People who undergo painful and traumatic experiences tend to suffer from chronic stress. Cortisol, a primary stress hormone, increases as a result. The higher amounts of this hormone in the body cause a drop in the levels of progesterone, a female hormone that is crucial for the regulation of ovulation and menstruation. When this happens, estrogen dominance occurs, bringing with it a myriad of symptoms, including lumpy and fibrocystic breasts, period problems, thyroid nodules, weight gain, and hot flashes. In today’s episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, Integrative hormone and nutrition expert Magdalena Wszelaki shares with us some excellent ways on how she was able to restore her hormonal balance, so like her, we can also look, feel, and live better.   About Guest/Topic Magdalena Wszelaki is the founder of Hormones Balance, a thriving online community dedicated to helping women balance hormones naturally. Magdalena is a nutrition coach, certified herbalist, a published bestselling cookbook author, speaker, and educator. She’s got a long history of hormonal challenges. Her health crisis was the direct result of her highly stressful life in advertising - starting from autoimmune conditions such as Graves’ and Hashimoto’s Disease to total burnout and estrogen dominance. Today, she is in full remission and lives a symptom-free life. She has dedicated herself to teaching women how to find their sacred hormonal balance with her books, online programs, and education.   In This Episode Who is Magdalena Wszelaki? [0:08] What happens when you have stress-related symptoms and what is estrogen dominance? [1:50] What can you do to manage your hormones? [13:16] …and many more   Quotes “I think you can only improve your health when you look back at what has happened and then you know, say, hey, look.. I’m never going to this again, right? Or if I’m stressed and it’s inevitable because a lot of times, we just can’t avoid it then, I’m gonna equip myself with all the tools I know, that I’ve learned to really increase the sense of resistance in my body. That I’ve got a little armor on me, right?” [12:11] “When you start off your day with a lot of sugar and even if it’s just a bowl of cereals or a bowl of oatmeal with fruit on it and drizzled with some maple syrup, well guess what? You’re just giving yourself a sugar bomb. And the problem is that when you’re already stressed out, you’re already throwing your hormones out of balance with stress…remember that sugar is insulin and insulin is a hormone, too, so you’re really adding to the fire.” [27:37] “Pick something that you can really do something really, really nourishing, nurturing for yourself in time of stress…The truth is you don’t just have to do everything...It’s really one step at a time. Every small change matters.” [31:09]   “Making small changes like including quality Vitamin C, Zinc and Magnesium can make a huge difference in how you feel.” [33:22]     Resources Mentioned Hormones Balance Website Overcoming Estrogen Dominance PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness From Hardened to Healed: Release Resistance, Get Unstuck, and Create a Life You LoveHealed or Hardened quiz

From Betrayal To Breakthrough

235: Overcoming Estrogen Dominance When Your Body Betrays You

Sometimes, our relationships can hold us back from making crucial changes in our lives. We don’t want to outgrow them, so we end up sabotaging ourselves: whether it be through food, drugs, alcohol, reckless behavior, and the like.  My name is Dr. Debi Silber, and welcome to another exciting episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi. Today, I’ll be discussing how you can stay connected with people who make you feel safe and comfortable while achieving personal growth and development.     In This Episode  Find out how sabotaging yourself begins Recognize self-sabotage and how it manifests  Learn how to make changes that help you move forward   Transcription Hi there, Dr. Debi here. Welcome to another Dose of Dr Debi. Today I want to talk about sabotage and I want to talk about a specific way we sabotage ourselves. This is something I see all the time. I see our members within The PBT Institute do it. I see friends do it. I see family members do it and I've done it myself. And I want to bring it up because if you know what you're doing here, you can you can make some changes that'll really help move you forward instead of keeping you stuck-it's all about moving forward instead of keeping you stuck.  So, I did two TEDx talks. The first one was about sabotage: Stop Sabotaging Yourself, and I remember seeing this so often with a lot of clients back then, and it really got me thinking about how we sabotage ourselves to prevent outgrowing a certain relationship, whether it's with a partner, with friends, with relatives with whatever. It happens so often so I want to talk about it to see if you're doing this because if you are, I want you to know about it so then you can make some changes.  What happens is, there comes a time where what used to work doesn't work anymore. What used to fit doesn't fit anymore. What used to make sense doesn't make sense anymore. It's like that little tap on the shoulder we get. It's like, “Hey, time to make some changes.” And here's where we use things like food, drugs, alcohol, work, tv, keeping busy, reckless behavior to numb, avoid and distract ourselves from that voice, from that noise. Why? We don't like change. We have it all figured out. And if all of a sudden we address that we fear, well that's going to, invite all of these questions, all these questions will invite all this change all this change will shake up everything that I've figured out already. So, we’d rather not.  Instead, what we do is, we use those things to numb avoid distract yourself. It's really funny, it's almost like (now I'm totally dating myself), but remember when you were a little kid if you're 50 and above, I guess, I don't even know maybe young people still do this, who knows. But, when I was little, if someone said something I didn't want to hear, you know, you stick your fingers in your ear and you're like; “La, la, la, I don't hear you. Well, when we use food, drugs, alcohol, work tv keeping busy, reckless behavior, that's the adult version of that same game. But, you can't very likely go into your boss's office and he or she is asking you to do something you stick your fingers in your ear, and say; “La, la, la I don’t hear you.” It really may not be the most mature thing, if you do that with your friends or your partner. So what we do is, we sort of stuff it, and we just handle it.  But then there comes a time where the voice gets louder and louder. So the stakes get bigger and bigger. So if it used to take one glass of wine, now it's taking two. If it used to take a few cookies, you're eating a whole sleeve of cookies. If it used to take one show, now you're binge watching the whole series, One shopping spree, now it's double the price, whatever it is for you. And the stakes, the stakes get bigger and bigger and bigger until and unless you do something about it. Then there's that moment where you realize, “Okay, it's time to grow, it's time to change.” What does that look like, what does that feel like? Now you're on this path, and you're exploring and you're doing new things. It's like a kid in a candy store, If you remember the first time you ventured into the personal development world or the world of spirituality or something that- it was just so new and interesting for you.  You just took to it and you just kept going and going and growing and growing. But what happens is, the people around you may not. And then you're in sort of a little bit of an odd predicament here because they haven't changed. It's not them, it's you. You're changing, we can even see this, we even see this with changes in your eating habits here you were you had your food buddy, and you and your food buddy we're having nachos and margaritas and all of a sudden you're on this healthy eating plan.  Well, two things going on with your food buddy now. They're worried, they're afraid. First of all, now they have to look at what they may or may not be doing right or may or may not be willing to do. And there's this little fear of abandonment- if you're off in this new direction where does that leave them? So there is a lot going on, but what happens is were off in this new direction and it feels good.  So for those of you who are watching we're going to explain what I'm doing with my hands. Those of you who have seen lots of my talks you've seen this over and over. So here we are, and then all of a sudden we rise (and I'm raising my hand) , both hands were level, and now I'm raising one hand so we are improving physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically spiritually, but the other person is right here, and we don't want to outgrow them. We fear; “Oh, where are my people, where are my friends, where are my partners, were my coworkers? So do you know what we do? We sabotage ourselves, (and what I did was I brought my hand right down.) And so we sabotage ourselves but you know what, we like it up here (and I raised my hand up again.) This feels good. This feels like where we want to be, but all of our people haven't changed, it's us, so we keep sabotaging ourselves so that we don't outgrow them.  But you know what happens as we go? (and I'm moving my arm up again my hand up again.) Now we're like, Well why don't they do this? (I’m raising my other hand.) Well, because that's not what they're ready for just as before you are ready you weren't ready for it. So inevitably, what happens is we do this, (I'm raising up that arm,) and the other people is here. And then we sort of get this weird dynamic where we're like; “Oh, I don't seem to resonate with you anymore” and they're looking at you like; “What the heck happened to you?”  So, what we really need to do and the way that it prevents this sabotage, (because we don't want to be alone here), we don't want to outgrow our tribe, our group, our community, whoever we've felt so comfortable and safe with. So, instead of sabotaging ourselves so that we don't outgrow them what I have found in my 30 plus years of coaching is one of the simplest ways to manage this.  You continue to do the work, don't let anything stop you, but here's what you need to do, so that you don't fear outgrowing these people. Your goal, as well as doing the work is you need to find people at this new like-minded level you're seeking. So whether that's in certain groups, certain mastermind groups, people who read the same books, that have the same hobbies, have the same interest, whatever it is, it doesn't even make a difference. The idea is, if you seek out those people as you're doing that work, and then you meet up with these new people, you don't fear the; “I don't have anybody, I feel, only a loss.” What then happens is you continue to do the work, you now are part of a group, and a community, and like-minded people that get you, that understand this unique language you speak. For example, I have an online business, and that is a completely different language for a lot of other people. So having like-minded people who understand that it's a different it's a different conversation. But what happens is when you take care of that up here, you don't fear the growth. You also take the pressure off the people here, so you can love and appreciate them for who they are and where they are. You can love when you see them and connect the way you did before. If that still resonates if not that's, that's okay too. But because you're not alone in the stratosphere here with your new ideas and new thoughts and your new everything, it's not as scary and it takes the pressure off of who you feared, leaving behind here.  For example let's take that food buddy, so here you are here was your food, buddy. You were meeting every week and, and, doing your thing, and now all of a sudden you're exploring healthy eating and this and that and you are loving it, you're learning about all these new things and meeting up with all these new people who share the same ideas about food and community. You join all these groups about healthy eating this and that, and you love it. Well you know what? Now that you have this group and it's satisfying that need, when you see this person who still was your previous food buddy, of course you want them to join you, but you don't feel the pressure that I have to sabotage myself in order to stay connected with this person. You can love and appreciate them for who they are and where they are. Now that's not to say if at some point along their journey when they're ready, when they're willing when they're able, they won't do the same thing, but that's completely on their terms.  I just found that we do sabotage ourselves so often, because we worry oh I'm going to make all these changes and what happens to that connection. Well, when we take care to make new connections, we're not just sort of headed off in this new direction without a clue of where we're headed, and at the same time, it takes pressure off of the connections that we had. Now it’s a bit different when we're talking about a romantic relationship because that's a whole different story and maybe I'll do a whole other topic on what happens when you are doing the work, to heal or just to grow physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and that person is stuck right here that's step one. That's step one. And it depends on what the need is here, is it just that you love and appreciate this person for where they are but they don't have similar interests, so you find people here, where you can? Let's say, explore new interests, that don't damage the relationship or whatever it is?  That’s a whole very different experience, but something that we can take on for another day.  What I wanted to be sure I shared was it when you have that group, when you seek out these people, these like-minded soul warriors- whatever you want to call them, you don't fear the growth as much, because you have your people, it takes pressure off of the old group, and you don't feel so alone.  So I hope that I hope that helps. Out of the two TEDx talks I did, this would be more aligned with that first one what we just talked about Stop Sabotaging Yourself so if it serves, definitely watch that watch that TEDx talk.  If you haven't taken the healed or hardened quiz, you're going to want to do that because we will show you which force of nature you are, you'll know exactly out of the five Stages from betrayal to breakthrough which also resonate to just an old set of lingering beliefs that no longer serves other types of traumas, it really works for a lot of them. Take the quiz and you're going to see where you land. And of course, share the podcast with anybody who would benefit from this information so healed or harden quiz, go take the quiz and stop sabotaging yourself. I'll see you next time. Bye.   Resources Mentioned PBT Podcasts Healed or Hardened Quiz TEDx talks Stop Sabotaging Yourself Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift healedorhardenedquiz.com 

