Anna Oakes is a consultant coach and caretaker of humanity. She combines her love for humanity with her 20 plus years of corporate experience. Now the magic, the intersection of her love for humanity and her love and understanding of corporate is what she's going to share with us today. She's not talking about something that she's read about, or something that she saw on TV, or an article that she read in an airplane magazine while she was on a flight. What she's bringing today is what she knows because she has walked it, she has been on the ground. and she's walked it and talked it. And she's going to tell us how we visualize what our next best step is, how we move from where we are to where we want to be, and most importantly, how we reclaim ownership of our career in a way that lights us on fire.  In this episode we discussed: How COVID has affected our spirits, family and work dynamics How to determine what you should keep doing and what you should change Why now is the perfect time for organizations to change How we’ve lost control of our own careers How the pandemic has changed the way we view work How we can reclaim ownership, direction, energy for our careers? The number one cause of burnout right now in the world of work How to bridge the gap between self awareness and self advocacy The difference between being managed and being led Full show notes and transcript available at https://allegrasinclair.com/082

Your Confident Self

Reclaiming Your Career During a Pandemic

There are some situations you don’t expect to learn anything from, like watching an episode of Columbo. I love that show, but I consider it pure entertainment and a light-version at that. I recently took a second look at it with a specific goal in mind–to consider what Columbo might say about our current uncertain times. At times like these, we could all use a role model who knows how to thrive in the most uncertain times. Hence, my ‘research’ into Columbo. In case you haven’t seen the show, he always got the most puzzling cases to solve, or he got what seemed to be a simple case and immediately complicated it before he solved it. In every instance, no matter how uncertain the case seemed, Columbo kept smiling and showing up authentically until he solved the case. Let’s see how he did this so we can learn to thrive in the most uncertain times. Full transcript and shownotes at https://allegrasinclair.com/081

What Columbo Can Teach Us About Thriving in Uncertain Times

This episode was 17 years in the making. Joining me on the podcast is a woman who had to punch fear in the throat and shut down a successful business in order to chase her true dream. An award-winner in two different careers, Ana Lydia Monaco stopped by to walk us through her big, scary career pivot and let us know how the shift worked out! Her insights on being true to who you are and walking through life with grace are going to rock your socks. Growing up, nobody in Ana Lydia's immediate family was encouraging her to pursue her dreams. In fact, she was told her dreams wouldn't come true so she should abandon them. In their world she was supposed to go to college and become a doctor, lawyer, or accountant. That was what they knew, so that's all they encouraged her to pursue. There is nothing wrong with being a doctor, lawyer or accountant, as long as that's what you want to do. Listen in to find out how she found the courage to buck that system. In this episode we discussed:How Ana Lydia helped engineer my most embarrassing celebrity moment What made her decide to shutter her award-winning PR business What made her keep going when people told her to stop When she knew she wanted to be a filmmaker How she handled the pressure of being a young, latina woman breaking barriers in entertainment You can find full show notes at https://allegrasinclair.com/080

How to Be Brave Enough to Chase Your Dream

Joining me on the podcast today is a super successful entrepreneur who knows a lot about battling low self-confidence and learning to appreciate her own beauty. Jeannell Darden is the Founder & CEO of Moisture Love. It's been quite a journey from a chance encounter at a natural hair store in Downtown Durham to the podcast, but I'm delighted that Jeannell finally made it. Getting comfortable with your own beauty is a complicated and life-long process. Jeannell breaks down how she has worked on this (and continues to work on this) to be more successful. Many of her obstacles were internal versus external challenges. Her story will inspire you and help you see how you have been ignoring your own magic. In this episode we discussed:How Jeannell Darden went from Engineering to Entrepreneurship Why she kept damaged hair for 3 years and what she did when she finally cut it Why you shouldn't make promises you can't keep How she got to a place where she accepted her beauty How she grew more confident in her appearance How I made her eyeballs sweat How to raise confident girls and what this leads to The advice she would give to her 17-year-old self Full show notes and the transcript are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/079 Find Jeannell on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/moisturelove/

