 In this episode, Nancy recounts a story of a moment where she didn't feel like she fit in her surroundings at all, but was able to find a very solid moment of connection with her inner voice of self-loyalty. Nancy shares a conversation with her childhood pastor, and friend, Gary Ritts. Gary tells the story of how he switched denominations partway through his ministerial career and never looked back. Finally, we get to hear a little more about Nancy's dad Ted, and how he inspired friends like Gary by being their human personification of the Biggest Fan. Listen to the full episode to hear: How to separate the voice of the Biggest Fan from the Monger and the BFF. How to accept your own square peg style. How to use moments of connection to tap into the voice of the Biggest Fan. Stories and advice from Gary Ritts. 

Happiness Hacks

Season 2 Episode 8: Square Peg

This episode traces a familiar circle, pun intended! Nancy explores the idea of "spiraling" through a personal story about living the same lessons about anxiety over and over again. Then, she talks to movement educator and expert on the mind body connection, Jenn Pilotti, about ways to combat anxiety by using your brain to tune into bodily sensations. Jenn shares some movement exercises, tips and tricks for calming the nervous system through movement. At the end of the episode Nancy puts what she learned from Jenn to the test, by taking a walk through a labyrinth. Listen to the full episode to hear: - How to look at the so-called "anxiety spiral" in a new light. - How to use movement to calm anxiety. - Tips and tricks for tapping into the sensations of the body. - Resources and advice from Jenn Pilotti.    Learn more about Jenn: - Go to jennpilotti.com   Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book 

Season 2 Episode 7: Spiraling Up

In this episode, we tackle a subject that Nancy has VERY strong opinions about. Gratitude. Sometimes it seems like people use the idea of gratitude as a way to wipe away the pains and sorrows of life. But that isn't very effective and can end up making us feel worse. Nancy talks to journalist and author Rob Walker about how we can use the art of noticing the everyday as a way to tap into a deeper sense of gratitude for the world around us. Rob shares some tips, prompts, and suggestions for using simple attention as an alternative to the stale notion of gratitude. Listen to the end for some excellent dog panting sounds!   Listen to the full episode to hear: - How to hold on to our power of attention in everyday life. - How to tap into and notice the world around us to create an authentic sense of gratitude. - Tips, prompts and tricks for sparking creativity through attention. - Resources and advice from Rob Walker

Season 2 Episode 6 Anti-Gratitude

In this episode, we learn all about feelings. How they show up in our brains and in our bodies, and how they can affect the way we interact with the world around us. Nancy tells us about trying to conquer her Monger during a stressful time, and how feeling her emotions in her body and naming them, helped her to feel better in the moment. We also hear from science journalist and health advocate Donna Jackson Nakazawa who explains to us from a scientific perspective what a feeling actually is, and how it affects our bodies over the course of our lives. She gives us some tips for understanding our emotions and how our health can be affected by trauma.   Listen to the full episode to hear: - How feelings affect our physical and mental health. - How a feeling is biologically created. - How trauma affects our emotional and physical state. - Resources and advice from Donna Jackson Nakazawa. 

Season 2 Episode 5: All the Feels

In this episode, we'll learn about the final character in the Happier Approach cast-- the wise, self-loyal, and sometimes elusive, Biggest Fan. The Biggest Fan always has your back, but that doesn't mean that listening to her is easy. Nancy shares her experience of learning to tap into the voice of the Biggest Fan through the encouragement of her husband Doug. Then, she speaks with actor Victor Warren, who embodies what it means to listen to that self-loyal voice in order to make your dreams come true. Finally, Nancy shares a conversation between herself and her husband Doug, where they talk about the true meaning of the Biggest Fan.   Listen to the full episode to hear: - All about The Biggest Fan - Tips for tapping into the self-loyal voice of the Biggest Fan. - Insight from actor Victor Warren.

