Do mothers need wine? The #mummywinetime memes, videos and posts in our social media feeds are at an all-time high. Most social-scrollers can happily take them with a grain of salt and swipe on by. But what about those who are actually struggling with a potentially dangerous relationship with alcohol? And it is the responsibility of the social poster, or the content consumer, to be more mindful of the messaging? In this episode, I share what I think (if you hadn't already guessed).

Busy Mum. Balanced Life.

Don't compare your life to someone's "lowlight" reel

In this episode, I get real about evening habits - particularly why we snack or drink excessively in the evening. And right now it’s April 2020 and we’re in the middle of a pandemic that’s keeping us isolated at home. And everywhere I look, people are eating and drinking more than they usually would in the evenings. It’s all over social media - and it’s in my house too. My occasional nightly ‘treat’ of a vegan Cornetto has turned into and every night must-have - and I don’t want that. For you, maybe it’s more wine or chocolate or chips than you would normally indulge in. But, why do we snack at night? I think it’s this: When we’ve been restrained all day, we then give in to temptations at night. But why are we ‘treating’ ourselves and how can we stop if we want to? We’ve been busy all day juggling kids, homeschooling, working from home, health worries and ridiculous new levels of NOISE everywhere and we’re probably not snacking and drinking during those times. In fact, sometimes when we’re so busy we’re prone to skipping meals altogether. But when the kids are in bed and the juggle is done for the day, all of a sudden we’re on the sofa ‘relaxing’ and subconsciously we’re probably still looking for a way to stay busy. Snacking or drinking is a way to stay busy, isn’t it? It gives us something to do. BUT we’re also looking for an instant way to destress/unwind/escape/reward. The snacking or drinking to excess is a HABIT! We’re in the habit of doing these things and it’s something we’ve likely built up over a long time. "Netflix and Chill" for me always includes a sweet treat. Now, this habit has been turbo-charged during the pandemic and suddenly those of us who would normally have a grip on our food and alcohol consumption are starting to spiral. I have been there, trust me. Cancer was the turbo-charge for me. Before I knew what was happening, I felt stuck in a relentless cycle of drinking excessively to block and blur out the crap I wasn’t dealing with during the day. So we’ve identified that we have evening snacking or drinking habits that we want to change, but how do we solve it? Well, I think we have two choices. We either need to either commit to the habit and be done with it, or commit to changing the habit. I know, sounds so simple, right? And many of us want to make changes. So, we need to relearn how to ‘do’ evenings without snacking or drinking - and it’s a big change. To start, we need to examine if the unwanted habit is a response to something being off in our life. Is it a way to ‘deal’ with something we’re not coping with within our life and is THAT the thing that needs fixing, rather than the habit? What we’re doing in our evenings is a reflection of our habits during each day - whether it’s the "doing too much" or negative self-talk or letting people treat us badly or something else entirely. We need to do the work on changing those things - not waiting until the evening to fight those battles and do the work then when we’re exhausted and tired because that is NEVER going to work. This doesn’t need to be a big scary thing to try to change - and you don’t need to do this alone. I have been there - most of you know that in January 2019 I finally overcame my habit of drinking too much, too often. It was something that snuck up on me over time and I didn’t realise at the time that it was a result of being too busy, in every way. From juggling kids, my own business, PTSD after cancer and a whole heap of negative self-talk and bullshit stories that I would tell myself every day and perpetuate my own unhappiness. I overcame that bad habit and it led me to write my book Less Wine, More Time. It also spurred me on to want to help other women too. Which is why I’ve put together a brand new program for you and I to work together on identifying and taking action on starting, ending or changing your habits. It isn’t impossible for you to do this by yourself - but why not let me help you. You can find out more about The Habit Plan by clicking the link in the show notes or going to https://lovefrommim.com/habits For now, I want you to sit with this - are your snacking or drinking habits something you want to change? Are you committed to changing them, or doing them? Because you’re definitely committed to one or the other. Let me tell you, I was whole-heartedly committed to those evening ice-creams! Not now - now I realise to break that habit I needed to be a person who didn’t eat a cornetto every night. Snacking on ice-cream every night wasn’t actually addressing the self-worth issues that were creeping into my mind during the day. It was a temporary treat that actually ended up making me feel worse about myself and it was time to break the cycle. How, well I stopped buying them! And I replaced the habit with a healthier option. Traecey in my membership group gave me a wonderful idea to prepare healthier snacks so that come 8pm, when I’m relaxing in front of Netflix and looking for a quick sweet snack that doesn’t take effort to make, I already have a bowl of chopped fruit to grab that looks beautiful, gives me a better sugar fix and isn’t going to make me feel bad about myself when I go to bed. Thanks, Traecey! It’s simple changes like this that bit by bit, change our whole lives and how we feel about ourselves. Let me know what habits you wish you could start, stop or change too. And check out https://lovefrommim.com/habits to find out more about working with me.

