Having compassion can be difficult in a world where we’re bombarded with bad news and suffering. It feels like we are currently living in a dog-eat-dog world. We are all so worried about ourselves that we fail to look at the bigger picture. It’s almost like we no longer embrace a sense of community and are desensitised by those in more need.  The interpretation of compassion is literally “a suffering with another.” Maybe we lack compassion? The problem is, compassion is a powerful emotion, and it has many benefits.  For example, you, Will, Be Happier:  Showing compassion to others isn’t purely altruistic. When you help someone else, it boosts your pleasure. A study from Harvard in 2008 showed that donating money can make you happier than using it on yourself.  Makes You More Attractive: Positive personality traits like kindness and compassion have been shown to increase people’s perceptions of attractiveness. People rated headshots more attractive when they were attached to qualities like compassion.  Improves Your Relationships: Being compassionate is a key to reliable relationships. Whether romantic or not, people will be more comfortable and receptive to you if you show compassion towards them and others.  Uplifts Your Community: Compassion isn’t just powerful in your direct relationships. It can help uplift the world around you. Compassionate acts have a way of spreading like wildfire. James Fowler examined this phenomenon in a study that showed acts of kindness spread just as quickly as bad.  Improves Your Mental Well-Being:  Compassion isn’t just about other people. We must practice self-compassion as well. Often, we find it easier to be compassionate towards others than towards ourselves. Studies have shown that self-compassion is indisputably linked to an individual’s well-being.  Boosts Your Self-Esteem: Compassionate behaviour such as donating, volunteering, and helping people in other ways has increased academic aspirations and self-esteem among teenagers.  Increases Health and Longevity: Compassion doesn’t just boost teenagers’ self-esteem. It has also been linked to improved fatality rates among older volunteers—desirable Personal behaviours like volunteering address more senior peoples individual and societal needs.  Helps You Resolve Conflicts: Life is full of struggles. No matter how much you try to avoid conflict, it is bound to pop up in your life. Compassion can help you address this conflict more effectively. Take some time to listen to the podcast on empathy because you will find it much easier to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you can show mercy.  You Become Calmer: When you strive to be more compassionate, you will usually find them more tolerant and get less annoyed. You will find it easier to forgive minor transgressions, and more concerns will roll off your back. FURTHER READINGS https://mentalhealthtraining.info/mental-health/empathy 2.   Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520/ 3.   Radical Compassion: https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Compassion-Learning-Yourself-Practice/dp/0525522832/ 4.   Training in Compassion: https://www.amazon.com/Training-Compassion-Teachings-Practice-Lojong/dp/1611800404/ 5.   Awakening Compassion at Work: https://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Compassion-Work-Elevates-Organizations/dp/1626564450/ 6.   Mindful Compassion: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Compassion-Science-Understand-Emotions/dp/1626250618/

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What are the benefits of compassion

One inevitable truth about life is that there will be tough times. No matter how blessed your life is, you will have to deal with some hardship. There will be times when you feel like everything is crashing down around you, and your only choice is to keep moving forward. What if the times are so tough, you are struggling to trudge on, though? In that case, keep these nine tips in mind. 1.   Pain Is a Part of Life The first step is to accept that pain is part of life. It might not be easy to hear, but it is the truth. The silver lining is that pain helps us grow and evolve. It's our response to pain that builds our character. 2.   Acknowledge Your Feelings and Emotions Go ahead and "feel your feels." There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that you are upset. Cry if you need to. Get angry if you want. Scream at the world. It would be best if you didn't cast your feelings and emotions away. 3.   Self-Care Isn't a Luxury When dealing with a tough situation in life, it can be easy to give up self-care. This is one of the worst things you can do. If you can bring yourself to do anything, then taking care of your physical and mental needs is the priority. 4.   Try Not to Disappear When you struggle to deal with everything life throws at you, it's easy to withdraw into your bubble. There is nothing wrong with seeking a bit of solitude, but don't disappear into it. Take the time you need for yourself, but don't forget you have people in your life who love and support you. 5.   Keep Your Passions Close If you are struggling through something serious, the last things you are thinking about are your hobbies or passions. However, focusing on your passions is one of the best ways to weather tough times. 6.   Take Action to Take Back Control When life hits you full-on in the face with obstacles, it can feel like you have no control. You are simply along for the turbulent ride. To combat this feeling, try to take action. Instead of just letting life happen, take back control. A small, simple step is all you need to get started. 7.   Look For the Lesson Sometimes the only thing we take from tough times is the bruises. It's important to look for a lesson, though. What have your struggles taught you about the world, yourself, or the people you love? 8.   Remember What You Have No matter how bad things seem to be, you likely have some positives in your life. Use these positives as your life preserver. Keep the things or people that you love too close to your heart. 9.   Ask For Support If you feel overwhelmed by life, reach out and ask for help. You can start with a trusted loved one, but reach out to a professional if you don't feel comfortable with that. They are there to help.

