This is the story of one man and a dream. For a dozen years, Utah inventor Mark Kirkland has been trying to sell a product called the Candwich. Back in 2010 Steven Colbert explained what a Candwich is. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My Minute of News with Jeff Caplan

The Candwich!

Back in the day, any time any American went into space, they’d get their wings.  Astronaut wings - little godlen pin that signified they’d flown more than 50 miles up, and came 50 miles down. But no more. Last week… the FAA announced they’re retiring the practice.  And guess who’s among the last humans to be awarded their wings? Jeff Bezos. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Astronaut Wings

While we wait for snow blanket the region… ushering in the Christmastime season The men with their snowplows are gassed up to go But what do we call the trucks pushing snow? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Name the Snowplow

Yesterday Jeff grabbed an apple… and in one practiced motion… he put it in his palm while pulling the hand toward my already opening mouth…. and as he braced for that first delightful chomp…. he froze.  The fruit sticker was in Jeff's target zone. He stared at the sticker.  It stared back.   And the fruit devil on his left shoulder said “Eat It.  Eat the Sticker.”   The fruit angel on my right said “peel it off Jeff” And it got him wondering ... is it ok to eat the sticker? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is the Apple Sticker Edible?

Jeff's spent the past two weeks… no kidding… trying to find out what the metaverse is? He's been reading.  He's been watching youtube… and he doesn’t get it. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Metaverse is a giant helping of Word Salad

Churchill Canada bills itself as the Polar Bear Capitol of the World.  Perched at the Northern tip of Manitoba… and pressed up against the Arctic Circle…  the people of Churchill are pondering a problem. With not a single road leading back to the rest of the world… they depend on wealthy tourists to come see the bears… and leave their bucks behind.  Tundra Buggies take them out on tours … --- Churchill is the place that polar bears wait for  the ice to harden …. and as winter takes hold they lumber off onto the frozen sheet hunting for seals. In Churchill there’s no great love for polar bears.  When they’re hungry… they’re  so dangerous last week trick-or-treaters in Churchill were followed by parents in cars… just in case of polar bear attack.   The New York Times says… drivers take wide turns around corners… in Churchill … llest they plow into a polar bear.  That’s trouble enough but Churchill has a bigger problem and its climate change.  Which is happening more quickly the farther north you go.  Almost every Christmas we hear about a heatwave at the north pole and it’s suddenly warmer than Utah up there.  So the ice forms later and later each year.  The bears get less time to hunt seals… and when their hungry they produce fewer cubs… So their  population is dwindling.  And Churchill wonders… how to lure the tourists?  You can see the Northern Lights there… but that’s true of any town up north. Churchillians are moving out.   The town’s thriving population of 5,000 is down to 800…  and soon… thanks to climate change… the town that will soon by popalted not by its hardscrabble people… nor by majestic    polar bears ..    But only by ghosts. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When the Polar Bears are Gone

Election Day… and the only people who are gonna drop-off their ballots today are the same ones who do their Christmas shopping December 23rd.  Voting by mail makes it so easy.  But we need a changeYou sit home … you go to each candidates facebook page and discover they’re all in favor of family values and the American way of life…. they’re against higher taxes… so you just pick the one with a name you’ve heard before… seal it up… and send it off. At some point you’ll find out who won.  Or maybe you won’t.  Either way… you’ve fulfilled your civic responsibility.  And I mourn for the kids who’ll never get to have the kind of Election Day experience I enjoyed. Because back when I was a little one… dad would take me to vote.  I felt so important sharing this secret responsibility.  He’d hold me in his arms so I’d be tall enough to close the curtain.  And he let me pull the little levers on the voting machine.   Then I would pull the big handle to make it all final and it made a big cranking noise and I felt like the world’s more important 4 year old.  5 year old.  And when I stood on my own two feet.. as an eight year old… and as a 35 year old… took my own young song into the voting machine.. and he pulled the levers but that’s where the story ends. Because that wizard of oz moment feeling like a  powerful man behind the curtain will never be experienced by this new..  generation.  Instead… when it’s time to vote… they’ll get to lick an envelope.  So I’d like to suggest  this change for the future… that election officials use cherry flavored glue on the envelopes… so that at least there’s *something* special for kids learning how to be good citizens. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Election Day: Never Again

