I’m bringing you yet another sponsor for the upcoming Shine Retreat for Women, and I’m excited to introduce you to Chelsea DeKruyff. We’re less than two weeks away from the Retreat, by the way, which is coming up September 27th - 29th. If you haven’t registered yet, there’s still time and I’m offering a special $50 off discount code!  We’re going to be learning about some pretty amazing things on today’s show: what role  neuroscience plays in healing trauma in communities, treating first responders so that they’re not so traumatized by their work, how both artistic ability and trauma are seated in the right brain, the ripple effect of unprocessed trauma, and so much more. You’re going to love this show, and if you’re like me, you’re going to want to take some notes. Chelsea DeKruyff is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Austin, Texas specializing in trauma treatment and prevention, anxiety, depression, and coping with the stress of transitions. She has enjoyed serving her community through private practice for over 14 years, co-founding two non-profits, VetCraft and The International Center for Mental Health and Human Rights, both centering on the treatment and prevention of PTSD in wounded communities using mindfulness practices and applied neuroscience. While working with The International Center, Chelsea was honored to be among the first group of psychotherapists to be invited by The Tibetan Government in Exile in Dharamsala, India to offer training and treatment in the exiled community. In addition to private practice, Chelsea presently runs two online meditation groups offering training and support in compassion and mindfulness meditation.    SPECIAL INVITATION: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019!!  Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.   Show Highlights: Unprocessed trauma initiates the ripple effect from the individual to the families, friends, coworkers, and community. Mental health is contagious. For example, someone else’s depression can affect you. This is not fully understood, but there is a correlate. What we do know is that when someone works on their healing, that also has an effect on those around them. A traumatized person usually has an unregulated nervous system. What this means is that whatever emotion they have gets amplified, and they can’t find calm. They’re quick to anger and quick to despair, and this affects everyone around them. They cannot engage in a relationship the way a person who is able to regulate their emotions can. Neuroscience says that relationships have so much to do with our mental health. Chelsea discusses generational aspects and epigenetics. Healing one person lessens the collective traumatic load for the community that has experienced such things as war or a natural disaster, and the ensuing after-effects (higher crime rates, drug use, more children born out of wedlock, and other destabilizing effects on a community). How the effects of PTSD while in combat can be minimized. How a positive ripple effect might look. Chelsea provides us with an overview of the neuroscience of trauma. The dangers of de-valuing happiness and mental health. The differences between compassion (starts as a thought, not a feeling) and empathy (the act of having a felt experience of someone else’s felt experience), and how to prevent burn-out for mental health professionals. When using a process that moves trauma from right brain to left brain, healing is a definite possibility and very likely. It is this process that assists your brain into returning to neurotypical processing, as well as your emotional state. Your ability to regulate returns to normal, and you can be symptom-free. Meditation is a powerful practice and is a great place to start on the path to healing. If you tell yourself that you can’t be fixed, that’s just an illusion, which is more of a symptom than a truth. Give yourself a chance.   Resources: Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/   Anna’s Website: https://lifeunscriptedcounseling.com     SPECIAL INVITATION: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019!!  Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.   Connect with Chelsea! ChelseaLPC.com  

Her Life Unscripted

12: The Safeguard of Compassion with Chelsea DeKruyff, LPC

On today’s podcast, we’re going to be getting into some of the reasons that couples wait too long to get help. Stephanie Macadaan is not only a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, but she is also one of the sponsors for the upcoming Shine Retreat for Women! Listen in as Stephanie breaks down some of the biggest barriers to starting couples therapy, and shares her passion in helping not only couples but also couples where one partner is willing to do the work but the other one isn’t. She’s able to work with both sides of that! Stephanie Macadaan is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in couples therapy in Los Angeles. She is also the creator of The Happy Couple Plan, an immersive online program that takes the couple on a journey through the ins and outs of their relationship, to help couples feel more empowered, aware and in control of their future. SPECIAL INVITATION: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019!!  Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women. Show Highlights: Most couples don’t really know how to work on their relationships, and “date nights” can only go so far. Most couples view therapy as something to go to only in crisis. Couples therapy is designed to help relationships even when they’re not suffering. Stephanie finds it pretty common to get a phone call from a couple asking for information and wanting to come in, and then not hearing from them again for several months afterward. Couples therapy requires vulnerability not only to the therapist, but vulnerability in front of your partner, as well, and that may make some people hesitant to start. Changes in our relationships can be very subtle when we can drift apart and disconnect. It takes understanding the dynamics of a relationship so you can be more conscious of it. Life gets so busy, and we tend to expect our relationships to sit quietly on the side but be there when we need them. It’s easy to assume that if our relationships are good, they will always be there. We’re never taught how to have successful relationships, yet when our primary relationships suffer, it can have an impact everywhere else in our lives. “What if I want things different, but a partner won’t catch up?” Stephanie addresses this issue with a program she created called “The Happy Couple Plan”. It bridges the gap between couples not even thinking about therapy, and then coming in, in crisis. Her program is a safer middle-ground. The 3 things needed to have a solid, connected relationship: Knowledge about how relationships work Personal insights into the unique characteristics of yourself Consistent effort as a couple Stephanie discusses the types of couples who are a perfect fit for her “The Happy Couple Plan”.   Resources: Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/   Anna’s Website: https://lifeunscriptedcounseling.com     SPECIAL INVITATION: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019!!  Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.   Stephanie’s Links! You can find more about Stephanie and her work at:  www.thehappycoupleplan.com www.therapywithstephanie.com     Podcasts Mentioned:   Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Interview with Esther Perel Esther Perel Podcast

