How fantastic would it be to be able to run laboratory tests to identify your hormone levels and give you accurate data on when you are ovulating? In the US, more testing and more often is available, here in the UK, not so much, and certainly not after initial investigations. Well you can, Sylvia Kang, CEO and co founder of the Mira Fertility tracker explains in this episode how Mira can support you. This marvellous hand held device is basically working to the same technology as laboratory equipment, but shrunk down to the fir on the palm of your hand.  I’ve been working with data from clients who are using the Mira App for some time now and I have been incredibly impressed. Analysing a urine sample shows the Oestrogen and lutenizing hormone and develops a bespoke picture for an individual.  I’ve seen great insights in clients with PCOs specifically.  As with this condition there may appear to be a number of ‘attempts’ before ovulation actually takes place. Sylvia ran me through her background, which is impressive and why she was driven to develop Mira. Mira as it stands is an exciting piece of equipment but there is more excitement to come with the inclusion of progesterone testing included.  This will be incredible for all users but for those with PCOS it will give a definitive indication that ovulation occurred.  For many in my client base this will support those who have a lower progesterone, and also will show us the affects our work is having on raising this, which is a huge part of the work with many clients at the moment. An what’s more the ability to test Beta HCG, the pregnancy hormone is also coming I’ll let Sylvia explain it to you. If want to follow Mira on Instagram you can do so @mirafertility  They have a you tube channel with some great webinars, one from myself on reducing stress when ttc.  If you want to get the Mira starter kit, head over to  https://www.miracare.com/mira-shop/fertility-plus-starter-kit/ and use the code FERTILITY REWIRE to get a $25/£25 discount, and what’s more as a Mira user you get a 20% discount off my services. If you want any more information, see where you’re at or would like to find out how working with me on the Fertility Rewire Method may help you, then you can arrange Free call Free resources are available including what your bleed can tell you about your fertility and a free visualisation. If you want to keep up to date on information, news, client progress updates, offers and podcast episodes, the best way is to receive my emails .      

Fertility Rewire Podcast

Analysing Fertility Hormones at Home

What is ovulation pain telling you? You may have been told or read that Ovulation pain or mittelschmerz (German for Middle Pain) is normal, maybe even that it is a good sign for fertility.  But actually it can be far from that.  It can in some case ne an indication of something that may actually be negatively affecting your fertility. It could be a mild cramp, a dull ache, stabbing or even debilitating pain, which may last seconds, minutes or hours.  If you are waiting for ovulation pain as a sign of ovulation , when trying to conceive, ttc, you may of course be leaving it too late.  The egg as we know lives for up to 24 hours and the sperm has to travel, so if waiting it could be too late. But when we look at the pain itself, this may be due to factors other than ovulation alone, such as cysts, endometriosis, bacterial infection and more, or it may as I have seen with many of my clients show us that it may in fact also be an indicator of pelvic congestion, and/or inflammation. When we work together one of our first progress indicators is the removal of ovulation pain and I talk about some such cases. Other relevant episodes Tuning into ovulation  Pelvic congestion Endometriosis case study  If you want any more information, see where you’re at or would like to find out how working with me on the Fertility Rewire Method may help you, then you can arrange Free call Free resources are available including what your bleed can tell you about your fertility and a free visualisation. If you want to keep up to date on information, news, client progress updates, offers and podcast episodes, the best way is to receive my emails .  

What is ovulation pain might be telling you about your fertility.

The word should is one of the most powerful words we hear and what we say to ourselves. It can be a motivator but also a real barrier to change. When searching for what we should do, there is a risk of overwhelm, fear and also resentment.  It's a word that can trigger deep held limiting beliefs, and can lead to a 'why should I?' The why "should I?" is so key in terms of our thoughts and emotions and can be one or many of your tigers.  You've no doubt heard me talk about tigers before. In this episode I just start the discussion around this really and give you some steps to distance the emotion attached to should and guide you on the possibility of further work. I also share some exciting news regarding the digital packs for both the Fertility Rewire method and Tiger Taming. bTo be amongst the first to know when they are released, you can join the mailing list as thats where I'm announcing it first. Relevant episodes How stress affects your fertility- getting to know your tigers Overwhelm, the unexplained, thoughts and mindset Can you be in control when trying to get pregnant The emotional impact of trying to conceive This is Deeper than Sadness  

What "should' you do when ttc?