Finding your Inner Confidence and Beauty

Joining me on the podcast today is a super successful entrepreneur who knows a lot about battling low self-confidence and learning to appreciate her own beauty. Jeannell Darden is the Founder & CEO of Moisture Love. It's been quite a journey from a chance encounter at a natural hair store in Downtown Durham to the podcast, but I'm delighted that Jeannell finally made it. Getting comfortable with your own beauty is a complicated and life-long process. Jeannell breaks down how she has worked on this (and continues to work on this) to be more successful. Many of her obstacles were internal versus external challenges. Her story will inspire you and help you see how you have been ignoring your own magic. In this episode we discussed:How she went from Engineering to Entrepreneurship Why she kept damaged hair for 3 years and what she did when she finally cut it Why you shouldn't make promises you can't keep How she got to a place where she accepted her beauty How she grew more confident in her appearance How I made her eyeballs sweat How to raise confident girls and what this leads to The advice she would give to her 17-year-old self Full show notes and the transcript are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/079 Find Jeannell on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/moisturelove/

Most of us are taught to be people pleasers from a very young age, so the idea that there are any benefits to be achieved if you stop caring if people like you is probably a new one for many of us. The biggest advantage is that it frees you to be your authentic self, shaking off the weight of society's expectations so that you can focus on creating your own unique destiny. There are actually many advantages to being disliked and unpopular. Here are just a few. Being True to Yourself Not Bowing to Peer or Parental Pressure Setting Your Own Goals Achieving Your Dreams Being Free from Meaningless Distractions You can find the full transcript and show notes at https://allegrasinclair.com/078 Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/allegrasinclair (https://twitter.com/allegrasinclair) Follow me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allegramsinclair (https://instagram.com/allegramsinclair)

5 Reasons to Stop Caring if People Like You

So many people are suffering right now. Between the global health pandemic and the scourge that is rampant racism here in America, people are suffering. And more than that, they are angry that the world changed without their permission and they are struggling to name what is going on with them. We are most in trouble when we’re struggling with what used to be—and our desire to have things as they were before. That is gone. In this episode we discussed:The different ways that people are grieving right now, it's not just loss of a loved one. With the global pandemic, what other emotions are wearing us down in addition to grief? What can we do now to deal with grief about the current state of things? The main thing we do that saps our power and keeps us stuck. How and why Black people are operating at less than their full energy. How racial trauma shows up in our bodies and what to do about it. How to improve the results you get from meditation. How you build influence in your workplace How to tell if you are managing your racial trauma well or need to seek additional support. Get the show notes and additional resources at: https://allegrasinclair.com/trauma (https://allegrasinclair.com/trauma)

Learning to Manage Grief and Racial Trauma

Being an authentic woman means you know who you are and are confident letting the world see the real you. The word  authentic means (https://allegrasinclair.com/what-it-means-to-be-authentic/)  true, genuine, and real. Our social media-centric society focuses much more on appearance rather than reality. Just look at the glossy magazines with photoshopped images of supermodels or the picture-perfect Instagram feeds and you can see how easy it is to fall into the trap of becoming shallow, fake, and inauthentic. It takes courage to  punch fear in the throat (https://allegrasinclair.com/apc-003-fear-throat-punch/)  and live authentically.Today we look at 5 ways you can tell when you're being your authentic self. Get 3 free authenticity exercises at https://allegrasinclair.com/076 (https://allegrasinclair.com/076)

5 Ways to Recognize Your Authentic Self

Do you know what it means to be authentic? Whenever we hear the word authentic, we automatically associate it with a physical object being genuine and of high value, such as an authentic Romare Bearden (https://beardenfoundation.org/) painting or a natural diamond. The opposite of authentic is inauthentic - not real, fake, phony, insincere. When we think about the concept of the authentic self, most women focus mainly on being truthful and honest. These are valuable attributes, but really living an authentic life involves a lot more than just telling the truth. So, the bad news is that being honest is not enough. Today we'll look at what it means to be authentic, why we slip into being fake, and how you can make adjustments to show up as your authentic self. Get 3 free authenticity exercises at https://allegrasinclair.com/075 (https://allegrasinclair.com/075) .

