Your marriage was like a jigsaw puzzle. A big, confusing, fragmented mess. Once you found the "abuse" piece, everything fell into place. But are you prepared for what happens when you leave? Cause the gloves come off and the rulebook gets tossed out the window. From two women who've been there and who've heard countless stories of the same, here's the cheat sheet for what you need to know when you get out. This playbook includes: Rules of the "Game": Insight into what your husband's "normal" behavior will be (and by "normal" we mean crazy but predictable) Strategy: A tried and true response method to his behavior (it's the most boring, fabulous thing ever) Recovery Tips: Why you should treat yourself like a fuzzy little cat during this time (truckloads of compassion and flexibility...and maybe treats) Inside Secrets: There's another person who's been abusing you beside your husband (and you can't get away from them!) Read or download the transcriptIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Flying Free

What You Need to Know When You Leave

"Till death do us part." Those words haunt you. The enemy was supposed to be outside of your home and family. Easy to see. Protection just a prayer or a locked door away. But the one stealing from and killing and destroying you is the one you lie beside at night. The one you promised your forever to.And he's counting on it. You need to listen if: You're overcome with desperation to leave and consumed by guilt to stay Your husband is the greatest source of pain and harm in your life You are responsible for everything, and you are constantly sacrificing your physical health, life dreams, and sanity to make your marriage work (to no avail) You've begun to wonder just how much of his behavior is intentional and whether he truly wants to destroy you, piece by piece Read or download the transcript**Friedman's Fables by Edwin H. Friedman 1990. Copyright Guilford Press. Reprinted with permission of The Guilford PressIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Why Hanging on to Hope in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship Doesn't Work

Why are you staying in your abusive marriage? For many women, the price to get free seems too high. They fear destitution, losing their children, revenge by their husband, more trauma and heartache, a scarlet "D" on their chests, the legal hassle...the list goes on. These are real, valid fears. And terribly high, but prevalent, costs. Which raise the question: Is it worth it?Amie experienced all of these things and more to get out. Listen to her story and decide for yourself. This podcast includes: How the Bible was used to FORCE Amie to marry her abuser The SECRET her husband kept from her for years (ALERT: withholding information IS abuse) Why she stayed for so long even as her health broke down The heartbreaking trauma she endured from her church, her children, her ex-husband, and multiple counselors Where she is today and whether it was worth it (The MOST IMPORTANT part of this incredible story) Read or download the transcriptIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Is the Cost to Leave an Abusive Marriage Worth It?

If it's true that we learn from our mistakes, then I know a whole heck of a lot. This episode, Part 2 of 2, is about the mistakes I made in church — the three main ways I lit myself on fire, with the encouragement of church leaders. All while trying to escape the inferno of an abusive marriage.Confused? Horrified? Thirsty?Then tune in. Cause it's tea time, and I'm pouring. Check out these fire starters: Never expose yourself to other learning/beliefs/opinions beside church or church leaders (Don't you DARE think for yourself!) Treat church leaders like they are God (They're ALWAYS right) Believe you are trash (Cause that's what a loving Father wants his precious daughter to do. Duh.) Wash, rinse, and repeat for ultimate cleansing (I did for years, and it nearly killed me.) Read or download the transcriptIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

My Three Biggest Mistakes When Getting Away From Emotional Abuse Part Two

Put your stretchy pants on, cause this episode's a three-course dinner on what NOT to do once you realize your marriage is a hamster wheel of emotional abuse. These three mistakes caused me greater pain, for much longer. But I didn't know then what I know now. Because when we KNOW differently, we DO differently. And that's what Flying Free is all about.Dig in to: Unconscious messages I ingested that made me think abusive behavior was normal and even loving Why I tried to feed a dead marriage (and the not-obvious-to-me-at-the-time reasons that didn't work) A fork in the road: The two choices I never realized I had The potluck approach to decision-making that I no longer take (I stay in my own kitchen now) Read or download the transcriptIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

