Every month our partners get to hear us debrief purity culture in the news and pop culture that has purity culture resonance. This month we talk about: Lizzo's Ted Talk on the history of twerking criminalization of stealthing in California and the ACT SBC drama over sexual abuse coverups In The Heights, Impeachment, Dear..., and The Baker & The Beauty We get into what these stories mean for us and the world, AND we talk about why these shows are must-watchable. You get a teaser today, and if you like what you hear, it's time to sign up! Partner with us for $3 USD/month to get this full episode plus all the other fabulous episodes with guests, rom com recaps, and a ticket to the Green Room (next week!).

Where Do We Go From Here

BONUS: Devi Reads Jess The News (And Jess Tells Devi What to Watch)

Purity culture told us to wait to have sex because one day (for sure) we would get married and have "really hot sex." Today we invite you to examine another aspect of the premarital sex conversation - celibacy. But let's re-imagine it with Pieter Valk and Dani Treweek, a therapist and a minister who are committed to living without sex as single people.  Full show notes here Watch the episode on YouTube Our partners get to hear exclusive audio from our conversation with Pieter and Dani - join us on the inside to listen.  Pieter Valk is a licensed professional counselor, the director of EQUIP (equipyourcommunity.org), and cofounder of the Nashville Family of Brothers (familyofbrothers.org), an ecumenically Christian brotherhood for men called to vocational singleness. He helps churches love gay people and celibate Christians find family. Follow Pieter @pieterlvalk on all platforms. Rev'd. Dr Danielle Treweek is a Christian pastor, leader and theologian with a ministry focus on biblical singleness, sexuality, worldview formation & other related topics. Dani completed a Doctorate through St Mark's National Theological Centre and Charles Sturt University. Her doctoral thesis is titled, 'The End of Singleness? Towards a Theological Retrieval of Singleness for the Contemporary Church'. She is an ordained Anglican deacon, has served on staff at a number of different churches and is the founding director of the Single Minded ministry. She has an upcoming book on singleness due to be published by IVP in 2022. Connect with Dani here, and find out more about Single Minded here

83 On Premarital Sex: Reimagining Celibacy

Our partners got our deep dive of the OG romcom When Harry Met Sally. This movie covers some of the topics nearest and dearest to the hearts of purity culture lovers, namely this big question: Can men and women be friends without sex getting in the way?  Is there a difference between Harry's beliefs and the Billy Graham Rule? We talk about it here, and today you all get a teaser. If you like it, maybe it's time to partner with us.  Join us for $3 (USD)/month and get all the other fabulous episodes of The Jess & Devi Show with guests, romcom recaps, purity culture in the news, and The Green Room. Partner here

BONUS: When Harry Met Sally

Therapist and author Jay Stringer joins us today to help us address a listener question. "What do you think are the best concrete steps that men can take to retrain themselves to develop healthy relationships with women?" The answers are easier AND harder than you might imagine.  Hear what Jay has to say about recognizing our sexual story and its power over in Patreon for $3(USD)/month. Full show notes here Watch the episode on YouTube Instagram Twitter Jay Stringer is a licensed mental health counselor, ordained minister, and internationally requested speaker on the subject of unwanted sexual behavior. Jay holds an MDiv and master in counseling psychology from the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and received post-graduate training under Dr. Dan Allender while serving as a Senior Fellow at the Allender Center. His award-winning book is Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. Connect with Jay on Instagram and Twitter.

82: Break Free From Unwanted Sexual Behavior

We are going THERE. This is the start of a two-part series about premarital sex. Today Matthias Roberts joins us to help those of you open to considering what breaking some of your former rules might look like.  (Note: In October you'll hear part two, a discussion about celibacy.) Full show notes here Join The Jess & Devi Show community as a partner, and hear this week's episode: Jess and Devi discussing the four paradoxes of sex outlined in Beyond Shame. You'll also get movie recaps, Devi Reads Jess The News (And Jess Tells Devi What To Watch), and uncut episodes with guests. Join today for $3 USD a month. Matthias Roberts is a psychotherapist, author of Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms (Fortress/Broadleaf, 2020), and host of Queerology: A Podcast on Belief and Being. He holds two master’s degrees, one in Theology & Culture and one in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. Matthias writes and speaks nationwide about the intersections between gender, sexuality, mental health, and theology. Connect with Matthias on Instagram and Twitter.  