Season 2 Episode 4 The Biggest Fan

 In this episode, we get close and personal with another central character in the Happier Approach: the overindulgent BFF. The BFF has good intentions-- she's often jumping in to argue with the Monger when that mean voice of self-criticism gets too loud. But the BFF can push us over the line from self-care to self-indulgence very quickly. Nancy walks us through a typical tug-of-war between her Monger and BFF, and tells us how she's able to quiet those voices. Nancy also speaks to writer and mental health advocate Jill Stark, author of three books about mental health. Jill tells us about her experience giving up alcohol, and how practicing radical honesty around that tough decision totally kick-started her career as an author. She also shares some tips that she's picked up from her own experiences dealing with her inner critic. Listen to the full episode to hear: All about The BFF. Tips for recognizing the BFF voice and distinguishing between self-care and self-indulgence. Resources and advice from Jill Stark. For more information about Jill and her work: Go to https://jillstark.com.au/  Check out Jill's Twitter account @jillastark Follow Jill on Instagram @jillstark_ Order Jill's books When You're Not OK, Happy Never After, and High Sobriety through her website: https://jillstark.com.au/books/ Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website 

Season 2 Episode 3: The BFF

 In this episode, we take a trip into Nancy's brain and learn all about her inner self-critique. The voice that tells her every day that all the things she's doing just aren't good enough. Nancy calls that voice The Monger. The Monger is at the root of why Nancy started the Happier Approach. She realized that her Monger's voice is particularly loud. Nancy wonders: do other people, people who really seem to have it together, have loud Mongers too? To answer that question Nancy speaks with Kati Morton, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and YouTube creator. Kati tells us about her own struggles with the inner critic and gives us some tips on how to quiet that screechy Monger voice.  Listen to the full episode to hear: All about The Monger Tips for recognizing the Monger's voice and quieting her. Resources and advice from Kati Morton. For more information about Kati and her work: Go to katimorton.com. Check out Kati's YouTube channel Pre-order Kati's forthcoming book Traumatized out September 7, 2021:  Follow Kati on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website 

Season 2 Episode 2: The Monger

In this episode, the first of our new season, we go back to the beginning to learn how The Happier Approach all started. This is a great episode to listen to if you're just learning about the podcast. If you're a longtime listener, you'll get the in-depth story of how Nancy started her journey toward self-loyalty, catalyzed by a public talk at a wine shop, as well as a personal tragedy. You'll hear from all the major characters in Nancy's life, her husband Doug, her best friend Mary, her mom Jane, and even her dad Ted. Each of them remembers, along with Nancy, how she came to recognize her Monger and her BFF, and rally her Biggest Fan to start her journey toward self-loyalty.   Listen to the full episode to hear: The origins of The Happier Approach. A primer on the major characters of The Happier Approach: the Monger, the BFF, and the Biggest Fan. The story of the beginning of Nancy's personal journey toward self-loyalty.   Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website  

Season 2 Episode 1: Hi I'm Nancy

Trailer for the new season of the Happier Approach. Starts May 7th!

New Season Trailer

The beginning of any new year often hyperactivates our “Shoulds.” I should lose weight. I should start meditating more. I should be kinder to myself. I should put myself out there more. I should, I should, I should. I am no stranger to the Shoulds that my Monger promotes every new year. Like clockwork, those shoulds and New Year, New Me attitudes drift away. My Monger always has a heyday with this—convincing me that I was failing. But the concept of self-loyalty—the notion that true change comes only when we’re loyal to ourselves first—is what changed the game for me… for the better. In part one of this series on self-loyalty, I talked with my friend and podcast producer, Sean McMullin. We defined self-loyalty and how to bring self-loyalty to the center of your life as you make plans for change in the new year. If you haven’t listened to part one yet, I recommend that you do before jumping into this one. Today, I’m continuing my conversation with Sean, going deeper into change, resolutions, and plans for the new year. Listen to the full episode to hear: How 2020 and COVID changed our approach to resolutions How our image of ourselves, our identities, and our stories can keep us from seeing possibilities Upcoming changes for the Happier Approach Podcast Learn more about Sean McMullin: Yellow House Media Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website Resources mentioned in this episode Headspace Meditation App The Real Point of Meditating by Mike Sturm on Medium The Science of Mindfulness | Dr. Ron Siegel | Talks at Google The Art of Noticing by Rob Walker -- The Happier Approach Book I’ve been working with women like you living with hidden anxiety every day for over 20 years as a coach and counselor. I wrote The Happier Approach to give you a framework for dealing with your anxiety and start living happier. The Happier Approach will help you understand the voices in your head and what to do with them. It’s not another woo-woo self-help book that asks you to think positively and live your best life. It’s a practical guidebook for getting out of survival mode and finding a genuinely happy and productive life. Know someone who has High Functioning Anxiety and a VERY LOUD Monger, the Happier Approach makes a great gift. Find The Happier Approach on Amazon, Audible, or Barnes & Noble! And click here to learn more about how you can work with me through on-demand coaching!

