Howdy y’all! Sami and Jordana are dashing off to Nashville right after this episode, and yes, Aleen is ofc jealous. Sami wishes she could pack her chess board (oh so relatable), but luckily Jordana’s bringing a deck of Monopoly Deal—watch out, Nashville! But before they jet off, Sami and Jordana discuss, well, a literal jet. Yup, they’re talking about Netflix’s Tinder Swindler and all of its absurdities. The private jets, the loans, and the obsessive love bombing. If you’re like Aleen and haven’t watched the exposé yet, then pls fast forward to 24:00—no spoilers! Then on to wealth that we know is real (cause that’s literally all they post about): the Kardashians. Aleen, Sami, and Jordana dive into the Kim & Kanye (& their kids) saga—which is honestly pretty sad—and then chat about Kylie’s new nameless bébé—born on 2/2/22—and speculate child names. The show wraps up with some much needed debriefs. First up is Euphoria’s latest ep—all in agreement that Zendaya killed that performance—and Sami shares a *mind blowing* theory (yes, said theory was found on Reddit). Lastly, the And Just Like That finale with lots of thoughts that we absolutely ~couldn’t help but wonder~. Tune in for the much needed deep dive.

Betch Slapped

Tinder Swindler’s Absurdity, Kardashian’s Never-Ending Drama, & AJLT’s Disappointing Finale

And just like that, Sami sadly has Covid. Luckily she’s feeling ok and spills the tea on her bougie (but also very handy) new rapid test machine. Or, as Jordana calls it, the Soho House of rapid tests. Trust us, you’re gonna want to listen in to learn more (only downside—no, it’s not bedazzled, but yes, Jordana and Aleen asked). Moving along, pop culture princess Rihanna announced her pregnancy this week and they reminisce about her greatest hits. Pon de Replay, Umbrella…oh, the good ole days. They also pose the q we’ve all been thinking: who in their right mind would wear that outfit during an NYC winter?! Then on to the trio’s true passion: Wordle. Obvi the New York Times listened to last week’s ep and realized they should buy the game—pls don’t blame us. Back to pop culture, they dive into the absurdity of RHONJ cast member Jennifer Aydin’s nose job from Turkey, the absolute chaos that is RHOSLC, and the standout performances from Euphoria’s latest ep (spoiler: more penises). Also, who tf is the mystery child in the family photo anyways? After tuning in, we ask that you comment your fav TV show recs while leaving a *5 star* review (or else they’ll just keep talking about Wordle).

RiRi’s Having A Baby, Wordle Still Reigns, & Euphoria’s Mystery Child

And the Wordle of the day is…Yup, Aleen, Jordana, and Sami are just as obsessed with the online word guessing game as you are. In fact, playing Wordle was Jordana’s highlight of the week, according to Aleen time simply ceases to exist when playing the game, and Sami claims that it’s unifying America right now. It’s just that good. Sami even spills the detes on her mom’s sneaky guessing trick (no spoilers, listen and find out). On to less unifying topics, they dive into Kyle and Amanda’s Summer House drama. Is the relationship’s biggest problem Kyle’s drinking, or that they run a business together? Speaking of Kyles, Sami shares some more Bravo tea. On a Watch What Happens Live, Kathy Hilton just does not know the names of her sister Kyle Richards’ children. No, like it’s literally so rude. Since we’re already thinking of word games, what rhymes with rude? Nude. Jordana sparks the much needed debate on wtf is with all of the nudity and penises on HBO Max? They ofc talk about the episode’s other shortcomings (pun intended): Che and Miranda’s love seems v fake and yes, it’s weird that Lily slept in Carrie’s bed. Then Sean joins to wrap up the show with a game (not Wordle) all about which celeb couples have the biggest age gap. The answers may surprise you.

Wordle Takes Over, Kathy Hilton’s A Bad Aunt, & WTF Is With HBO & Penises

Meribel, Courchevel, après ski, oh my! Sami starts off this week’s episode by telling Jordana and Aleen all about her luxurious European ski adventures—yes, matching Fila tracksuits were of course involved. We love a good matching moment, which also inspired Sami’s upcoming nap dress themed birthday party—save the date for April, everyone. Then they attempt to dissect all the Kim and Kanye drama, as Kim apparently didn’t invite Kanye to their daughter Chicago’s fourth birthday party, so Kanye pouted on IG Live and then crashed the party. Honestly Kanye, leave the tantrums to the children. And Jordana asks the million dollar question—does Kanye have a therapist? Next, they all discuss the unfortunate nuances of RHOSLC and Jennie Nguyen’s offensive Facebook that was recently uncovered. Trust us, you’re gonna want to hear about this one, and Sami spills all the Jennie Nguyen Reddit tea. Then onto the Summer House drama between Kyle and Amanda (seriously, what was with that contract?), the weekly And Just Like That debrief (shocker, Carrie gets even more selfish), and Aleen and Jordana cover the Yellowjackets season finale. They get into all the questions we’ve been pondering—Where did Misty get those Shrooms? And why didn’t Jackie just go inside? To wrap up the show Jordana, Aleen, and Sami want to hear from you. That’s right, leave us a *glowing* 5 star review if you will, and share all the shows you’ve been loving and what they should chat about next.