81: On Premarital Sex: What Are The Rules When There Are No Rules?

Did you hear our new intro? Yes, we are here to untangle sex, self, and community for a new generation of Christians. Leave behind purity culture, and save what matters. Together, let's rebuild life and faith with Jesus at the center, so you can figure out where will you go from here? We untangle together today with Brendan Kwiatkowski as our guide. If the versions of masculinity presented by the church and secular culture were restrictive, what comes next? How do we cast a better vision for masculinity? Brendan's researching this topic for his PhD, and his ideas are worth our consideration. Plus Dr. Celese Holbrook joins us for another Ask Dr. Celeste segment - all your sex ed questions answered!  Full show notes here Join our partners for $3USD/a month to get all the fun episodes in September (a recap of Legally Blonde is there for you to listen to now!) Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter Brendan Kwiatkowski is a PhD candidate at the University of Edinburgh researching the relationship between adolescent males' levels of emotional restriction and their experiences and beliefs around masculinity. He was a highschool teacher from British Columbia Canada and due to covid is currently there with his spouse, three kids, and a dog. While he believes theory is important, he has little interest in research/academia that is so far removed from praxis. Follow Brendan Dr. Celeste Holbrook is a sexologist and speaker who helps her clients evolve into the women they were created to be, in and outside of the bedroom. She speaks on a variety of topics from sex drive and sexual shame to painful intercourse, purity culture and more. Connect with Dr. Celeste on Instagram

80: Masculinity Needs Definitions

When Jessica Van Der Wyngaard created the film I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, she had to face her own relationship with Christian celebrity culture. For the first time on our show, she talks about what it was like to make the film, a film people would largely credit to Josh Harris. And she takes us on a journey to rediscover what is worth fighting for in the Christian story.  Show Notes Here Watch the episode on YouTube Here Don't forget to sign up for The Green Room by becoming a partner today! Jess will be doing an exclusive Q&A this week about her experience making the film, plus you'll get to connect with others who are thinking about purity culture and the way forward.  August 26 (Thursday) at 9pm EST/ August 27 (Friday) 11am Melbourne time. Instagram   Twitter

BONUS: Reflections on Christian Celebrity After 'I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye'

Trigger Warning: This episode contains references to sexual assault and other serious matters. Please proceed with caution. Like many of you, we've been listening along to Christianity Today’s masterful podcast The Rise and Fall Of Mars Hill, and we had all the thoughts after the last one: The Things We Do To Women. Think of this as the debrief you wanted to have with a friend after you listened to that episode. Jess and Devi talk power and control, the pornified imagination Mark Driscoll represented, and of course: Where do we go from here? Watch this episode on YouTube HERE. Full Show Notes Partner with us for $3/month to hear an episode a week starting in August! Romcom debriefs, uncut audio, Devi reads Jess the news, and the Green Room all for $3/month Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter  

BONUS: Mars Hill, Mark Driscoll, and the Pollution of Our Sexual Imaginations

It's our last listener show, and we go out with a bang getting to talk to DeVon this week. He tells us about going from a church background to walking away from God and his return to the church. Purity Culture found him on his return to the church, and he's got all the thoughts on how he dealt with it, and what he's doing now to change the culture to build healthy friendships and partnerships between men and women in evangelicalism.  Partners get to join us in the Green Room this week, so if you want to chat, join our community in Patreon for $3/month. Two zoom discussion links available in Patreon this month: Thursday, July 29 8:30pm (AEDT)/ 6:30am (EST) Thursday July 29  9pm (EST)/ Friday July 30 11am (AEDT) Full show notes here Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter  

79: "Causing Some Good Trouble"

Raise your hand if you heard the phrase "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Turns out there's a psychological reason why this is impossible. Dr. Richard Beck joins us today to talk about the psychology of disgust and the unconscious ways in which we push people away whom we believe will contaminate us. Jess and Devi also debrief the power of metaphors, and the ways a metaphor can harm us (crumpled rose anyone?).  Partners get the full audio of this rich conversation, so if you want more from Dr. Richard Beck, join our community in Patreon for $3/month. Full show notes here Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter Richard Beck is an author, blogger and professor of psychology at Abilene Christian University. His most recent books are Hunting Magic Eels: Recovering an Enchanted Faith in a Skeptical Age and Trains, Jesus and Murder: The Gospel According to Johnny Cash. Richard writes daily about the intersections of faith and psychology on his blog Experimental Theology.

