We all talk on occasion about how unfair or unkind our spouse is to us, but how often do we consider our own slip-ups that way? It’s worth a few minutes of honest introspection (say the length of this podcast) because the reality is...IF your spouse not seeing things your way, or acquiescing to your point of view, or not changing their behavior out of love and concern for you and you’re getting emotional about it, you can bet that the way you are communicating with them is having the opposite effect. Certain approaches, disrespectful approaches, only dampen or damage your spouse’s desire to love you or to be loved BY you. In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, How to Avoid Disrespect When You’re Displeased  (and Why You Want To Try), multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband of 40+ years, Dale, show a demoralized wife how easily and how often she may be slipping into disrespect and how she can use alternative wording and attitudes to more effectively communicate with her husband. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “My husband says I’m too critical but I don’t see it. What is he seeing that I’m not?” Listen and learn how the things we say and how we say them, though they may seem logical and fair to us, may actually qualify as toxic, blame-oriented, or manipulative to some degree, and how it's possible to inspire openness, connection, and genuine change, instead of shame, defensiveness, and anger. Key Topics: What respect vs disrespect breeds in a relationship The markers of disrespectful vs. respectful communication The two most important attitudes to incorporate into all your communication Four common approaches to conversation that never work out well Your actual motivation vs. what you’re telling yourself How to reset your heart so your approach is more genuine and congruent How to specifically reframe your message so that you actually make things better “This is my favorite podcast. So much truth and wisdom shared in every episode! I feel like I’m sitting with them in their living room and we’re old friends! ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener Related episodes: Ep 25: He Doesn’t Really Listen: How To Communicate So He’ll Care (soliciting his engagement in an effective way) Ep 11: Turning Negative Communication to the Positive (pleasant persuasion vs forcefulness in everyday exchanges) Ep 16: Seeing Eye to Eye: What To Do When You Don’t (getting to a solution on a matter you disagree on) Ep 12: His Criticism Hurts: What To Do When Your Husband is Unfair or Unkind (differentiating b/t the different types of criticism and optimal responses to each type) ✅ You’ll want to combine this episode with Ramona’s FREE live Masterclass: “Understanding Your Husbands and Sons”: https://wifesavers.org/masterclass

WifeSavers Podcast

EP 49: How To Avoid Disrespect When You're Displeased (and why you want to try)

With a teen boy in the house, family life can feel like a roller coaster ride. Unaware of the real causes and optimal responses, it’s easy for mom and dad to lose their cool and their perspective. The husband-wife relationship can be negatively affected at that point, which won’t help anyone--especially your teen. In this episode, the second of two on the subject, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, discusses with her husband, Dale, what parents and other adults can do to help adolescent boys successfully navigate the rocky (or rocking) bridge into adulthood without compromising other primary relationships, especially your marriage. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “A few weeks ago my son and husband had it out. I mean they were yelling in each other's faces and pushing each other and I was so scared. It really upset me and my husband told me, at a later time in confidence, that it was the worst day in his life.” Listen and learn how parenting or working with a young man can be much less puzzling or frustrating and far more rewarding when you understand how best to live with and love him through adolescence. Key Topics: How your characterization of your teen and your relationship with him is key Why shaming or shutting him down is a big mistake How to get beyond his mask to the real, core issues The importance and the impact of his relationship with Dad The kind of experiences and challenges you want to help facilitate for him What he needs to be shown by you and how How to balance your relationship with your teen with the other primary relationship in your life “Thank you Ramona and Dale for another packed-with-golden tips podcast! One of the delights of my day for sure!” ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener Related episodes: Tech and Relationships Part 2: Husband and Sons Helping Your Husband Bond With the Kids When He’s Overwhelmed By Family Life ✅ You’ll want to combine this episode with Ramona’s FREE live Masterclass: “Understanding Your Husbands and Sons": https://wifesavers.org/masterclass