There are two English Language dictionaries.  There’s Merriam Webster… And there’s the other one  that you sniff before you say the name. That would be the  (sniff) Oxford Dictionary.  It was created in England in the 1850’s… by Justin Quincy Bieber .. actually the great great grand fa… no I’m just messing with you.  It was created at Oxford University and ever since they’ve been naming a word of the year. You probably heard the word of the year for 2021… is vax.  It was barely used before this year.   But always busy .. we desperately needed to whittle down four syllables to one… and vaccination became vax.  Bonus points… it’s both a noun and verb. And.   It got me wondering … about years past.  Last year… the (sniff) Oxford Dictionaryt didn’t bother with a word of the year0.  There were too many choices from lockdown… support bubbles.. pandemic Brexit.. black lives matter.   Old Justin Bieber Oxford blew a gasket… and they just declared “all those pandemic wordy words” win.  congrastulations! But let’s look at the long term staying power of words gone by.  2005 the word of the year was truthiness.  Which means something that seems like it must be true… but its not. 16 years later we are awash in truthiness.   2016 the word of the year was dumpster fire. Even though its two words. .  2017 it was fake news.  Two words again.   So this year…  salute the (sniff) Oxford dictionary for  brushing up on basic math skills.  And selecting one word as its word of the year.  Out of all the words in the English language… it’s VAX. Get the point? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oxford Word of the Year 2021

We’ve seen this countless times. The founder sells his company to an investment firm.  Next thing a bunch of beancounters in expensive suits show up… and they start laying people off.  To “tighten up the balance sheet.” But not at Sarah Blakely’s company.  20-years ago she invented panty hose without the feet.  Nobody thought of it.  So she started Spanx.  And her idea was noticed by Oprah. Oprah Raved… And the rest is history.  With an emphasis on female empowerment… Spanx grew and grew until last week… Sarah Blakely sold the company to an investment firm for 1-point-2 billion dollars. Normally… the 500 employees would fear for their jobs at this point.  But that’s not what happened.   Instead Sarah Blakely said thank you.  A 6 million dollar thank you. The Spanx women screamed.  There were tears.  They cried.   But Sarah Blakely had more. So now you can think about where in teh world you’d go… if you worked Sarah Blakely.  But you don’t.  And you’ll go home… wishing you did. In that moment of celebration… the employees didn’t realize the best news of all.  After the sale… Sarah Blakely is staying with the company.  So now you can think about where in teh world you’d go… if you worked Sarah Blakely.  But you don’t.  And probably wish you did. We’ve seen this script before.  The founder of a company sells out to some blue-chip investment firm.;  Next thing that happens a bunch of beancounters show up in expensive suits… and then come the rumors… and the layoffs as the numbers crunchers “tighten up the balance sheet. But Sarah Blakely ran a different kind of company.  People crying So now you can think about where in teh world you’d go… if you worked Sarah Blakely.  But you don’t.  But righty now… you probably wish you did. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Big Spanx Giveaway

You’ve been hearing about supply chain problems for Christmas… but before we get there I’m a little worried that thanksgiving dinner might be a squeeze of ketchup … a glass of water… and a cup of baking soda from the back of the fridge. It is looking bleak at the grocery store.  The New York Times reports that people all over the country are scouring the supermarkets for favorite ingredients out of fear we’ll see last-minute shortages.   So far there’s no sign of shortages but the stuff you buy will cost more. In some cases a lot more…. right down to the aluminum roasting pan for the turkey.  Sweet Portato farmers are paying truckers twice as much to get their goods to market.   And the turkey?  Turkey  prices will gobble—up more of the family budget.  The times says you can blame the supply chain issues … gas prices… labor shortages. Bad weather.  Take your pick - they’re all factors. Listen to this.  Farmer can’t even find the wooden pallets they need to ship to ship their produce. And so… food prices are up 4-point-6 percent from a year ago.  Meat Poultry Fish and Egg prices are up more than 10-percent.  And the Thanksgiving Turkey is leading the pack.  The Department of Agriculture says Turkey prices will cost 25-cents a pound more than last year.   But while the price of everything is up…. including the trip to Grandmother’s house - I don’t have to tell you about gas prices.  We should be thankful that so far - most all the food is available.  So when you’re not busy with the neccesarily early Christmas shopping— you got to head to the grocery store and start shipping for the ingredients for thanksgiving See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thanksgiving Prices

Anybody who’s been through 4th grade can figure this out. In the summer of 21 a neighborhood of new houses went up. Wood frames with contoured landscaping that allowed grass grow its way up a slope to the roof.  These homes were furnished with custom Swedish furniture.  They had working fireplaces.  But what they did not have… was  realtors prowling the neighborhood looking for folks who might want to flip they’re just built homes.  This neighborhood consisteing f 8 houses finished    in the summer of 21 were built without any lumber shortages or contractor delays.  Because the homes were built by their owners not in 2021.. but 1021.  Scientists say this enclave is the first proof that Vikings got to North America recisely a thousand years ago. They landed their boats stowed the oars and started chopping trees in easternmost Canada lo those many years ago.  Building8 A farmhouses with earthen walls that sloped up  to a peak and the homes almost looked like hills.  The trrees they cut formed the framing and doorways.  500 years before Columbus. Long before Plymouth Rock.   But what became of these homeowner  They disappeared while remnants of their humble homes remain.    Did their village die out?  Did they go back to Scandinavia to spend a thousand years plotting the arrival of ikea?   A mystery, but the precision dating of the year they arrived was unearthed through  carbon dating by learned scientists…combined with something you learned in  4th grade.  they counted the rings on the trees.  Their lumber.  And the researchers  came to an irrefutable… undenialbe… arrival date of  1021. Long gone … these Vikings were the first Europeans to establish a beachhead these shores… and the only way we commemorate their arrival…  Is with a pro football team in Minnesota.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Vikings Arrival