78: We Can't 'Love the Sinner and Hate the Sin'

Jess and Devi are both sick this week, so the show is taking a little break. Don't forget to talk to us on Twitter and Instagram Or if you want to hear something new, this may be the week to partner with us to hear all the wonderful episodes we've got in Patreon. 

Taking a break!

Listener Julie joins us to talk about the fear of making mistakes and how it crippled her for years. You'll find yourself in the broad themes of her story as someone who had to take on Purity Culture, the prosperity gospel, and her own pride. It moved her from passive princess to the strong, single woman she is today.  Partner with us for $3/month to hear this month's romcom recap, "500 Days of Summer." You also get special guest episodes and a ticket to the Green Room. Full show notes here Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter

77: "I'm Afraid of Making Mistakes"

If you've been eyeing a summer bikini and hoping no one from church sees you, this might be your episode. Most of us had a parent or pastor telling us what to wear before we ever heard about premarital sex. The "modesty" conversation embedded itself into Purity Culture dictating the length of shorts, width of straps, and what kind of swimsuit was ok. We go through the problems with how modesty was taught and end with What Do We Wear From Here? We talk about ethical fashion, the context for our clothes, what's developmentally appropriate, and so much more. AND!!! Dr. Celeste Holbrook joins us as our first contributor for a monthly segment answering YOUR questions about sex. Listen up for the inaugural q & a at the end of this episode. Connect with Dr. Celeste on Facebook and Instagram. Full show notes here Partner with us for $3/month and listen to July's new romcom recap: 500 Days of Summer! Plus you get to hear uncut episodes from Dr. Kristin Kobes Du Mez, Dr. Michael Bird, and so many more (and a ticket to The Green Room).  Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter

76: Modesty Was The Gateway Drug To Purity Culture

 We've got a BIG episode for you to finish out June 2021. Listener and book club member Steph joins us to share her where do we go from here? story. From conservative evangelical culture in the mid west of the United States to the discovery that she's queer, Steph's insight about life as a queer Christian and what being part of a church community has meant to her will encourage you.  As a special gift to you from our show, we've unlocked our Partner-only episode with Bridget Eileen Rivera so that all of you can listen to it in Patreon. Get a ticket to the Green Room! We meet on zoom at 9pm EST on Thursday June 24 (11am Melbourne time, June 25). It's the perfect place to meet others on a similar journey, ask questions, discuss and grow.  Jess and Devi also start this episode off with a conversation about last week's hot topic: the song "Modest is Hottest." Is this a 2021 expression of Purity Culture? Should we give it any oxygen? What is real satire? We talk about it, and issue a challenge for you. Compose a song satirizing modest culture - real satire! - record yourself performing it, put it on social media and tag us. We'd love to feature your work on the show if it's quality. Full show notes here Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter

75: "I'm Queer And In The Church"

One of Purity Culture's origin stories is the birth of the militaristic masculine tradition inside white American evangelicalism. It is a story clearly told and meticulously documented by Professor Kristin Kobes Du Mez in her singular book, Jesus and John Wayne. Pioneered by men like James Dobson then continued more recently by John Eldredge and Mark Driscoll, this movement sought to define the nuclear family as the most important unit worthy of the protection of a strong father figure. But what of the generation of men who read Wild at Heart, attended boot camps, and grew up believing they didn't fit the evangelical picture of masculinity? Their experience of reading this book is told throughout the episode as Professor Du Mez explains where the movement came from and how it shaped the fractured evangelicalism we see today.   Full show notes here Partner with us for $3/month to hear Professor Du Mez's talk to us about the untold stories around Billy Graham, James Dobson, and Mark Driscoll.  Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter Kristin Kobes Du Mez is Professor of History and Gender Studies at Calvin University. She holds a PhD from the University of Notre Dame and her research focuses on the intersection of gender, religion, and politics. She has written for the New York Times, Washington Post, NBC News, and Religion News Service, and has been interviewed on NPR, CBS, and the BBC, among other outlets. Her most recent book is Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation. Connect with Kristin on Twitter

74: The Troubled History of Manufactured Masculinity in American Evangelicalism

Where Do We Go From Here is a podcast that seeks to Untangle Sexual Ethics for a New Generation of Christians Hosted by former journalist, Devi Abraham and documentary filmmaker, Jessica Van Der Wyngaard.

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Where Do We Go From Here

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