It was an absolute pleasure to chat with Professor Sheryl Homa this week on the podcast. Sheryl Homa is an HCPC registered Clinical Scientist with a special interest in male fertility. She obtained her degrees in Biochemistry at Imperial College of Science and Technology and the Middlesex Hospital Medical School. She spent a large part of her career as an academic research scientist in the field of oocyte maturation, funded by the National Institutes of Health in the USA. For many years she served as Scientific Director of several fertility clinics in the UK working in both the public and private sectors. During this time, she became aware that male fertility is considerably marginalised and as a result, opened Andrology Solutions in 2007, the first and only HFEA licensed clinic of its kind, dedicated to male infertility. She has collaborated on many research projects and is the author of numerous scientific articles, abstracts and book chapters in the fertility field. Her studies include investigating calcium signaling in sperm and more recently, the role of oxidative stress and infection on sperm quality. Sheryl has been responsible for introducing and CE marking novel state of the art testing for male infertility, including a chemiluminescence assay for measuring seminal reactive oxygen species. Currently Sheryl is honorary Professor in Biosciences at University of Kent and consultant clinical lead for Andrology at The Doctors Laboratory. We chatted about how men are equally responsible for creating an embryo that would lead to a child, how half of the genetic material is from men and that the child is a reflection of the genetic material of both partners. That it isn't just about getting pregnant or staying pregnant but ultimately the health of a child.    We talked about how sperm and eggs need to be as fit and healthy as they can be and how if the sperm or egg is damaged in anyway this passes to every cell of the child and this is an area that I talk about a lot with my clients: that we need to widen our vision looking further than just getting pregnant.  This helps us make the changes necessary. Sheryl said something that really made sense to me and she said that she advises her male clients to act as though they are pregnant so in the few months leading up to conception to think about their sperm as that they are carrying pre babies. We know that 11 to 12 weeks is necessary for both the sperm and the egg to develop fully and so a preconception preparation plan is absolutely vital and she compared this to preparing for Wimbledon and saying that if you were going to compete at Wimbledon you wouldn't just rush on and play would you? No, you would prepare with training, health and with the right equipment.  I’m a huge fan of an analogy myself, I’ve often used the example of how you wouldn’t ‘just run’ a marathon. We looked at how it's important to consider quality and not quantity and how this is important to maximise your chances of both natural and assisted fertility and we need the best quality egg and sperm. We talked about the sperm analysis and how this is a crucial first step and provides great information but it only tells you if there are potentially enough and we know the parameters are low, too low, and if sufficient are moving. However, it doesn't tell us whether the sperm is capable of getting to the egg or if it is capable of entering the egg or if it has the right triggers to ensure embryo development. Resistance infertility circles was something that we discussed as well and this letters onto the resistance amongst the fertility clinics to undertake two very specific tests that give it so much information about the sperm in terms of fertility but also importantly in terms of miscarriage and how this really should be offered to all couples experiencing recurrent miscarriage and those tests are the DNA fragmentation test and the oxidative stress test on the sperm. Something that comes up for me with my clients and with something that we discussed is how some Doctors and clinics will say that even if the test showed DNA fragmentation or oxidative stress there isn't anything that can be done about it, but Sheryl explained how there might be quite a bit you can do about it. We discussed also how a condition called Variocele maybe a huge factor in terms of sperm quality, how a full clinical history should be taken for male partners, how women have an ultrasound but that men aren’t examined at all. How underlying infections which are not looked at are an underlying cause of conception and potentially miscarriage as well and how a microbiology test on the sperm is a crucial  test. Of course we discussed the recent documentary by Rhod Gilbert ‘stand up for infertility’ Which led us to chat about physical issues and emotional issues. Not only emotional issues in terms of how they may affect sperm physically but the lack of support for men who are going through a fertility journey. She mentioned a Facebook group the men's fertility support run by Gareth Down which I would urge you to point your male partners in the direction of   We chatted about some basic general advice at the start of a couples fertility journey and we discussed as you've heard me talk about before why trying to conceive at or just before ovulation may in fact be too late and how important a regular ejaculate is because stored sperm is in effect rubbish sperm, and that again it's not just about numbers it's about freshness and quality She will also explained how we were missing a vital piece in the journey and that your GP referring you to the fertility clinic straight away which is ultimately for assisted fertility is like going to your doctor with heart palpitations and the doctor saying let's get you a heart transplant. She explains that IVF is circumvention, how it is not managing fertility and that after initial GP tests, further investigation should take place and treatments suggested to correct possible fertility factors.  Further investigation can be undertaken by an Andrologist. Something of interest that was pointed out in Rhod Gilbert's documentary is that there are 8000 registered Gynaecologists in the UK and only 200 registered Andrologist. It is Gynaecologists with a specialism in Fertility that you are referred to at the Fertility clinic Considering an Andrologist looks at male fertility factors this clearly isn't representing half of the equation is it? She said something which I have been saying you will have heard me saying certainly my clients have heard me say but there is too much emphasis on pushing towards IVF when this may not be needed and if IVF is needed we should be paying more attention to improving the quality of the egg and the sperm . You can find Sheryl at Andrology Solutions  If you want any more information, see where you’re at or would like to find out how working with me on the Fertility Rewire Method may help you, then you can arrange Free call Free resources are available including what your bleed can tell you about your fertility and a free visualisation. If you want to keep up to date on information, news, client progress updates, offers and podcast episodes, the best way is to receive my emails .