234 Solo: A Dose of Dr. Debi: Stop Sabotaging Yourself

Words are powerful and if left unchecked, they can cause self-sabotaging behaviors and thoughts. This is what happened to Kiko Ellsworth, but he is a living example that you can create a path of healing by getting to the core of who you truly are. Kiko’s confidence eroded after hearing his dad say he couldn’t do something. It led him to years of searching for external validation only to realize that self-worth comes from within, not from others. In today’s insightful episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, he shares with us how harnessing the power of self-love changed his life.    About Guest/Topic Kiko Ellsworth is an Emmy award-winning actor, producer, and director who has appeared in hundreds of television episodes, films, and commercials. Several years ago he dropped all his agents and managers, walked away from the entertainment industry to build a more fulfilling life for himself. He is now a Kundalini Yoga teacher and men's evolutionary life coach. He also teaches women self-defense and is the founder of an online school called Ma’at University. He hosted and emceed Evolving Men of Color, a one-day virtual summit that focused on teaching men of color to be more empowered and provided them with the tools they need to be more successful in every area of life.   In This Episode Who is Kiko Ellsworth? [0:11] What happened to Kiko when he was 5 years old? [3:36] What was Kiko’s life like and what did he do to change it? [6:34] …and many more   Quotes “I did lots of stuff in my life but I didn’t have me. I didn’t have me. And so, you know, that was always an underlying self-sabotage feeling that I had. Just at, you know, right here in my shoulder, no matter what I did, what I accomplished, where I went, it was always right there.” [5:18] “I never felt myself. I had to keep doing these external things to sort of build up an area inside of me that was like a black hole that they would never fulfill because I was constantly looking for these external validations, these external tools, these external things to fill something that I could only be fulfilled from the inside out not the outside in.” [7:38] “No one’s gonna give you the answer. The answer is going within….You’ve gotta figure this out. You go to do the work, that’s the key. And there are no shortcuts. You are a champion. You are a queen, a king, an empress. You are the light. You are divine. You are the love. You are the power... Love is the only power and you are love, but you gotta figure out the love that is you…Once you figured that out you’ve got everything."  [18:53]  “While you are struggling, find the beauty. Find the love in the struggle. Because look, no matter what you feel about where you are right now, this is life. And once, you can establish certain truths, then you start build yourself out. Life is beautiful, no matter how you feel about it.” [25:03]   Resources Mentioned Kiko Ellsworth PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