Kanye Is Coming For Pete, Carrie Bradshaw’s Latest Antics, & Yellowjackets Season Finale

Aleen and Jordana start this week’s ep by sharing their tales of partying hard re: their bff’s bachelorette party. Aleen asked Jordana to borrow a bronzer brush and was shocked at it’s, uh, messy state of being. They then dive into discussing another engagement, one with a bit more…blood. Yup, MGK and Megan Fox actually drank each other’s blood after their engagement. Anywho, recovering from how strange that is, they get into a wild relationship of the familial sort—Jamie Lynn Spears has spoken out about her relationship with sister Britney, who has recently unfollowed Jamie on IG—or as Jordana likes to call it, some typical sister shit. The conversation makes a quick tone shift to remember America’s fave TV dad, Bob Saget, who recently passed away at 65. Aleen shares her deep appreciation of Bob’s most popular show, Full House. Then they chat about another show full of families, friends, and the struggles of youth—only this time, it’s jam packed with sex and drugs. You guessed it—Euphoria! A show that gives Jordana and Aleen a lot of pause about children these days, and makes them realize that by comparison they were prude as f*ck in high school—relatable. Speaking of f*cked up TV, they round off the show sharing their mixed reviews of the star-packed, end-of-the-world movie Don’t Look Up. They wrap it up with a shout-out to Sami—if you’re out there listening, be careful skiing.

MGK & Megan Drank Their Blood, ‘Euphoria’ Teens Are Unhinged, & ‘Don’t Look Up’ Causes A Slight Existential Crisis

Are you a fan of puzzles? So is Jordana. She kicks off this week’s episode sharing her love of literal puzzles (the 1,000 piece kind to be exact), which leads into Jordana, Aleen, and Sami talking about a truly puzzling topic—how tf could Tristan Thompson cheat on Khloe K yet again, and have a kid with another woman?! The conversation then shifts to another woman who seems to always choose the wrong men. Yes, we’re talking about Carrie Bradshaw. They discuss how the latest installment of And Just Like That, we’re sorry to tell you, only gets cringier. They reminisce on the OG SATC and pose the controversial q we all couldn’t help but wonder—should Carrie just have ended up single way back then and saved us the time? Continuing on the theme of b*tches with drama, they talk about the latest season of RHOC, including the ins and outs of what makes a good RH—Aleen compares it to a game of chess—and how RHOSLC is missing the ball. The show wraps up with a few pop culture predictions for the new year: Will Miley Cyrus and Pete Davidson date? Will Justin and Hailey Bieber have a kid? And who will be the next to break up?

Tristan Cheats On Khloe, OMG That SATC Scene, And Our 2022 Predictions

Following last week’s v controversial debate, Sami, Aleen, and Jordana revisit the og Sex and the City TV show. Yes, it really is as good as you remember and no, it’s actually not cheesy. The trio then get into an ultimate recap of 2021 and discuss all the important things. You know, best Bravo moments of the year—Erika Jayne or Jen Shah?—whether or not Squid Game deserves the spot of top TV show, and was Olivia Rodrigo’s Drivers License song really that big of a deal—or are we just millennials? After delving deep into 2021’s pop culture past, they round off the show with a game that tests how well they kept tabs. Like, remember when wild hogs stole Shakira’s purse? Yeah, they forgot about that too. Finally, Sami shares her go-to research method for digging into celeb tea—think, JB and Selena’s relationship, Kim Cattrall and SJP’s feud—and Aleen asks the hard hitting q: Is it actually research or is Sami just reading an 8th grader’s blog?

And That’s A F*cking Wrap: Hot Pop Culture Takes of 2021

The Betches annual holiday party just ended so Aleen, Jordana, and Sami are recapping it all, including who the real MVP was this year (the open bar, obviously). Then they dive into a SPOILER-filled recap of the wild Succession season finale (boo souls). Should we have seen that betrayal coming all season? Plus, they debate where things go from here for the Roy siblings. Finally, they talk all about the Sex and the City reboot, including that shocking (and frustrating) cliffhanger to end the premiere. Did Carrie Bradshaw suddenly forget how to use her phone? Finally, they discuss whether or not SATC was always this cheesy, or if it’s just a new Samantha-less world.

And Just Like That… She Should Have Called 911

Aleen is finally back on the podcast, so she’s catching Sami and Jordana up on everything we’ve missed while she was on maternity leave. They talk about going back to work, binging True Blood during downtime, and living in a (potentially) haunted house. Next, they recap last night’s huge U Up? Live Show, including Jordana’s take on what made it the best one ever. Then they dive into all the latest trending TV shows, starting with the best new comedy of the year (The Sex Lives of College Girls) and another debate about Paris Hilton’s return to the spotlight. Plus, they share their thoughts on Selling Sunset, the new season of RHOC, and VPR’s Raquel calling things off with James Kennedy. Then at around 50:30 - SPOILERS AHEAD - they debate the most shocking moment in Succession history. Did [SPOILER] really just [SPOILER] or is [SPOILER] a red herring?