Looking Deeper at Male Fertility Factors

Going through Assisted Fertility, Egg Freezing, IUI, IVF/ICSI in itself is overwhelming.  But trying to keep track of results, medications, progress comparison through repeated cycles and the information required for a second opinion or a clinic move can be overwhelming. Are you using spreadsheets, have piles of paper work, but would like to get a sense of greater control and understanding. This is how Ravid Israel felt.  After a long fertility journey that involved diagnosis delays, numerous cycles, having to seek support from different Doctors clinics and countries she realised that there were 100's of apps for women trying to conceive (un assisted) but not for women going through treatments, and so Embie was conceived. I work with couples where I try to support them with this sense of having no control, compounded by the actual lack in the fertility journey itself, and I can really see the benefits of this app.  I've been having a look around myself and can see the benefits for many. I think what really stood out for me was that ability to have the info to share, for clients to share with me and to share with medics and clinics. You know when you want to seek a second opinion, but you feel awkward asking your current clinic? well you wouldn't need to, because you have it hand.  Increasingly clients are wanting second pinions but it's not easy do that without sufficient information, or feeling that it could cause issues. And of course I discuss male factors because as you know by now this is crucial, overlooked and completely misunderstood. So if you are undergoing any assisted fertility treatments, and you would like a place to store your information, and if it would help you, have access to support and a community of people going through similar, the Embie app may be worth a look. You can follow the Embie app and Ravid on instagram visit the Embie app website here If you want any more information, see where you’re at or would like to find out how working with me on the Fertility Rewire Method may help you, then you can arrange Free call Free resources are available including what your bleed can tell you about your fertility and a free visualisation. If you want to keep up to date on information, news, client progress updates, offers and podcast episodes, the best way is to receive my emails .  

Keeping Track During Assisted Fertility

When it comes to getting pregnant have you consider the uterine lining? The uterus is the nest for your developing baby, so it would make sense to consider it wouldn't it? It’s part of the monitoring process during IVF, so if you are trying to conceive by conventional, non-assisted methods it would make sense wouldn't it?  But what should you consider? You will know if you have listened to me before that my views on testing are that you shouldn't have to wait so long, that the propose is misleading and actually it is to identify what assisted fertility method you require. So, the lining is only seen during you ultrasound, but realistically what is being looked at is the structure of the uterus. In this episode I discuss factors that are important to consider: Uterus position What your bleed tells you Lower Back Circulation and nerve supply Uterine thickness and the holy triple layer How the IVF lining measurement criteria may be too low I discuss factors that affect lining, especially when considering a thin lining, and also factors and reference to past clients with endometriosis and the effect of clearing old lining, in fact I talk about this clearing also in terms of the position of the uterus. Also think of what this part of your body is designed to do, what its role is in getting pregnant.  We spend so long thinking about egg and sperm that we can lose sight of this nest.  The place your embryo will nestle and develop.  I give the analogy of a bird nest, and examples of ow I work with clients, both on a physical and emotional level. And this emotional level is something I am coming across extremely often.  What are your feelings towards this area of your body, and I refer you to a blog post I wrote, called a letter from your womb.  And when we start to look at how your womb itself may be viewing this situation right now, how it may feel, if that were possible.  How you can start to work together as a team, developing and strengthening that connection. This is for many a surprising element of our free chat or deep dive call and action plan setting, but it's so incredibly important and is sadly overlooked.  As it really doesn't matter how good a quality the basic ingredients are if you are planting the in un supportive environment. Mentioned podcasts and resources A letter from your womb Pelvic congestion Endometriosis: a case study Fertility massage Therapy      

