You guys...do I have a special episode for you this week or what. I was out in Portland visiting my son, Blake, when we had the most beautiful moment of authentic communication between us. With Blake’s permission, I flipped on my microphone, and we’re bringing you the first ever podcast with one of my kids on it!  Blake is only 21, but I’m blown away by his wisdom and the healthy adult he is becoming. In the story we’re sharing with you today, Blake was actually the one who recognized when his ego got triggered and who initiated the communication between us, and I’d be lying if I said mom didn’t tear up a little over here! The moment we experienced together led us to a deep discussion about how the ego shows up in our lives, the peace that comes from authentic living, how we can communicate more authentically with the people in our lives, how to receive authentic communication and how essential it is to make sure we’re coming from a place of love as we do this work. Listen to discover: How authentic communication deepens connection How the ego keeps us stuck in our defenses Why trying to be right all the time kills connection How to create safety in relationships How to respond when someone doesn’t receive our authentic communication well How to begin authentically communicating When you hear the story of what happened, you will recognize that Blake and I didn't experience any conflict. However, Blake was aware of something that didn’t feel right internally about a conversation we had and leaned into that awareness to create an opportunity for more authentic communication.  There would have been nothing wrong with letting it go and moving on, but that extra step was a chance to build a deeper connection...and that’s how we create more meaningful relationships! We step up, we get vulnerable and we share authentically with another. As Blake says, the best part is not just stronger relationships, but also that sense of alignment with ourselves and knowing we’re showing up how we want to show up for others...as our authentic selves! “The ego is the part of us that creates separation.” - Michelle Chalfant “You can’t be right (all the time) and have a deep connection with other human beings.” - Michelle Chalfant “When you’re the hero of your story, it doesn’t matter what other people are saying. It matters how you’re showing up for them.” - Blake Chalfant “Whether we agree with another person who is communicating with us or setting a boundary with us, how we receive that and express back is so key to deepening that relationship and creating safety in that relationship.” - Michelle Chalfant “We automatically defend as humans unless we have awareness.” - Michelle Chalfant “It just comes back to everything you do coming from the container of love.” - Blake Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES    Episode #283: Deeper Connections Through Vulnerability https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/283/    30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts November 1) https://theadultchair.com/30days/    P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/  Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/    The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

The Adult Chair

285: The Gift of Authentic Communication with Blake Chalfant

Do you ever feel like you’re being disloyal to your family for having your own life? Or do you feel like you’re second fiddle to your partner’s parents? If so, you or your partner might come from an enmeshed family: a system of relating to each other that is based on dependency, guilt, obligation and too much closeness (yes, that can be a thing!).  In today’s episode, I’m bringing back one of your favorite guests, Dr. Ken Adams, to talk about the important topic of enmeshment – and let me tell you, he is SUCH a wealth of knowledge!  When I knew we were bringing Dr. Adams back, I asked The Adult Chair® community what you wanted to know about enmeshment and I was flooded with questions! So, I used this time with Dr. Adams to ask him YOUR questions – everything from the difference between codependency and enmeshment to what to do if your spouse is enmeshed with his or her family to how to let go as an enmeshed parent. I know you guys are so excited to have Dr. Adams back and to get your questions answered, and I am too!  Listen to discover:   The line between being caring and enmeshment The difference between codependency and enmeshment What to do if you come from an enmeshed family or your spouse’s family is enmeshed How to manage guilt when stepping out of an enmeshed system What a healthy family looks like How different cultural norms can foster enmeshment Tips for enmeshed parents who want to change their pattern of relating to their children or who are struggling with letting go   The key to recognizing enmeshment is to understand that it’s a connection bound by guilt. It goes beyond being caring and even beyond being codependent to the point of obligation, anger and being accused of disloyalty if you don’t follow the family system.  These feelings of guilt can make it difficult to set boundaries, but if you stay in your Adult, sit with your emotions and hold those boundaries, freedom – and possibly a much healthier family overall – is waiting for you on the other side. “In those enmeshed systems, dependency is built on obligation and loyalty is driven by guilt.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Autonomy and separateness feel like disloyalty.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Sometimes outsiders are viewed suspiciously, which includes your spouse.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Both partners are responsible for keeping out intrusions”. - Dr. Ken Adams   “Sometimes the guilt is a representation that you’re doing the right thing.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “You don’t let the guilt stop you from continuing the boundaries in that relationship.” - Michelle Chalfant   “It’s really building up self-worth around who am I now…who am I really underneath these masks that my parents put on me.” - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES    Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/    Episode #256: Understanding Enmeshment with Dr. Ken Adams https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/256/    Episode #276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair® with Dr. Pam Staples https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/276/    30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts November 1) https://theadultchair.com/30days/    P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/  Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