Ep 48: Understanding and Helping Teen Boys - Part 2

Are you in the middle of a “boy crisis”? You are, actually, whether you know it or not. The “boy crisis” may be up-close and personal to the parent of a teen or young adult male, but the rest of us are being affected as well. We all have a vested interest in the challenges our boys are experiencing today, and in helping them launch confidently and responsibly into a complex world. In this episode, the first of two on the subject, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, discusses with her husband, Dale, what adolescent boys are up against during a stage of development that is ripe with change and tension and who, exactly, holds the key to their success. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “I am worried about my son and my husband's dynamic at times. My son is very intelligent and is so much an independent person, even at 14, that there seems to be much conflict between the two most important males in my life. This bothers me. What is happening and what can I do?” Listen and learn what is going on inside that head, heart, and body of his, and what you can do to help the males in your life successfully navigate the turbulence kicked up during the teen and young adult years. NOTE: You’ll want to combine listening to this episode with attending Ramona Zabriskie’s LIVE masterclass, Understanding Your Husband and Sons: wifesavers.org/masterclass. Key Topics: Major changes in teen brain structure and circuitry Common behavioral concerns explained by those changes Why young men experience intense feelings and how they process emotion The impact of his behaviors on important relationships How pecking order and belonging influence his world Why our society produces plenty of boys but very few men The one question that haunts every boy, and the one person who can answer it “I rely heavily on everything they share and am grateful for their deep wisdom and experience!” ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener Related episodes: Episode 24: Tech and Relationships Part 2: Husband and Sons Episode 1: Helping Your Husband Bond With the Kids Episode 28: When He’s Overwhelmed By Family Life

Ep 47: Understanding and Helping Teen Boys - Part 1

Working excessively for a brief or limited period of time may occasionally be necessary, but if it’s one spouse’s defacto year after year, divorce, infidelity, or a health crisis is practically inevitable. In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, What To Do When He Works Too Much, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, and her husband of 43+ years, Dale, discuss what to do when one spouse is spending so much time on work, the other feels undesirable, neglected, or resentful. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “Basically, my husband works too hard. We’ve talked about it many times, but whenever he agrees to try and make things better, it doesn’t last more than a week or two and then he’s right back to work. I can’t help feeling sad and a little insecure, honestly. Help!” Key points in the podcast: The balance between accommodating his career and her needs A 16-point self-evaluation: “You may be a workaholic if…” The reasons a person feels compelled to overwork The three dangers in being married to a workaholic The things a neglected spouse should absolutely not do 5 things the neglected spouse should do Communicating concerns effectively to the workaholic 6 actions and 6 boundaries you can both agree to How to know if your solutions will actually work and stick “They are so so fun to listen to! I feel like I’m in their living room just listening to them talk. I love the male perspective from Dale. Thank you for a life-giving podcast! ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcast listener Related episodes: Episode 32: Not Enough Time for Quality Couple Time Episode 26: When He’s Traveling for Business Episode 24: Tech and Relationships: Husband and Kids Episode 2: Getting Your Husband To Prioritize Your Needs Too

Ep 46: What To Do When He Works Too Much

It’s no secret that 2020 has changed almost everything, including the way we’re approaching the holidays. Wives and mothers are feeling apprehensive about what’s ahead this month. Is it even possible to follow through on your traditions and to orchestrate a season of memories for the family this year? On top of all that, what if your husband’s attitude is turning out to be more “Grinch” than “Santa” after all the stress? In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, Creating Happy Holidays in Spite of 2020 (or a Grinchy Husband), multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her team of expert wives offer some concrete strategies to an overwhelmed mom looking for a little support. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: I feel creating family memories falls on me: Christmas prep, fun outings. He doesn't participate or only grumpily. What can I do? Listen and learn how to recruit the engagement you need from him to make this holiday season one that will fill your heart--without overwhelming his. Key Topics: Why you may be meeting some resistance to your best-laid holiday plans Appreciating the differences in how you and your husband approach the holidays Dealing with trauma and crisis near the holidays A simple method to help you sort through and prioritize expectations How to word and time your request for his engagement and support Creating your own personal happy holiday The comparisons (to be wary of) that can mar your holiday joy “With WifeSavers advice, I save my sanity and make time and energy to fill my own happy bucket being creative and learning!” ✭✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener Related episodes: When He’s Overwhelmed By Family Life Dealing with Extended Family Over the Holidays How To Help Your Husband With His Emotions During the Crisis

Ep 45: Creating Happy Holidays in Spite of 2020 (or a Grinchy Husband)