Uterine Lining

What you are feeling is real, it can be raw and yes it can be sadness but it can be something so much deeper and its OK that you feel like this. Whats not OK is that its not recognised enough. When you set out on this journey, the journey to parenthood, more often that not it starts with hope, excitement even, but over the time this changes, sometimes overtime, sometimes sooner and the emotions vary. Are you living life in 2 week blocks, or 2x 1 week block and a 2 week block, or other variations? when you get your period, do already know when 9 months ahead is? when you may ovulate, when your next period is due. is not getting pregnant taking over? Are you thinking about this most of the time? are you being triggered? the sight of a birth announcement, seeing prams, hearing people complain about their children? Not getting pregnant and the quest to become parents can be so much deeper than 'sadness' or 'disappointment'.  Its important for you to recognise this, this is hard, this can seen unbearable and you don't have to struggle.  That there is a wider view that you can take and get answers. I share some insights in this episode and I want you to know that I hear you, I know that as we run up to Christmas this is even harder,     

Is it Something Deeper than Sadness?

The MIRA webinar "How to reduce TTC stress and boost Fertility" on December 2nd 2020, Registration link can be found by clicking here I work with those trying to conceive their first child and those wanting to extend their family and so in this episode I am discussing Secondary Fertility, or perhaps you have seen it as secondary infertility, thats my first reframe and creation right there! I often find that particularly within this group, couples are looking outside of what aer perhaps considered conventional or mainstream assisted fertility routes.  One of the reasons for this is the financial implications and no access to funding. It is estimated that 1/4 of all couples seeking fertility treatments are already parents and that of all couples trying to get pregnant with their second child, only 1/2 actually seek fertility treatment. Should you be happy? This is something that I come across a lot, should you be happy? Are you asking for too much? some couples haven't conceived theoir first child.  And this can affect them in terms of groups and forums, not wanting to speak up. It depends what side of the fence you are on. But a key issue here that affects getting pregnant with a second child, is that this isn't about having a baby, becoming parents, this is about providing a sibling your child.  The emotional pull for that is something that you perhaps didn't expect the first time you got pregnant. In this episode I discuss the physical factors affecting getting pregnant again, of course some of the are absolutely what I see with this trying for their first child, but there are some subtle differences and commonalities amongst the secondary fertility group. I also delve a little further into the deeper emotional aspects, the sibling aspects and how your mind can take you into the future, so far in fact that you are no longer here. That you want to provide emotional support to your first child at this time with a sibling, that something might be missing. If you want any more information, see where you’re at or would like to find out how working with me on the Fertility Rewire Method may help you, then you can arrange Free call Free resources are available including what your bleed can tell you about your fertility and a free visualisation. If you want to keep up to date on information, news, client progress updates, offers and podcast episodes, the best way is to receive my emails . The private facebook group is open for join requests too.

Getting Pregnant Again

At the start of this episode I let you know about the free reset and balance your hormones event running 16th-19th November 2020 You'll know if you've listened to me before that I have strong view on the reasons why many couples are not getting pregnant, and stronger views on the fact that they are not being informed and educated sufficiently before heading down the assisted fertility route, as a first line. So in this episode I share some of the reasons why couples are not getting pregnant and that if more couples were supported and educated earlier, the need for IVF as a first line would lessen. And in doing so the opportunities for more couples for whom it absolutely is their only options can access funded IVF in the UK, and other countries that offer this. So I discuss Ovulation timing: and strength misunderstanding, misinformation Your Bleed: again misinformation and misunderstanding, chances are it's not 'normal' Have you had the free download what your bleed says about your fertility?' How you shouldn't be made to wait a year, information needs to come sooner Period pain and pms are indicators of something that can affect your fertility Sperm is not tested sufficiently and agin you are not informed of the issues regarding DNA fragmentation, I refer you to a previous podcasts with Barbara Scott and Dr Ghadir Scheduling of sex, see the episode 'Lets talk about Sex" for more information Key nutritional deficiencies, common on most of us today, hugely affect fertility, see the supplement advice I provide to my clients The emotional aspects of Fertility and Why you cant just relax and the need for more support How we shouldn't be fooled into thinking there is only one factor affecting fertility if there is a diagnosis such as endometriosis or PCOS If you would like to book a free call with me, you can access the diary here Fertility visualisation tracks Follow me on Instagram  Follow me on Facebook Sign up for updates, news and offers