My wife & I are now watching the squid game. It’s horrific and violent …and all you need to know is that each episode ends with a body count.  But it’s the most popular show in Netflix history… and my job requires me to stay on the cutting edge of popular culture. So I watched the first five episodes.  Fair warning the show is in Korean… and the English dubbing doesn’t quite match the mouths and it’s distracting.  Even worse- the American voice actors who performed the dubbing are about as good as high school actors… which makes the entire show comical.  But my associate producer… shout out Jessica Lowell said try watching it in Korean… with English subtitles.  And I was like “get outa here.”  Next thing you know I’ll be eating brie and … and … wearing sweaters. But we watched two episodes in Korean… and you know what?  WAY BETTER.  Becaiuse I wasn’t distracted by the clownish American voice dubbing.   This show that seemed comical in English… is a drama in Korean.   Listen…. to the difference? Wicked witch of the west.  Funny Dead serious.  Woman is losing it.  Life and Death. So if you’re watching Squid Game… after you hit play… choose the Korean version… for a completely different experience. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Squid Game - Watch in Korean!

A few of the sit down restaurants I’ve been to aren’t the same anymore.  The food isn’t quite as awesome.  Service is a little slower.  And during that endless wait for the appetizers… 5 minutes.  10 minutes.  And tthere’s a little devil on my shoulder demanding that I say something. Uh … Excuse me.  Excuse me. But the angel on the other shoulder says I have to calm down and be an adult.  The restaurant does not care that I’m wrestling with my demons.  They’re sick and tired of stressed out customers snapping because the jalapeno poppers and cheese sticks took 7 minutes. At $12 bucks an hour… the wait staffis doing the best they can and don’t care that you want to talk with the manager.  Because the manager is also secretly sick of the way people act lately. Hospitals are distributing panic buttons to nurses.  Flight attendants are getting self-defense courses.  In rare cases customers are getting prison sentences.    And before you bellow “whatever happened to the customer is always right?”  It’s changing right before your eyes to the customer is usually right…. we’re doing the best we can. We have to be more patient and less abrasive.  We have to do better given the labor shortages the supply chain issues.  You’re not gonna get what you want by throwing a seismic fit anymore.  The people behind the counter have heard too many diatribes. They know you’ve never been treated so badly in your life.  They know you want to talk to the manager. Believe it or not … your momentary frustration is not the most important thing in the world to the folks trying to serve your needs for 14 bucks an hour. If the line moves too slowly.  Or if they can squeeze you in til next Thursday.  Or if that other table got its food before you.. chill.  Next time you’re about to snap… listen to the angel on the other shoulder… gliss …. and kill ‘em with kindness. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Customer Service: CHILL!

Can we still call it the Great Salt Lake? If you've been out to water's edge you know the Salt Lake isn't close to what it used to be, and it's our fault.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Mediocre Salt Lake

Have you been following events in China? They just celebrated their 4th of July… and part of the celebration was flying jets into Taiwan’s airspace.  They violated the territory of their sworn enemy.  38 military jets on Saturday.  39 on Sunday.  More than 50 of them yesterday.   China chuckles that this was .. heh heh.  like a military parade.  People in Capitalist Taiwan.  Our friends.  Our trading partners…. grin and bear these ever escalating tweaks…  all the time. But consider this.  When 1 Russian jet flies into US airspace… it is news. But when more than 100 Chinese jets invade Taiwan’s airspace …like they did this week… the smallest mistake in the sky could spark war.  China’s President makes no bones about conquering Taiwan and the US better not get in the way. . I’m an expert in Mandarin I’ll translate his warning to the US We will never allow any foreign forces to bully coerce or enslave us.  Whoever attempts this surely break their heads on the steel Great Wall  built with the blood and flesh of the Chinese People.  This guy musta hired Kim Jong Un to be his speechwriter. But China can back up this  bluster and if they tweak Taiwan into war… what happens? Do we go to war with China?    Would today’s supply chain shortages  here in the US look like little hiccups?   Unclear… but it’d only take one mistake in the sky… and we might find out. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

China's Flex

KSL Newsradio's Jeff Caplan offers his own unique spin on the fun, quirky things that happen alongside the news.

hubhopper

My Minute of News with Jeff Caplan

hubhopper