11: Succeeding in Love with Stephanie Macadaan, LMFT

I’m super excited to introduce today’s guest, and the co-host of the upcoming Shine Retreat for Women, Mari Lee. Mari and I will be talking not only about the work that Mari does, helping support women to heal and grow, but also about The Shine Retreat, and how it’s based on filling your own cup, of restoration, connection, and most importantly, giving yourself permission to have fun. You are invited to join us, both here on the podcast, and at the Retreat. We hope to see you!   Mari A. Lee is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in sex addiction and partner betrayal. Mari is also a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, a Certified Partners Trauma Therapist, a Certified Mindfulness-Based Addiction Therapist, the founder of Growth Counseling in Glendora, CA., and the co-founder of The Mindfulness Academy for Addiction & Trauma Training (TMATT) in Newport Beach, CA. In addition to her clinical work, Mari is a trusted business coach to therapists around the world, is the founder of The Counselors Coach, and she is the co-founder of The Shine Women’s Retreat in Laguna Beach, CA. Mari is also a popular national speaker on betrayal trauma, and a respected author of multiple books, including, “Healing from Betrayal”, and “Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts”, and “The Creative Clinician: Exercises and Activities for Clients and Group Therapy.” Her next book, “The Gift in the Wound” will be out in 2020.    You can learn more about Mari’s services and support here: Growth Counseling Services Therapy support for Sex Addicts & Betrayed Partners www.growthcounselingservices.com The Counselor’s Coach Online Coaching Support for Therapists. Clinical Books, Materials and Free Resources for Therapists www.thecounselorscoach.com The Mindfulness Academy for Addiction & Trauma Training We provide training for clinical professionals seeking their Mindfulness-Based Addiction Therapist (MBAT) Certification www.thecounselorscoach.com The Shine Retreat for Women A healing retreat for all women regardless of age, size or ethnicity in Laguna Beach, CA. All women are warmly welcomed for an inspiring weekend of self-care, workshops, yoga, beach pampering, connection, yummy meals, and fun! www.shineretreatforwomen.com   Don’t forget about the upcoming SHINE RETREAT FOR WOMEN!!! A healing retreat for all women regardless of age, size or ethnicity in Laguna Beach, CA. All women are warmly welcomed for an inspiring weekend of self-care, workshops, yoga, beach pampering, connection, yummy meals, and fun! Join Anna and her cohost, today’s special guest, Mari A. Lee!!    SPECIAL INVITATION: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019!!  Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.   Show Highlights:   Mari works with women whose worlds have just been shattered. Women have been so focused on taking care of someone else that they have forgotten how to take care of themselves. As women, we’ve come to accept phrases like, “What a wonder woman you are, I want to be just like you when I grow up!”, “How do you find hours in the day to do all that you do, you just blow me away!” as compliments, but if we are not making time each day for some self-care, then we are setting ourselves up for crises. Learning how to manage others’ expectations and knowing, naming, and maintaining boundaries is so important, and these are things that Mari teaches. Mari and Anna discuss the shaming messages we get around self-care. Mari explains FOG - Fear, Obligation, and Guilt. We all do self-care differently and need to lift each other up. This is what you’ll find at The Shine Retreat. Both Mari and Anna divulge their personal insights into how they each know they’re needing some self-care. The Shine Retreat is a place for a small group of women to come together and fully immerse themselves in taking a moment and pushing the pause button and asking themselves what they need. We sometimes struggle to articulate our needs. Mari shares some surprises to expect from the retreat - such as a workshop on the beach. Under the stars. And in your PJ’s! Women find a way to release guilt, shame, pain, responsibility, and leave with insight, knowledge, and tools, and a tribe of women. Open invitation to the Retreat. We can’t WAIT to meet you!! Resources:   Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/   Anna’s Website: https://lifeunscriptedcounseling.com     SPECIAL INVITATION: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019!!  Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.     Mari’s Links:   To learn more about Mari’s services and support: www.growthcounselingservices.com   Clinical Books, Materials and Free Resources for Therapists:  www.thecounselorscoach.com   To learn more about training for clinical professionals seeking their Mindfulness Based Addiction Therapist (MBAT) Certification: www.thecounselorscoach.com   The Shine Retreat for Women! A healing retreat for all women regardless of age, size or ethnicity in Laguna Beach, CA. All women are warmly welcomed for an inspiring weekend of self care, workshops, yoga, beach pampering, connection, yummy meals, and fun!  www.shineretreatforwomen.com