Getting Through Tough Times

Seven Easy Ways to Think Positive and Change Your Life Positive thinking can add so much to your life – and now we know that positive thinking can add years to your life. When you think positively, you get rid of stress and tend to live a healthier life and make better choices. If you’re naturally a negative thinker, there are ways you can change that thinking and get on the path to a life-changing way of thinking. If you really want to begin to think positively and change your life for the better, look at the following ways you can incorporate into your own lifestyle: 1.   Be responsible for your thoughts. No one can tell you what to think or control how you react to your thinking. When you begin to take responsibility for your thoughts, you’ll face the reality of what they’re doing to or for you and be more able to change those negative thoughts. 2.   Plan to think positively. So many of our thoughts come from the subconscious mind. When you plan to think positively, you won’t be as apt to take what you’re thinking as reality. Instead, you have the time and opportunity to think it over and come to a conclusion that reflects the reality of the situation. 3.   Avoid negative people. Negative people can ruin your best-laid plans to think positively. They can feed the fire of self-doubt and anxiety. It can sometimes be classified as a crowd-mentality, so don’t fall prey to it. Think for yourself. 4.   Write down your thoughts. It’s helpful if you can see at the end of the day what your thoughts have been. For a while, take the time to write them down. You’ll see what went wrong with your thoughts and be able to improve them. 5.   Consider the repercussions. For example, if you have a deadline for an assignment, and it becomes clear that you’re not going to meet it, consider what might happen. If you finish it on time, it won’t be as good as you wanted. If you take more time, it may cause other problems. Also, consider solutions. For example, you could ask for an extension to the deadline. 6.   Minimize catastrophic thinking. Rather than thinking the worst about a situation, try to minimize it and lower your anxiety level by being practical about it. If you’re susceptible to those thoughts, avoid situations (such as television news) that might cause you anxious thinking. 7.   Live for the moment. When you spend too much time trying to guess or analyse the future, you’ll convince yourself of failure – especially if you’ve failed in the past. If you think you’ll fail, you probably will. Accept the reality that you can control your thoughts. You’ll become more empowered to face stressful situations in your life and to change the way you think. It will become easier to maintain a positive attitude the more you practice thinking positively.

7 easy ways to think positive and change your life

Overcoming Negative Thoughts Everyone falls prey to negative thoughts sometimes. It’s like watching a film that begins with clear skies and happiness and seeing it turn into dark clouds and horror. The bad thing is that there’s no eerie music to alert us when that turn takes place in our minds from positive to negative. We can only tune into our thoughts once in a while to see how we’re doing. When you catch yourself thinking negatively there are a few things you can do – actually practice – that can help you overcome the negativity and get yourself into that “happy ending.” 1.   Adjust the tone of your voice, both inner and outer. When you find that you're speaking or thinking tone is harsh and negative, change it to a lighter and more positive tone. 2.   Meditation. Finding some time for yourself to meditate or just relax and restore your energy levels can do wonders for your outlook. When you combine some yoga stretches or deep breathing, you can make bigger leaps. 3.   Smile. The best way to diffuse a negative situation is to smile – really smile, with your eyes and your entire face and demeanour. It can lift a mood almost instantaneously and help to relieve stress, too (and it takes fewer facial muscles to smile than to frown). 4.   Help someone else. Becoming a benefactor to someone can fill your heart and mind with happiness. And, how can you think and project negative thoughts when you’re so happy? 5.   Keep a gratitude journal. Those who have had to overcome great obstacles in their lives say they kept and still do keep a gratitude journal and wrote a few things in it every day that they were grateful for. It helped to get them through bad times. 6.   Choose positive people to be around. You may have to work with negative people, and you may have some in your own family, but your friends that you choose can be positive ones who help you put things into perspective when you’re thinking negatively. Do whatever works for you to lift your spirits and get you out of negative self-talk. Some people exercise. That gets the endorphins flowing and keeps you from becoming depressed. Dancing and singing are also proven mood lifters. You don’t have to be good enough for “American Idol” or “Dancing with the Stars.” Just dance or sing unfiltered and see how the stress can melt away. You are in charge of the choices you make in life, and you can either choose to be a negative or a positive person to go through life.

