I gauge Cage. You gauge Cage. She gauge Cage. 'Cause We Gauge Cage, hey!This is it. We're officially done. Finished. Game over, man. Game over. There are no more movies to watch. No more Cage to critique. No more gauging to be gathered. Pack up your notebooks and pencils, ladies and gentlemen. We're through. You know, they really did it. They said they were going to do it, and they did it! To celebrate, the boys leave you with their longest episode yet. No plots, just plops. No notes, just nopes. No...synopsis? Just...synth pop, sis? (I lost the thread.) Anyway, it's pure, unadulterated banter. Some say this is what the podcast should have been from the start. We say, "Hey, screw you. Go start your own podcast if you think it's so easy!"Anywho, the boys deliver their personal rankings of Nicolas Cage's entire filmography. That'll show IMDb who's boss! They play some final games. Take some final shots. Put some final disgusting foodstuffs in their mouths. Make some final wet mouth sounds. They hand out a few awards. First to Nic, then to the podcast itself. Because nothing is sexier than self-indulgence. They deliver their final thoughts and reflections on the past year and half of their lives, devoted to this not-good-yet-highly-prolific-broke-ass film actor. And with all that said, we thank you, our audience. Our loyal listeners. Our biggest fans. We could not, and truthfully WOULD NOT, have done this without you. Thank you, wherever you are. For the final time...Let's. Get. Into. It.You can still find us on our Social Media:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd fuck it. What do you have to lose? What do WE have to lose?!? If you have any ounce of compassion in your hearts, you will rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system. For every review that gets left unposted, Brian will think really hard about NOT petting his puppies. So please. Do it for the puppies, you monsters. I love you all. This has been a true pleasure. Kind of. Probably. I think. 

We Gauge Cage

Episode 80 - Finale

Although we've come, to the end of the road. Still I can't let go. It's unnatural. You belong to me. I belong to you. Although we're done! No more watch-ing this chode! Still he's not good, no. It's just factual. He's just too crazy. But what can you do?You guys, we're doi-WE DID IT! We told you we were gonna do it, and we stuck to our guns, and we dug deep, and we (insert cliche inspirational bullshit here), and we crossed the finish line, with flair! The boys that you know and love sat down, cozied up, and settled in for their final movie watch of the podcast: Nic Cage's best-rated movie, 2010's "Kick-Ass." From worst. To best. According to your IMDB ratings. We watched them. We gauged him. We each threatened to quit a few times. We became better friends, better lovers, better film critics. We became dads. We ate a few things. Drank a few more. Rawdawgged as much as we could rawdawg. All on the mic, of course. And we had a few laughs along the way. We get one last peek inside the boys' Father's Day weekends, we get a cooking lesson from a couple of professional-Guy Fieri's-in-training, and we share a harrowing tale of a boys' poker night gone wild. For those of you that have been with us since the beginning, 80 episodes deep...Thank you. We literally would not have done this without you. ***We will have one more episode after this. A grand finale. A recap. A "Best of." So stay tuned!***And without further adieu, Let's. Get. Into. It. Finally find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined, you fucking cowards (you won't!):Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already. Tell me how much you hate me. I can take it. I dare you. 

Episode 79 - Kick-Ass (2010)

Every rose has its thorns. Just like every night has its dawn. Just like every orchid...has a...has a guy who's like really obsessed with orchids, apparently. Every rose has its thoooooorrrrrrnnnnnsssss!!!How's it going, flower f*ckers? Oh, I'm sorry. No flower f*cking for you today? Well too darn bad! Because this is the flower f*cking episode!That's right! Everyone's favorite boys watched themselves the 2002 Nic Cage, Meryl Streep, and Chris Cooper-led dramatic, orchid-centric masterpiece "Adaptation." It was a doozy of a movie. Before that, the boys wax poetic about the weekend last. They reminisce about their time spent together. They start the apology tour: for the intro song, for getting so drunk, and for the morning after. Let it be known: We are sorry. We're almost at the end, ladies and gentlemen. Every Nic Cage film worth watching - and all the films that aren't worth watching. From Left Behind to Kick-Ass. We're really doing it. We're going to miss you. We love you. Good luck...with your balls. Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already.

Episode 78 - Adaptation (2002)

When there's someone strange, in your neighborhood? Who you gonna call? WeGaugeCage!...I ain't afraid of Nic Cage!*You guys...singing Taking Back Sunday is hard. Okay? Okay?!? It took us five takes. We're just two guys!So...if you can make it through the first three minutes of this one, then you'll find out that...it happened again. Your boys (and mine) met up together in person in Arizona, fresh off of watching Nic Cage's drunken 1995 romp "Leaving Las Vegas," and they decided to record a podcast about it. H-h-holy buckets, folks. To be honest, who even knows what the rest of this episode entails? We're PRETTY sure we talked about the movie. But it started with a little harmless bottle of tequila, a few dad jokes, and it ended with Brian passing out early and Brock making drunk dials to Amanda Flannery-Hoppa and throwing up multiple times the next day. You do the math!I would say, "Enjoy!" but...truthfully, it's in your hands now. Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already.*That's a lie.