10: Redefining Self-Care with Mari Lee

Jo Muirhead is my guest today, and I’m so excited to bring you another sponsor for the Shine Retreat, which is coming up next month. I met Jo at a business/work retreat in 2015, and she was one of the coaches at the event. We had an immediate connection, and I know you’re going to love her, too. Jo has a brilliant straight-forwardness that’s mixed with kindness, passion, and compassion.   She truly believes in connecting people to purpose through inspiration and innovation. Some of the things we’re going to go over are how work is something that we DO, not something that we ARE. We’re going to discuss safeguarding against burnout when work is our only identity.   As a Rehabilitation Counselor, she is at the intersection of how we manage our health and the work that we do. After someone leaves rehabilitation services, people often wonder what they are going to do for the rest of their lives. This is where Jo steps in.   Jo is all about connecting people to purpose through inspiration and innovation. Author of The Entrepreneurial Clinician, she is also the Founder and Principal Consultant of PurpleCo - a team of specialist allied health consultants dedicated to helping people who experience injury, illness, and trauma reclaim their lives through work. Jo graduated from the University of Sydney with a Bachelor of Health Science, Rehabilitation Counseling in 1994. Jo is passionate about the health benefits of work and truly believes that everyone has the right to meaningful and rewarding employment. PurpleCo grew out of this belief as a truncated form of PURpose for peoPLE.        Show Highlights:   Allied Health Professionals - a collective of professions including occupational therapists, speech pathologists, physiotherapists, and audiologists. Rehabilitation services help people manage chronic health and chronic sickness. As a Rehabilitation Counselor, Jo helps people learn how to take back their lives. Over the last few years, Jo has been working with Allied Health Professionals, working out who they are, who they serve, and how to create a lifestyle that allows them to do good work. “Good work” - there is no clinical definition of it and it’s a path that everyone needs to go on and define for themselves. When we’re not respected, and don’t have control over our workloads, and when we don’t agree with the outcomes we’re asked to achieve, we burn out. Institutionalized thinking has created a culture of fear among health care professionals, particularly mental health professionals. When this happens, health care workers tend to feel less engaged with our work and question our decision to be a health care professional. When it gets harder and harder to keep going, some people jump into private practice, thinking it will solve their problems, when, in fact, it creates new ones. The day and age of the autocratic, dictatorial boss have come and gone. In the companies we love to support, we can see dynamic, enthusiastic workplaces, with a different approach to management. In companies that offer unlimited annual and sick leave and studies show that workers are not taking advantage of the extra time off, but are actually being more productive. How do you get the best out of me? Don’t undermine me; don’t disrespect me; give me some choice; if my ideas are good, let me own them. Nutrition, giving your brain a break, managing your emotions, managing your social and emotional intelligence, and constructively dealing with managers are all part of taking care of our health at work. Jo discusses 3 key indicators of burnout: Overwhelming fatigue (differentiated from just being tired) that is not resolved through rest Akin to walking through cement Fatigue can be confused with depression, as fatigue can be a depressive symptom  Incredible need to over-exert and over-work, for fear that somebody finds out that you don’t feel well. (Overcompensate by doing more, being more, i.e. micromanaging, taking on more projects, working longer hours, not taking a vacation, eating at your desk) Cynicism There’s a lot of humor around cynicism, but in the case of burnout, it is something that constantly surrounds you, and you start living in this place of worst-case scenario, expecting the worst from every occasion, always expecting to get in trouble. Anger and irritability can accompany the cynicism, and can not only affect you but those around you. Personal efficacy When nothing we do feels good enough Work becomes all-consuming, trying to prove that their work is good enough, spending an inordinate amount of time over details There’s a pendulum shift among Gen-X’ers who get frustrated with Millenials, who are seen as lazy. It’s not actually laziness that is being seen but an enormous amount of responsibility that is being thrown at them. Letting work define you is not healthy. People who stick to their job description as a way of self-preservation are often shamed. Changing workplaces if you’re in burn out might be needed in order to get well again. You understand the skills you have, and the work you’re good at, but what’s the environment that’s going to get the best out of you?  Doing a “wheel of life” is a simple therapy tool that can help you reconnect with what you want. Identifying your core values and being true to them helps set boundaries. Prompts: you have a start time and an end time to your day. Choosing a transition activity between work and home. Leaving your work at work. Making small changes, but just one thing at a time. That way, you’re not setting yourself up for failure. Remind yourself of progress, and what wellness looks like. There’s going to be days where you go backward, but look how far you’ve come! Powerful question for men: “What type of role model do you want to be for your kids?” Jo teaches people how to calm down inside, and reset what’s important to them. Resources: Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/ Special Invitation: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019!!  Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women. How to contact Jo:  https://www.purpleco.com.au  https://www.jomuirhead.com  https://www.linkedin.com/in/purpleco/