Overcoming negative thoughts

Why Does Rejection Hurt So Much? Rejection hurts. That's a fact that's been proven scientifically as well as by our individual experiences. It negatively impacts our well-being and inflicts emotional pain. However, why does rejection hurt so much? Researchers have pondered these same questions, and we have our answers. Rejection played an essential purpose in our evolution.  In our past, when we were all hunters and gatherers, being rejected by our village was truly a death sentence. This is because no one could survive alone for long. Psychologists believe that our brains developed a warning system to alert us when we risk being ostracized. Getting our attention was so important that this warning system had to be as painful as possible so we could correct our behaviors and be allowed to remain in the tribe. We relive and experience social rejection just as we experience physical pain.  Researchers at UCLA noticed that physical pain and social pain (the pain of being rejected) are felt in the same parts of our brains. This means that our brains cannot differentiate between physical pains ( say, a broken arm) and the pain of being rejected. This is the reason why a break-up can leave you feeling broken, just like with most physical injuries. Our brains prioritize the pain of rejection because being ostracized from the "tribe" was akin to a death sentence. Being rejected destabilizes our "desire to belong."  Humans are social animals, and we fundamentally need to belong to a tribe. Rejection destabilizes that need, and this adds to the pain we feel. Research has proven that being in a group or reconnecting with people that love and value us soothes physical pains and makes us feel happy. It unleashes our insecurities. Most times, the pains' rejection leads to are much more than that of being rejected. We often take rejection to mean we're unlovable, unworthy, or undeserving. Rejection awakens all our doubts and insecurities about how we assume we are viewed by others, especially the person who rejected us. So, while being rejected alone can be especially painful, these self-doubts and uncertainty about the reason we were rejected in the first place can put these insecurities in our minds. These might lead to self-loathing, low self-esteem, and other really serious psychological concerns. This is especially true with emotional rejections, where most people might consider having a certain body shape or attribute as the reason for being rejected. This leaves people feeling as if they aren't worthy of being accepted rather than accepting that the person might have rejected them for an entirely different reason. While the rejection itself would hurt, these self-doubts and suspicions will leave you feeling even more pain. 

Why Does Rejection Hurt So Much

Introduction.  Have you ever had unwavering self-belief in your decisions or actions Probably when our children become by this kind of confidence naturally, it's what makes us brave enough to think we can do absolutely anything?  Unfortunately, as we grow older, we tend to lose self-belief by adulthood. We might not even realize our actions are driving our self-belief down. The sad thing is we need it. Confidence is what makes us try new things and grow as individuals. It's also what motivates teaches and helps us enjoy life. But more than this unwavering self-belief is what we need. Whenever we make decisions or jump to the next action. If we're looking for success to be inevitable. So why do we lose our self-belief and how can we get it back You're listening to voices from the past parents, teachers and other people of authority who are meant to be trusted at the same time. They're human and sometimes say, or do the wrong thing. If we were given negative messages, when we were young, it could be very hard to get past those damaging labels. As an adult, it will bar you from having a self-belief. You can trust the fix, start recognizing errors in what was said and working through the trauma of what happened before. Realize people don't always know everything and remind yourself, these messages were wrong. Write affirmations or change your negative.  Self talk to a competing statement that builds up and doesn't tear down. You're listening to the wrong voices today. Unfortunately not every negative individual is safely relegated to the past. Sometimes were shot down by the friendly fire. Our well-meaning friends can sometimes be discouraging or worse, quick to point out our flaws or other perceived shortcomings, the fix, sorry, but you're going to have to realize people like this. Aren't your friends. And they're certainly not helping try losing the toxic people in your life or at least limiting your exposure to them. Or if you do want to salvage the friendship, grab some courage and try confronting them about how you feel when they 