What we're doing wrong when trying to get pregnant

IVF practices and approaches differ around the world, increasingly as I work with clients from different parts of the globe, this is becoming more evident. It was a great pleasure to chat with Dr Shahin Ghadir, founding partner of Southern California Reproductive Center. Dr. Ghadir is double board-certified in Obstetrics and Gynecology and Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility. He is currently an assistant clinical professor Dr. Shahin Ghadir is a compassionate and caring physician who dedicates his career to helping people overcome their reproductive challenges and infertility issues to achieve their goals of having the family of their dreams, for both traditional families and the LGBTQ community. He is currently positioned as a top physician for egg freezing, sought out by women all over the world for his skill set in this highly coveted procedure. Dr Ghadir is native Angeleno, his clinic based in Beverly Hills. Dr. Ghadir is continuously voted as one of the “Top Doctors” in the USA by Los Angeles Magazine’s national poll and Super Doctors of Southern California. We chatted about the difference in funding between here and the USA, and during the course of the interview, I am yet again reminded that our approach to IVF in the UK, could be better, although acknowledging that this is hugely impacted by cost and funding. Dr Ghadir discussed the success rates at the Southern California Reproductive Center, Higher than the average in the US and much much much higher than those in the UK, for both pregnancy and live births, and the main reason for this her explained was.the use of Pre Implantation Genetic Testing (PIGT) of Embryos. We discussed egg quality, sperm quality and it was great to hear him acknowledge how lucky we are in London to have access to Dr Sheryl Homer, leading Androloigist and developer of the Sperm Comet Test, used (not widely enough in my opinion) to detect sperm DNA damage.  I discussed this in more detail with Barbara Scott in episode 14 of the podcast. Others areas discussed were Surrogacy, which you may recall I discussed recently relating to Hawaii in Episode 35. We discussed what an incredible 'voice' Dustin Lance Black and Tom Daley have been regarding their surrogacy experience, and How Dr Ghadir worked with them. We discussed Egg Freezing, age at conception for both men and women, How he has helped single women and single men and LBGTQ and heterosexual couples become parents and his view on pre conceptual care. Dr Ghadir also has an undergraduate degree in psychology which I'm sure if you've listened to me before was great to hear and find out more about.  He gave some examples of outcomes of treatment based on mindset. What was interesting is how many people travel from not just the USA but worldwide to access treatment with him, and based on the results, it's clear to understand why. If you want to find out more about Dr Ghadir, his work and what is happening at the SCRC you can follow him on instagram @drshahinghadir  and the YouTube Channel Fertility Talk PIGT is not widely available in the UK, not unless there has been specific cause for its use and is available in only a few centres.  The implications of DNA fragmentation is huge, over looked in my opinion in relation to fertility and miscarriage in terms of the education we receive in the UK. PIGT is not generally available and as ever it brings me back to the root cause and education about what steps we can take, especially with regard to male factors, which in some cases we can address. I'd love to hear your comments, and subjects you'd like to hear more about. If you are new to the podcast, HELLO, it's great to have you here, take a look around other episodes, and subscribe to be up to date on episode releases. If you want to keep up to date and on top of news, products and client updates, you can join the email list or follow me on instagram or facebook If you want to have a FREE chat with me, see where you are at with your fertility, get a steer about what more you can do whether trying to conceive naturally and via assisted methods, find out more about working with me, I'd love to hear from you. 