My Three Biggest Mistakes When Getting Away From Emotional Abuse Part One

Abusers are terrified. They mask their fear with rage, manipulation, false piety, and good ole-fashioned bullying. If they're actually weak, scared babies, how are they so powerful and unchecked in churches (and in marriages)? Because you're afraid too. And you're also really good at pretending. All while being destroyed. It doesn't have to be this way anymore, and I can show you how...to fly free. In today's episode, listen to learn: How the pattern of your destructive marriage isn't just physical—it's mirrored in your brain's perception of reality Why FEAR prevents us from living a life of love (which heals and protects us) How PRETENDING prevents us from walking in the truth (which sets us free) The BEST RESOURCE I know of for survivors desperate for a life of truth, healing, freedom, joy, and love (don't take it from me; read all the reviews from real survivors) Read or download the transcriptIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

How Pretending and Fear Keep You Stuck in abuse cycles (and what sets you free)

If my husband has a mental health issue or a personality disorder, does that excuse his abusive behavior? My husband isn’t the typical abuser; is my marriage actually abusive or just bad? Am I wrong for wanting privacy that my husband demands I should give up? How will I know for sure that my abuser has changed? Since I’ve made the decision to stay in my marriage for now, how can I grow while doing so? I answer these questions and more in this episode. This is a replay of a Q&A done in the Flying Free Sisterhood program. One of the many life-changing benefits of this group is the ability to have your questions answered in a monthly Q&A, weekly during coaching, and every day in the private forum.Listen to learn: The boundaries you can (and SHOULD) still have if your husband has a diagnosis Though you aren’t a computer, your programming is behind all of these questions, and the answers What parroting is (it has nothing to do with birds) Why rocking the boat should be your favorite pastime with a “reformed” abuser The problem with ALL of these questions (it’s their FOCUS) Read or download the transcript hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Emotional Abuse Survivor Q&A

Love lets evil do whatever it wants, pretends nothing's happened, and calls a prison a palace. Right? This is the kind of "biblical" message Christian counselors often tout. And it's killing women and children, whether all at once or piece by precious piece. If you've been hurt by "love," especially when you were desperate for help and safety, you've got an advocate in Cindy Burrell.Strap in because this episode is loaded with truth bombs: Why abusers have the automatic advantage in most Christian counseling A big, red flag at a counselor's office (when you see it, RUN) Why "Can he change?" is the WRONG question, and, frankly, irrelevant when it comes to abusers Two things that will bring out the truth, GUARANTEED (Hint: One is a simple, two-letter word) Why the sanctity of marriage is not built on the absence of divorce Read or download the transcript hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

The Big Problem with Christian Marriage Counseling

You've got two options and you HATE them both. You know you're married to an abuser, but you DON'T want a divorce. So...you're staying.But will you be consumed by your husband's reckless hate? Can you and Jesus be enough in the years to come? Will healing happen in the midst of destruction? Can you survive staying married and, what's more, thrive? Is it even possible to stay well in an abusive marriage?In this episode, I discuss:  How staying well is completely subjective (and some clear examples of what it may mean/may not mean FOR YOU) Why there's only ONE place where you need to look for an answer My own story of staying well...and leaving Read or download the transcript hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Is it Possible to Stay Well in an Abusive Marriage?

Ugly. Fat. Frumpy. Gross. These words ache inside of you and echo in your mind. Maybe they were said to you, maybe they were shown to you, maybe society planted them in your mind. Recovering from abuse isn't just about healing the inside, it's about manifesting life on the outside. You were created to embody beauty and appreciate it — in your smile, with your clothes, your hair style, even the makeup you choose to wear — and Jill Swanson is an expert in helping women do just that.In this light-hearted podcast, learn: The secret to why I look so cute (HINT: It's because of Jill) Why caring about your clothes/hair/using makeup is NOT SHALLOW or UNBIBLICAL What covers a multitude of sins? Clothes! How to use what your mama and the good Lord gave you (don't worry, it's G-rated) REAL-LIFE EXAMPLES of how/why color coordination makes a huge difference The heartbreak that led Jill to develop her beauty know-how and start a business helping women Read or download the transcript hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Finding Your Personal Style After Years of Emotional Abuse