Episode 77 - Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

War! Huh! Yeah? What is it good for? Apparently driving backdoor illegal arms deals so that Nic can play a character named Yuri. Or absolutely nothing. Or at least that's what the 2005 film Lord of War starring Nicolas Cage and Jared Leto would have us believe. It's a voice-over film about gun-runnin'. Hoo-wee! Not much more to discuss. A perfect episode to discuss our beautiful, accomplished, prodigious daughters. To celebrate Charley's latest accomplishments. A perfect opportunity for Brock to talk about the other films he's seen recently, like Booksmart (recommend it!) and Aladdin (recommend it! Big Willy Style all in it!). And Brock keeps fartin' with the Nic Cage pillow!Let's rip into it. Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already.

Episode 76 - Lord of War (2005)

I-i-i watched part of The Rock last ni-i-ight. And part of it the next day!They can't all be winners, ladies and gentlemen. But the real winners this week were our boys, because they got to complete the Nic Cage Action Triptych by watching The Rock. In the name of the Con-Air, the Face/Off, the Rock...Awww-yeah! Amiright?!? I think I'm right! You got Sean Connery. You got Ed Harris. You got the titular Rock. (Not THAT Rock. The Alcatraz Rock.) You wanted action? We got some action. And then also Nic Cage is a scientist. Again. Because that's something that...somebody thought would work?Anywho, before all that, the men talk about what it takes to be a grill master vs. a grill poser. They say hi to the fam. They wish a very, very special someone a happy birthday! They talk doughnuts. That's right! Nuts of dough! Deal with it! And they play tour guide through the lovely little town of Crandon, Wisconsin, USA. All of that in one episode?!? You betcha!Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already.

Episode 75 - The Rock (1996)

'Cause he's all in my head. I think about Nic over and over again. And I can't keep stop picturing you with him. And I can't take it. I can't shake it, no. I remember the day you recorded. I remember the last film you watched right in front of me. And that last film, this last week, was 1987's Coen Brothers classic comedy of errors "Raising Arizona." Holly Hunter, Nic Cage, a baby...Sounds like a recipe for some hijinks, if you ask me!Before all that, da boiz talk about day weekends. Brian gets real real personal. And Brock develops a problematic plan to fight back against robo-callers. Cheers, y'all!Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already.

Episode 74 - Raising Arizona (1987)

Don't do those face waterfalls. Just stick to the same hugs and the kisses you're used to. I know that you're going to swap your faces and voices and all, but I think you're moving too fast...That's right, ladies and gentlemen! If the phrase "face waterfall" didn't give it away (or, you know, the title of the episode), the two lovable lads got to watch Nic Cage's 1997 smash hit "Face/Off." One Nic Cage (well at one point, there's actually technically two Nic Cages...look, it's only confusing if YOU make it confusing)! One John Travolta! One mind-bending, face-popping surgery! At least a dozen slow-motion mid-air shooting dives! Like, 20 doves! This movie has it all!Before all that, we talk about the drunken mess that the last episode turned out to be, we get a Gripe Sesh featuring everyone's favorite coworker, and we get a visit from the official third cohost of the podcast. Bon apetit, my little peaches. Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already. 

Episode 73 - Face/Off (1997)

Blame it on the juice. Got you feelin' loose. Blame it on the 'tron. Got you in the zone. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. Blame it all on Nic Cage. He's the reason we're over 70 episodes deep, watching a surprisingly competent con man film from 2003 called "Matchstick Men." Nic takes a couple of behavioral disorders for a spin, accompanied by Sam Rockwell and an actress whom shall lovingly be referred to as "not-Egg." (Where my Arrested Development fans at?)Anywho, this one gets...wild. I mean. A little wild. Call it senioritis. Call it "phoning it in." (Though, in reality, it's more like "Skyping it in.") Call it getting drunk. Either way, the boys re-rank their latest ten films, they open their chests, rip out their still-beating hearts, and toss them on a platter for you all to enjoy, and they tell the infamous "Hershey" story. Woof. Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already.

Episode 72 - Matchstick Men (2003)

You down with Matt Modine? Yeah, you know me. You down with Nic Cagey? Every last homie. You down with ol' Birdy? Yeah, you know me. Who down with this movie? All the homies!I'll be straight with ya, folks. This one got weird. And I don't mean like, "man attempting intercourse on a small bird" weird. But it got weird nonetheless. In perhaps the most incoherent and tangential attempt at a podcast to date, the boys scrounged together enough attention for Nic's 1984 VIETNAM WAR FILM "Birdy" that is totally about the Vietnam War and totally a war movie and not about anything else at all. For sure. Like, totally. Before, around, throughout, and after all that, the boys play a few games, have a few drafts, Brock stuffs his face (naturally), they talk fatherhood and take care of their daddy duties (and doodies), and one of the boys ends up baring far more than just his soul (but also that too. Probably.) Good luck!Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already.

