The Netflix reality show, My Unorthodox Life, has been the talk of much of the Orthodox world since it was released less than two weeks ago. It tells the story of Julia Haart, who first developed a shoe line, and quickly rose in the world of fashion. She now is the the CEO and co-owner of Elite World Group, the world’s largest modeling network. As most of you probably know, the reason that her story is different from others is that Julia was an Orthodox Jew named Talia Hendler living in Monsey. She had once been a passionate teacher of Torah in an Orthodox high school in Atlanta. About eight years ago, she left her husband and Orthodoxy itself, just days after her daughter’s wedding. Her astounding rise took place entirely in the past eight years. Orthodox Jews have had varied reactions to the series, from complete rejection of Julia’s honesty and experience, to countering her story of oppression with stories of loving being Orthodox under the hashtag #Myorthodoxlife, to accepting and celebrating Julia’s journey. In this bonus Intimate Judaism episode (co-produced with the Orthodox Conundrum), Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum are joined by Anne Gordon and Shoshanna Keast-Jaskoll for a panel discussion about My Unorthodox Life. Hear their reactions to the series - including what they feel about Julia's relationships with her family, whether men have a right to discuss Julia's story, the implications of her story for Orthodoxy, and more. Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch, and more, including an exclusive Q and A. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism.

Intimate Judaism: A Jewish Approach to Intimacy, Sexuality, and Relationships

Whose Business is My Unorthodox Life, Anyway? (BONUS EPISODE)

Although quite common, painful intercourse is a topic that is rarely talked about. Couples who are unable to experience pain free intercourse, or are unable to consummate their marriage, may not know why this is happening or with whom to consult. Is this problem physical or psychological? How is it diagnosed and treated? In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss causes and solutions.   Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch, and more, including an upcoming Q and A. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism.

(33) Painful Sex and Unconsummated Marriage: It’s Not Your Fault

Modesty, lack of information, and embarrassment are just some factors that inhibit observant couples from using products designed to enhance sexual intimacy. In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum host Beverly Damelin, who shares her expertise in the field of sexual enhancement products and explains how they can help improve the sexual experience. Become and Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch, and more. Just to to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism.  

(32) Lubricants, Vibrators, and Sex Toys for Marital Enhancement

“Forced marriage" and coercive sex are terms that most believe have no relevance to Judaism. Nevertheless, in communities where marriages are typically arranged by parents and matchmakers, does the couple truly have the freedom to reject the match? And even in modern Orthodox circles, do young men and women sometimes feel pressured to marry when they aren’t sure about the partner, aren’t ready for marriage, or are uncertain of their sexual orientation? How do young people know that they are ready for marriage, and what barriers might impede informed consent? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in a discussion about this controversial topic.

(31) Consent and Coercion: What Does Forced Marriage and Obligatory Sex Look Like in the Jewish Community?

In Episode #30 of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn answer practical sex questions from listeners. Among the subjects covered are: Can a couple experience sexual pleasure when intercourse is medically inadvisable? Why must couples get the first time "over with" on the wedding night? (Or must they?) Is it permissible to masturbate when your wife is a Niddah? May women fantasize? Does enjoying anal play mean I’m gay? ... and much more. Listen and share this special episode, and make sure to subscribe today.

(30) Fantasy, Premarital Sex, Kink and More: An Intimate Judaism Q and A

Sexual intimacy provides the opportunity to express love with connection, pleasure, and satisfaction. Yet, for people who have experienced sexual assault, sexual violence, and abuse, intimacy can feel very unsafe. Being on guard, and sometimes checking out and dissociating, is what has allowed abuse victims to survive, and the idea of “relinquishing control and getting lost in the moment” can be terrifying. Rather than associate physical intimacy with pleasure and connection, sex can trigger feelings of shame, disgust, aversion, and pain. Healing from sexual abuse in order to experience emotional and physical intimacy in a healthy way can be a long and difficult process. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they speak candidly about this difficult reality. Please go to https://www.intimatejudaism.com/ for shownotes, including resources like a list of organizations that help survivors of sexual abuse, and a book list.

(29) Intimacy After Sexual Abuse

Orthodox girls and women are traditionally taught to dress modestly in order to avoid attracting the male gaze and to keep men from sinful thoughts or behaviors. These messages, according to Rabbanit Oriya Mevorach, an educator and doctoral student of Gender and Philosophy, objectify and sexualize women and girls, and are actually influenced by Western society’s sexuality discourse. Moreover, the effect of these messages present men as sexual beings while female sexuality is ignored. Rabbanit Mevorach, who studies sexuality and culture, presents an alternate approach to teaching modesty to young women in their teenage and young adult years. She also discusses what Jewish law has to say about female masturbation.

(28) Tzniut: Modesty, Female Masturbation and the Media

Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, according to Rav Benny, “Do not permit prohibitions or prohibit things that are permitted,” but seek to pave the way to integrate one’s identity with religious life. In this bonus episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum speak candidly with Rav Benny about reconciling religious and homosexual or transgender identities, and how to promote greater acceptance and inclusion of LGBTQ individuals and couples in Orthodox communities. Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism!