284: Enmeshment, Codependency and Boundaries with Dr. Ken Adams

As humans, we are all wired for connection and to feel like we belong. No one, even the biggest introvert on the planet, doesn’t want to feel connected with others.    But many of us find there is a gap between the connection we crave and the way we experience our relationships. We might have a loving marriage, a thousand Facebook friends, and a busy social calendar but something still feels empty.   That’s because to truly connect at a deep level, we have to get real and vulnerable with each other...and vulnerability is scary! Few of us really “go there” in our relationships, and this leaves us wanting something more.   But like anything else, vulnerability is a practice. It’s something we can all work to grow in our lives and start getting the relationships we really want. In this episode, I’m sharing with you the benefits of vulnerability, how to find safe people to practice vulnerability with, and the steps you can take to grow vulnerability and connection in your relationships.   Listen to discover: What vulnerability is Why vulnerability is a strength The benefits of vulnerability When to be vulnerable and when not to be vulnerable Scripts for practicing vulnerability in relationships If vulnerability still feels a bit scary, that’s ok! Practicing vulnerability is all about taking baby steps and increasing your comfort level with sharing with others. And as you begin to lead with vulnerability, you will automatically invite others to be vulnerable with you, building deeper connections and transforming your relationships!  “When we start sharing on that level, we have the potential and the ability to then connect with others on that level.” - Michelle Chalfant “The deeper I can go within myself and get in touch with what’s going on inside myself, the deeper relationships I can have outside of self.” - Michelle Chalfant “As a good friend, it’s my job to mirror for her what’s going on.” - Michelle Chalfant “Vulnerability fosters intimacy.” - Michelle Chalfant “When we are vulnerable, there’s compassion for who we are.” - Michelle Chalfant “Humans are wired for connection and the feeling of belonging. Being vulnerable with another human being creates exactly that.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES    30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts in November) https://theadultchair.com/30days/    TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/  Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

283: Deeper Connections Through Vulnerability

When you think about wanting to change or transform, what do you typically think of changing? Most of us think of a behavior or action – something we are doing. If we’ve been doing our work for a while, we might think of a thought pattern or belief.    But what if everything we do and think is just the tip of the iceberg? What if our actions, behaviors and beliefs are actually the manifestation of deep unconscious patterns in our brains, and if true transformation happens by transforming these patterns?   In this episode, I talk with the incredible Adele Spraggon, a behavioral change and brain expert, about what drives human behavior, why traditional methods of change fail and how we can identify and transform the unconscious patterns that drive our behavior without us even knowing it.    We’re covering so many topics from relationships to money (because the brain affects them all!), and you will learn Adele’s four-step process for working with negative patterns, even those in your subconscious mind.   I LOVED my conversation with Adele – a true soul sister who speaks The Adult Chair® language – and I know you will too.   Listen to discover: Why simply trying to change behavior doesn’t work The real reason why you do what you do The problem with goal setting How to actually transform actions, behaviors and beliefs Steps to changing unconscious brain patterns Surrender vs. acceptance How this can change your relationship with money, your partner, your family, etc.   Too often we try to change only the external or we try to simply work against the negative patterns in our brain, and we wonder why our lives don’t change. As you will learn in this episode, the key is that we have to get rid of the old pattern before we can replace it with a new one...and this episode will show you how!    “How we are taught to change behaviors is not effective. What we need to do is deal with our brain’s patterning instead of the actions that we're taking, the beliefs that we’re holding or the behaviors we’re adopting.” - Adele Spraggon “Between us and our situations, there lives an interpreter, and that interpreter is our brain.” - Adele Spraggon   “We create this roadmap from [age] 0 to 6 that we’re living in as adults.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Mindset originates in the unconscious patterning of the brain.” - Adele Spraggon   “I love triggers because so much is revealed in a trigger.” - Michelle Chalfant   “People don’t procrastinate. We avoid.” - Adele Spraggon   “Everything about who a person is today is the result of every pattern that has brought them here.” - Adele Spraggon   “The biggest gift you can give another person is to allow that person to show up brand new every time you see them.” - Adele Spraggon     LINKS & RESOURCES    Adele Spraggon Website https://www.adelespraggon.com/    “Shift: 4 Steps to Personal Empowerment” (Adele Spraggon Book) https://shift4steps.com/    The Adult Chair® Membership (October Theme: “I use my voice.”) https://theadultchair.com/membership/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/  Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

