Folks! Put on some sunscreen and pull out your floaties because Pat & Ben are taking you on a tropical, aquatic adventure! We're releasing one of our COVETED Patreon episodes so you can get a taste of what you've been missing. In this installment, Pat teaches Ben about possibly the most ludicrous experiment in the history of science. What happens when you mix a loony neuroscientist, a 22 year old intern, 3 dolphins, and the 1960s in a house full of water? Listen to find out! Spoilers: It gets very erotic. And, for just $5 a month, you can access hard-hitting exposés like this one every single week. Well how about that? Just join our Patreon at patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

I Learned Nothing

BONUS PATREON EPISODE 4!!! ILN PAT-REON EP 83: The Saga of The Dolphin House

Pat was feeling righteous so Ben finishes him off with the thrilling conclusion of our two part series, The Philosophy of Religion. If you learn nothing else, learn this: If you're not Catholic, you're going to Hell.

ILN EP 145: The Philosophy of Religion, Part II

Pat was feeling epiphanic so Ben brings him into the fold. The Religious Fold, that is! Don't worry. We haven't gone religious. But Pat couldn't help ask: What does is it all mean, Basil? And why is God involved? It seems that we as humans always need to talk about the Great Beyond, even if (or especially because) we claim to not believe in it. What a world! Listen in as Ben and Pat talk about what and why we believe in Him, Her, They, It and whatever you call Religion! (tl;dr Roman Catholicism is the correct religion.)

ILN EP 144: Philosophy of Religion, Part I

Pat was feeling empathetic so Ben continues to interrogate Pat about his thoughts on Artificial Intelligence and their capacity to feel. Do androids dream of electric sheep? Or will their thoughts be lost in time like tears in rain? Also, in a stunning twist, Ben presents Pat with a thought experiment involving love, betrayal, friendship, and Allen Iverson (AI). Listen in to the epic conclusion of our AI ethics.

ILN EP 143: The Ethics of AI, Part II

Pat was feeling robotic so Ben electrifies him with a spirited discussion about the Ethics of AI (Allen Iverson). In this heavy two-parter, Ben & Pat explore the philosophical & ethical implications of Artificial Intelligence. At what point can Artificial Intelligence be considered to have an inner, subjective life akin to humans? Would such being have rights and responsibilities like other moral agents? Can a robot be programmed to be the Funniest Person In Austin? The answers to these questions and more, only on I Learned Nothing. Bitches.

ILN EP 142: The Ethics of AI, Part I

Pat was feeling esoteric so Ben's coming in hot with a spiritual alternative to the dry, academic Western philosophy he's been torturing Pat with for the past 4 years. That's right. Holy shit. It's been 4 years of this. Thanks for listening? Anyway! Ben teaches Pat about Rudolf Steiner, a German philosopher turned cult leader who founded the spiritual/esoteric practice called Anthroposophy. Steiner believed wholeheartedly in a spiritual dimension not hitherto accessed by the Western scientific tradition and intended to access that dimension with Western reasoning, Eastern spiritual practice, and a dash of dubious crypto-Nazi race science for good measure. It gets weird. Don't blame me. Pat picked the topic.

ILN EP 141: Rudolf Steiner

Pat was feeling self-conscious so Ben opens his eyes to the wild and wonderful world of universal consciousness. In our latest episode, Ben teaches Pat about hottest new philosophy since Existentialism: Panpsychism. Have you ever suspected that trees feel pain? That rocks can yearn? That your toilet plots revenge? If so, then Panpsychism is for you! Listen to find out why.

ILN EP 140: Panpsychism

Pat was feeling inauthentic so he calls on Benjamin C. Cholok, sygil of authenticity himself, to summon the horny spirit of Jean Paul Sartre once again and wrest Pat's struggling spirit from the yawning jaws of bad faith once and for all. Dramatic, no? Listen in for the full picture! Dao you doin?

ILN EP 139: Jean-Paul Sartre, Part II

Pat was feeling existential AGAIN so Ben brings out the big guns: the stinkiest, most wall-eyed Frenchman this side of the 20th Century, Jean-Paul Sartre. King of Existentialism, widely acclaimed philosopher and writer, and all-around prankster, Jean-Paul Sartre features heavily in this two-part episode about himself. To understand him is to understand teenagers everywhere. Enjoy!

ILN EP 138: Jean-Paul Sartre, Part I

Pat was feeling asynchronous so Ben sets his ass straight with a few mINd BeNdInG TIME TRAVEL PARADOXES. Hoo boy, is this one a doozy. Thanks for listening and remember to check out our Patreon to get bonus episodes for $5/month. C'maaaaaannnnnn. Also, buy Kyrgies slippers for those filthy feet of yours: kyrgies.com. Use ILK @ checkout for 15% OFF.

ILN EP 137: Time Travel Paradoxes

Pat was feeling despondent so Ben perks him up with the cheery, not-at-all-controversial philosophy of antinatalism. In a nutshell, this theory argues that with all the suffering and pain life brings, it's unethical to bring new people into the world, both because of the inevitable risks of being alive plus the fact that it's inherently a non-consensual act. And then you die! A philosophy for surly teenagers everywhere, it was most vocally supported by Romanian writer and hit at parties Emil Cioran. Listen in to learn more!

ILN EP 136: Antinatalism

Pat was feeling KINDA BLUE so Ben floors him with the absolutely jazzy color theory of hep cat/philosopher Nelson Goodman and his controversial theory of Grue. Grue is a new color Goodman invented but it's also an innovative new critique of the Problem of Induction. How do we confirm that something is green if we also no that those green things will become grue after time t? Then how do we confirm that anything is green after time t if they were blue? What if they were blue before time t? Ugh, never mind, just listen to the episode. Pat gets mad. Buy Kyrgies. Check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing. Fuck you.

ILN EP 135: Grue

Pat was feeling phallogocentric so Ben turns him on to the earth-shattering philosophy of Hélène Cixous, THE post-structural feminist of the 20th Century. Taking her cue from philosopher/smoking pompadour Jacques Derrida (who Ben suspects was also Hélène's occasional fuck-buddy) his theory of deconstruction, Cixous proposed that women (as well as men) should break free of the constraints of logocentric writing (prose, analytical, etc) in order to more fully express their femininity, rather than have it be defined clinically. Or at least that's as best Ben could understand it. Give it a listen and let us know what you think! And don't forget to check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

ILN EP 134: Hélène Cixous

Folks! We're releasing YET ANOTHER free Pat-reon Bonus Episode, piping hot and fresh from the vault!! Pat was feeling a little “down under” so he flips the script and teaches Ben a thing or two about a thing or two. In this installment, we learn about Australia’s Great Emu War of 1932, easily one of the most humiliating military engagements in modern history. Listen to learn who won! And if you want more, join our Patreon for just $5 a month. We love you.

BONUS PATREON EPISODE 3!!! ILN PAT-REON EP 47: The Great Emu War of 1932

Pat was feeling gaslit, so Ben clears the air by introducing philosophy's savior of common sense: G. E. Moore. As one third of the Triumvirate of analytic philosophy (including the pervert Bertrand Russell and closet-case Ludwig Wittgenstein), G.E. Moore spearheaded the revolt in British philosophy against the oppressive yoke of German Idealism and ushering in the current analytic turn we see today. He also called bullshit on dogmatic skepticism with his "proof" of an external world: Here's one hand and here's the other. And boy howdy did the skeptics ever catch those hands, nawmean?

ILN EP 132: G. E. Moore

A philosophy podcast for curious idiots, by curious idiots.

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I Learned Nothing

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