Who hasn’t had a sleepless night or two lately? The world is getting more and more frantic, more and more frenetic, and yet and somehow, in the midst of so much we cannot control, wives and mothers are supposed to take care of business as usual. If you’re feeling rudderless or disconnected these days, hounded by a constant sense of anxiety and distress, you’re not alone. Women everywhere are dealing with record-high levels of stress as they worry over their family’s health, finances, and future. And you know that a nervous undercurrent like that hurts not only your own heart but disrupts (and even damages) the relationships you count on most, including your marriage. In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, How to Keep Calm and Carry On, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, and her husband, Dale, help a wife who is feeling especially anxious and fearful over current events in the world. Listen and learn how to replace stress with a steady calm that restores creativity and productivity in your life. Feel empowered and prepared for whatever comes next! THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “I feel like I’m wasting my life right now. My anxiety over what’s going to happen the rest of this year is overwhelming and I’m spinning my wheels. Going crazy. Help.” Key Topics: How “triangulation” can steady emotions and ready us for action Two powerful means of putting current events into context What we should be preparing for during uncertain times What “rehearsing” means and how it mitigates fear Five immediately actionable tactics for de-escalating anxiety The four powerful benefits of prayer or meditation “A gift to all marriages. So grateful for these people and wisdom!!!” ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener Related episodes: Don’t Let a Crisis Sink Your Marriage Feeling Burnt Out After Too Much Stress How To Help Your Husband With His Emotions During the Crisis

Ep 44: How to Keep Calm and Carry On

Struggling to convince your loved one that your political perspective is the right one? Or is he expecting you to come around to his way of seeing things? Do your discussions turn into debates that leave you feeling frustrated, even alienated from one another? Maybe you’ve decided to stuff your opinion just to avoid the conflict. In a world where countries and communities are being torn apart by the political divide, how do you keep your own relationship tight and intact? Will your marriage withstand the pressure? Is it possible to live and work together from opposite sides of the fence? In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, Talking Politics in Marriage, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, and her husband, Dale, help a wife who is worried that political divisiveness is affecting her marriage. Listen and learn how to keep political issues from turning into marriage issues. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: My husband and I have different political views. How should I handle this? Key Topics: Why you shouldn’t feel alone in this predicament How today’s politics of personal destruction is invading relationships How to relieve the pressure with a “politics-free zone” 6 guidelines that will help replace heated debate with helpful dialogue How  “relationship maintenance” can save a politically-mixed marriage or relationship Practical advice from real political rivals who are happily married “How I love this podcast!! The principles, examples, and how-to information that Ramona and Dale share help me every day as a wife and in all my relationships!” ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener Related episodes: When Faith is an Issue in Your Marriage His Criticism Hurts: What to Do When He’s Unkind or Unfair Seeing Eye to Eye: What to Do When You Don’t

Ep 43: Talking Politics in Marriage

Is your husband uninterested (or less interested than you are) in spiritual matters? Are you wishing he’d step up and lead your family in religious practice? Perhaps he’s even expressing (or exhibiting) antagonism toward God or religion in general. If you are a woman of faith, whatever your religion or personal practice, feeling disconnected from your husband on a spiritual plane is difficult. What do you do with your disappointment and loneliness? How can you reach or motivate him when you’re feeling frustrated and resentful? Throw Me a WifeSaver: “We don't hold up on our spiritual traditions as much as we used to unless I lead the way. I feel like I carry most of the family unity and spiritual engagement. Why can’t he?” In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, When Faith is an Issue, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie and her husband, Dale, answer four different wives who are each despairing of their husband’s level of spiritual enthusiasm and commitment. Listen and learn how to turn spiritual disparity to the positive and feel more peace in your home. Key Topics: Possible reasons for his lack of interest or leadership Why pushing, pulling, hinting, or convicting him don’t work The true test or measurement of his “spiritual leadership” 4 things to consider that will help mitigate your frustration Why his approach to spirituality may be different than yours How his male fears plus your expectations play into his choices Your best chance of winning him over The Four “P’s”: solutions to the dilemma of spiritual disparity “I am loving the overall philosophy Ramona and Dale have on marriage. They are so consistent in their message and everything feels digestible and succinct, something I like in a podcast. I am already seeing improvements in my relationship with my husband! ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener Related episodes: When He’s Overwhelmed by Family Life It’s Not Fair (but who’s keeping score) Seeing Eye to Eye: What To Do When You Don’t

Ep 42: When Faith is an Issue in Your Marriage

Are too many conversations with your husband leaving both of you feeling frustrated? It may be that what you are saying is being heard very differently than you intend. Ramona and her husband, Dale, answer a wife who doesn’t mean to come across as negative and unloving but is afraid that’s exactly how she’s being received. Listen and learn how with a few tweaks in approach and wording a wife can completely alter the outcome of almost any conversation with her husband to the positive. Throw Me a WifeSaver: “Sometimes when I respond negatively to things with my husband, I know right away that I've gone about it all wrong. I definitely don't want to handle things in an unloving way it just seems to come out in a burst of emotions sometimes before I even know how to package it in a more positive way. Any suggestions?” The most listened to WifeSavers Podcast episode ever! Key Topics: Why his perceptions may be formed or based on the words and phrases you are using Identifying seven characteristics of negative language that you may be unaware of What actual messages you may be sending inadvertently Mindset or paradigm shifts that will undergird permanent changes in your communication style Three simple but powerful linguistic approaches that will lessen confusion and leave you both feeling better "Love the practical applications Dale and Ramona describe and actually MODEL so well in their podcasts! I find it especially valuable hearing what a conversation SHOULD sound like -- much different than I hear in my life otherwise. I think of it like learning a foreign language! ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener Related episodes: Wanting to Change the Boss Lady - In You! He Doesn't Really Listen: How to Communicate So He'll Care