282: How to Change Negative Programs and Patterns with Adele Spraggon

Comparison is one of the ego’s favorite traps. When we fall into this trap, we make up all kinds of stories about others and turn a judgmental eye towards ourselves. With this comes feelings of inferiority, feeling less than and low self-worth. It’s no fun at all!   Inferiority feels so awful that most of us just want to run from it, silence it or numb it out...but this never works! Shoving our negative beliefs about ourselves into the subconscious only gives them more power. Instead, we have to look at them, work with them and transform them!   In this episode, which was inspired by questions from our listeners, I’m giving you five tools to not just quiet feelings of inferiority but to actually transform from feeling less than to feeling enough!    Listen to discover:   Why we compare ourselves to others Five tools to build self-worth and stop feeling inferior How to radically accept yourself  Parts work and affirmations to transform comparison   The process in this episode is so simple and easy to apply – it just takes intention and some energy from you to make this transformation in your life reality. And this is what we do from our Adult Chair...we bring consciousness into the traps of the ego and change our lives! Remember: I think you’re so amazing, and I hope the tools in this episode help you love yourself and live from the place of worthiness that you deserve!    “The ego can really chime in and compare us to others and make us feel less than.” - Michelle Chalfant “Numbing [feelings of inferiority] out is a lovely temporary fix, but it does not work.”  - Michelle Chalfant “You’ve become who you are today because of all your life experiences, because of the choices you’ve made.”  - Michelle Chalfant “When you hear yourself say, ‘Yeah, but,’ I want you to know your ego’s engaged.”  - Michelle Chalfant “Nothing magical can get you out of this comparison. The only thing that can get you out of this is you.”  - Michelle Chalfant “Having a really healthy relationship with your inner parts — that’s a game changer.”  - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES    Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/    The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/  Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

281: How to Overcome Not Feeling Good Enough or Less Than

The Adult Chair® model is based on different stages of life and development, with our Adult Chair coming online around age 25 when the brain fully develops.   So, what does that mean for raising healthy kids? Is it possible as a parent to teach your kids the Adult Chair while they’re still literally in their Child or Adolescent phase of life?   YES!!!   No matter what age your child is, you can start modeling what it looks like to be a healthy adult. You can begin to be that touchstone of emotional health that they look to through all their different life experiences.   In this episode, I break down what it looks like to be a healthy adult (how you want to be showing up as a parent) and six keys for modeling The Adult Chair for your children. This is a very practical episode that makes this process simple while leaving room for lots of grace when you and your children inevitably act like the humans you are!   Listen to discover:   Eight qualities for living in our Adult Chair  How we can invite others to join us in our Adult Chair Six ways to model The Adult Chair for your children Why lots of grace is a parenting essential    Remember, The Adult Chair is a model – a touchstone we strive for – and we’re not going to live in it in every moment. Instead, it shows us when we’re off balance and gives us something to reach for. That’s true for you in your parenting journey and true for your kids in their growing up journey.  But by doing your work and showing them what a healthy adult looks like, you’re already putting them light years ahead on the path to becoming their healthiest, most authentic selves. And what an amazing gift that is to give!    “97% of the time we’re incorrect with our stories.” - Michelle Chalfant “Healthy adults respond to people and don’t blow up and react when we’re triggered.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We seek to know what we’re feeling and then we get curious about what’s going on inside.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Whether you have a toddler or you have an adult child, start today. Because your kids are always going to be looking at you, and there’s always a chance to respect you and grow and learn from you.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We reach for vices when we don’t know what to do with our internal pain.” - Michelle Chalfant   “They become what they witness in the household.” - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES    Episode #177: Empowered Parenting with Meghan Crough https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/177    Episode #276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair® with Dr. Pam Staples https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/276/   The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: “I’m a self-care badass!” https://theadultchair.com/membership/    P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/  Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