EP 165: Practicing Self-Loyalty in the New Year - Part 2

For years, the month of December was my month of debauchery. My BFF (the voice of false self-compassion) ran the show. After months of being told what I “should” do by my Monger in December, I could throw all the rules out the window.  December was the one month out of the year that I gave myself permission to not listen to the shaming voice of the Monger: I gave myself the free pass of December because I knew come January, my Monger would drop the hammer and criticize me into submission. I believed, on January 1st (well, 2nd really because on the 1st, I was still recovering from all the December merriment), I would magically become a new person. Someone who loved vegetables and hated sugar, desired to work out every day, easily abstained from drinking, and uber-productive. I am sure you could guess how that went. Long story short, come mid-January, my Monger had a field day with all the ways I was failing. This all-or-nothing thinking ran my life for years---decades really. But something changed, thanks to the practice of self-loyalty.  December isn’t a magical month of no consequences anymore. Instead, I have days where I overeat sugar and drink too much caffeine and days where I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. And my worthiness isn’t linked to any of it. Whether I eat five sugar cookies or five carrots, I am still me: broken, imperfect, smart, funny, overly-sensitive, loyal Nancy Jane Smith.  But the idea of change and resolutions still intrigues me. So on this episode, I am bringing back my podcast producer Sean McMullin. You might remember him from episode 155 and episode 161 where we discussed meditation and mindfulness. This is part one of this conversation and I’m so excited for you to hear it. Part two will be released next week! Listen to the full episode to hear: The definition of Self-Loyalty How self-loyalty works with the idea of change and resolutions Sean’s plans for the new year--combining a word of the year with quarterly themes How to hold your resolutions loosely AND actually make change Learn more about Sean McMullin: Yellow House Media Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website --- The Happier Approach Book I’ve been working with women like you living with hidden anxiety every day for over 20 years as a coach and counselor. I wrote The Happier Approach to give you a framework for dealing with your anxiety and start living happier. The Happier Approach will help you understand the voices in your head and what to do with them. It’s not another woo-woo self-help book that asks you to think positively and live your best life. It’s a practical guidebook for getting out of survival mode and finding a genuinely happy and productive life. Know someone who has High Functioning Anxiety and a VERY LOUD Monger, the Happier Approach makes a great gift.  Find The Happier Approach on Amazon, Audible, or Barnes & Noble! And click here to learn more about how you can work with me through on-demand coaching!

EP 164: Practicing Self-Loyalty in the New Year - Part 1

Anyone with High Functioning Anxiety knows what I mean when I talk about the Swan Effect. It basically boils down to the feeling of being so on top of it and accomplishing everything we set our sights on… compared to the overwhelm and exhaustion that we feel under the surface that no one can see.  My guest on this series about the performative nature of high functioning anxiety is no stranger to the Swan Effect.  In part one of this podcast, Lou Blaser from the Second Breaks Podcast and I talked about the Swan Effect and what it feels like to be calm on top and yet paddling like mad, metaphorically, underneath. We also discussed when Lou realized she needed help and what therapy taught her about anxiety and depression.  On today’s episode, Lou and I continue the conversation around the performative nature of high functioning anxiety with Lou. For her, learning to recognize that tendency is a sign that her depression and anxiety have spiked and that she needs to step up her self-care. If you feel like no matter how anxious you are that you need to appear on top of it, this episode is for you. And don’t miss part one, which you can listen to here. Listen to the full episode to hear: Why sharing your anxiety is so hard and finding the right pair of ears is essential The sneaky ways we sabotage ourselves  Why therapy isn’t a fix-all and the disappointment in realizing Lou won’t be magically fixed The power of self-loyalty and changing how Lou had her own back was so important Learn more about Lou Blaser: secondbreaks.com Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website --- Coach in Your Pocket Helping people with High Functioning Anxiety is a personal mission for me. I have a special place in my heart for this struggle because it’s both something I dealt with unknowingly for years, and because it silently affects so many people who think this is just how it is.   Working with me this way is an incredibly efficient and effective way to deal with your anxiety in the moment–without waiting for your next appointment. I have been doing this work for over 20 years and Coach in Your Pocket is the most effective and most life-changing work I have ever done. My clients are consistently blown away by how these daily check-ins combined with the monthly face-to-face video meetings create slow, lasting changes that reprogram their High Functioning Anxiety tendencies over time. Over the course of the three-month program, we meet once a month for a face-to-face session via a secure video chat, and then throughout the entire three months, you have access to me anytime you are feeling anxious, having a Monger attack, celebrating a win, or just need to check-in, and I will respond to you during my office hours (Monday through Friday, 9 am – 6 pm EST). Ready to get started? Email me: nancyjane@live-happier.com and we’ll set up a free 30-minute consultation to see if this process is a good fit for you or click here to learn more about how you can work with me through on-demand coaching.