09: Combating Burnout with Jo Muirhead

Today’s show is going to be about whole-body wellness. I think a lot of what my audience struggles with and what we talk about on the podcasts is the negative loop of being everything for everyone else, and not being able to be anything towards ourselves. The cycle of wanting to give outwardly but not knowing how to give inwardly when we’re called to serve.    My guest today is Diana Rudolph, a self-described “health educator”, and she is a sponsor for the upcoming Shine Retreat. She is an exceptional woman, and I relate to her on so many levels, and learn so much from her.   Join us as we discuss listening to our body’s cues for help, discerning how we need to address it, and actually making that time for ourselves. You’ll also hear about historical and modern uses of essential oils.    Diana is a dōTERRA Essential Oils independent consultant, expert in wellness and health, a wife, mom of 3 kids, a busy professional who’s passionate about empowering people to value their health through holistic and active living. She’s been involved in health and fitness for the last 17 years, serving as an Adjunct Professor of Kinesiology at Azusa Pacific University, a certified fitness trainer and health educator, and an essential oil educator. Diana holds a Master’s Degree in Public Health, a Master’s Degree in Education, and has developed a variety of health promotion and prevention programs designed to combat childhood obesity. She loves teaching about essential oils and other natural solutions to promote overall wellness.   Show Highlights:   Many times, the version of health we see is what the scale says, or how we look on the outside. One of the biggest barriers of women taking care of themselves, is time. Women are natural caretakers. We are so quick to give and serve, and it’s easy to forget to give to yourself. When you’re running on low, you're not able to give your fullest. Instead of taking an hour to exercise, it might be easier to separate it into 4, 15-minute chunks of time.  Anna shares a personal experience from when her twins were born. She was exercising without realizing it because she thought she was just feeding her soul. Discerning what we need, and spending time on things that feeds us, rather than depletes us.  Slowing down enough so we can answer those questions. When we neglect our health, it sabotages the bigger dreams we have for ourselves. Diana recalls her struggles as she was finishing her degree with a young family at  home. Diana enjoys journaling, and likens it to a detox. She can review her written thoughts and find ways to balance her life. Listening to your body’s red flags and signals.  When our heart is hurting when we’ve been through some emotional trauma, our body can respond negatively, as well. Discerning what part of yourself needs help (body/mind/soul). This will look different for everyone. Diana addresses essential oils, natural solutions, and alternative health care, and using nature to help our health in so many ways. There is true, evidenced-based research on this, as well as historical uses, as Diana reveals. Essential oils are very easy to use, and address many issues, but they are not a cure-all. You still need to look at nutritional background and other factors, as well. People start doing these little drops every night and they start noticing significant differences and positive changes, and they’ll want to know what else is available.This is often an introduction to a “health prevention method” and opens their mindset to other health tools, Diana finds. Diana and Anna share how essential oils and other alternative solutions can be complementary to western medicine.         Resources:   Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/   Special Invitation: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019!!  Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.     Follow Diana on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/dianarudulph/ Diana’s doTERRA link: http://my.doterra.com//dianarudulph Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/diana.rudulph Live and virtual lessons!