280: How to Get Our Children in Their Adult Chair

Sometimes, it takes losing everything you know to start over and begin the journey of healing.   Caroline Strawson is an internationally recognized trauma-informed therapist and coach who helps her clients recover from narcissistic abuse and complex PTSD and create thriving lives. Her journey began with her own story of loss when, in a very short period of time, her mother passed away, her narcissistic husband left her and their two young children and she discovered he had gotten them into $100,000 of debt, leading to the loss of her home and the life she had built.   Facing PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm, guilt and shame, Caroline turned inward and took a close look at herself, her life and her relationships – and has since become a leader in trauma-informed recovery and healing from abuse.   In this conversation, Caroline shares her story of overcoming narcissistic abuse, how she finally recognized the abuse and how she began the journey of healing. She offers deep insights into how childhood wounding forms, how we develop “protector parts” and how those parts can lead to struggles like codependency and narcissism. She is a wealth of knowledge on trauma, how we get stuck in life and how to move forward.   Listen to discover:   The source of childhood wounding and trauma How our nervous system is designed to protect us  Why codependents and narcissists are magnets for each other (and why it's easier for the codependent to change) How we can feel compassion for wounded people without accepting abuse Why people stay in abusive relationships and how to help a friend in an abusive relationship The difference between PTSD and complex PTSD How to begin building self-worth even if you're still in an abusive relationship    Whether you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist or not, you will get SO much out of this episode and gain a greater understanding of why you do what you do, what is going on in your brain in relation to trauma and how to heal your wounding so you can form healthier relationships with self and others.   "Initially I was waiting for that epiphany of him changing to then be ok for me to move forward. And of course, that isn't the case. Because we can't change anybody."  - Caroline Strawson    "Trauma isn't a person. It's not an event. It's what I feel and what I'm saying to myself about those events." - Caroline Strawson    "Our system all of the time is working to keep us safe, keep us alive, protect us and move us away from the biggest perceived pain.” - Caroline Strawson   "No narcissist is born. They are created from their childhood." - Caroline Strawson     "The codependent is giving, giving, giving trying to soothe their self-worthiness wounds. The narcissist is like, 'Give it to me. I'll take, take, take,’ to soothe their self-worthiness wounds." - Caroline Strawson    "I think of narcissism on a scale." - Michelle Chalfant    "When we're in these relationships, our reality is so distorted. To build self-worth is to then start seeing reality much clearer." - Michelle Chalfant    "Grounding and getting all five senses online also helps us with our reality. We stop doubting ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant      LINKS & RESOURCES    Caroline Strawson Website https://www.carolinestrawson.com/    Caroline Strawson Facebook https://www.facebook.com/carolinestrawson/    Caroline Strawson Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/    “Divorce Became My Superpower” (Caroline Strawson Book) https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Became-Superpower-Caroline-Strawson/dp/1726255549    The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: “I’m a self-care badass!” https://theadultchair.com/membership/    P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/  Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