Ep 41: The Best of the WifeSavers Podcast: Turning Negative Communication With Your Husband to the Positive

Is “there’s no place like home” getting tested in your home like never before? During current shelter-in orders—and with the days and weeks ahead still a big question mark—how will your family manage the strain on your relationships over the long haul? Bringing everything down to just four simple but powerful practices will make all the difference. In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, When There’s No Place Other THAN Home, You Need More of THIS, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, and her husband of 40+ years, Dale, discuss how you and your family can feel happy with each other day after day, for as long as it takes, inside your own four walls. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “I’m the kind of person that will obey all the rules and not mind not going out. I’ve REALLY enjoyed being home for the past few weeks. But the truth is all the worry over the virus and groceries and toilet paper is starting to wear on me, and the kids are getting cabin fever and my husband is getting edgy. What can I do?” Key points in this podcast: What is required to “flatten” the “negativity curve” What “shedding” is and how it calms and strengthens a family The 4 vital dynamics you all need MORE of during this stressful time How to combat “sameness” Critical approaches to “too much” togetherness The science of touch including the dangers of “skin hunger” Strategies for increasing the primary hormones that alleviate stress What children know and do that will help everyone in the family “... a wonderful blend of insights and wisdom...perfect blend of fun and information. ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcasts listener Related episodes: How to Help Your Husband With Emotions During the Crisis Don’t Let a Crisis Sink Your Marriage

Ep. 40 When There’s No Place Other THAN Home, You Need More of THIS

Couples everywhere are having to deal with financial strains, upended routines, extra parenting responsibilities, new expectations of one another, and worrisome health scares. Whether a husband is sheltering-in, or on the front lines, employed, or suddenly unemployed, there’s a good chance that his wife’s most tangible and immediate source of stress is her concern about how the global crisis is impacting her man directly. In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, How to Help Your Husband With His Emotions During the Crisis, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, and her husband of 40+ years, Dale, delve into brain science and biology to understand how today’s atmosphere of intense anxiety may be affecting men, what a concerned partner can do alleviate her man’s tension, and the ways intelligent, proactive engagement between husband and wife mitigates negative repercussions on the family. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “How do I help my husband right now? He seems full of anxiety with the COVID crisis. I worry about what he is feeling inside as he tries to be strong for others, and I worry that the balance of positive to negative in our interactions is tipping in the wrong direction.” Key points in this podcast: What a wife may be feeling as a result of a husband’s behaviors under stress Why the fallout from the global pandemic is hitting him so hard How to interpret the “male mask” Specific ways in which men deal with emotion differently than women Why his emotional and problem-solving style can be as valid and as valued as hers Seven approaches to gently drawing out her man’s inner thoughts and feelings How to optimally treat his feelings once revealed so as to encourage future sharing Why a woman’s self-care is key to her partner’s mental health and stability Related episodes: Don’t Let a Crisis Sink Your Marriage Dealing With Your Spouse’s Depression Positively When He’s Overwhelmed With Family Life Seeing Eye to Eye: What To Do When You Don’t

Ep 39: How to Help Your Husband With His Emotions During the Crisis

Times of crisis are inevitable. Unexpected circumstances can feel like a sudden attack on your family’s status quo, interrupting plans and draining everyone’s energy. Whether your relationships with each other end up battered and crippled by the storm or deeper and stronger for the voyage  depends in large part on how you organize your response. In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, Don’t Let a Crisis Sink Your Marriage, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, and her husband of 40+ years, Dale, discuss how a couple can avoid breaking on the shoals of a crisis by proactively navigating their family through fear and uncertainty. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “What are some helps for smoothing our relationship in times of crisis? Do you have a trauma kit/advice?!” Key points in the podcast: How a husband may initially react differently to a crisis than his wife The 4 things every member of the family needs or craves during a crisis An 8 step plan of action for the entire family during a crisis The 5 “musts” to keep your marriage on an even keel How to “reframe” intense or negative emotion How a crisis can be the catalyst for strengthening family bonds and individual growth “Ramona and Dale share such a unique, wonderful, refreshing, and definitely relevant blend of insights and wisdom gained from their experiences together. It’s a perfect blend of fun and information.” ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcast listener Related episodes: Episode 37: Dealing With Your Spouse’s Depression Positively Episode 11: Turning Negative Communication With Your Husband to the Positive Episode 10: How Do I Find Balance? A Woman’s Greatest Challenge Episode 7: Feeling Burned Out After Too Much Stress