08: Feeding Your Soul

Disclaimer: This particular episode has an Explicit Rating, and is not meant for younger ears.   Today, I’m so excited to bring you yet another sponsor of the upcoming Shine Retreat, Gaelyn Rae Emerson.   Have you ever struggled with moving forward in the aftermath of a failed relationship? There’s trauma associated with the complex emotional process of disintegration. Gaelyn understands first-hand, and being able to see a way to serve and help others in the midst of her own pain was a powerful awakening and an asset to her healing. Please join us today as we dive into some profound matters of the heart, and the process of working through them.   Gaelyn is madly, passionately, head over heels in love... with her job. :) As a professional life, relationship and divorce recovery coach, Gaelyn dedicates her working hours to helping her clients survive and revive - whether or not their relationships do. Gaelyn is credentialed by the International Coach Federation, with advanced training in relational trauma for survivors of abandonment, abuse, addiction, betrayal, deception, divorce, infidelity and more. Gaelyn coaches clients around the world, through her online private practice, Women Ever After. Gaelyn is known for (and lives by) her collection of meaningful, expressive and well-timed quotations. Her current favorite is this quote from the Baal Shem Tov: “Let me fall if I must. The one I will become will catch me.”   Mari Lee, my co-host for the upcoming Shine Retreat for Women, and I would like to extend a personal invitation for you to join us September 27th - 29th, at this restorative women’s retreat, the ultimate self-care weekend where every woman is welcomed. You will be among friends! I encourage you to email me or Mari Lee at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. Shine Retreat is limited to 40 women, and it’s filling up fast, so be sure to register at https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/.     Show Highlights:   Divorce is traumatic even when it’s also a necessary act of self-preservation.  The act of divorce does not end the trauma but compounds it by adding another layer of trauma. For many women, divorce often involves an increased opportunity and risk for relational abuse. There’s a prolific shift in your support system post-divorce. Some women adapt to the trauma, manage that trauma, by becoming used to that standard of fast and furious, turmoiled emotions. Transitioning to a life that is not about constantly dodging the fast and furious assaults can be its own interesting transitional period. When a relationship is terminally wounded, you still have to survive, even when the relationship doesn’t.  There are many more resources for assistance today than there were even a decade ago. “Roadmap Gap” - Gaelyn explains that the roadmap gap is when you reach a screeching halt in the standard guidelines for how to heal because you’re doing without the cooperation of a partner, and with the additional layer of trauma induced by the separation or divorce. The end result is that you feel marginalized.  Learning how to simultaneously (or in adjacent or successive seasons) cherish everything that was good, while you’re grieving and detaching from everything that wasn’t. Giving permission to miss the beautiful life and love you shared with someone, even amidst of despising the uglier parts of the abuse or the abandonment. Labeling aspect of how you see yourself in the aftermath (survivor? victim?). Self-Discovery: Defining who you are outside of the relationship and the experience. According to Gaelyn, working through relational trauma is difficult, and some days you’re going to be flattened. . .and you will get up. . .and the next day, you grow wise.     Resources:   Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/   Gaelyn’s Website: https://www.womeneverafter.com/   Special Invitation: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019!!    Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/   Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration.   You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com.   “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.

07: Creating a New Happily Ever After

Mari Lee, my co-host for the upcoming Shine Retreat for Women, and I would like to extend a personal invitation for you to join us September 27th - 29th, at this restorative women’s retreat, the ultimate self-care weekend where every woman is welcomed. You will be among friends! I encourage you to email me or Mari Lee at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. Shine Retreat is limited to 40 women, and it’s filling up fast, so be sure to register at https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/.   On today’s podcast, I’m here to share with you about this last week and want to hear your feedback and learn from your wisdom.   Do you ever have those weeks where you’re cruising along, you’ve got a to-do list, and you get some things done, but it’s not a matter of life or death if you don’t?   Last week I had a huge list of things that had to be done, but the way I had poorly planned my schedule I was going to fall miserably short.   Being an optimist, I see the glass as half-full. Therefore, when I look at a project, I think it won’t take any time at all, but in reality, it needs more time than originally estimated. So that’s what happened last week. I had more than I could possibly handle, and I made a lot of promises that I could not fulfill, and I let a lot of people down.   Please join me as I delve into negative head chatter, the way we talk to ourselves, and the unrealistic expectations we hold for ourselves. Let’s explore what happens when we lean into our disappointments and failures. Let’s talk about grace.     Show Highlights:   Optimists see the glass as half-full and may underestimate the time it takes to complete a task. Learning to listen to negative head chatter and what it can tell us  Leaning into our disappointments Apologizing and offering to make things right when we’ve fallen short Why do we give others grace that we won’t extend to ourselves? Shame that smashes into sense of self based on an action We need to allow ourselves to make mistakes, to be human. Three ways we can learn to stop verbally and emotionally assaulting ourselves when we mess up: You must work on the shame. Reach out to your community and the people you’ve fallen short with and have a conversation.  Be open to the idea that what you’re categorizing as disappointment may be totally unrealistic. Sometimes, the expectations we set for ourselves are not on anybody else’s radar. The three steps can also work in other areas that clutter up headspace, aside from leaning into your disappointments. Cleaning up your headspace is the most important piece when it comes to our need to be able to move forward from our mistakes.     Resources:   Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/   Book Mentioned: John C. Maxwell, Failing Forward   Special Invitation:   Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019.     Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/   Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration.   You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com.   “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.