279: Narcissistic Abuse Explained with Caroline Strawson

“Be a man.” It’s a loaded phrase that our culture uses to tell men to be tough, not show their feelings and just keep pressing on.   But is this true masculinity? Is there a better way to be a man?   My guest today, Traver Boehm, is on a mission to redefine masculinity, bringing together what he calls “primal savagery” and a connection to the heart that is spiritual, emotional and whole. He believes this is what true masculinity looks like, before culture told men who to be, and he spends his life teaching men how to unapologetically become their most authentic self.   And as a woman, let me tell you: this is the kind of masculine energy that the world is looking for!   In this conversation, Traver tells his story of being one of the guys who looked like he “had it all” until his life unraveled and he forced himself to look inward at the ways he was numbing his pain. From there, he developed his “uncivilized man” ethos that calls men back to their authentic selves and helps them succeed in all areas of life – from relationships to work to mental health – from a heart-centered place.   Listen to discover: What true, healthy masculinity looks like How and why the culture has conditioned men not to feel Why it’s so important – and manly – for men to do their work and heal themselves What to do when your partner doesn’t want to engage emotionally and spiritually How to get the things you want in life without killing your soul in the process Whether you’re a man looking to be the healthiest version of yourself or a woman looking for resources for the men in her life, I know you will be inspired by Traver’s beautiful example of what masculinity was designed to be and how healthy men can change the world. “Primal savagery and a deep connection to your heart: that to me is ‘uncivilized’” - Traver Boehm “The part that’s been missing has been going into the heart.” - Michelle Chalfant “Culturally, we have asked men to not feel.” - Traver Boehm “The old paradigm said, ‘Men, you are responsible for everything external and nothing internal.’” - Traver Boehm “We’ve numbed ourselves to the point of getting to ignore what is true, which is we are hurting.” - Traver Boehm “We’ve got to connect with ourselves – and we do that through feeling our emotions – before we can ever connect with anyone else.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES   Traver Boehm Website https://www.manuncivilized.com/   “Man UNcivilized” Book https://www.manuncivilized.com/thebook   Traver Boehm Instagram https://www.instagram.com/traverboehm/   The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: “I’m a self-care badass!” https://theadultchair.com/membership/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart     MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/       STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

278: An Uncivilized Man with Traver Boehm

When Niraj Naik started his job as a pharmacist, he immediately knew it was not for him. But family and cultural expectations led him to believe that it was the path he had to take in life...until it all fell apart seven years later.   Career stress and disillusionment led Niraj to develop an autoimmune condition, and nothing in his medicine cabinet helped. After trying all types of traditional medicine, he went “renegade” and began studying yoga, Ayurveda and breathwork, completely healing his condition through these natural methods.   His illness became the “gift of desperation” in his life that led him to his calling: teaching the world about energy, breath and how to bring the body into balance through SOMA Breath®, his online school teaching breathing techniques to people around the world.   In this episode, Niraj shares his story of healing through ancient wisdom and the science behind the power of the breath. He gives several breathing techniques for us to try and explains how these impact our oxygen levels, energy levels and overall physiology for optimum wellness.   Listen to discover: How Niraj turned his lowest moment into a gift of healing Using music and breath to reprogram the subconscious mind How to listen to your body’s “indicator light” that something is off Questions to ask yourself to check in with your wellness The power of breathing for your physiology and health Three sample breathing techniques to try This is an eye-opening episode about the true power we have to heal and how our bodies were designed for balance. It’s up to us to pay attention to when we are out of balance and to care for ourselves at the most fundamental level – our breath. “We tend to be conditioned by our parents, the school we go to, the media, just the culture we live in to follow a certain path.” - Niraj Naik “So many of us just push through, we ignore, we numb out, we just keep going and we’re not tuning into what your soul is trying to tell you.” - Michelle Chalfant “Diseases affect you where you’re weakest in your body.” - Niraj Naik “In that moment, as humans, we have a choice: we can look at it and learn from it and ask, ‘What the gift is in this?’” - Michelle Chalfant “Stress can eat away at us, and we ignore it. We have to start paying attention.” - Michelle Chalfant “We help people to wake up to who they really are.” - Niraj Naik Resources   SOMA Breath® https://www.somabreath.com/adultchair Use code ADULT for 10% off   SOMA Breath Colostrum Supplement https://www.somabreath.com/adultchair-organic Use code ADULT for 20% off   Episode #73: The Healing Power Of Breath With Michelle D’Avella https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/73-the-healing-power-of-breath-with-michelle-davella/   Episode #254: Change Your Life With Breath With Nevsah Karamehmet https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/254/   Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