233: Once You Have You, You Have Everything

We often do things unconsciously to preserve our memories of precious people who have gone before us. Sometimes, remembrance takes the form of bad habits that we need to break. But how can you stay connected with your departed loved ones without getting yourself stuck? My name is Dr. Debi Silber, and welcome to another exciting episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi. Today, we will be discussing how you can be intentional in incorporating new beliefs and behaviors into your routine while maintaining that deep connection with your loved ones.   In This Episode  Find out how people keep their pain alive Understand the root cause of some bad habits Learn how to get unstuck and move forward   Transcription Hi there, welcome to another Dose of Dr. Debi. So this was coming up within The PBT Institute with some of our members and I'm wondering if it's something that may be happening to you. I  want to make sure I share it so this way, if it's something you're doing, you know why.  Have you ever felt like you're stuck, you feel so stuck, you're doing the work, you're trying to change your beliefs, you're trying to incorporate these new habits into your routine and there is just something about it that no matter what you do, you cannot move forward? And what happens is you keep trying these new things, you keep getting aggravated and discouraged and thinking; “I don't get it. I'm doing everything, why am I still stuck?”  Well here's something that I've found and this is my over 30 years of coaching. I have seen this come up a few times, and I'm wondering if it's something you may be doing. I remember years ago when I was working with someone and she explained this version of herself she wanted to be. Beautiful, fit, healthy, successful. I mean it was this amazing image. I asked her where she was right now, and she described herself and she wasn't really eating well, she didn't have the best belief system in place, she was settling for relationships and work that she wasn't really happy about. And she smoked cigarettes. I asked her; “What's up with the cigarettes? That version of you that you described, I can't imagine that version of you smoking cigarettes.”  She didn't know either, and she was really stuck so I started diving deeper and I said; “Tell me about your about your relationships.” And she started talking and I know I'm probing deeper and trying to get to the root of things, and all of a sudden she starts talking about her mom and her mom passed away from lung cancer from smoking.   I remember at that very moment, thinking to myself, Hmm, I wonder if she's smoking as almost to keep that bond. And that legacy going. So before I had a chance to stop myself, I blurted it out and I said; “Do you think you're smoking has anything to do with your mom?” And she looked at me, it was that deer in the headlights look and I know we're onto something. And I kept going and I said; “Well, would your mom want you to smoke? And she said; “Absolutely not.” And we realized, she was grieving and mourning the loss of her mom and it was almost like if she kept smoking, that would continue that bond.  So we don't want to break those bonds, if that's all we have left. So I shifted the conversation and asked: “What would happen if, instead of the bond, being that you continue to smoke, what would it be like if instead, in honor of your mom, you stopped smoking? So, it still had to do with her mom, it still had to do with that deep connection, but now she's doing something really positive with it instead of really something negative.  It was the last cigarette she ever smoked.  And it came up again recently where one of our members was stuck, just so stuck doing all the work, doing all the right things, and just stuck. And so I brought this up again. And it was a family issue going way, way, way back where playing a certain role, and acting in a certain way, would keep this legacy alive. And so then I asked; “Now that this person is on the other side, would they want you playing small would they want you staying safe would they want you not living the best of your ability and becoming your highest and best? “Well of course not.”  “So what if, instead of keeping that bond going by keeping those beliefs going, and even though that's all we have left with that person, we keep ourselves, sort of locked in our own cage because this is, this is what we have and we don't want to eliminate and, get rid of that bond we have with them. What if instead we did this in honor of them.”  It was one of those experiences again where I just saw her face light up. And I knew at that moment, that was one of the biggest needle movers that was keeping her stuck in Stage three, talking about the five Stages from betrayal to breakthrough. That’s what was keeping her stuck in Stage three, and having her move right into stage four. I see this with so many people all the time. We’re not staying stuck because we want to. Sometimes we need the tools, we need the resources. we need just the insight or shift. Sometimes we just needed it to be bad enough, I did two TEDx talks and I remember talking about this and the first one, Sop Sabotaging Yourself saying that when the pain of where you are, becomes greater than the fear of the unknown, that’s when we jump. And that's when we make those changes and sometimes it takes, pain, sometimes it takes realization, sometimes it takes, insight, sometimes it just takes being so sick of your own story, whatever it is, it's all good, as long as you take a look and make those changes that can support you.  So, just a classic reason why we stay stuck that can be a little bit hidden and we may not really know, and I've seen it many times, so I wanted to be sure to share that with you. Speaking of Stage three, the new book: From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck and Create a Life You Love, is now available, and we created a really fun quiz, to go along with that, which is to see which force of nature, you are, and it will. It's the most simple quiz ever, and you will know exactly where you are within those five Stages and then I will guide you appropriately based on exactly where you land. I really invite you to take the quiz and you'll find that it healedorhardenedquiz.com So just go to healedorhardenedquiz.com  Take that quiz and find out which force of nature you are. And it may be really enlightening for you. So if you're stuck, there's usually a good reason for it. And, you know, it's, here's where those traumas are the greatest shakeups because they invite us to question everything, but sometimes it is just that new idea that new insight that new awareness. So, if that's what's going on with you, where you were keeping the pain alive, keeping the bad habit, alive, keeping the staying stuck alive now you know because of that tie you have with that person.  What would happen if you turned it into the honoring of that person where you’re doing something really positive, with that scenario. Just like I mentioned with my client with the cigarettes. So, I hope that helps, again, take that quiz so you see which force of nature you are, and you got to find that at healedorhardenedquiz.com . I'll see you next time.   Resources Mentioned PBT Podcasts Healed or Hardened Quiz Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift  healedorhardenedquiz.com 

232 Solo: A Dose of Dr. Debi: Getting Unstuck Through Honoring

Betrayal can run so deep that it can damage your self-worth for a very long time. For Felicia Searcy, who grew up in an abusive home, the betrayal of her family left her in emotional and social turmoil for many years. Her unresolved trauma made her feel inadequate and unlovable, to the point of depression.  In today’s insightful episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, Felicia discusses how she was able to rise above her story and heal from her old wounds. Drawing from her personal experiences and her expertise as a transformational coach, she is here to inspire others to turn their biggest crises into their biggest gifts. About Guest/Topic Felicia’s purpose is her passion: to empower you to discover and express your best self as you create the life that you love. She is an award-winning transformational coach, international speaker, author, and minister who has helped thousands create a path for living their dream life. For over 20 years, Felicia has worked with people from all walks of life who are seeking the spiritual side of success. As a highly sought-after international speaker, she has shared the stage with powerhouse leaders like International Speaker, Mary Morrissey; Founder and CEO of eWomenNetwork, Sandra Yancey; and international motivational speaker, Les Brown. Felicia’s proven “dream activation code” helps folks just like you, accelerate your results as you create a richer, more fulfilling life. In This Episode Who is Felicia Searcy? [0:12] What did Felicia go through? [1:52] How did Felicia’s past experiences affect her relationships? [4:51] What led Felicia to make changes in her life? [13:15] …and many more   Quotes “Seeing people who really go through the darkest, most upsetting times are truly the most joyful. I believe it’s because they have the gift of perspective.” [19:31] “When we harness everything that happened for us and we transmute it into, you know, first, forgiveness and deep compassion where forgiveness isn’t even necessary any longer and then, take it and put it in service to that which brings us most alive that’s when we’re contributing at the highest” [25:22] “You do a spiritual by-pass when you think that you should be holy and noble. Well, what I invite you to do is that yes, you want to stay spiritual connected but don’t deny the human experience. Don’t deny the human feelings – there’s sadness, there’s anger.” [26:23] “But I would make sure that I surrounded myself with people who can hold me compassionately but not walk down that rabbit hole of despair with me” [27:03] Resources Mentioned Felicia Searcy's Website PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

231: You’re Bigger Than What Happened To You

A painful experience such as abuse, abandonment, or betrayal can have a profound impact on various aspects of our lives. It can leave us feeling stuck and full of self-limiting beliefs, or it can present an opportunity for growth and transformation. Ask yourself: have your experiences left you healed...or hardened? My name is Dr. Debi Silber, and welcome to another insightful episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi. Today, I will be discussing the healed-or-hardened spectrum, explore its possible manifestations in your life, and what you can do if you find yourself hardened. In This Episode  Understand what “hardened” and “healed” mean Discover how it looks like if you healed versus hardened Identify where you are at in your transformation journey   Transcription Hi there, Dr. Debi here welcome to another Dose of Dr. Debi. Today's question is:  Are you healed, or are you hardened? This is a little bit of a preview of my upcoming book From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck and Create a Life you Love. So let's start with a few definitions. According to the dictionary “hardened”, is to confirm in disposition, feelings, or actions. To be hardened to is to make callous and to toughen. So for our purposes, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're angry or bitter, it can mean that old baggage is just bogging you down. It can mean that limiting beliefs and behaviors have created beliefs that are keeping you stuck and preventing you from seeing things another way.  So how do these beliefs show up? Well, they show up in almost every area of life.  For example, you may see it in relationships, and it could look like this:  A previous belief that you’re less than, unworthy, broken, or not enough in some way has you settling for behavior you’d never tolerate if you felt better. A previously painful experience (like abuse, abandonment, or betrayal) has you believing that it’s simply how relationships work, so you need to find a way to accept it.  A previous experience with a toxic friend, boss, or coworker has you believing there’s nothing that can be done about it, so do your best to accept the toxic behavior.  Those beliefs keep you in a painful place, and the longer you stay in that spot, the worse it gets. Please know that I’m not saying to flee the minute relationships get uncomfortable; that’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s often the discomfort that helps us grow, and it can actually take relationships to the next level of trust and intimacy. What I am saying is that the belief that there’s nothing you can do about it, or nothing better you can hope for, coupled with the resignation that prevents you from believing/saying/doing anything different, slowly hardens you.  “Healed,” on the other hand, is to make sound or whole. To make well again, to restore, and to correct.  Using the examples above, here’s how they’d look if you were healed versus hardened:  A previous belief that you’re less than, unworthy, broken, or not enough in some way had you settling for behavior you’d never tolerate if you felt better. It dawns on you that you are worthy, deserving, and lovable. You start by giving yourself all the love you may never have received in the past, so you realize how wonderful you are. From that space, you can’t help but radiate love, because that’s who you are. Since like energy attracts like energy, you can’t help but attract that same love you’ve been giving others right back to you.  A previously painful experience (like abuse, abandonment, or betrayal) had you believing that it’s simply how relationships work, so you need to find a way to accept it. You’ve done your research; you’ve done the work to heal, and you realize that “even though it was done to you, it’s not about you.” While that time in your life was intensely painful, all you’ve done to move through it has created a version of you that’s whole, healed, healthy, and transformed.  A previous experience with a toxic friend, boss, or coworker had you believing there’s nothing that can be done about it, so you do your best to accept their toxic behavior. It occurs to you that this was exactly the push you needed to either speak up or start that business you’ve been longing to start. You find your voice, and in doing so, you subtly change the rules around how people treat you. You simply don’t tolerate toxic behavior, and the more you work to grow through it, the more you realize that you’ve been personalizing their behavior when it actually has nothing to do with you. You see it so clearly, and instead of seeing through the eyes of anger, you’re compassionate, because you realize: “Hurt people, hurt people.” It doesn’t excuse the behavior; you’re still not tolerating it, but you see where it’s coming from, and it doesn’t hurt you anymore.  Where have your experiences left you? Not sure? No worries, that’s what my newest book: From Hardened to Healed is all about. See, nothing is wrong or a problem unless it’s preventing you from being, doing, or having what you want.  So often, we consider ourselves healed from various types of crises such as heartbreak or devastation of some kind (i.e., abuse, neglect, financial crisis, divorce, death of a loved one, disease, a tragic accident, or betrayal). We believe we’ve healed because time has passed, or because those people are no longer in our lives. While removing those people from our lives can help (such as in the case of a toxic relationship), that doesn’t mean that they still don’t have a toxic hold on your mind and heart.  Join me because I'm going to be unpacking all of this, during a book launch party for my new book from Healed to Hardened on October 5, from 12 to 2pm Eastern time so you can see for yourself, for yourself, if you're healed, or if your experiences have left you hardened. The good news is you can heal from all of it. So to join me at this book launch party, click here. You're going to want to RSVP. And when you read that page you're going to see, you can become eligible for all kinds of really fun prizes.  There is no reason to stay stuck. The good news is, you can heal from all of it. Your experiences have created the incentive the motivation and all you need to move in the direction towards the, the health, the body, the lifestyle, the life you want and I'm here to help you however I can.  Join me for the book party here. I can't wait to see you there. Please share this with anybody who's stuck, that person who says: “That's just the way it is. This is as good as it gets.” I'm talking to that person. That's who needs this book, and who can benefit from this book party. Thanks so much and I'll see you then.   Resources Mentioned Book Launch Party! PBT PodcastsPost Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and HappinessTrust Again Free Gift