Improving IVF Success

Have you been told that your fertility issues are unexplained? And despite them being unexplained you can access Fertility Treatment? What does unexplained infertility actually mean? Does it mean there is nothing wrong? Well no it really means that based on the limited testing done and the low parameters of what is considered acceptable, there are no obvious indicators of poor or no ovulation, low sperm, and no structural issues in the reproductive organs. I was really surprised and pleased when a client of men attended Leeds Fertility and both herald her husbands Vitamin D was tested, and that they wouldn't start the IVF until their levels were within acceptable parameters.  This isnt common across the clinics that many of my clients are attending for investigations or IVF. Key nutritional deficiencies have a huge impact on fertility and are really tested within the fertility medical model. Also if you have been given a diagnosis Endometriosis or PCOS, it is assumed that everything else is OK and it may not be. What if there is another issue, being put in the ';box' can mean we overlook other issues. I share my passion for the unexplained and talk through my MS diagnosis and why I am so passion about information and the avoidance of overwhelm.  That a much wider approach needs to be take, and through relatively inexpensive testing when you compare it to IVF. But even that testing may not be necessary.  That applying an informed sensible approach to look at the much wider aspects that affect fertility is key.  And this is how I work in the fertility rewire programme.   If you want to discuss this with me in a free call, I'd be really excited to hear from you. There is an explanation, we just have to know where to look. How to find me Instagram Website Group " Its not you its your hormones" Associated episodes Vitamin D and Fertility How to improve Egg Quality  Male factors in fertility  Sperm: More than just a number Overwhelm and the unexplained Mentions Dr Chatterjee

Why You Shouldn't Accept Unexplained Infertility as a Diagnosis

Have you heard of Fertility Massage? Ever wondered what it involved? or perhaps you are interested in becoming a therapist? Absolute pleasure to chat with Andrea Clarke on this episode about Fertility Massage/Womb Massage Therapy. We recorded the episode before the start of the COVID lockdown, and so are thoughts are initially about travel and warm destinations! We decided to hold off releasing the episode and as things started to re open we thought it would be a good time to release. I am as you may or not know a practitioner myself and I incorporate this in my coaching programme, with clients self massaging or their partners massaging. We chat about the therapy, the mind body and spiritual aspects and how you can access a practitioner as well as training to be a therapist. Fertility Massage Therapy is so much more than a massage, yes fascia and tissue is affected by the massage, but there is a deeper level of energy and connection to oneself that can be addressed. Working with the  mind and body aspect, many things 'come up for clients' and this, certainly in my practice lends itself to working with the wider aspects of fertility, which is why many therapist have other fertility therapy aspects to their armoury. Andrea can be found at Root Medicine  and on social media on Instagram and Facebook For details of Fertility Massage Therapy Practitioners near you, check the practitioner page I really hope that you enjoy the episode and is you have any comments or questions, as ever do reach out... You can book a free Fertility clarity call with me here Join my email list and keep up to date with whats happening art Fertility Rewire   

Fertility Massage Therapy

I'm chatting in todays episode with September Burton from The Hawaii Surrogacy Center.  September used to be a surrogacy case manager and now works as a health coach for the centre.  We know that there is IVF tourism, and it of course stands to Eason that people would travel for surrogacy.  In the UK and Australia, Surrogacy can only be altruistic, so no commercial aspects related to it and her in the uk we have laws to ensure this. I was curious to learn more about surrogacy in the United States, and also the tourism aspect to it.  But I was really interested to learn more about the physical and emotional preparation for intended parents and the surrogate and also specifically emotionally for the surrogates family. I'm increasingly (as you know) amazed at the continued lack of preparation for conception advice at the beginning of a couples fertility journey, and especially regrading IVF. In fact preparation is improving but not enough and not enough to hold IVF, which is the potential for a rant. So I really hope you enjoy the episode, we obviously touched the surface only, as this is a huge issue, legally and emotionally. To find out more about Hawaii Surrogacy, visit their website. To find out more about the nutrition course, visit here To find out more about surrogacy in the uk there is a lot of information and support available, and many results on a search.   For information relating to the legal rights in the UK visit here If you want any more information, or would like to find out how working with me on the Fertility Rewire Method may help you, then you can arrange a free Discovery call Free resources are available including what your bleed can tell you about your fertility and a free visualisation. If you want to keep up to date on information, news, client progress updates, offers and podcast episodes, the best way is to receive my emails . The private facebook group is open for join requests too.