What it Means to Be An Authentic Woman

Wondering what the pressure is that you feel all the time? It's the pressure of living a lie. Here is a quick quiz that will let you know if you're living a lie. Just answer these questions honestly to get the answers you need. In this episode I ask 7 quick questions to help you determine if you're under pressure due to living a lie. Then I look at why you might be doing that and benefits you'll get from cutting that out. :) The weight of being a fake person can be overwhelming. Think about how much energy you would expend trying to be the perfect manager, wife, daughter, role model, super hero, sibling, etc. As the pressure builds from outside to conform, your own authentic self begins to feel trapped and miserable, like a caged tiger in the zoo pacing back and forth, plotting how to be free. If you have been living a lie in order to please others, you owe it to yourself to start taking action to live a more authentic life in which your true self can shine through. Get your free authenticity exercise at https://allegrasinclair.com/074 to figure out where you're living a lie so you can relieve the pressure and show up as yourself.

When Will You be Tired of Living a Lie?

What if I told you there are 9 character traits that super motivated women possess? Because that is what I'm telling you. These traits help them stay motivated in order to accomplish what's important to them. If you are missing any of these traits, now is a great time to identify the gap and make a plan to close it. Motivated women have a purpose Motivated women are brave Motivated women take time to reflect Motivated women take time to celebrate Learn the rest of the character traits in this week's episode. You can get the free Take Back Your Work Week cheat sheet at https://allegrasinclair.com/073. Don't lose motivation in your career, take back control. Full show notes for this episode are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/073

9 Traits of Super Motivate Women You Need

We admire women that never seem to give up. But while we're admiring them it makes us a bit sad because we realize that we give up far too quickly. It’s not something we’re proud of, and we're haunted by the idea of how much more we could have accomplished with just a little more determination. Most women have no idea why they give up quickly, but this behavior is something you can definitely change. The first step is to gain some insight into why women give up before they succeed. In this episode I look at 1 big reason and 5 smaller reasons why women give up before they become successful. You can find your reason and create a plan to be successful in spite of it. Full show notes are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/072

Why Women Give Up: The Heartbreaking Truth

If you harness the power of saying no you can avoid the problem of over-committing. That's when you make a commitment. Then you make another. Before you know it, you're making yet another commitment. It’s a never-ending cycle. You overcommit to your job, your friends, colleagues, social causes, family, etc. These commitments add hundreds of hours and stress to your already over-scheduled life. One of the most important things to remember is that time is finite. No matter how hard you try, you'll never have enough time to do everything. However, once you truly accept that you can't do it all, you can begin to prioritize your time. Doing this gives more opportunities to do the things that you really want to do, rather than the things that you feel you should do. Spending quality time with family and friends, achieving goals to improve your future, and just having time to yourself are prime examples. In this episode I look at: The benefits of saying no How saying no helps you be more successful Why women don't say no How saying no is easier when you're confident How to determine when you should say no How to say at work Ways to say no everywhere Saying no won't be easy at first. For some people, it may never be simple, but you have your own health and well-being to consider. The people who care about you will more than likely understand. When dealing with acquaintances, if they don't understand, it's probably better to limit your time with them, if possible. Remember, saying no does not make you a bad or selfish person. On the contrary, it generally makes you healthier and happier. More importantly, saying no doesn't mean you can't help those who you really want to help. After all, everyone needs help at one time or another. In the words of Tim Ferriss, "What you don't do determines what you can do." It's totally up to you! Resources Mentioned in this Episode: Podcast on setting healthy boundaries (https://allegrasinclair.com/apc-025-lack-of-boundaries/) Punch Fear in the Throat Mug (https://allegrasinclair.com/support-the-podcast/) Show notes are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/071 (https://allegrasinclair.com/071) Support this podcast