230 Solo: A Dose of Dr. Debi: Are you Healed or Hardened?

Jealousy is nearly unavoidable in most relationships, and that’s true in polyamory as well. Polyamory is when people agree to have multiple, simultaneous romantic relationships. You can imagine how jealousy may show up there—but you’d be surprised at how similar those experiences are in all kinds of different relationships. Dr. Joli Hamilton has long been fascinated by the concept of jealousy. It has featured in many of her life experiences, including her own polyamorous relationships, and eventually led to her doing her dissertation on the topic. In this episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, Joli talks about the importance of setting boundaries, investing in yourself, and taking the time to confront and understand your jealousy in creating a lasting and loving relationship, regardless of how many people are in it. About Guest/Topic Joli Hamilton is a research psychologist, an AASECT certified sex educator, a TEDx speaker, and a sex and relationship coach. She has a doctorate in depth psychology from the Pacifica Graduate Institute and is a professor of human sexuality. She is also known for her work on the archetypal experience of jealousy. Over the years, she has helped many of her clients improve their relationship skills, giving them the tools they need to meet the relationship's changing needs. She has opened over a dozen different business ventures all while managing her own relationships, pursuing a graduate degree, and raising and homeschooling seven children. Joli has felt all the wild highs and terrible lows that come with business ownership, marriage, divorce, and reinventing love from the bottom-up. She is committed to helping women create sustainable, soul-nourishing relationships without sacrificing their careers. In This Episode Who is Joli Hamilton? [0:11] Why study jealousy? [2:25] What is polyamory? [3:57]  Her experience with polyamory and jealousy [7:46] Lessons from her polyamorous relationship [23:51] How to successfully address jealousy [26:28] Quotes “We can't just decide to start a whole new relationship structure with nothing behind us, with no background, no model...and polyamory is not for the faint of heart, right? If you're going to get into something where there's more than one love attachment, betrayal is like right there, jealousy is right there.” [5:00] “One of the things that I tell people when they're going to have a complicated relationship, any kind of complicated relationship, is the foundation needs to be extremely secure. You need to be secure in yourselves and secure together. And if it's not then alterations to the standard model are probably going to bring big challenges.” [17:12] “Would I change my polyamorousness? I wouldn't, because for me, that is the honest truth, that I fall in love with more than one person at a time...if I deny my own sense of falling in love, all that happens is I keep secrets, and that doesn't work for me, so instead I pull it out and it lives as a central part of my life that I stay very aware of.” [24:39] “If we only measure our relationship’s worth by its longevity, we're missing out on measuring all the things we learned, all the love that was had, and all the joy that we found while we were in it.” [29:45]   Resources Mentioned Joli Hamilton Website  PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