Episode 71 - Birdy (1984)

Papa don't preach. We're in trouble deep. Papa don't preach. We've been losing sleep. But we've made up our minds. We're watching Nic's movie. Ooh-ooh we're going to watch this movie, ooOOooh....The boys are back! Did you miss them?!? Did you even know they were gone? Did you realize that it has been weeks since they've sat down and recorded last? Fresh off the heels of the worst possible movie that Nic has ever made, this week Brian and Brock got a palette cleanser in the 2013 animated movie "The Croods." A start-studded voice cast, beautiful visuals, and a tight plot? Just what the doctor ordered!Before all that, these Easter-stuffed sugar daddies have a little announcement to make....the moment you've all been waiting for...the culmination of weeks/months of build up...the declaration of the 100-Day Weight Loss Challenge Winner!!! Brock has some other minor news, the boys try to break their Raw Dawg record on the anniversary of the previous challenge, and they try to get a little sentimental.It's a fun one. Enjoy!Find us on Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCageInstagram: @WeGaugeCagePodAnd Rate/Review us on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, or anywhere else you find us. Thank you!

Episode 70 - The Croods (2013)

Shot Wild at Heart! And David Lynch is to blame! He gives films a bad name...But seriously, folks. We've joked in the past about quitting the podcast. We've made false threats about hanging up our Nic Cage-watching boots and cashing in all of our good favors and riding off into the sunset as free men. We should have gotten out while the gettin' was good. Because Brock and Brian - wait, let me start over... - Because Brian FORCED Brock to scour the depths of the Dark Web for this absolutely rotten piece of avant-garbage excuse for an art crime film and watch it for this podcast. Because we love our fans? This one sucked, ladies and gentlemen. This one really sucked. And in case you may be thinking, "Oh, it can't possibly be that bad." - it was worse. Trust us. Anywho, before all that, the boys give a behind-the-scenes peak at how the sausage is made, they hear wedding bells for Nic (mazelt-oh wait it's annulled already!), and we check in on how Old Man Ambrosius is handling this newfangled technology in another exciting edition of Brian's Gripe Corner! Let's get into it! If you dare...Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system (You could always text. You never text anymore! And call your mother while you're at it. She'd love to hear from you.) if you can or haven't already.

Episode 69 - Wild at Heart (1990)

Ah yes, the year 1987. "Walk Like An Egyptian" topped the charts, Ronald Reagan was president, and your two favorite podcast hosts were finally born after months of anticipation! Who would've guessed that over 30 years later they'd spend literally hundreds of hours analyzing every film of one Nicolas Cage, including the 1987 hit "Moonstruck," starring not only Nicolas Cage, but also a surprisingly good performance from Cher. But we're not here to gauge Cher, because, come on...that doesn't even rhyme. We're here to gauge Cage!But before we do, Brian takes a minute to go full Dad mode and complain about his new phone, we get a Baby Kircher update, Brock continues his pursuit of making Brian cry by trying to get him to watch the new Queer Eye TV show, and Brian ruins his beautiful podcasting voice by trying to pull off the perfect imitation of his coworker. Magnifico!Find us on Social Media, if you amore us:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd rate and review us on the Apple Podcast App, Google Play, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasting fix. Ciao!

Episode 68 - Moonstruck (1987)

Uh wicky wild wild. Wicky wild wild. Wicky Red Rock West. Nic West. Desperado. Rough Rida. No you don’t want nada. None of this. Six gun in this. Nic Cage runnin’ this. But I’ll tell you what you DO want! You want to hear about the time Brian and Brock plopped down around the ol’ campfire and watched them some Red Rock West. Nic Cage, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dennis Hopper. A classic who-dunnit mix-em-up crime caper with guns and money and...cars with empty gas tanks, I guess? Before all that, let’s get one thing out of the way. This is the porn episode (not a sponsor). It’s NSFW. It’s NSFA, really. Good luck with this one. #NoShame Find us on Social Media, if you’re so inclined. Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd tell us what you think of you can find the reviews, you cowards. (Also, good on you for reading this far. Nerds...)

Episode 67 - Red Rock West (1993)

"Have you seen National Treasure?" For Nic's sake, Brian and Brock can finally say "Yes!" They have! They have seen National Treasure! Okay?!? So lay the heck off! Please and thank you! Geez! Holy buckets! Benjamin Franklin Gates! Abagail! Doug from the Hangover! Is it the same movie as the sequel? We'll find out! And we'll bring in the History and Mystery expert herself, Amanda Flannery-Hoppa, to help with the debate!Before all that, the boys (and girl) take a few corrective measures, they play a game of Would You Rather, and they break down the mystery behind all that history. Let's get into it!Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePodInstagram: @WeGaugeCageAnd, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts if you can or haven't already. 

Episode 66 - National Treasure (2004)

Two Best F***ing Friends Forever For Life For Real For Sure are very skeptical of whether Nicolas Cage is actually the "good" actor that everyone seems to accept he is. Truth be told, Brian and Brock haven't seen enough Nic Cage movies to be sure. So each week they will watch and review one of his movies, rated from worst to best, in an effort to gauge Cage's performance and ultimately decide whether or not he is worth his status as the World's Favorite Good Bad Actor.

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We Gauge Cage

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