Snacking or Drinking too Much in the Evening?

We're all aware of current situation with coronavirus and having chatted a lot with my friends about this, it dawned on me that I feel differently to some. And I want to share why. Essentially, I feel calm. However, this made me question why others were not feeling the same way. Why were they rushing out to buy 100 rolls of toilet paper every day? Why were they fighting in the aisles at the grocery store? Why were they canceling their travel plans and considering keeping their kids at home? Why were they taking the measures that I wasn't moved to take myself? And it hit me - that the reason they were reacting differently is because they're scared. They're fearful. And who am I to question their feelings? We're all dealing with today's situation in our own personal way - as we, quite rightly, deal with every situation on any given day. So, what does staying 'calm' mean for me? Well, it means two things - firstly, I'm ignoring 99% of the internet talk. So much of it isn't helpful, it's scare-mongering and much of it is simply rehashing stories over and over to drum up a level of fear that is harmful for society. Secondly, I don't go down the "what if?" rabbit-hole. I just do not see the point in wasting my time and energy on the things that are not in my control. And all those things that the "what if?" questions bring up - well, none of them are in my control. And most might never even happen. So, I'm just not going there. How am I staying calm? Instead, I'm choosing to be peaceful, resourceful and generous. I'm focusing on inner calm and how I can support my community (family, friends, neighbours, others). When a thought comes into my mind about how this situation might affect me or my family, I ask myself "what then?". Then I drill down to a level where I'm comfortable with the outcome. Let me give you an example - and it may as well be the talking point on everyone's lips - toilet paper. We're all wondering what will happen if we run out of TP - I've wondered this too. Well, "what then?". Then - I go to the shops to get more. What if the shelves are empty - what then? Then I find somewhere to order it online? What if there is none? Or what if it's an astronomical price? What then? When I can either ask my friends and family if they can help us out - or we can go old school. I have a bag of old sheets and towels I was going to discard - that would be my next step. What then? Well, if needs be, we'll hop into the shower after every trip to the loo. So, now I don't need to ask myself "what if?" about the TP situ - because I know the simple steps to deal with that. I've been applying the "what then?" method to any other questions and concerns and in a few minutes, I'm calmly leading myself to any answers and resources that I need. It's a simple technique that might not apply to every fear that crosses your mind but it will help with many, as it's helping me. I'm choosing to take each day as it comes and face the challenges as I come across them. IF I come across them. It doesn't hurt though to have a few solutions up my sleeve, as being organised keeps me calm. For example: If the schools close - I now know how my kids will be cared for and occupied. I can also lend a hand to other parents who need to go out to work. I work from home and can take in a few kids. We've warned people we were due to travel to see next month that we may have to call off those plans. No more guilt or worry, everyone is informed. I've audited our pantry, fridge and freezer to see what we already have, before we rush out and overbuy more. I've made a list of meals I can make in batches and freeze. So, if we're isolated at home at any point, we have a stocked pantry and pre-prepared meals. And you now know our emergency TP plan! No-one holds all of the answers right now but I know scrolling google and social media isn't going to lead me to any more peace and calm than I can choose to give to myself. How are you feeling? PS - I've made my "How to Meal Plan" course FREE during this time. I hope it helps you feel a bit more organised and in control when it comes to planning your family's meals. You can sign up for free here: 

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Introduction to Busy Mum. Balanced Life.

By Mim Jenkinson, owner of lovefrommim.com Busy Mum. Balanced Life. Simple solutions for busy mothers who want to: * be more organised * use a planner * save time * save money * find time for self-care and hobbies

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Busy Mum. Balanced Life.

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