229: Jealousy and Triad Relationships

No matter how much we plan our lives, the unexpected happens, leaving us completely dumbfounded. When we’re feeling lost and don’t know what to do next, it can cause deep fear, dread, and anxiety. But while our state of confusion may feel as if it’s a roadblock to getting to where we need to be, it actually serves a purpose for our breakthrough. It allows us to dig deeper within ourselves and search more vigorously for clarity.  My name Dr. Debi Silber and welcome to another insightful episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi. Today, I will discuss how confusion can lead to new insights and possibly, an entirely different direction with opportunities that you could have never even imagined before.   In This Episode  Understand what happens when there’s a shakeup in your life Discover why confusion is good Learn how what to do when you’re in intense confusion   Transcription Hi there and welcome to another Dose of Dr. Debi. I want to talk about something today that I see a lot. It's something that, if you don't know it's coming, it can be a little frightening, maybe very frightening. But, if you understand it ahead of time, it can make you feel a little bit more comfortable. When I see people healing, I see this a lot. It's this intense confusion. We think confusion is a bad thing, it's actually a really good thing. Here's what I mean. Life as you had known it is going along and you know where to go, you know where to be, you have your routine mapped out, etc. It's sort of predictable. Everything is going as it's been going, and then all of a sudden there is this complete disruption of life as you've known it. And if that's not as big of a shake up as you need, what also happens is it gives you the opportunity to question everything.  It's that intense of a shakeup that it wakes us up out of this numbness, out of this sort of stupor, that we may have been in, and it gives us an opportunity to ask ourselves questions like: “What am I doing?” “What am I feeling?” “What have I been tolerating?” We begin to look at what's working, what's not working, and all of these questions come up. It's intensely, confusing. But, that's good! Because what happens is, once the dust settles, it's going to allow for clarity and possibly an entire new direction that you never would have had access to, had that not happened. Insights that you never would have had access to, had that not happened. You know I love giving analogies so this is one that comes to mind. I write about it in Trust Again, where I explain how this confusion is a good thing. And it's kind of like this. Imagine you're running in one direction, you are just running and running and running as fast and as far as you can, like Forrest Gump running. You're just going, going, going, going, going. Then all of a sudden you realize; “Wow, I don't think this is the right direction. This no longer serves, I'm kind of done with this.” Think about what happens. What happens is you slow yourself down. You turn, you pivot, and then you begin to move in a different direction until you pick up speed and now you're running in a completely new and different direction. This direction may possibly serve you so much better. That confusion that we feel that feeling like we had it all together, we knew exactly what we were doing, we had it all figured out and now it's like we can’t even tie our shoes, like we can't fight our way out of a paper bag. We just can't figure any of this out. That's like the running in the one direction, the “wait a second, this doesn't serve, I don't think this is right. I don't think this is what I want to do, where I need to be. It’s not in my best interest anymore.” So you stop and you pivot and you redirect before you take off in the new direction that's going to take you where you're now ready to go, where it is that you're meant to be, at this point in your life. So that's what this confusion is about and I wanted to just to be sure to share that because I know how painful that confusion can be. I remember feeling it myself, I knew exactly what my life plan was, and what my business was and I had it all figured out. And then the betrayal happened, and my entire life as I had known it came to a complete crash. Everything that I thought I knew and I thought I wanted and I thought I had all figured out was completely destroyed. But in that complete and utter death and destruction of the old (and you've heard me say this) allows for the birth of something new. And when that dust settled, and when I started to see things a bit more clearly, when I was now in a mindset of willingness to say;  “What the heck do I do with this, where do I go now what do I do?” Well, that's when I got the insight, and the idea for The PBT Institute. So, you are setting yourself up for amazing downloads and insights, and all kinds of wonderful things with this confusion. Although you may be in that place of confusion right now, (and I know how hard it is) stay with it, because when that dust settles, the clarity will come, and possibly a new direction, a new insight, a new awareness that you never, ever had anywhere in your realm of consciousness. You're ready for it now.  So, I just wanted to be sure to explain that so you know what this means, if that's what you're experiencing. Now there are so many exciting things coming up! One is the release of my new book, here’s a picture because the book isn't ready yet. From hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck, and Create a Life You Love. Now, this book is because one of the three discoveries that were made in my PhD study was that while we can stay stuck for years, decades a lifetime (and so many of us do), if we're going to fully heal we're going to move through five now proven predictable Stages. And what's even more exciting about that is, now we know what happens physically, mentally and emotionally, at every one of those Stages, and we know what it takes to move from one Stage to the next so healing truly is predictable. All of the five Stages are mapped out in Trust Again. So you have access to all of that. And you can get that book, and all of the bonuses that go with it by clicking here. This way you get the book, and all the goodies that go with it. But what I found was, most people get stuck in Stage three, and that's where they stay for years, decades a lifetime. So, From Hardened to Healed, is for those of you who are stuck in Stage three (when you know the five Stages you'll know exactly what Stage you're stuck in) but I'm going to be talking all about it at the launch of the book From Hardened to Healed so I would love it if you could join me for our book launch party! We're having a big party to celebrate the release of this new book, and it's going to be on October 5, from 12 to 2pm, Eastern Time. Nine to 11 Pacific. To join us at the book launch party click here: https://thepbtinstitute.com/bookparty/ that's where you'll RSVP to get on the list. I'm having our certified PBT Coaches and Practitioners there who will walk themselves through the five Stages so you know what it looks like and you know what each Stage, looks like. It's just going to be an incredible celebration of possibility, and of course I'm going to have all kinds of prizes and bonuses, too. So,  reserve your seat for the book party by clicking here. October 5th.  It's going to be a very special day. It's an incredible book that will move you forward out of Stage three into Stage four or five and beyond. Once again, just to recap, if you're feeling stuck, good chance you're in Stage three, that confusion is very likely that Stage two, Stage three, and can also, the dust settles, reveal Stage four. When the dust settles you’re ready for your new path, and what you're meant to do, and what you're meant to do with your experience turning your biggest crisis into your greatest gift. Remember what I did. I didn't do anything you couldn't do, I just went through this intense pain and said; “There's got to be a reason for this, and if I can heal I'm taking everybody with me.” Now your insight may be much different. You may discover something very unique, from your experience, and that's what will be revealed when that dust settles and of course if I can help you with that, and if The PBT Institute can help you with that, that's what we're here for. So join us at the book party, and I'll see you next time. Thanks so much, and share the podcast with anybody who who'd benefit. If you're stuck, if you've had a betrayal, trust issues, trust has been broken, don't stay stuck. The worst of it is over already. You owe to yourself to heal, you deserve to heal. I'll see you next time. Bye.   Resources Mentioned Book Party! From hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck, and Create a Life You Love.  PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

228 Solo: A Dose of Dr. Debi: Why Confusion is Good

When you have experienced a stressful event in your life, it is easy to get stuck in your worries or fears. Madhur-Nain Websters believes that you don’t have to live this way.  Madhur-Nain has discovered the benefits of Kundalini Yoga in calming the nervous system and retraining the “monkey mind.” Now, she helps others use this technique to move forward with their lives and achieve self-healing. In this insightful episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, she discusses how meditative tools can free people from their negative thought loop and help them release their pain and attachments. About Guest/Topic Madhur-Nain Websters’ life has been balanced by the traditions and practices of Kundalini Yoga. She has a deep love of humanity and a fascination with the human mind and human behaviors, which led her to her current career path where she uses psychology and meditation to enrich the lives of others. She received her Master’s Degree from the University of Oregon and moved to California, where she became a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She currently runs a therapy practice in Napa, California. Her belief in the positive influence of meditation on a person’s psyche and well-being plays a major role in her approach to therapy, and also inspired her first book, The Stressless Brain. One of her goals is to bring meditation and chanting—some of the basic tenets of Kundalini Yoga—into the mainstream. As a result, she has created over 45 singles and has produced 4 CDs. In This Episode Who is Madhur-Nain Webster? [0:11] How is the body impacted by stress and anxiety? [2:12] What happens when stress is ignited and anxiety is keeping it going? [4:19] How can yoga help with stress and anxiety? [8:25] What is Kundalini Yoga? [22:00] …and many more Quotes “Words are seeds and they can plant, and become weeds and they can, you know, take over our mind and we can loop in this reoccurring worrying thoughts, or they just decompose…and that’s where we can get stuck, when we start looping.” [08:01] “So, yoga is a meditation for your body...when you’re doing breathwork and movement and you’re holding a posture and you’re bringing that focus of flow into your body, you’re able to shift energy.” [8:49] “Each yoga class is a little bit like a therapy but you’re not talking with other people…it allows people to be on a journey of self-discovery and more awareness. When we are more aware, then, we can say, “Oh, wow! Look at how I behaved here, and how can I change that?” [9:25] “Quantum physics science says [sic] that, what we put out comes back to us tenfold. So when you bless your enemy when you bless those who’ve hurt us, which is easier said than done… it helps to heal you.” [17:08]    Resources Mentioned Madhur-Nain Websters' Website PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