Ever feel like the human version of a fly trap, attracting all the wrong guys? You've escaped one horrible relationship only to find yourself being taking advantage of by a new creep or a long string of them. So, what's the key to flipping your magnetic force so you repel toddlers in grown-up bodies and attract only real men? The secret isn't a dating app, compatibility algorithm, or a 75-step checklist. In fact, it isn't anything outside of you at all. Finding real love after divorce is as much about educating, choosing, and empowering yourself as it is discovering a healthy partner. If you're hankering for the real deal, hit play to learn:  FIVE facts that will help you identify emotionally stunted/harmful men so you can stay the heck away Why Christian women are the perfect candidates for abusive relationships (through no fault of their own) What an emotionally mature man looks likes (yes, they really do exist) Validation for women who have no interest in a relationship—EVER again The formula for moving on after abuse (that DOESN'T EXIST, but it is a beautiful process in which you do have the driver's seat) Read or download the transcript hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Finding a Healthy Partner After Divorce

From husbands as masters to pimps as owners, women were made to be dominated. Meghan saw it firsthand in third-world countries through the practice of female genital mutilation. She saw it in missionary organizations that refused to let women lead. She saw it in her own story. What we believe about gender roles affects every area of our lives and every corner of the Earth.The answer to this widespread abuse? A place where faith and feminism meet. In my interview with Meghan, we discuss: How everything from barring women from preaching to trafficking them for sex is based on the SAME DAMAGING BELIEFS The moment that broke her heart wide open and led to a dramatic change in her life, faith, and work Why there's NEVER a good time to speak up against injustice (so she just does it anyway) How/why a marriage with EQUAL partners works (though many churches will tell you they don't exist or shouldn't happen)  Read or download the transcript hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

How I Encouraged an Abusive System with My Silence and Submission

Living in abusive environments doesn’t just harm our hearts, bodies, and souls, it also wrecks our ability to have healthy relationships. When all you know (or most of what you know) is unhealthy, navigating friendships, family, romance, and even relationships with other survivors can be messy, confusing, and painful. I answer a listener question about the challenges of relationships after abuse and how survivors can break out of toxic patterns that helped them survive the past but aren’t serving them now.In this episode: Why you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t in an abusive relationship (but that doesn’t apply in healthy ones) Which things you need to GIVE UP and which things you need to TAKE BACK to live in freedom, clarity, and peace The critical difference between criticism and feedback (and why both are so difficult for survivors) A mind-blowingly easy technique to reprogram your brain out of negative thought patterns (which are the BIGGEST REASON you feel stuck and miserable and afraid) Some simple, overarching truths about this entire process. Hint: It’s all about YOU in the best way, and there’s no rush  Read or download the transcript hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.comAnd finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Why Relationships Are Complicated for Survivors and How to Unhook from Relationship Drama

I interview Jessica Ghigliotti about consent in Christian marriage and 10 things abusive men do when you don't give it freely.

Consent in Christian Marriage: Why Your "No" Feels Confusing

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to faith, marriage, or life. And that's not a bad thing or a cop-out. Listen to hear more.

Can Emotionally Abusive Marriages Be Restored?

Flying Free is a support resource for women of faith who need hope and healing from hidden emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Because of misogynistic theology taught in controlling and spiritually abusive churches, many Christian women find themselves in destructive marriages where there is an uneven power dynamic. Male partners use their status as a husband to gain power and control over a woman’s mind, emotions, body, social life, finances, and more. When she tries to get help from her equally abusive church environment, she is betrayed and re-abused. Flying Free offers a Christ-centered, gospel-oriented perspective on domestic abuse that protects and honors the voices and autonomy of women. Tune in each week to hear conversations with emotional abuse advocates and fellow survivors who will walk with you on your journey up and out. We hear you. You are not alone.

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Flying Free

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