How To Harness the Power of Saying No

Chelsey Brooke stops by the podcast to tell us about the rise of the powerful introvert. Introverts are often misunderstood and mis-labeled by people who don't understand the personality type. Often people think introverted women are boring or stuck-up because of the way they show up in the world. Those people couldn't be more wrong! Powerful introverts are fabulous and this episode outlines how we can shine in the workplace and increase our confidence. Chelsey is so passionate about introverts because she is one! So her interest in increasing confidence as an introvert came out of her own difficulties. Introverts often feel awkward and out of place in social situations and have anxiety about small talk or being in large groups. And the advice to "get out of your shell, speak up and stop thinking so much" isn''t helpful and doesn’t work. In this episode we discussed:The strengths of being exactly who you are. Some people can go their whole lives without figuring that out. What's wrong with the dictionary definition of an introvert? The hurtful labels that people use to describe introverts. Was there an event that helped Chelsey figure out she was different and unique? The ingredients in a confidence milk shake. How to use introversion as an advantage not a weakness. How to be a powerful introvert Show notes can be found at https://allegrasinclair.com/070 (https://allegrasinclair.com/070)

The Rise of the Powerful Introvert

Today we will look at 10 ways to stop your critics from stealing your dream. I never wanted to be a cop but I do love those shows. I’m fascinated by the techniques they use to prevent crimes. So I’m going to apply some of that investigative wisdom to protecting your dream. Have you ever gotten excited about doing something, only to be shot down by the people that you thought would support you? It happens all the time. Maybe you decided you wanted to train for a marathon, only for some super helpful person to reminded you that you’re not athletic and quit the last few things you tried. Or, maybe you wanted to start a business, only to be told that most businesses fail. Then you’re told that you shouldn’t bother, because you don’t have any business experience anyway. These old stories do not serve you (https://allegrasinclair.com/others-love-old-painful-stories/) . Life is full of critics. The more you try to accomplish, the more people you’ll have trying to stop you in one way or another. Try these ideas to Stop Your critics and live your best life:Understand the real reason for their criticism. When you try to be more than you are, it makes the people in your life uncomfortable. They’re used to you being a certain way. It also bothers them that you might become successful while they’re too afraid to change. No one wants to justify their own mediocrity. Avoid reacting. People are only rewarded for trying to hold you back if you quit or if you get upset. Stick to your plan and avoid responding in an emotional way. Just ignore them and keep on going. Consider keeping your big plans to yourself. While many success gurus recommend announcing your grand plans to the world as a means of holding yourself accountable, studies show that this hurts more people than it helps. When you let the world know what you want to accomplish, the critics crawl out of the woodwork. Avoid dwelling on the criticism. There’s no reason to sit around and stew over it. Let it go and put your attention on something that is either useful or enjoyable. Consider the source of criticism. If Stephen King has something to say about your horror novel, you’d be wise to listen. If your Uncle Joe, the plumber, is criticizing your plans for being an architect, why would you listen? Find the right people to “criticize” you. Find the right critics. These are often referred to as “mentors.” Find an expert that’s willing to take a look at what you’re doing and provide useful advice. The right mentor can save you a lot of time and speed up your success. Become even more focused. Use criticism as motivation to focus and work even harder. Show everyone what you can do. Have the last laugh. Find people who truly support you. Most people wish they had more friends. What people really need is just a couple of friends that truly want the best for you. Bette Midler won Emmys, Grammys, Golden Globes, and many other awards. She stated that the hardest part of winning any of her awards was finding someone that was truly happy for her. Cut the critics out of your life if you can. If you have things you want to accomplish, there’s no room for those who are trying to stop you. You might be hesitant to cut your critical mom out of your life, but there’s no reason to hold onto the negative friend that you’ve rarely seen since high school. Change the subject. Get your critic talking about themselves or something going on in their own life. They may soon forget about yours altogether. If you have big plans for your life, you’re going to have to deal with a lot of criticsRemember that most people choose comfort over growth, but they’re secretly frustrated with themselves because of it. Your choice to live a bigger life is an unpleasant reminder to your critics that they settled. Avoid allowing their issues to derail your dreams. Follow those dreams and go on to live the life you desire! Show notes are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/069 Support the show at

10 Ways to Stop Your Critics From Stealing Your Dream Life

Allegra Sinclair is a life and confidence coach. The Your Confident Self Podcast focuses on increasing self-confidence and self-esteem and helping you reclaim your life. Each episode provides tips and motivation for helping women be their most powerful selves and do work they love. Show notes can be found at https://allegrasinclair.com/podcast

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Your Confident Self

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