06: Hugging Your Disappointments

Today, I am thrilled to introduce yet another sponsor for the Shine Retreat, which is coming up in September. I’ll be giving you more information on how listeners of this podcast can get a $50 discount off registration, so you’ll want to listen in! Today’s guest is also a dear, dear friend of mine who has been on the podcast one other time. She was so supportive and encouraging to me when I first started out. Our friendship has evolved though the years, which has been such a cool thing to experience, and her work has transformed, as well. Nicol thought she might die in that cubicle, and that's when she decided to make some changes. She is now self-employed. She is an expert witness in court (don't tell anyone), a child custody evaluator (for real, don't tell anyone), an author (tell everyone), a motivational speaker (tell everyone) a mom (2 cutie pies), a wife, a mompreneur, a taxi, a motivational speaker, a skincare consultant (hello good skin and tax write-offs), a non-profit director (in all her spare time) a lover of spas and massages and at times "the fit hits the shan" in her life ... but it's hers, and there is beauty in that. She is here to share her journey with us, this evolution she has gone through, and she will be sharing how to give yourself permission to live the life you want, and how to take risks in order to create happiness in your life. Here’s more information on the Shine Retreat that I promised you! Mari Lee, my co-host for the upcoming Shine Retreat for Women, and I would like to extend a personal invitation for you to join us September 27th - 29th, at this restorative women’s retreat, the ultimate self-care weekend where every woman is welcomed. You will be among friends! I encourage you to email me or Mari Lee at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. Shine Retreat is limited to 40 women, and it’s filling up fast, so be sure to register at https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/. Show Highlights: When we get stuck in fear, it becomes our story. There’s something that everybody wants more of. Our expectations can get in the way. Other’s expectations can appear to be a lack of support. When we get resistance, they are telling us their story, it is not our own. Create a shortlist of those who get to have a say in your life. Women who feel stuck can get trapped easily. By saying “no” to others, it’s saying “yes” to a different set of opportunities. Stay away from emotional vampires. Other people’s stress can make us physically ill. We have a tendency to self-sabotage. Men are taught to take more risks from an early age, so be careful and question what you think. Get past the “what-if’s”. Identify your own definition of “success”. Examine who is in your circle. Get more information about what’s possible, instead of what’s not possible. Resources: Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/ Find out more about Nicol Stolar-Peterson here! http://www.nicol.live http://www.permissiontosucceed.us   Special Invitation: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019.   Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.