Surogacy in Hawaii

You know the song right? Well we are going to talk about sex, but baby sex.  Not the act itself, as I'm sure you've got that covered, but the emotional side of things when it comes to trying to conceive. And no please be rest assured that I am. not suggesting that you 'just relax'. We start to unpick the instinctive animalistic nature of procreation, that the design is to be driven by desire and being in tune with our own cycle can help us get back to that. We know that the key part of getting pregnant is having sex, It’s not possible to talk about getting pregnant without talking about sex, but it has to be considered in a wider aspect than just getting the egg and sperm together. It is instinctive, animalistic, hormonally driven and this is key, the subtle interplays, switch downs, diversions of hormones impact you getting pregnant. There are a number of reasons that the hormones are affected sufficiently to affect libido, but I want to focus in this episode to look at how a sense of danger, and not in a risky sexy way, affects things, that the fear and anxiety may be in the actual sex itself. In particular, having sex at the right time, If you’ve listened to me before you know that I work around what is required for survival of any species, procreation being the last element and that it cannot happen if the other requirements aren’t in place, namely safety and sustenance it may be that the act of having sex itself is threatening your safety, sounds strange, but remember that the body senses danger by its response to threat That threat can be real or imagined, and when you are in danger, it’s not the time to be reproducing, when the danger passes, it is, but if you are in constant danger, it may never be the time to reproduce and your body will protect you I have an episode on tuning into ovulation, on the podcast, its episode 6, so if your new to listening to me, have a look at that, where I discuss the signs, emotions and feelings, and you are unlikely to easily connect to this intuitive sense if you are experiencing anxiety and fear.  These signs are an interest in sex, in feeling more easily aroused, more riske dreams and here’s something else that’s hugely key, this is a time of the cycle on a energetic level where you are really creative, you’ll excel at creative tasks, if you think about it it’s the time for the ultimate creation itself.  Natures in built design is to make you want to have sex, an instinctive primal desire to have sex.  So, in  order for a species to survive there has to be procreation, and this  is supported by a system of attraction, desire, with hormones to support including oxytocin, endorphins I also have a previous podcast episode on orgasm, episode 25, and why I prescribe them and this is a key part too.  Do you find that orgasm is less in baby sex? And also if you are just having sex around your fertile window when ‘trying’ you aren’t necessarily tuned in energetically to ovulation, because when you are, you will want to have sex, for sex itself, not to conceive. One of the side effect that my clients experience when working in the fertility rewire programme is positive effects on their relationship and sex life. A client who is now pregnant told me that one of the things she found while working with me was that she felt the relationship with her partner became richer. What might sound strange is that in effect we put getting pregnant on the back burner, initially and with it the pressure, the fear, the anxiety ad a whole heap of emotions Another Client recently said that her and partner didn’t really ‘want’ to have sex, it was a sense of needing to, and scheduling.  They are  trying for a second child, and within this scenario sex and scheduling can be an issue any way.  But in moving back into desire, she reported that they had been having amazing sex recently. Moving away from having to is a key part, moving into desire and wanting to, that animalistic nature if you like is key and there are lots of factors that affect this If you think back to a time when you were having sex with your partner, before trying to get pregnant, if you have a child already, before kids. Its different, the time of day, the desrie, it not being planned. So in the rewire programme, we look at this, but what's interesting is that when we support the body from the safety aspect, ( taming tigers), we can name the 'baby sex tiger', the 'ovulation tiger', the 'legs in the air after sex tiger'. Whats going through your mind at these times? When you consider accidental pregnancy, it's often heat of the moment, desire is high, absolute attraction, for this reason accidental pregnancies are common in affairs. I know people and perhaps you do too, who have had children through IVF, and often after long expensive journeys with many attempts and then not long after the birth of  their baby or second baby, they are accidentally pregnant.  They weren’t trying! And no, I am not telling you to relax, if only it were that easy.  But a reduction in fear can improve things. I am not saying all you have to do is calm down, because we know that will cause stress about the stress which is worse that just the stress itself. You're looking for tigers everywhere at this point, your scared, it's hard to 'calm down' to 'just relax' at this point. I not talking about meditation, relaxing activities, although all incredibly useful in your self care practice, I'm talking about dealing with the actual tigers. Right there in that moment of stress, right in the moment when you are face to face with the tiger. It's been a huge part of my life and is at the heart of reducing that sense of danger in my programme. I work with people to start to reduce or remove the ‘tigers’ that cause the fear and anxiety, and sometimes these tigers are tamed through information, knowledge and support and sometimes the tigers need a little more work Just as some background, One of my qualifications is as a mindfulness based cognitive therapy teacher, I am qualified to run the 8 week MBCT course, and I have found some of the practices useful in my life and they have benefited my health, but I’ll be honest with you, I don’t have the time or inclination in my days to meditate for 20 minutes or more I really don’t! So the taming tigers element of my work doesn’t require that, you need to know what to do in the face of the tiger. This is the case for the large majority of my clients. When faced with the 'timing tiger', the 'will it work this month tiger' and the 'baby sex it self tiger' who may indeed all come as a pack, it may not be the best thing to meditate! You can build a level of safety and control which helps to tame the tigers too So we tame them, and then if one appears we develop skills to be safe, relaxation can help, but something at a deeper level, including regular practice, visualisation and a recognition of those tigers themselves.  They are then less lilkely to jump out of a bush! The last place you want a tiger is when you are trying to make a baby.  Think about your body, its clever design, its not going to be working effectively if you are surrounded by tigers.  I’m not talking about, just in the heat of the moment here, just in the act itself, it’s the build up, the anticipation of, because chances are that you already know when you need to be having sex next, if your period comes, right there or shortly afterwards you may be planning when to have sex, and if you have irregular periods, this adds a whole new tiger. Something that I was chatting about with someone recently was that they were advised by a doctor to have sex every other day all the way through their cycle, I was horrified, at this absolute lack of understanding, and this lead to increased stress, discomfort and an impact physically and emotionally not only on her but it impacted the relationship hugely.  The pressure is immense, on both sides and this can start to cause issues at a deeper level. There is a pressure to perform, a sense of having to, and this can be on both sides, which is far removed from why you want to have a baby together, so this is a huge area and something that is missed. A client of mine told me how she had turned down a night out with friends, because that was a night she had to have sex, it was in the diary .  How does it work for you in your relationship if the night, the scheduled night is here and your partner gets home late? How easy is it to have sex at this point? You're angry, they feel got at perhaps? Baby sex becomes very different, it can feel pressured, something that has to be done, planned and the sense of desire, lust and deep love that was there can be lost. If you are trying for a second chaild, chances are that the sex after having a child is different, you are exhausted, timings are not that easy, things have often become more scheduled anyway perhaps and then you try for another child.  So even at the very start, thigs may feel quite pressure. I have a client recently tell me that her and her partner had had amazing sex, pre children sex in fact.  So, just to summarise, I don’t focus on sex specifically with my clients, or be a relationship therapist, or give you advice on what to do, but as a part of the programme, when we are addressing other aspects, balancing hormones, shifting our focus and taming your tigers moving into a sense of trust, belief and to a more instinctive state, and ultimately feeling less pressured, a by product is an increased desire and improved sex and relationship.  Now I say by product, but of course this is the very thing required, its so much more than putting an egg and sperm together, so very much more.. and you can see that by travelling up stream, we are addressing the cause. If you want to know more, discuss any aspect of this, you can get  in touch via the website Instagram and facebook, or , if you want access to me in a supportive, safe group, then the facebook group your fertility matters is still accepting requests and will be opening its doors soon..