The One Where Aleen Returns

Jordana is back from her wedding and she’s recapping all the juiciest details with Sami. They talk about family drama, what she’d do differently, and the moment it turned into their own version of Fyre Festival. This leads to a conversation about intergenerational stability, and why it’s so valuable to find a supportive and stable partner. Next, they talk about their Thanksgiving weekend, including why Jordana (the tree expert) decided not to get a Christmas tree this year. They also discuss the challenge of buying gifts, especially when you have to make a wish-list for yourself, and they tell us which holiday needs a glow up. Finally, they close the show with some great TV recommendations, including their thoughts on the new season of Selling Sunset, and a review of Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip.

Chaos At Jordana’s Wedding

Sami is back from Jordana’s wedding and she’s joined by Sean Kilby to share some highlights from the weekend. They start with details about rain on the wedding day, and Sami gives us an update on her embryo freezing process. Next, they preview their Thanksgiving holidays, which leads to a debate about the most overrated Thanksgiving dish and the best dessert at the table. They also offer a retraction from last week’s conversation about Paris Hilton’s wedding (now that we’ve seen Paris and her husband in their new reality show). Finally, at around 38:00 they recap the best episode of this season of Succession, telling us exactly where they think things are going in the next few episodes.

Is Cranberry Sauce Overrated?

It’s only a few hours until Jordana’s wedding arrives, so she and Sami talk about the last minute anticipation (and tell us how you actually get a wedding dress on a plane). Then they react to Britney’s conservatorship coming to an end and talk about what’s next for her now that she’s finally free. They discuss Paris Hilton’s over-the-top wedding this past weekend, including whether or not she used her now-husband as a prop. Next, they talk about Taylor Swift dominating the conversation this week with the re-release of Red, and debate whether or not she’ll ever get married (or already secretly got married). Finally, they discuss Taylor’s creative peak, people coming for Jake Gyllenhaal, and the relatability of ‘All Too Well’.

Is ‘All Too Well’ Taylor’s Creative Peak?

With so much to discuss this week, Sami and Jordana dive into a conversation about last-minute wedding worries and the concept of a Bridezilla. This leads to a debate about different standards for male and female executives and the consequences they face, especially in the case of Barstool Sports. Then they play a game of ‘Bridezilla Wrangler’ with Sami serving as Jordana’s advisor for wedding-related drama and stress. They also talk about the exciting news that our own Jared Freid will be on the Tonight Show with (wait for it) Taylor f*cking Swift this evening! Next, they discuss Aaron Rodgers getting COVID and Shailene Woodley lashing out at the media on his behalf. They also react to Paul Rudd being named the sexist man alive. Finally, at 45:00 they finish things out with a recap of this week’s Succession episode and a reaction to the Jen Shah arrest footage.

Is It Sexist To Call Someone A Bridezilla?

This week, Sami and Jordana kick things off with a conversation about the last few bits of planning before Jordana’s destination wedding. Plus, Jordana tells us what it feels like to not have the urge to constantly spend money. Then they talk about Pete Davidson and Kim K going on three dates (and counting) this week, as they speculate about how they started seeing each other. They also debate the source of Pete’s romantic appeal to so many high-profile celebs. Next, they react to Zayn Malik pleading no-contest to four counts of harassment after allegedly shoving Gigi Hadid’s mom Yolanda. They try to figure out the timeline of events and tell us what they think led to the conflict. Finally, at 35:30 they close the show with a recap of this week’s (much improved) episode of Succession, and update us on the Britney Spears conservatorship.

What Really Happened Between Zayn And Yolanda?

Jordana and Sami start the show with a preview of their Halloween plans and a conversation about what the ideal Halloween weekend looks like. Then they dive into a discussion of the fatal shooting this week involving Alec Baldwin. How does something like this still happen on a movie set, and what will the consequences be? Next, they talk about their latest TV obsessions, including a review of the new season of You and a recap of the season premiere of Curb Your Enthusiasm. At 33:00 they review the latest episode of Succession, telling us what they thought of the Roy family’s latest meeting. Finally they close out the show with a Halloween-themed game of ‘Trick or Treat’ featuring some spooky riddles and candy-inspired trivia.

What’s The Perfect Halloween Party?

Betches Media presents Betch Slapped – a hilarious weekly podcast hosted by the three founders and comedic authors behind NY Times best-selling books “Nice is Just a Place in France” and “I Had a Nice Time & Other Lies”. Tune in as the Betches’ exploit celebrity gossip, update you on the latest TV shows, give advice about love, friendship and careers, and share the latest news you should probably give a sh*t about. Keep up with your favorite Betches online at www.Betches.com or on Instagram @betches.

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