EP 163: Lou Blaser and the Performative Nature of High Functioning Anxiety - Part 2

Well, we made it to 2021! I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. I know I’m excited to be back at the podcast after a short break.  One of the most challenging aspects of High Functioning Anxiety is the Catch-22 of the positive affirmations you receive for being so on-it and accomplishing so much versus the overwhelm and exhaustion you feel under the surface.  Does this sound familiar? This Catch-22 causes those of us with HFA to be extremely performative in how we approach our lives. The never-let-them-see-you-sweat idea permeates everything we do.  On today’s episode, I’m going to go deep into the performative nature of high functioning anxiety and talk with Lou Blaser from the Second Breaks Podcast. Lou was kind enough to agree to come on and talk about her experience with anxiety and depression.  Lou and I refer to that Catch-22 as The Swan Effect: you look beautiful and calm on the outside but underneath the surface you are paddling like crazy. I am so excited for you to hear this interview.  This is part one of this conversation with Lou. Check back next week for part two!  Listen to the full episode to hear: When Lou realized she needed help What therapy taught her about anxiety and depression  The signs for Lou when she needs to step up her self-care practices  How both our larger culture and the culture of the corporate world keep us stuck in performing. Learn more about Lou Blaser: secondbreaks.com Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website --- Coach in Your Pocket Helping people with High Functioning Anxiety is a personal mission for me. I have a special place in my heart for this struggle because it’s both something I dealt with unknowingly for years, and because it silently affects so many people who think this is just how it is.   Working with me this way is an incredibly efficient and effective way to deal with your anxiety in the moment–without waiting for your next appointment. I have been doing this work for over 20 years and Coach in Your Pocket is the most effective and most life-changing work I have ever done. My clients are consistently blown away by how these daily check-ins combined with the monthly face-to-face video meetings create slow, lasting changes that reprogram their High Functioning Anxiety tendencies over time. Over the course of the three-month program, we meet once a month for a face-to-face session via a secure video chat, and then throughout the entire three months, you have access to me anytime you are feeling anxious, having a Monger attack, celebrating a win, or just need to check-in, and I will respond to you during my office hours (Monday through Friday, 9 am – 6 pm EST). Ready to get started? Email me: nancyjane@live-happier.com and we’ll set up a free 30-minute consultation to see if this process is a good fit for you or click here to learn more about how you can work with me through on-demand coaching.

EP 162: Lou Blaser and the Performative Nature of High Functioning Anxiety - Part 1