05: Permission to Succeed

Darrin Ford is the special guest I would like to introduce you to today. Darrin is also a sponsor for the upcoming Shine Retreat.    Today, Darrin and I will discuss changing the word “mindfulness” from a trendy buzzword to something tangible that we can apply to our lives and use as a way to tune in to ourselves, to learn and to grow as we move through this journey called life.   Darrin Ford is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in treating addictive disorders. His practice began in Long Beach, California and has extended over the years to include treatment centers in West Los Angeles and Orange County. As co-founder of Sano Center for Recovery, he currently serves as the chief executive officer, runs intensive workshops, and mentors new therapists. He is a certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, who was trained directly by the pioneer of the field, Dr. Patrick Carnes. He also has Founded The Mindfulness Academy of Addiction and Trauma Training with Mari Lee LMFT, CSAT-S, MBAT-S AKA The Counselors Coach and CEO of Growth Counseling Services. In his years of treating those afflicted with addiction, he ascertained the keystone of mindfulness in breaking free from old patterns, habits, and ways of thinking. Steeped in his passion for science and Buddhist philosophy, he co-wrote the Mindfulness-Based Addiction Therapy Certification Program (MBAT™). His expertise in the field of addictive behaviors can be found in the program, which takes a modern approach to Eastern techniques in exploring the mind. His next book, Awakening to the Addictive Mind: A Story of and Guide to Addiction, sheds an intimate light on his own struggles and how he came to help others on a path he is intimately familiar with. His upcoming book will be available in 2018 Darrin is also available for public speaking events and coaching. For more information please visit www.darrinford.com.   Mari Lee, my co-host for the upcoming Shine Retreat for Women, and I would like to extend a personal invitation for you to join us September 27th - 29th, at this restorative women’s retreat, the ultimate self-care weekend where every woman is welcomed. You will be among friends! I encourage you to email me or Mari Lee at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration. Shine Retreat is limited to 40 women, and it’s filling up fast, so be sure to register at https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/.                 Show Highlights:   Mindfulness: Looking at the “mind” in that word.  Is this accurate? Is what my mind telling me aligning with where I am at with my environment and everything right now? Getting as accurate alignment with reality as possible Impulsivity and habits becoming our destiny  Conditioning the mind and recreating conflict Mindfulness exercise activities Addiction at its core is an intimacy disorder Using mindfulness for anger management and conflict resolution We’re sometimes not aware that we use mindfulness Using focus to move into practices that cultivate more mindfulness Suggestions for moments of pause Practice: very simple, but not always easy Compassion is not altruism  Constructive and destructive compassion Destructive compassion helps someone feel better in the short run, but is destructive in the long run. Constructive compassion helps someone heal in the long run, but may anger the person offered it in the short run. Emotions rise, crest, and fall, and as humans beings, we can expect this. Offering ourselves compassion through the distress of feeling an emotion When the pain becomes too overwhelming, we have to have the presence of mind to reach out and share it with someone so they can be present for the process. If someone is suffering from psychotic symptoms, or somebody who has other symptoms of detachment from reality, we wouldn’t want to you to be practicing mindfulness, as it wouldn’t help. Enlisting expert help Overwhelming evidence of how mindfulness works with the neuroplasticity of the brain Darrin shares what’s coming up in his work                         Resources:   Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/     Links to Darrin’s websites:   www.sanopress.com  www.sanorecovery.com www.TMAATT.com www.DarrinFord.com      Special Invitation:   Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019.     Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/   Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive a $50 discount code off registration.   You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com.   “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.

04: Living Mindfully

Today, I would like to talk to you about “self-limiting beliefs”. Most folks aren’t familiar with this terribly important concept, so I’m going to deconstruct it, tell you how it works against us, and also how we can stop doing it to ourselves. I’d like you to know that many of the topics I discuss on this podcast are topics that are close to my heart; issues that I have personally struggled with and I’m walking the path along with you. Journey with me as we explore the beliefs that hold us back, and how to implement those steps that can get us on the other side of fear, so that we can realize our goals. Show Highlights: Self-limiting beliefs are something that we impose on ourselves but has intensified due to our environment.  During our lifetime, we can sometimes shift from having realistic expectations to having self-doubt and fear, so that we start creating obstacles for ourselves.  We limit ourselves based on our beliefs in our abilities that are not based on factual information. Beware of language that reinforces the belief that we can’t move past a certain obstacle (“Gosh, I don’t know how to do that” vs “I can’t do that”). Learn to add the word, “yet” to self-limiting language. Self-limiting thoughts are tied into our self-worth, and fear can guide us. We need to identify the beliefs that are limiting us. Writing down our goals actually help us to achieve them because we are creating intentional action towards them. How to react when fear kicks in and tells us we can’t do what we know we can do. The number one thing that gets in our way of achieving our goals, is believing we can’t. Try to understand the theme behind the self-limiting belief, because it is likely there is one central theme that binds them all together, i.e. perfectionism, not being smart enough, not being experienced enough, not old enough or young enough. Once you discover the theme, you can take it on. Do you still want it around? Are there truths in it? Put incremental steps into combatting that self-limiting belief. Fear is ok!  You can look at fear, then walk right past it.  Our confidence is a by-product of being afraid and taking action anyway.   Links / Resources: Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/     Special Invitation: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th - 29th, 2019.   Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive $50 discount code off registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com.   “Shine Retreat” is limited to 40 women.