277: Healing Your Body through Breathwork with Niraj Naik

I think it’s universally agreed upon: raising teenagers is hard!    A natural part of growing up is becoming an individual, which comes with challenging limits, venturing away from the family structure and challenging parents in the process!    Not only do our teens challenge us by pushing back on our boundaries, but the process of letting go of our kids also challenges our egos and attachments and pushes us to do our own work. I get so many questions about parenting teenagers in a healthy way, and I’m thrilled to bring the wisdom of today’s guest, Dr. Pam Staples, to you.   Dr. Staples has worked with teenagers for 37 years, and she is so grounded and knowledgeable on how to not just get through the tough teenage years but also help your teen develop into the adult they’re called to be.   We talk about how to let go and let our children become more independent, setting healthy boundaries while maintaining a safe space for our kids to mess up, building trust, how to have tough conversations and so much more.   Listen to discover:   What’s going in teenagers’ brains and bodies during adolescence Why teenagers need their friends to create a bridge to their adult life Why you should celebrate when your kids push the limits Healthy boundaries parents should have with their teenagers (and when to discipline) The importance of mutual trust in parent/teen relationships  Empty nesting and how to grieve in a healthy way  Practical steps for building positive relationships with your teenagers   As parents, our job is to be the guardrails for our kids as they find who they are and their unique purpose and destiny. Too often we focus on outcomes, performance and our dreams for our kids, when in reality, they need to learn to find their own inner voice and intuition and be who THEY are created to be (which might be very different from who we are). As kids grow from children to teenagers, we begin to “widen the lanes” on the road, giving them more space and freedom while still being that safe touchstone to come back to.  When we set healthy limits for our kids rooted in mutual respect, we invite them to turn to us when they need guidance and become partners in their personal development, while growing as people ourselves.  This doesn’t necessarily make it easier when you find out your teen has been drinking or when they want nothing to do with you, but parenting from our Adult Chair helps us lead with love, curiosity and acceptance...which is exactly what our kids need to grow into the amazing beings they’re becoming.   “Once they hit adolescence, they start turning away from the family and more towards their peer group.” - Dr. Pam Staples   “We want them to have that God-given intuition turn on and stay on.” - Michelle Chalfant   “In order for them to differentiate and individuate, they need to push off of something, and it’s going to be the family.” - Dr. Pam Staples   “It’s important to create flexible boundaries where you allow for that teaching, mentoring and guiding aspect of parenting.” - Dr. Pam Staples “It’s letting go of these kids so they can become whoever it is that they’re here to become...I didn’t say, ‘so our kids can become who WE think they should become.” - Michelle Chalfant “We have to get out of the way with our children. They have their own destiny. They have their own life path. They have, in my opinion, their own soul that has a purpose and mission to be here. And we’ve got to get the hell out of the way.” - Michelle Chalfant “As a parent, you can’t impose your hopes, your wishes and your dreams for your children onto them. You have to let them cook up their own.”  - Dr. Pam Staples “When kids make choices to please their parents, it takes them longer to find themselves.” - Dr. Pam Staples “Let your kids find their own potential.” - Dr. Pam Staples     Resources   Dr. Pam Staples ​https://www.myrelationallife.com/      Episode #35: Parenting In The 21st Century – Growing Healthy Teens With Guest Dr. James Wellborn https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/35     Episode #79: Raising Teens From Your Adult Chair With James Wellborn https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/79     Episode #123 : Helping your Kids Cope with Anxiety with Sharon Selby https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/123     Episode #134: Repairing Relationships with our Kids (or Anyone) https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/134     Episode #225: Raising Kids from The Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/225     The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ More Adult Chair    The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com     The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop  https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair® with Dr. Pam Staples

While our go-to image of mental health might be a couch in a therapist’s office, the world is slowly changing (and I’m SO glad it is!). Don’t get me wrong...I’m not anti-therapy (I’m a therapist myself), but I think it’s only part of the equation. I believe we need more.   I believe true healing must be holistic, looking at our experiences from every angle and using methods that heal body, mind and spirit.   Dr. Nicole LePera is a kindred spirit when it comes to holistic healing, the creator behind one of my favorite Instagram accounts @the.holistic.psychologist and a self-healing guru that I am thrilled to finally bring on the show! Drawing from psychology, spirituality, the mind/body connection and more, Dr. LePera believes mental wellness is for everyone and we all have the power to heal ourselves with the right tools (can I get an amen?).   In this episode, Dr. LePera shares her own story of transformation, her philosophy of self-healing and tools you can use to regulate your nervous system, figure out who you are and what you need and change limiting patterns in your life by turning in and tuning in.   Listen to discover: The power of consciousness and being in the present moment The nervous system’s role in healing The importance of breathwork The power of journaling to create consciousness and set intentions How to update and rewire programming Interdependence and how to be healthy in relationships Dr. LePera believes healing begins by going inside and connecting to self, and I couldn’t agree more (it’s ALL about awareness)! If you’re on a journey of transformation, I hope this episode encourages you to look at your healing through a holistic lens and reminds you that you have the power (and tools) you need right where you are. "We need to understand the whole being in an integrative way, and I believe we need to expand the tools we're practicing outside of therapy as well." - Nicole LePera "You can be awake but still not be fully in the body and conscious about what you're doing." - Michelle Chalfant "There isn't one universal way to heal." - Nicole LePera "My goal is to empower within so we can cope with the ever-changing without." - Nicole LePera   "With conscious effort, every single day, a little bit of something...we do find that people can change. We REALLY can change." - Michelle Chalfant Resources   Dr. Nicole LePera Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/   Dr. Nicole LePera Website https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