Why do we give up and lose our belief and what to do

Many people believe that positive thinking alone is not enough without adjusting your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to propel us towards success, but consider the opposite?  Limited thinking can be a burden for rapid success, whereas positive thinking is a blessing. But, here are several ways that we self-sabotage our success. If you aren’t sure what limited thinking is all about? Here are nine classic examples, and if you continue to engage in these reasoning patterns, you must first address them or suffer the consequences.  All or Nothing This limited thinking pattern hinders your ability to see any distinction. Your focus is either a massive success or a humble failure. Routinely thinking like this holds us back by not allowing us to see progress or growth. It doesn’t let us find a “middle ground.”  Focus on The Negative Negative thinking is one of the most discussed topics in the self-help world. We all know the negative impact this kind of thinking can have on our life. If you are the type of person whose mind filters all information through a negative lens, you won’t be as happy or prosperous as you deserve.  Overgeneralization This thinking pattern is best described as taking a single incident and only drawing broad conclusions about it. For example, you fail at something so then decide it is unimportant, you are lousy, and you’ll never figure it out. Besides being overly cynical, this thought process isn’t logical. Try to stop thinking in absolutes.  Mind Reading It is impossible to read someone’s mind. Even if you are highly intuitive, you can’t know for sure what someone is thinking. If you are the type of character that makes quick assumptions about others or presumes you know the “real reason” they acted in a certain way, then you might be suffering from this thinking pattern.  Fixed Mindset A fixed mindset is an idea that things are black or white, and there is no reason to switch. You trust your abilities (which is great), but you never see a reason to expand or evolve. If you aren’t growing and progressing as a person, you are standing still, letting the world pass you by.  Stuck on How This type of limited thinking is when you get too wrapped up in the idea of “how.” For example, how will you ever reach your goals? While having a plan is necessary, sometimes we can’t possibly know all the details of accomplishing something. You can’t allow this to prevent you from taking action, though.  Catastrophizing Are you the type of person to assume the absolute worst of any situation? Does a minute obstacle in your path make you think the sky is falling? If so, you are likely suffering from catastrophizing. This limited thinking pattern makes us always expect the worst. If you don’t deal with it, you will be too paralyzed by fear and hesitation to grow truly.  A Case of The “Shoulds” If you ever get caught up worrying about the way things “should” be instead of how they are, you might be dealing with this confined thinking pattern. You expect the universe and other people to act according to your preconceived standards and cannot adapt when they don’t.  Personalization Not everything is about you. Did you need to hear that? If so, you might be suffering from personalization. This limited thinking pattern means you take everything personally. Not everything that happens to you is a personal slight or shortcoming. Sometimes things simply don’t work out, and it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.

Is limited thinking patterns holding you back from success?

If you are one of those who commonly avoid tasks or specific situations, it could be for many reasons. But before you can work on solving or completing a job you’ve been putting off, it’s essential to narrow down what type of avoidance you are using to evade something in your life, so you can know how best to combat it.  If you’ve ever heard the phrase, “What you resist persists,” you have been introduced to the fundamental reason why your avoidance and how you cope can increase anxiety. Emotional Or Cognitive Avoidance This type of avoidance usually happens internally and can’t be seen by anyone other than the person experiencing the avoidance. When you, emotionally or cognitively, avoid something, it means that you avoid ruminating about it. Cognitive avoidance is about avoiding internal events such as unpleasant or distressing thoughts or memories. With this type of avoidance, people usually suppress or reject the experience of certain kinds of thoughts that feel unpleasant or overwhelming. This can mean either blocking out the thoughts when they come to mind or repressed memories that can be incredibly stressful. Emotional avoidance is especially prominent after someone has experienced a trauma, and is very common in people living with PTSD. Sometimes this type of avoidance requires medical intervention to resolve. Situational Avoidance Situational avoidance is when you specifically avoid a particular person, place, or thing which may remind you of something which makes you unhappy. This frequently happens in friend groups when certain group members have had an altercation and don’t want to go to events where they may see the person they have disagreed with to avoid causing problems.  You may also notice this type of avoidance in a friend who constantly changes the subject when a particular topic comes up in conversation. This type of avoidance is much easier to see among your family and friends. Conflict avoidance This is a type of people-pleasing behaviour that typically arises from a deep-rooted fear of upsetting others. Many of these tendencies can be traced back to growing up in a dismissive or hypercritical environment. People who respond to conflict this way often expect unfavourable outcomes and find it difficult to trust the other person’s reaction. Here are more examples of how this may manifest: 1. Stonewalling or denying an issue exists by ignoring it 2. Fear of disappointing others 3. Deliberately sidestepping conversations 4. Silently resenting unresolved issues Protective Avoidance This type of avoidance is where you may go out of your way to protect yourself from feeling a particular emotion or experiencing something once again. For example, someone who was the victim of a robbery may obsessively check the locks on all the doors in the house to ensure they are locked.  This type of avoidance can be one of the most dangerous as it can quickly escalate to a more severe condition such as obsessive-compulsive disorder or even an eating disorder. Substitution avoidance Substitution avoidance is essentially trying to replace one feeling with another. A person might replace grief with anger or another emotion that feels more tolerable for her at the time. For instance, patients who are unable to cope with difficult emotions might binge on food, substances, sex, pornography, shopping, or gambling as a way to distract. Numbing out is also a form of substitution avoidance. “Emotional numbing is the mental and emotional process of shutting out feelings and may be experienced as deficits of emotional responses or reactivity,”  Avoidance is so natural and familiar that it can take complex forms and look completely different from one situation to the next. Avoidance isn’t always maladaptive, but in many cases involving internal events, it is not sustainable in the long run and can make things worse. Read the full article.