About a month ago, I challenged myself to a month of practicing meditation.  As I shared in Part One of this series, I didn’t have a consistent meditation practice prior to this experiment. In fact, I was pretty resistant to it in the first place. (Be sure to go back and listen to this episode if you haven’t yet!) But I was inspired to give meditation another try because of all the stress and anxiety in the world right now.  As I share in the episode, I made it to 30 days of practicing meditation and mindfulness. Technically, it was two weeks of meditation and two weeks of mindfulness—and I get into why I broke it into chunks like this in the episode.  Of course, I had to invite my friend and podcast producer, Sean McMullin of Yellow House Media, back to the show to chat with me about my experience. As you heard in the first part of this series, Sean is someone who not only knows me well—but he also has a meditation practice of his own and I figured he’d be the perfect person to keep me accountable.  I learned so much from this experience and I learned even more through my conversation with Sean.  Listen to the full episode to hear: What went well and what didn’t go well in my meditation and mindfulness experiment The role my BFF and my Monger played in the experiment  Sean and I discuss the role of neuro-diversity, rules, and rigidities and how something as small as closing my eyes became a HUGE stumbling block for me in my practice What my meditation and mindfulness plans look like moving forward Learn more about Sean McMullin: Yellow House Media Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website Resources mentioned in this episode Headspace Meditation App The Real Point of Meditating by Mike Sturm on Medium The Science of Mindfulness | Dr. Ron Siegel | Talks at Google The Art of Noticing by Rob Walker --- The Happier Approach Book I’ve been working with women like you living with hidden anxiety every day for over 20 years as a coach and counselor. I wrote The Happier Approach to give you a framework for dealing with your anxiety and start living happier. The Happier Approach will help you understand the voices in your head and what to do with them. It’s not another woo-woo self-help book that asks you to think positively and live your best life. It’s a practical guidebook for getting out of survival mode and finding a genuinely happy and productive life. Know someone who has High Functioning Anxiety and a VERY LOUD Monger, the Happier Approach makes a great gift.  Find The Happier Approach on Amazon, Audible, or Barnes & Noble! And click here to learn more about how you can work with me through on-demand coaching!

EP 161: Experimenting with Meditation and Mindfulness - Part 2

As if navigating the holidays wasn’t already hard enough, 2020 has turned our holiday traditions on their head.  In my family, we’re making some tough decisions about the holidays, and emotions are running high. We’ve already canceled our traditional Thanksgiving trip to Chicago to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins—and it looks like we’ll need to reimagine our Christmas as well, which has been pretty much the same my whole life.  Making decisions this year has been hard. I’m sure you feel it, too. Do we have a holiday celebration with family? Do we travel? Do we stay home and have a virtual get together? Do we need to change how we do things at all? It’s tough and the decision fatigue is real.  In a quest to make the holiday decision-making process as easy as possible (or at least a little bit easier), I wanted to talk with Decision Engineer and Coach, Michelle Florendo.  Michelle specializes in helping people untangle messy decisions in life and work. After studying decision engineering at Stanford University, she spent the past 15 years helping hundreds of professionals use the principles of decision engineering to make decisions with less stress and more clarity.  Listen to the full episode to hear: How we make decisions  How decision fatigue is a thing more than ever this year and how to deal with it to make life a little easier Tips on dealing with all the emotions that come up around COVID and the holidays  Ways to navigate the constantly changing information we’re getting around COVID Why it’s important to honor the feelings that keep coming up and treating them as data  Learn more about Michelle Florendo Michelleflorenda.com Connect with Michelle on LinkedIn Follow Michelle on Instagram Learn more about Nancy Jane Smith: Live Happier Through The Holidays Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website Instagram: @nancyjane_livehappier --- Helping people with High Functioning Anxiety is a personal mission for me. I have a special place in my heart for this struggle because it’s both something I dealt with unknowingly for years, and because it silently affects so many people who think this is just how it is.   Working with me this way is an incredibly efficient and effective way to deal with your anxiety in the moment--without waiting for your next appointment. I have been doing this work for over 20 years and Coach in Your Pocket is the most effective and most life-changing work I have ever done. My clients are consistently blown away by how these daily check-ins combined with the monthly face-to-face video meetings create slow, lasting changes that reprogram their High Functioning Anxiety tendencies over time. Over the course of the three-month program, we meet once a month for a face-to-face session via a secure video chat, and then throughout the entire three months, you have access to me anytime you are feeling anxious, having a Monger attack, celebrating a win, or just need to check-in, and I will respond to you during my office hours (Monday through Friday, 9 am - 6 pm EST). Ready to get started? Email me: nancyjane@live-happier.com and we’ll set up a free 30-minute consultation to see if this process is a good fit for you 

EP 160: Successfully Navigating Decision Fatigue, COVID, and the Holidays with Michelle Florendo

A podcast with stories and lessons from a personal and professional quest to Live Happier. Helping individuals live with more authenticity and intention. Providing strategies to reduce perfectionism, quiet the inner critic, and live happier lives. Plenty of laughter, insight and strategies.

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Happiness Hacks

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