for growth and self discovery. 

Ep #117: When Life Gets Hard

Stripping myself down of all the things that feed my ego has been extremely challenging. In this episode I go into more detail about some of the things I found myself addicted to, not realizing the driving force behind it all. 

Ep #116: My Ego

Thinking outside the box, new and different ways of doing things. Stepping into the unknown, reinventing, and redefining life. That's what 2021 is all about. 

Ep #115: Reinventing Your Life w/ Natascha Weedon

Grief is an emotion I'm learning to sit with these days. Grieving the loss of certain beliefs I've clung to my whole life, and grieving the loss of a pet.  Sometimes when we feel an intense emotion like grief it almost feels like you're wearing a shocking device. It hurts so bad you become desperate to relieve the pain. But I've found that, relaxing, allowing, and breathing can be the best antidote to painful situations.

Ep #114: Grieving & Growing

Human behavior is something I'm completely fascinated by these days. Learning how the mind works and why we cling so tightly to specific beliefs. I understand there is a level of comfort that comes from firm beliefs, but in my opinion it hinders our growth. Anytime we believe we KNOW things with certainty, it blocks us from ever expanding beyond what we currently understand.  Often times we just become robots, programmed as a child in order to fit the societal mold. 

Ep #113: Our Mormon Dilemma

Today I'm talking about my midlife crisis that started 3 years ago, but became overwhelmingly intense the last 3 months.  Going into all the things that have contributed to my "falling apart" right before my 40th birthday.  

Ep #112: My Midlife Crisis

Emotional Eating Coach, Andrea at ThingsAndreaSays.com is going to walk us through some of the reasons why we might be feeling stuck when it comes with finding the discipline and willpower to stick with our protocol.

Ep #111: Emotional Eating w/ Andrea @thingsandreasays

Sharing my business journey story and all the different endeavors I pursued beginning at age 15.

Ep #110: Aligning Your Passion w/ Your Profession

This podcast started out as a self help podcast for moms trying to find balance in motherhood and business but morphed into a documentation of Crystal and Sean Escobar's journey out of the Mormon church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). The Podcast has been therapeutic on so many levels for its hosts. They vulnerably share their pitfalls and triumphs as they work to deconstruct a lifetime of indoctrination from the LDS church which they exited in the Spring of 2018. Sexual shame, marriage, parenting, science, spirituality, personal development, healing, sex abuse, are some of the topics they focus on. Together, the Escobars founded the Mormon Enlightenment community on Facebook which they started in August of 2018. One year later there was 3500 members. Participating in the community has proven to be the silver lining to an otherwise traumatic experience. Mormon Enlightement is also comprised of an Instagram page, and YouTube channel. They feel passionate about doing their part among many amazing pioneers like John Dehlin, who featured them on Mormon Stories Podcast. Their goal around all of this is to normalize leaving the church, and to make it safe and acceptable for their children to be non-Mormon in a predominantly Mormon world. Crystal and Sean Escobar are down to earth people who grew up in the heart of Mormonism in the Salt Lake Valley. They were married in 2004 and have 4 children. In 2007, they became the youngest millionaires in Isagenix, an international health and wellness company. Having achieved unparalleled success in their industry, they were able to retire at the age of 35. Since 2011 they have divided their time between living half the year in Salt Lake and the other half in Saint George. Crystal’s family is pioneer stock. She served a mission to Germany in 2002. What is curious is that as of 2019, the majority of her side of the family, which is quite large, is out of the Church. Crystal is the founder of the Wannabe Balanced brand, which has presence on all social media platforms, as well as an ongoing podcast, a Blog and periodic Live Events. She is also a published author of the book “My Life as a WannaBeBalanced Mom” and has been featured on many local news media stations. Sean’s parents were both first generation converts. Sean’s family, much smaller in comparison, are all still very active and believing. In February of 2018 Sean published a recording between him and the man who had sexually abused him as a child in 1993. That same year the abuse took place, Sean’s perpetrator was offered employment at BYU and stayed on as a Professor of Film for 6 years immediately thereafter. That man enjoyed a prestigious professional career as an LDS Film maker and was also the Director of the most recent Temple Endowment Videos. Those videos were hastily abandoned by the Church one month prior to the story breaking. The 25 year old abuser story went viral and was featured on the cover of the New York Times. Another victim, a child, came forward and the perpetrator was sentenced to 6 years to life in prison in the summer of 2019. Sean has become a powerful advocate for stoping child sexual abuse by giving victims the courage to come forward.

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Wannabe Balanced | Mormon Enlightenment | Post LDS

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