Some familiar types of avoidance

The Importance of Integrity When someone has integrity, they demonstrate ethical principles and sound morals. They strive to do what is right, no matter the situation, who's watching, or even how they feel. It is the foundation on which good relationships are built. Integrity encourages trust and is a fundamental and value people look for when beginning any sort of relationship – professional or personal. Research puts it amongst the top 5 values that employers look for when hiring. ·       People searching for a romantic partner also hold integrity in high regard and look for it in their potential partners.  Integrity is a core quality required for a happy and successful life. It is the single most valuable character a person can develop to remarkably enhance all parts of their lives. When you decide to be a person of integrity and then commit to it, you will have taken the first step to a much more successful life. A few other reasons' integrity is so important: It Gives You Peace  Compromising your morals to succeed or feel like you belong can be incredibly exhausting. When you live a life of integrity, you're truthful and clear about who you are or your stance on a matter. Your day-to-day life becomes easier, and you are at peace because you do not have to worry about hiding anything. It Builds Self-Trust While research has shown that integrity is a leading factor that makes people gain the trust of others, living in integrity also builds self-trust. This is because we do not question ourselves when we have integrity; we listen to our hearts and follow through on what we think is right. This makes us trust ourselves more, which boosts confidence in general. We Gain the Trust and Respect of Others When we live in integrity, we gain the respect and trust of everybody, especially people with whom we have a close relationship. People see you as dependable, reliable, and responsible for your actions when you live with integrity. People will feel safer when you give your word. You gain influence, which generates trust. Integrity is especially important if you occupy a leadership position as it is a sign of efficient leadership that the community, clients, workers, and stakeholders look out for. Excellent relationships We often attract who we are. When you live with integrity, your relationships will reflect these good morals. Living in integrity shows commendable character, and you will naturally draw people to you. When you do not have to be dishonest or compromise on your values to have friends, you'll find out that you'll have better and high-quality relationships.

The Importance of Integrity

What does mindfulness mean to you?  Like many of us, we have heard about mindfulness. I knew that it implied paying attention, opening our awareness to what is happening now, in the present moment, and accepting it without judging or trying to control it. Mindfulness is unquestionably linked to breathing, yet we all know how to breathe because it is a natural phenomenon and doesn't need the practice anyway?  Practising mindfulness by using your breath as the starting point and the focus not only opens your awareness to the present moment, which is what mindfulness is all about. Instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on past actions, you are focused solely on remaining in the present moment. Whereby, reduce rumination (say goodbye to overthinking everything!) Mindfulness originates from ""sati,"" a word in the ancient Indian language of Pali, which roughly translates to present-moment awareness. Mindfulness is commonly integrated into yoga and tai chi practices, as well as meditations. There's mindful walking and even mindful showers. However, the most popular way to practice mindfulness is through meditation. You probably already know that meditation is a practice in quieting your mind. Breathing meditation So what is mindful breathing?  Being aware of your breathing means observing and opening your consciousness to your breath: to your breathing in, and you're breathing out, without controlling or judging it in any way. How to break a bad habit Many of us have forgotten how to breathe well. By adulthood, we've picked up some unhelpful breathing habits. A baby breathes deep into its belly in a slow and steady rhythm. Stress can cause the body to go into a "fight or flight state, making us feel wired and ready for action. One of the physiological changes we see happen in this state is that our breathing rate increases. Holding your stomach in, something lots of us do subconsciously can also make your breathing shallow, rapid or irregular. Press rest Breathing is an autonomic bodily function that we can also control. All breathing techniques involve a variation of three elements: inhaling, holding the breath, and exhaling. Depending on the desired effect, the pattern changes. The 4-7-8 Method, used for deep relaxation, involves inhaling for a count of four, holding the breath for seven, and exhaling for eight.  Read the full article... https://mentalhealthtraining.info/mental-health/mindfulness/mindfulness-2 

The Art of Breathing

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