Ep. 38: Don’t Let a Crisis Sink Your Marriage

When your partner is at their best, they are a positive energy source for you and the whole family: dreaming big, working hard, playing hard. But what happens if they lose that zest for life? What are you supposed to do with their ongoing detachment, despondency, anxiety, anger, or pessimism? Depression is an isolating illness that can negatively impact relationships and leave loved ones feeling helpless and afraid. In this episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, How to Deal With Your Spouse’s Depression Positively, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, and her husband of 42+ years, Dale, discuss how spouses can come together when that “intangible-something” called depression or anxiety interferes with their ability to work, play, and even love. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “My spouse suffers from negativity/depression. I love him, but how do I enjoy time with him & feel connected? How do I even bring up to him that I think he’s depressed? Help!” Key points in the podcast: The difference between depression, grief, and sadness The physical manifestations of depression inside the brain What depression and anxiety feel like to the person experiencing them What it feels like to be their spouse and what is in the spouse’s control The possible answers to “why won’t he talk to me?” The 4-step approach to a conversation on the subject How to explore and execute solutions together Real-wife examples of effective coping strategies “I love, love, LOVE listening to this podcast! This is truly a gift to better understand myself and help him better understand me! If you are looking for a podcast that is uplifting and that will help you better understand--then this podcast is for you! It’s time happily and very well spent! ✮✭✭✭✭” Apple Podcast listener Related episodes: Episode 28: When He’s Overwhelmed by Family Life Episode 11: Turning Negative Communication With Your Husband to the Positive Episode 7: Feeling Burned Out After Too Much Stress Episode 10: How Do I Find Balance? A Woman’s Greatest Challenge

Ep 37: How to Deal With Your Spouse’s Depression Positively

Feeling lonely or resentful or misunderstood when one or the other of you is reading messages into your physical relationship that are not intended? Have you tried to communicate with each other about sex, but your conversations turn out less than productive or helpful? Maybe you feel reticent to initiate or lead a discussion with your spouse because you don’t know how to begin or how to navigate issues involving sex. Or it may be that you’ve got a pretty good sex life, but you’ve always wondered if things could get even better! A powerful physical relationship starts with open, honest communication with your spouse but the subject can be tricky to tackle for a myriad of reasons. In this special episode of the WifeSavers Podcast, Conversations on Physical Intimacy, multi-award-winning marriage author and educator, Ramona Zabriskie, and her husband of 40+ years, Dale, introduce their revolutionary yet natural, conversational approach to improving physical intimacy in marriage. Student reviews and experiences are interwoven throughout. THROW ME A WIFESAVER: “My husband and I can’t seem to get on the same page in our sexual life. I want him to understand me, but he thinks I should be able to “just do it”. Any ideas on how to handle this better?” Key points in the podcast: Why understanding your partner in regards to your sexual relationship can be a challenge How you can navigate sensitive or complex areas of discussion regarding sex Why she can confuse and frustrate him when he’s trying to get close to her and to please her How a man’s sexuality is actually more complex than the cliche’s lead on How to talk together to keep the sexual relationship strong despite a demanding family life The importance of emotional intimacy in physical intimacy and how communication affects both “I love the tone. I love the honesty. I appreciate the lightness in spite of the depth of the topics! ✮✭✭✭✭” Podcast listener Related episodes: Ep 31: Romance and Desire That Last Ep 25: He Doesn't Really Listen: How to Communicate So He'll Care Ep 16: Seeing Eye to Eye: What To Do When You Don't

Ep 36: Conversations on Physical Intimacy

Ramona Zabriskie, multi award-winning author, celebrated marriage mentor and global educator, founder of Wife for Life University and the WifeSavers Education Membership, answers real wife questions alongside her husband of 42 years, Dale Zabriskie. Their entertaining conversations about the challenges and intricacies of the marriage relationship are full of actual experience and powerful, proven advice. Thousands of wives in over 70 countries are learning how to better resolve their worries and more lovingly relate to their husbands with thrilling results. Email the show at wifesavers.org

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WifeSavers Podcast

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