In their longest episode to-date, Matt is in an end times mood and discusses all the possible ways to leave society, including skydiving into a volcano. As he contemplates giving up on life, he wants every article of clothing to be an American flag and wants to be known as Mr. Patriot. Matt and Greg float the idea of living together in the country but Matt worries about it looking gay. Matt details the online threats that keep getting him banned from social media and the two rehash the classic Rocky speech to his son in an attempt to cheer Matt up. The two seek the help of a longtime close friend in New York City to help them become famous but Matt and Greg have two vastly different visions of the rich lifestyles they'd have. Matt and Greg lament not appreciating white privilege when they still had it. Learn about La Grinch, Matt's Memory Palace, and their plan to make a rap album under the name Pubic Rich. Matt wants to become Donald Trump's Flava Flav and has some life advice for yoga gurus. Greg speculates which of their friends would randomly murder them. Why are Matt's ankles itching? And why don't fat men get the same treatment as fat women when it comes body empowerment campaigns? You may not get the answer to either question, but you'll laugh a lot and maybe cry a little bit too in one of their best episodes yet.

Tortured For Profit (Podcast)

Episode One Hundred Thirty Eight: Pubic Rich

In this episode, the boys discuss reparations, the Kardashians, billionaires colonizing outer space, and billionaires' being brutalized by hoards of angry homeless people. Matt resents that Bill Gates wants to wipe out 2/3 of the population but Greg thinks he can achieve this goal if euthanasia was legal. Matt read about ALS and now thinks he has it. He and Wes are concerned that Greg is going to get swept up by the wrong skinhead father figure. Which 90s brand tattoos does want to plaster all over his body? Matt fantasizes about having the ability to transform into a toxic airborne flesh-eating virus and is very suspicious that Greg wants a female dog the same weight as him. Matt jokingly suggests Greg would become an adult school shooter if he listened to White Zombie every day. Greg stumbles upon an epiphany that turns out to just to be the origin story of the Joker. Another truly crazed episode from these two lunatics.

Episode One Hundred Thirty Seven: Death Cloud

Matt proclaims himself the Dale Earnhardt of drunk driving and details his fantasies of carving people up with a framing hammer.

Episode One Hundred Thirty Six: Expired Sperm

Matt and Greg have felt pushed into a corner by society but refuse to identify as Proud Boys, so they create a much much cooler alternative for disgruntled leftists: Majestic Men.

Episode One Hundred Thirty Five: Majestic Men

This week it's Matt's turn to rant and he comes out swinging for people that use their gender identity for social advancement. Greg talks about how pointless it is to be a record snob at a certain age and two contemplate the difficulty of kicking a severed head. Was the killing of George Floyd simply a result of Derek Chauvin's lower lower lumbar pain? Why does Greg try to cancel Jamoriquai? Matt hilariously compares Greg to Elliot Page this episode, the longest episode the two have ever released.

Episode One Hundred Thirty Four: Elliot Page Impersonator

Greg has officially lost his mind after running a fever for six days straight. He rants at just about everyone and everything in this week's episode. Matt's not feeling so great either but decides that suicide to could lead to living the same life over again. The two contemplate starting a GoFundMe page for fans to buy them a vacation to Jamaica.

Episode One Hundred Thirty Three: White Kwame Brown

Are retarded people hoarding all the joy in this miserable world? Matt's furious about Joe Biden's new racist policy to ban menthol cigarettes. He aspires to become the next Harriet Tubman and have an underground railroad of menthol smokes and flavored blunt wraps. Is brit-pop exclusively genderqueer? Where does "Cult of Personality" rank among songs written by black people? Can a down's syndrome skull cut through drywall? While these questions may not be answered in this week's episode, we can surely agree that Matt's retard impersonation is among his most offensive performances yet.

Episode One Hundred Thirty Two: Retarded Joy Hoarders

In this special investigative episode, Matt and Greg examine one of the biggest threats our society and collective well-being: white women.

Episode One Hundred Thirty One: White Women

As Matt recovers from mushroom trip, he wonders if God can pull an Easter miracle and save DMX's life. The two discuss committing suicide together but Matt is worried about there being romantic implications. If Matt becomes king, kinks will be disciplined because of Matt's thought police concept he calls eye-rape. Greg suggests that the two become modern Christian influencers. Did dad commercials in the 90s begin the decline of masculinity? Find out the answer in this week's episode.  

Episode One Hundred Thirty: The People Behind The People Behind The People

Greg's road rage is becoming such a problem that a mysterious text sends Matt into imagining a criminal trial where he is implicated through a history of satirical texts. Matt wants to remain in severe lockdown forever and boasts about getting called the n-word in a flattering way by his neighbors. The two shit-talk the Irish some more and Matt dreams of a paradise of male asexuality. Matt likens Greg to Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy. He also likens Greg to a refugee woman on a raft. Greg finally admits he's not an empath. Is Matt America's lovable Mr. Bean? Who of the two dreams of being a serial killer that dresses up as an alligator?

Episode One Hundred Twenty Nine: Depressed Emo Pageantry

In this election day special, Matt unveils satirical confessions of heinous sexual crimes that never happened. He and Greg critique a commercial of cringey liberals, the movie Hellraiser, and some shitty Y2K rap song about slipping roofies. Learn about Matt's recent obsession with the song MMBop, freebleeding, and the imminent "war of civility". Which weapons does Greg keep in his car? Who of the two listened to Tori Amos in high school? The two envision a just world where Joe Biden's running mate is Corn Pop.  

Episode One Hundred Twenty Eight: Yin Yang Killer

Episode One Hundred Twenty Seven: Tango and Debit Card

Matt details his online cyberbullying of christian conservatives while Greg boasts one month of sobriety.    

Episode One Hundred Twenty Six: Human Trash

Matt jokingly proclaims himself the leader of Antifa and proposes wild tactics to menace white America. He and Greg make predictions about the rest of 2020.

Episode One Hundred Twenty Five: Me Police

Matt becomes increasingly irritated by Greg and Mike's socializing and threatens to contact the police. Greg's allergies make Matt suspicious that Greg is carrying the virus.

Episode One Hundred Twenty Three: Typhoid Mary

Two weirdos from the heart of Amish country, Matt and Greg, dissect the world around them. With a scalpel sharpened by years of mental illness and erratic behavior, they cut away all the bone and gristle to reveal America’s true heart. Expect opinions on all sorts of media and culture, opinions of other peoples’ opinions, interviews, rants, sour behavior, and lighthearted humor. Have a nice day.

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Tortured For Profit (Podcast)

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