275: Summer Series: Holistic Healing with Dr. Nicole LePera

We’ve talked a lot about narcissistic abuse and the emotional effects of it on this podcast, but we haven’t dug into how this experience affects the brain and how neuroscience and healing from narcissistic abuse go hand in hand…until today! In this episode, we’re diving deep into this very important topic with Dr. Rhonda Freeman, who is an expert on the brain, neuroplasticity and trauma and who brings a message of hope to anyone wondering how to heal.   Dr. Freeman is a neuropsychologist who works with patients with neurological conditions and brain trauma, and after her own experience in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, she began using her knowledge of the brain to help survivors of abuse and trauma heal. This is an absolutely fascinating episode that gives an inside look into what is actually going on in the brain during and after an abusive relationship, how the healing process works and the hopeful science that shows why anyone can change their brain after trauma.   Listen to discover:   How a romantic relationship with an unhealthy person changes the brain The effects of narcissism on children Why anyone can heal and how the healing process works The prefrontal cortex and trauma How to get back into a balanced brain state The importance of body work in changing the brain   One of the most interesting things Dr. Freeman talks about is how abusive situations activate parts of the brain that wouldn’t be activated otherwise...for example, the bonding system and threat system being triggered at the same time. When we can see what’s going on at a brain chemistry level, it helps us understand why these situations are truly so unique and damaging...and why none of it is your fault! But the hopeful side is that the brain is constantly changing and being shaped by new experiences, so with the right tools, you can heal and transform your brain and get back to a hothealthy, balanced state...and this episode will show you how!   “In general, experiences change our brains.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   “The brain will do whatever it takes to protect you.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   “We’re bonded...and even though we’re in threat, we can’t let go.” - Michelle Chalfant   “You have to have others to heal.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman   “Pay attention to your intuition. If it feels off, don’t sweep it under the carpet.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Bonds don’t necessarily mean love.” - Dr. Rhonda Freeman     LINKS & RESOURCES   Dr. Rhonda Freeman Website https://neuroinstincts.com/   Dr. Rhonda Freeman Instagram https://www.instagram.com/neuroinstincts/   BrainHQ (Brain Training) https://www.brainhq.com/   Diner Dash (Video Game with Cognitive Benefits) https://www.crazygames.com/game/diner-dash   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ August Theme: I live in peace.   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart       MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/       STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

274: Summer Series: Healing the Brain after Narcissistic Abuse with Dr. Rhonda Freeman

As you know, codependency is one of my “things.” Fortunately, it’s less of a thing these days, but I understand firsthand what it’s like to spend years so focused on others that we lose our sense of self. That’s part of why we talk about this so much on the podcast — so many people suffer for years not knowing about codependency, and I’m passionate about helping you get free...quickly and simply!   My guest today, Darlene Lancer, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author and expert on codependency and relationships. She has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years, and she shares SO much valuable information in today’s show about what codependency looks like, how to begin recovery, the connection between shame and codependency and practical steps to becoming a healthy, whole you.   Listen to discover: The three stages to codependency recovery The shame and codependency connection Shame attacks and how to get out of them The importance of mindfulness in recovery How to start feeling your anger as a codependent The connection between codependency and attachment styles 10 ways to love yourself   Darlene closes the show with her 10 tips for loving yourself, and let me tell you, they are so beautiful! I remember when I was beginning my healing journey and being told I needed to learn self-love but having no idea where to begin...and these tips are exactly where to start! I hope this is an enlightening and empowering episode for anyone ready to unlearn codependency and learn to love themselves.     "We become alienated from who we really are because of faulty parenting, and we keep trying to fill up that emptiness or feel more alive by trying to connect to something outside ourselves." - Darlene Lancer   "Self-esteem in action is being self-empowered." - Darlene Lancer   "A parent's most important job is to reflect their child." - Michelle Chalfant   "Codependency is based on faulty beliefs." - Darlene Lancer   "The unconscious doesn't distinguish between messages it hears from the outside and messages you tell yourself." - Darlene Lancer   "When we realize what's going on, it's like Act 2. And it's a very exciting time." - Michelle Chalfant       LINKS & RESOURCES   Darlene Lancer Website https://www.whatiscodependency.com/   Episode #249: The Power of Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/249/   Episode #253: Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/253/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Doors open August 1 https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart       MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/       STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