227: Taming the Anxious Mind

Betrayal has detrimental effects on the sufferer’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Healing is possible, and there are five Stages every person must work through to fully heal. However, many people tend to linger in the third Stage; they get comfy there, get stuck, and have a hard time lifting themselves up to the next Stage. Hi, I am Dr. Debi Silber and welcome to another insightful episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi. Today, we will be discussing the five Stages of going from betrayal to breakthrough—and why it is important not to get stuck in Stage 3. We will also tackle what you can do to successfully move through each Stage.   In This Episode  Learn about The Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough   Discover what’s getting in the way of Post Betrayal Transformation Find out how you can avoid getting stuck in your healing journey   Transcription Hi there, another Dose of Dr. Debi. Today I'm talking about getting unstuck. For the past few years I've been teaching about the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough and just to back up a bit. If you aren't familiar, I did a PhD study that made three groundbreaking discoveries. One was that well we can stay stuck for years, decades, a lifetime and so many of us do, if we're going to fully heal, (going from symptoms of Post Betrayal Syndrome to this whole healed, strong, empowered state of Post Betrayal Transformation), both of those were the other discoveries, we will go through five now proven predictable stages. What's even more exciting about that is, we even know what happens physically, mentally and emotionally at every one of those stages, and we know what it takes to move from one stage to the next. That discovery was so exciting, because that was the moment we realized healing is predictable. If we are willing to do what it takes to move from one Stage to the next, we will predictably heal. So, in teaching The Five Stages and moving people through The Five Stages one thing has become incredibly clear. The most common Stage to get stuck in is Stage three. People stay in Stage three for a lifetime!  I want to briefly go through what The Five Stages are so you can see which Stage you're in. See if you may be stuck in Stage three. Most importantly, I have something very exciting to share with you - a better way to move through it. So here are The Stages. Stage one is like a setup stage, and I saw this with every study participant including me too. If you imagine four legs of a table-(the four legs being physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) what I saw with everybody was a real heavy lean on the physical and the mental and really not prioritizing the emotional and the spiritual. What does that look like? It looks like we're really good at thinking and doing, not really prioritizing the feeling and being. We're in our head, we're not in our hearts. If we only have two legs of a table, it’s easy for that table to topple over. That's us. Stage two, by far the scariest of all of the stages. This is the shock, D-day (discovery day), and it's the breakdown of the body, the mind and the worldview. This is like where that person you trusted takes the mask off and reveals who I've been this whole time. It's a complete shock. So, with that, we ignite the stress response and we're headed for just about every single stress related symptom, illness, condition, disease. Our mind is in a complete and total state of chaos and overwhelm-we cannot wrap our mind around the information we just learned. This makes no sense. And our worldview shattered. Our worldview is our mental model, the rules that govern us and prevent chaos (ex: don't go there, trust this person, this is how it works, etc.). Then, in one earth-shattering moment or series of moments, everything we've known to be real and true is no longer. The bottom has truly bottomed out on us. I remember one of my study participants saying about Stage two: “It feels like every negative emotion you can imagine, getting punched in the gut, and losing a child in a crowd, all at the same time.” It’s hard, it's horrible. So imagine if the bottom were to bottom out on you, what would you do? You'd grab hold of anything and everything you could to stay safe and stay alive and that stage three, survival instincts emerge. Stage three: It's the most practical of all of the stages. “If you can't help me get out of my way.” “How do I survive this experience?” “Who can I trust?” Where do I go?” “How do I feed my kids?” It’s that practical. Here's the trap. Once we figured out how to survive, because it feels so much better than the shock and trauma of where we just came from, we think it's good. And because we have no idea there's a Stage four and Stage five, we start planting roots here. We set up camp here. We figure; “Well okay, this is, I have to make this work.” And we start planting these roots in this spot. We're not supposed to be here long, but we don't know that. Then, four things start to happen.     The first thing is we start getting these “small self” benefits. We get to be right, we get our story, we get someone to blame, we get a target for anger, we don't have to do the hard work of learning to trust again; “Can I trust you?” “Should I trust you?” “Forget it I'm not trusting anybody.” We start planting deeper roots.     Then because we're here longer than we should be, the mind starts doing things like;  “Well, maybe you deserved it.” “Maybe you're not all that great”, maybe that's maybe that. We plant deeper roots.     Now because this is what you're thinking and this is the energy you're putting out there, like energy attracts like energy. So now you're calling situations and circumstances and people towards you to confirm; “Yep, this is exactly where you belong.” And you plant deeper roots. The misery loves company people-they start showing up now too so you plant even deeper roots. It gets worse but I'll get you out of here… J.       Because it feels so bad, and you have no idea there's a Stage four and Stage five (transformation doesn't even begin until Stage four), because you have no idea and you think this is it, right here is where you resign yourself to thinking, “Well, I guess this is as good as it's going to get so I’d better find a way to be ok with it. So right here is where you start using food, drugs, alcohol, work, TV, keeping busy, social media, reckless behavior, whatever it is, to numb, avoid, distract yourself from what's really painful to feel or face. So think about it. You do that for a day, a week, a month (now it's a habit), a year, 10 years, 20 years. I can see someone 20 years out and say: That emotional eating you're doing (or that drinking you're doing or than numbing in front of the TV you're doing), do you think that has anything to do with your betrayal or the shattering of trust? They would look at me like I'm crazy, and you say; “That happened 20 years ago!” But do you see? All they did was put themselves in a Stage three holding pattern in stay there. That’s why Stage three is the most common place to get stuck. I'm going to share with you what Stages four and five are, and then I'm going to come back to stage three for a very important reason.  If you're willing to let go of the “small self” benefits and everything you get with it, (grieve mourn the loss, a bunch of things you need to do), you can move to Stage four. Stage four is finding and adjusting to a new normal. Here's where you acknowledge; “I can't undo my experience, but I can control what I do with it.” And I always use the example of if you've ever moved to a new house, office, condo, apartment - your things aren’t all there, it's not quite cozy yet, but it's going to be okay. And, you know, when you're in this space, you start turning down the stress response. You're not physically healing just yet, but at least you stop the massive damage you'd been causing in Stages two and Stage three. What's also interesting to Stage four is, if you were to move, you don't take everything with you. You don't take the things that don't represent who you want to be when you're in that new space. And what I found was if your friends weren't there for you, you don't take them with you, you've just outgrown them. People say to me all the time; “What the heck! I've had these friends 10, 20, 30 years. Is it me?” Yes it is. You're undergoing a transformation, and if they can't be there in the way you need them, you're not taking them with you.  When you settle into this space, you're making it cozy. you make it mentally “home”, you move into the fifth most beautiful stage and this is healing, rebirth and a new worldview. Stage five: The body starts to heal. Self-love, self-care, eating well, exercise, etc. You didn't have the bandwidth for that earlier, now you do. Your mind starts healing. You're making new rules and new boundaries based on your experience. And, you have a new worldview based on what you see so clearly now. Also, the four legs of the table, (remember in the beginning it was all about the physical and the mental). By this point were solidly grounded, because we're focused on the emotional and the spiritual too. Those are The Five Stages. Now, within The PBT Institute, we move you through The Five Stages. Our certified coaches are all certified in The Five Stages, our signature programs move you through The Five Stages. My book Trust Again moves you through The Five Stages. Because I found that most people get stuck and stay stuck in Stage three, I just wrote another book, and this time it is all about Stage three. So if you're new to the Stages, Trust Again will walk you through all of them. You’ll hear my story, my study participants stories, you’ll learn the four step trust rebuilding process and more. If you know you are stuck in Stage three, you're going to want to join me, because I am celebrating the release of my newest book: From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck, and Create a Life You Love. This is for those of you who are stuck in Stage three. So, I decided I am having a book launch party because this is a time to celebrate. We can't change what we're unaware of. So I want you so aware of where you are, so you can do something about it. In these times of chaos, chaos as far as COVID and everything else going on in the world, lots of people are stuck in Stage three. (Even though The Five Stages are for betrayal, they really apply to any life crisis or even a set of limiting beliefs that have gotten you only so far.) You can see the Stages even as it relates to COVID. Think about it, there are some people who are so stuck, and I get it. I'm not minimizing it at all. I had COVID, I've lost loved ones, I understand, the devastation of it. But there are some people who are just complaining: “I gained the COVID 15.” “I don't see my family.” “I haven't seen anybody and it's so terrible and it's so awful.” They have their story, that Stage three story. Then, there are some people who look at it very differently. They've moved to Stage four, they're a bit more flexible Being rigid and you break, be flexible and you bend. With the more flexible, you're hearing things like;  “I cleaned out my house.” “I'm more social than ever on zoom on FaceTime.” “I only have to iron or steam the front of my shirt J.” Some people are adjusting and adapting and being okay with it. They have clearly moved to Stage four. Others are stuck in Stage three.  It applies to so many different things. So, this book launch is October, 5th, and that is the release of From Hardened to Healed. And what I want to do is invite you to a free book launch party, where we're going to be celebrating. I'm going to have all kinds of contests, and you're going to want to participate because I have some really fun, prizes. So, if you find that you are stuck in Stage three, awareness is the first step so that you can do something about it. You do not have to stay stuck at all, it is proven it is predictable to move through the Stages. I did the study so I can share that with you. Yes, we know how to move from Stage three to four to five and beyond. It’s all very exciting. So I'd love to invite you to the book launch party, and what you do for that is RSVP at the https://thepbtinstitute.com/bookparty/ . It's going to be an incredible celebration. That is the day you're going to want to be there because that is the day I am going to be having amazing prizes, I'm having some of my coaches who are going to be there, and they're going to show you how, how it looked when they were in their Stage three of their five stage journey, and what they did to move through it. It's nothing that you can't do. I didn't do anything you couldn't do. I just realized; “This this feeling is terrible. What can I do to move forward?” I'm sharing everything that I know. So join us for the book party. It's going to be on October 5 But you need to RSVP, and to do that, and then find out on that book page, how to be eligible for these great prizes that promise you they're good. https://thepbtinstitute.com/bookparty/ . I'll see you there.    Resources Mentioned PBT Podcasts https://thepbtinstitute.com/bookparty/  Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