03: Self-Limiting Beliefs

Today’s wonderful guest is Whitney Boole, LMFT. Whitney is a therapist, coach, and writer in private practice in Hermosa Beach, CA. She provides therapy for individuals and relationships, and she believes pain fuels growth and empowerment. She is also a single mother with three kids, including ridiculously wild twins who climb everything and leave uncapped markers everywhere they go. She runs a Facebook Group for people healing through divorce and is building more resources for those struggling with the trauma of divorce. Whitney's book "You Got This: Healing Through Divorce" was just released May 7 and is available on Amazon. Want the full show notes? Get 'em here.

02: Pain as Fuel for Growth with Whitney Boole, LMFT

Today, I want to talk to you about expectations, consistency, and perfectionism. Also, how we can reach out to community as we struggle with these ideals. You know, that strive for perfection, how to have a constructive internal dialogue, and finally, how to be ok with making mistakes. I would also like to personally extend an invitation to the Shine Retreat for Women, a beautiful event that is coming up September 27th-29th, 2019.   This retreat is for you if you’re needing to build community connection, restore your soul, or just need some dedicated time for yourself. I’m offering a $50 discount off registration to all listeners of this podcast.  Listen in for more information on the retreat, but first, let’s walk through the 3 steps that will help you learn how to lean into the power of being imperfect, together. Show Highlights: Struggling with perfection Competing with yourself: great quality at times, a roadblock at other times Expectations, consistency, and perfectionism How do we reach out for community when we are struggling with perfectionism We need the village Internal struggle with identity Looking at where we get that strive for perfection when it’s not realistic Stepping back with as much objectivity as possible Practicing making mistakes, and getting messy The paradox of leaning into imperfections to feel more whole Leaning into the power of being imperfect together  What happens when we don’t get recognized for doing a job well Looking for validation from others Control over our choices Negative examples of feeling, though, and behavior Positive examples of feeling, thought, and behavior How journaling about my mistakes makes me more willing to share my mistakes with others Even if you don’t accomplish as much as you’d hoped, you still have value and worth Making mistakes that we’re ashamed of   Links / Resources: Her Life Unscripted Facebook Page, give it a LIKE!  https://www.facebook.com/herlifeunscripted/   Special Invitation: Shine Retreat is coming up September 27th-29th 2019.   Registration at: https://www.shineretreatforwomen.com/ Email me at info@ShineRetreatforWomen.com to receive $50 discount code for registration. You can also reach me at anna@herlifeunscripted.com. The Shine Retreat is limited to 40 women.

01: Fighting Against Perfectionism!

In the midst of busy schedules and the demands of our families and careers, so many of us feel isolated and alone. Why is that? Why is it so difficult to form those close connections? Anna thinks it’s because we’ve lost sight of our Village. Life runs on a large scale now, and while that’s great for industry, it’s making us more alone than we’ve ever been before. Anna is here today to describe not only why we need our village, but how we can start to get it back. Want the full show notes? Get 'em here!

81: Bring Back the Village!

It is officially 2018, and that means it’s time for a fresh start and a new outlook on the year ahead. Anna is ready to be recording again and is excited to announce all of the exciting changes that are to come in the new year. Now that Anna has rebranded her new practice, she is going to create space to work in her practice by making Her Life Unscripted a monthly podcast. While it is not a permanent change, Anna knows that she needs to intentionally curate where she spends her energy.   Resources: Wishboard App: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/wishboard/id495602905?mt=8 BestSelf.co: https://bestself.co/ Want the full show notes? Get 'em here!

80: Is it a State of Mind

Advice can be a tricky thing. Last week, Anna unpacked what makes some advice…well, not so fabulous. This week, it’s time to celebrate the good advice! This is the last show of 2017, and Anna wants to end on a high note. To that purpose, she reached out to the Her Life Unscripted community with a simple question: What is the best advice you’ve ever been given? Want the full show notes? Get 'em here!

79: Advice: The Best Ever!!

Her Life Unscripted is the podcast for burnt out, stressed out and stretched thin women looking for inspiration as they embrace the unscriptedness of life. Your host, Anna Osborn, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, is a wife, momma of toddler twins and business owner who specializes in relationships and building a collective voice for women. Anna Osborn, LMFT, interviews female entrepreneurs, working and stay at home moms and women whose work is dedicated to supporting and creating community for other women. Her Life Unscripted podcast is about support, love, encouragement and being brave, even when life gets hard.

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Her Life Unscripted

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