273: Summer Series: Unlearning Codependency with Darlene Lancer

Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close? “Enmeshment” is a term that’s been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn’t even know this about themselves! My brilliant guest today, Dr. Ken Adams, is pulling back the veil on enmeshment and helping us understand what it is and when and how it forms. One of the leading researchers and teachers on this topic, Dr. Adams helps us understand when closeness crosses a line, how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy family structures and how to break free and develop secure attachments to your partner, friends or other relationships you’ve created.   Listen to discover: What enmeshment means How it forms in childhood The effects enmeshment has on a spouse or partner How to change the family system Why getting free is something you have to do for yourself Often, enmeshment is rooted in a lonely parent who substitutes their child for their partner. This leads to adult children who feel a sense of obligation to the parent’s well-being, even at the expense of their own needs or the life they’ve created.   The good news is that this doesn't have to be an either/or scenario. It’s possible to love your family without feeling tangled up with them, and you CAN redefine the relationship and become free to be who you’re meant to be — including a great son or daughter.   “The love contract is defined by obligatory guilt and loyalty, not about freedom to love.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “The empathetic, sensitive soul in the family gets glommed onto by the lonely parent.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Enmeshment has a direct impact on romantic availability.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Emancipation is not a negotiation.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “The idea of cracking [the false self] open and becoming the true self is terrifying because we don’t know who we are without that mask.” - Michelle Chalfant   “It feels like your spouse is having an affair, but it’s with their mother or their father.” - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/   Dr. Ken Adams YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzFj2abP0cx8tEO1eLyjbDA   “When He’s Married to Mom” (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/when-hes-married-to-mom/   “Silently Seduced” (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/silently-seduced/   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com      

272: Summer Series: When Your Beloved Is More Connected with Their Mother Than You: Enmeshment with Dr. Ken Adams

Wow — I was blown away by the response to last week’s episode with my one and only, Graham Chalfant. It seems like so many could relate to our relationship dynamics and the learning and work we’ve done over the years...and so many of you also asked how we started doing the work and making changes in our relationship.   In this week’s episode, I’m focusing the conversation back on the self and how we can each choose to show up differently in our relationships from our Adult Chair. We can’t make anyone change, but if we think of relationships as a dance, we can change the way we’re dancing, which gives our partners the opportunity to shift and fall into step with us. This is true for all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones.   Listen to discover: My story of changing the dance in my own marriage How to change the tone of your relationship by doing your own work Finding your self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships How to be more open and relational   We all bring our wounds, expectations and “stuff” to a relationship. When we do our work, we not only transform our own lives but we change the tone of our relationships, inviting friends and partners who are a true match for us into a new way of relating to each other. Everything — including strong, connected relationships — starts within!   “If you want to change your relationship with anybody, you’ve gotta change the dance.” - Michelle Chalfant   “We are always attracting in other people based on our unconscious programming.” - Michelle Chalfant   “You’ve gotta see yourself as a very beautiful, precious diamond, and when you can see yourself like that, boundaries become more natural.” - Michelle Chalfant   “When you own your stuff, it sets you free.” - Michelle Chalfant   Resources   Episode #251: How Feeling Your Emotions Can Change Your Relationship with Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/251/   The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  

271: Summer Series: Find Your Adult and Change Your Relationships

In The Adult Chair, Michelle Chalfant applies her holistic approach to healing and transformation as a foundation for better understanding our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with stress, anxiety, depression, physical health, self-love, peace, emotional balance, and how our understanding of ourselves impacts the most important relationships in our lives.

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The Adult Chair

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