226 Solo: A Dose of Dr. Debi: Getting Unstuck

What do you do when millions of people see and criticize your actions? Would you be able to take the flood of criticism and judgment? AdaPia d’Errico knows just how much of an ordeal this can be. Back in 2018, AdaPia went on stage to deliver a keynote speech in Los Angeles, California. She talked about her first marriage, where she betrayed herself by staying even though she was unhappy. It was shared online and became viral. The video reached 40 million views with 100,000 comments and 250 shares on Facebook. To her shock, people thought she had no good reason for leaving her husband. She was bombarded with hurtful comments and death threats, which led her to a very dark place. In today’s episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, she imparts the importance of speaking your truth, overcoming your fears, bouncing back, and so much more.   About Guest/Topic AdaPia d’Errico is a visionary leader with 20+ years of experience across countries, cultures, and both corporate and start-up environments. She’s co-founded businesses, launched brands, and defined industries. She is a respected fintech entrepreneur, executive, and evangelist who brought real estate crowdfunding into the mainstream.   In This Episode Who is AdaPia Derrico? [0:10] What is AdaPia’s story? [1:35] How she moved through her trauma [27:40] …and many more   Quotes “But if people don’t hear the good enough reason that matches their expectation then, they’ll lash out because there’s gotta be something inside of them that’s unhealed or that’s broken or that’s hurt or that feels betrayed, so that projection came on me in a massive way.” [6:51] “I had to learn the lesson around honor yourself. You [sic] have to honor myself and keep saying what I need to say irrespective of whether someone’s gonna continue to attack me because that’s their issue.” [19:34] “But if I can do it—and I’m really not that special, right? I’m not, I’m not a guru, I’m not enlightened—but if I can do it, anyone can make it through. We’re not given anything that we can’t handle and on the other side of it is our growth.” [32:13] “You can do it. Trust yourself and if you can, like, trust yourself as in trust your heart, and trust what it’s telling you because that’s your power right there.” [32:35]   Resources Mentioned  AdaPia d'Errico Website PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

225: When Your Betrayal Goes Viral

When you’re suffering from trauma, it’s easy to be consumed by your own pain. For many people, helping others is the furthest thing on their minds. But did you know random acts of kindness have so many benefits for the giver? I am Dr. Debi Silber and welcome to another insightful episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi. Today, we will be discussing how helping others can actually help someone struggling to heal from betrayal or a life crisis of any kind. We will also delve into the many ways you can extend a helping hand to someone who needs support.      In This Episode  Understand what happens when you’re dealing with trauma and pain Discover how helping others helps Find out what you can do for others   Transcription Hi there, welcome to another Dose of Dr. Debi. Today I just want to talk about giving. I've noticed that so often we're so consumed with our own pain, with our own trauma, with our own crisis. I get it, it's been a painful experience, something you didn't see coming happened, and it absolutely throws you. One of the healthiest ways, I found to get out of it, is through giving. Now, I know you're thinking; “What the heck Debi! I don't have anything to give, I'm in so much pain, so much trauma!” But there's something about it. It doesn't have to be big. it can be something so small. Sometimes it's enough to pull you out of your own thoughts and your own pain enough where you just help and support someone else. It doesn't have to be big at all. It could be a small, little random act of kindness. Maybe you're paying for someone's coffee behind you online, you hold the door open for someone, you give someone a compliment. It doesn't matter. But, when we set an intention, just to do these small random acts of kindness or, or just help somebody in some way, it actually is more helpful for us than it is for the other person.  It boosts the immune system. It gets you out of your painful thoughts, even if just for a while and it can be so helpful. It's also one of the biggest reasons why we started our charity program we have within The PBT Institute (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute. We have a charity program, and every month, a portion of the first month of everyone's membership goes towards charity. Every month we also choose a Member of the Month. This is a member who's working hard, doing the work, showing up. The Member of the Month, decides to which charity those funds go. Or, they can choose to offer a scholarship for someone who otherwise wouldn't be able to afford the community.  What I love about it is that a member who's just working hard and healing from their own betrayal, because of their hard work, they're helping support other causes. We have supported the most amazing charities that I never would have known about if we didn't institute this program. Charities helping causes like domestic violence, organizations that support women and children, and animals and more. We really have supported so many incredible organizations through this program. I and specifically ask our members to find charities other than the most common ones. They’re getting so much attention already. Instead, we look to support all those incredible foundations and organizations that you wouldn't know about otherwise. And it's been an incredible experience. Or like I said, they can choose to donate a scholarship for a month for someone who otherwise couldn't afford it. So it helps them feel so great. Their hard work is allowing for us to support a charity. It makes me feel great because it introduces me to organizations, I never would have known about and our little micro donation is just offering some good there, so it's good all around. And so, I invite you to consider; what can you do? Whether it's a random act of kindness, whether it's supporting a charity, whether it's just giving a compliment to someone to boost their mood or make them feel better, improve your immune system (because it’s helping us just as much). What can you do to make the world a little bit better? We are in some trying times here. And if everybody just does a little bit to serve the greater good, we're headed in the right direction.  So I hope this inspires you, just to do something (and it doesn't have to be big). It can be something small. If this serves and if, if you're enjoying the podcast please share it with, with your friends, share with anybody who's struggling to heal from betrayal or a life crisis of any kind.  So many things I can offer you, but one is my book Trust Again, which literally walks you through the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough. They are proven, they are predictable, and the book, walks you through with experiential exercises, so you can move from one stage to the next. To get that along with all the goodies that goes with it, go here.  Thanks so much and we'll see you next time. Bye bye.   Resources Mentioned PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

224 Solo: A Dose of Dr. Debi: Helping Others Helps

As parents, it is easy to feel frustrated and think that we are not doing a great job raising our children. Abigail Wald is no stranger to this. After an incident with her mother when she was 5 years old, Abigail promised herself that she would be a different kind of parent in the future. But when she had children of her own, she found herself struggling more than she anticipated and felt like she had betrayed them as well as herself. In today’s episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, Abigail shares with us how she was able to move forward by finding a positive way to hold on to her core values and the promise she made so long ago. She stresses the importance of truly connecting with your children and building a family that works for everyone in it.    About Guest/Topic Abigail Wald is a certified Hand in Hand Parenting Consultant. Parents come to Abigail when they are tired of getting pushed past their breaking point and are ready to rise above behavior and circumstance to create the life they want for themselves and their children.  Her podcasts, the Mother Flipping Awesome and Hand in Hand: A Podcast for Parents have almost a million downloads collectively.    In This Episode Who is Abigail Wald? [0:09] What is the silent sacred promise? [4:22] What do people who feel they betrayed themselves as parents should do? [31:27] …and many more   Quotes “The moment I was a parent, I was reliving my childhood. I was forgiving my mother so beautifully and so deeply, which I had already done but in new ways. And so I then, at that point, really started to understand I am not willing to not figure this out, and it was the love of my children that carried me through.” [15:56] “Parents are the CEO of a family, okay? And you have to have a vision. You just don’t listen. You listen and you lead, and you listen and you lead, and that’s a whole other level of skills that need to be taught to the parent and for the child.” [24:44] “When I talk about listening, I talk about listening to a child’s soul, not just to what the child is saying.” [25:01]    “I want you to know that whatever you see out there is not your story. You have to learn how you thrive and you have the ability to transform your life. You have the ability to make change [sic] in your children. You have the ability to take your core values and make those promises come true as long as you stick to the intent behind them.” [32:57]      Resources Mentioned Mother Flipping Awesome Website Mother Flipping Awesome App PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