Lets talk about Baby Sex

I start off by telling you how excited I am very excited to share the new Facebook group Your Fertility Matters. Do you find yourself saying that other people are worse off, there are starving people in the world? Are you downplaying your own pain, because maybe you don't want to be pitied or perhaps that you feel you should be grateful for what you have. Does you not acknowledging your own pain, not comparing, improve the lives of the other people? It's OK not to be OK. I've said that before, but can you really start to accept that? If you don't feel that, then you are most likely thinking, it's not OK to not be OK. I unpick fear, comparison, shame, beliefs and expectations. I cant mention shame without mentioning the wonderful Brene Brown, and also I mention the wonderful Glennon Doyle and her amazing book Untamed I discuss empathy, the difference between it and sympathy.  How important it is to show empathy and compassion to ourselves. I share some tips, conversational journalling, being, naming your tigers, taming and living with the tigers, stepping out of fight or flight and being able to say to yourself as you would to a loved one, its OK, its OK, I've got you, I'm here.  

Invalidating your Pain through Comparison

Kat Stevens is the host of the Fertility Rewire Podcast, She is a mind and body coach specialising in Fertility. This show is a place for information and discussion around topics relevant to Fertility, to break through the overwhelm of information and to look specifically at the instrinsic design of fertility and how it often fails to adapt in todays world.

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Fertility Rewire Podcast

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