(27) “It Is Not Good for a Man to Be Alone”: Guiding Religious LGBTQ Jews

Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and revolves around sexual practices that focus on creating a deep, intimate connection. It is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on the connections between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is intended to lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy. Taoism is a system of traditional beliefs from China. Taoists believe that when a man ejaculates, he loses some aspects of his vitality, or life force, and Taoist practices include learning to delay ejaculation, thereby increasing energy as well as enhancing the sexual experience. While these practices have pagan origins and sound antithetical to our tradition, Yiscah and Yehonatan Schumer, tantric and taoist religious sex instructors from Zfat, say "When you see wisdom amongst the nations, you may believe it," and describe how they merge these practices with a Jewish approach to sex and intimacy. Join this exciting episode as the Schumers speak with Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum. Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism to find out more! Visit Yiscah and Yehonatan Schumer's website at http://kelimshloovim.co.il/.

(26) What is Tantra and is it Kosher? Enhancing Sexual Intimacy Using Ancient Eastern Philosophy and Techniques

Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person's sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt. When are these feelings misplaced and when do they serve a constructive purpose? How should a religious individual manage his experience of guilt? Is there a way to reframe the experience of shame or guilt in order to create a sense of empowerment? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they tackle these and other timely questions.

(25) Sex and Guilt

The Netflix series “Unorthodox” inspired two Intimate Judaism ZOOM panels on female and male sexuality respectively. But many listeners had further questions about sexual functioning in men -particularly with regard to "performance anxiety" - and asked us to discuss the topic in more detail. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in this bonus episode, as they discuss the factors that can contribute to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation, and how religious and social pressure can contribute to these conditions. Support Intimate Judaism by becoming an Intimate Judaism patron on Patreon! Go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism to get exclusive access, merch, and more.  

(24) “Unorthodox” and Male Sexual Functioning Problems

Men are sexually assertive, they constantly think about and want sex, and their masculinity is determined by the frequency of their sexual conquests and their performance. This stereotype is perpetuated by the media in Western culture. Jewish sources, on the other hand, acknowledge the power of the male sexual drive, but require men to direct this drive exclusively towards marital relations. The expectation to live up to contemporary societal expectations of masculinity, to struggle with forbidden sexual arousal, yet be commanded when appropriate to perform sexually with one’s wife, may contribute to feelings of confusion, frustration, and anxiety. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they lead a panel discussion about male sexuality. They discuss the love/lust split, sex outside of marriage among religious men, mindfulness for the treatment of sexual performance anxiety, creating meaningful and enjoyable sex within marriage, and much more.

(23) Masculinity, Male Sexuality, & Judaism: Navigating Love, Lust, & Intimacy

Intimate Judaism's recent ZOOM live panel (https://www.intimatejudaism.com/unorthodox-intimacy-and-authenticity-how-accurate-is-the-netflix-series-portrayal-of-chasidic-intimacy-episode-21/) aroused a great deal of interest and discussion. Many of our listeners wrote in describing their experiences, and in this bonus episode, Brooklyn trauma therapist Chaya Feuerman relates how the messages she received from her own kallah teacher shaped her negative beliefs about sexuality. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss premarital sexual education, wedding night anxiety, what to do about painful sex, and the tension between maintaining cultural sensitivity while promoting sexual health and autonomy.

(22) “Just Do What He Tells You to Do”: Take-Home Messages from the Unorthodox Panel (BONUS EPISODE)

The Netflix series “Unorthodox” portrays the journey of Esty, a young Satmar Chasidic woman who ultimately leaves her marriage and her community to live a secular life in Berlin. Her marital life with her husband, Yanky, and in particular, their dysfunctional sexual relationship, is fraught with conflict and unhealthy intervention of others. Moreover, Esty is seen as having little autonomy over her body or entitlement to withhold sexual consent. We invited a panel of experts to discuss some of the topics raised by this series, including sexual autonomy and agency vs. obligation, vaginismus and unconsummated marriage and the state of sexual education in Orthodox and Ultra-Orthodox communities. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they interview Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, Yehudis Fletcher, and Diana Melnick in this fascinating and important panel discussion.

(21) Unorthodox, Intimacy, and Authenticity: How Accurate is the Netflix Series' Portrayal of Chasidic Intimacy?

The Coronavirus has affected how we live, how we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch and intimacy. The world at large has had to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with distancing measures that are increasing daily. Meanwhile, couples are faced with a new reality: confinement at home, the need to keep children occupied and help them cope with stress and uncertainty, as well as provide comfort and reassurance to one another. How do couples navigate their intimate relationships during this time? Midrashic sources point to several times in history where mankind refrained from relations in times of existential crisis , hunger and enslavement. On the other hand, it may be specifically during times of crisis that couples wish to re-affirm their vitality, comfort one another, or even simply relieve tension through sexual relations. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in discussing emotional and physical intimacy in the time of Corona.

(20) Love (and Sex) in the Time of Corona

Do you have unanswered questions about Judaism, sexuality and intimacy? Do you want your children to get a better sex education than you received, but lack the language or tools to provide it? Do you want to improve and enhance intimacy in your marriage, but aren’t sure how to go about it? Do you wonder about how Judaism views various aspects of sexuality? Do you have questions or issues that you would like to address – either in Jewish law or regarding sexuality – but there is no one you feel comfortable asking? Our monthly podcast, INTIMATE JUDAISM, addresses intimacy and healthy sexuality in the context of Jewish family life. We raise conflicts and challenges and offer candid solutions while remaining firmly within the bounds of Torah and Halacha.

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Intimate Judaism: A Jewish Approach to Intimacy, Sexuality, ...

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