223: How We Sometimes Betray Ourselves as Parents

It is difficult to rebuild relationships after trust has been broken. When you lose your sense of safety and security, it can leave you in a traumatic state and hold you back in so many ways. So, what do you do if you don’t know how to start reconnecting with others? Are there ways to overcome your trust issues and be happy again? I am Dr. Debi Silber and welcome to another insightful episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi.  In this episode, we’ll be talking about the Trust Again Challenge. We will identify all the ways it can help you in your healing journey, so you can begin to accept the love, intimacy, and connection that you are worthy of.   In This Episode  Discover what happens when trust is broken Learn how healing is predictable What is the Trust Again Challenge?   Transcription Hi there and welcome to another Dose of Dr. Debi. Today I am talking about trust, which is something that is so foundational. When trust is shattered, it is really hard to feel safe and secure because trust sets the foundation for our sense of safety and security. So, when that person or those people who created that sense of safety and security, when they're the very ones to shatter it, it's traumatizing.  So many of us don't regain that sense of trust and we walk around feeling unsafe and insecure and anxious. Can you repair trust? I say no. Can you rebuild it? Yes, and I can teach you exactly how to do that.  I look at trust, like a brick wall. And the only way I know of a brick wall being built is brick by brick by brick. It can take a really long time. Every opportunity someone has to show they’re trustworthy represents one brick in the brick wall. So now imagine the person who built that brick wall goes along and shatters the whole thing. Now, the person whose trust was shattered, they have every right to look at the brick wall and say; “I don't have the least bit of interest in watching that thing get rebuilt.” That’s completely fine and with that, they heal themselves and move along. However, if they're willing to watch that brick wall be rebuilt, the person who shattered that brick wall has to be a really good bricklayer. And, the only way it can be repaired is the same way it went up the first time, brick, by brick by brick. Every opportunity that person has to show that they're trustworthy, that represents one brick in that brick wall. So, you can see why it would take a lot of time and effort.  Now, what I see many people doing is this. Trust has been shattered. The person who shattered the trust is kind of nonchalant about the whole thing, and the person whose trust was shattered is like; “Oh, forget it. Now I'll build the brick wall” just because they’re in pain and it’s  uncomfortable. They don't like the feeling and they just want the painful emotions to go away.  When the person whose trust was shattered is the one who builds the brick wall, you can't feel safe, you don't feel secure, your level of anxiety is always high because you don't know if you can trust that other person.  So, if all of this resonates, I'm having a Trust Again Challenge . Now I've done this, I think three or four times before. This is such a much loved activity that I’m bringing it back, and people who have done the Trust Again Challenge 2, 3 times! They get so much out of it, so I'm bringing it back because especially in these times, we do not feel safe, we do not trust, and we need to get back that sense of trust.  There are these stages that we need to go through to rebuild trust Now I did a PhD study on betrayal. We made three discoveries. One of them was that while we stay stuck for years, decades, even a lifetime and so many of us do, if we're going to fully heal, we're going to move through five now proven and predictable stages. And what's even more exciting about that is we know what happens physically, mentally and emotionally at every one of those stages, and we know what it takes to move from one stage to the next. Why is that good?  Because healing is predictable.  Now, with the shattering of trust, we find ourselves stuck so stuck in Stage three, the most common place to get stuck. Transformation doesn't even happen until Stages four stage five. If you're having trust issues, you are holding yourself back from the transformation that you deserve. The hardest part has happened already, you've been through it, you owe it to yourself to move through the Stages. So, if you have any kind of trust issues, know that there's a really good chance you're deeply rooted in that Stage three.  Now, the good news about that is, we know what it takes to move to Stage four and Stage five, which is exactly what I want to talk to you about, so that you can do that. So, to do that, join me for the Trust Again Challenge which is so loved, so I'm bringing it back.  It's five days it's only about an hour and a half. Give yourself an hour and a half. It's all recorded if it can't catch it live. But here's what's going to happen.  Day one: The who what when where and why trust got shattered in the first place. This is very surprising for a lot of people because they usually look at their most recent experience with trust being shattered, but you may find through the activity that we'll be doing, that it stems back so much further. Because of that, it was never healed and we keep recreating the same thing. The faces have changed, but it's a similar scenario. We'll dive into all of that and you will find out exactly where it started.  Day two: How do you know when it's safe and in your best interest to heal and rebuild with someone? Or how do you know if you’re better off just healing yourself and move on? I'm going to teach you something that is a shocker for a lot of people. If you're one of those people (and I get it, I've been there), where you're trying so hard and you're explaining and it's so obvious to you and it’s not obvious to the other person. You feel like you just want to walk around with a pad and pen capturing aspects of the conversation and saying things like; “You did this, don't you remember?” “Yes, you said that.” “You promised this.” On and on and you feel like a crazy person. You will have such clarity at the end of day two and you will know why you've been banging your head against the wall and getting nowhere. Or, you’ll see if there's really good potential to create something entirely new with the person who shattered the trust. You're going to find that out just by day two.  Day three: Safety checks, boundaries and your BS meter. Your BS meter will be so sharp and so strong. Boundaries are really hard for a lot of people, and I'm going to teach you how to create them safely, carefully and correctly for you.  Day four: You will learn the four step trust rebuilding process. You will see why other efforts to regain trust and repair trust have not worked because of these foundational aspects that were not in place.  Day five: This is a much loved activity. It's a visioning activity where you will see the version of you who trusts, who feels safe, who feels secure, who knows when it's safe in your best interest and in your best interest to trust again. You will see you at your physical, mental, emotional best, your personal and professional best. You will see the version of you who trusts yourself and knows who to trust.  So, these are just a few things people have said about the last Trust Again Challenge.  “I did the Trust Again Challenge before and I was blown away by this, it's really powerful.” -Heather.  “I've been on this journey for a while but this has opened up something very compelling for me. I got to the point where I didn't trust anyone. I spent 60 years, saying, ‘I'm here. Can you help me?’ I realized I couldn't trust myself. Being here is, is huge for me this is so helpful.”- Juliana.  “I never realized my trust issues went back as far as they did. It's been an awakening for me, it's amazing. Thank you so much.” - Anne  Join me for the Trust Again Challenge. It's going to be September 13 through 17th. If you can't make it live, you can access the recordings so you have it when you need it. (If you can, you're going to want to be there live, and when you're there live, you'll know why.)  Register for the Trust Again Challenge and you can find that at ThePBTInstitute.com/trust-challenge .  If you're struggling with trust, there is no reason to stay stuck. You're holding yourself back from the love, from the intimacy, from the connection you so rightfully deserve. I will teach you how to Trust Again, you just need to show up. ThePBTInstitute.com/trust-challenge  Learn how to trust again-physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. We're taking it all on within five days, if you do one thing. You want to make sure you register because you will learn how to feel safe, how to trust, who to trust and so much more. I'll see you there. Bye.   Resources Mentioned PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift Trust Again Challenge

222 Solo: A Dose of Dr. Debi: Trust Again

When you have experienced a traumatic event, it’s easy to get stuck in the victim mentality. But your painful past doesn’t mean that you can’t live a fulfilling life. Take Dawn Burnett’s story of trauma and healing, for one. Dawn grew up in a broken family and is a survivor of sexual abuse. Through functional medicine and a deep understanding of the mind-body connection, she was able to move forward and uncover the happiness that lives within her.  In this episode of From Betrayal to Breakthrough, she recounts her life’s journey and talks about how you can become the best version of yourself.     About Guest/Topic Dawn has helped countless people around the world free themselves from relationships, habits, and situations that are no longer serving their higher selves. She is the founder of the #SHEROproject and also a best-selling author, divorce lifestyle consultant, and mindset mentor.  She has featured in numerous publications and media outlets including ABC, TBN, FOX, WKMG, Shape Magazine, and Reader’s Digest.    In This Episode Who is Dawn Burnett? [0:10] Discover what holds people back [2:00] What led Dawn to where she is now? [3:33] Getting to the core of what’s holding you back [13:51] …and many more   Quotes “Well, a big one for starters, that holds people back, is negative mindset, right? And that is a daily practice in combating because it involves limiting beliefs, it involves past experiences; that internal negative chattering dialogue that, if we are not careful, can self-sabotage our future.” [2:02] “The best way to monitor your thinking is to write it down – to keep a journal. You’d be surprised what your thoughts are when you really start to become aware of them. And then once you have the awareness, you need new information to be able to shift your mindset.” [2:51] “Ultimately, everything you need is inside of you. It’s like people chase for the outside, for dreams, for happiness, if I just achieve this one level, then, I’ll be happy. Happiness comes from within” [23:18]   “Work on yourself. Connect from within, because when you do and give all that you know, show up on your authentic self, and you put your best foot forward, the universe will meet you where you are at and things will start to flow.”  [23:36]   Resources Mentioned Dawn Burnett's Website PBT Podcasts Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz PBT Institute Membership Community Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness Trust Again Free Gift

221: Divorcing the Dirty

The betrayal of a family member, partner, friend, etc. can create physical, mental and emotional challenges. If left unhealed, it impacts us personally and professionally. The From Betrayal to Breakthrough podcast shares insights from the best therapists, coaches, healers, thought leaders and everyday people, combined with the findings of a recent Ph.D. study on betrayal to help you move forward and heal...once and for all.

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From Betrayal To Breakthrough

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