How have some businesses managed to thrive during the Covid-19 pandemic? New York Times #1 bestselling author Joseph Michelli scours 140-plus businesses worldwide to collect lessons in his latest book, Stronger Through Adversity: World-Class Leaders Share Pandemic-Tested Lessons on Thriving During the Toughest Challenges. With his own life as “proof that you can become stronger through adversity,” Michelli identifies 20 ways organizations have managed to turn breakdowns into breakthroughs during these trying times. Listening with empathy, using a sense of humor, and admitting errors are just a few ways leaders today are moving ahead with success, creating a new normal at work. “There is a link between growth and resistance...Leaders must push through habits and emotional resistance to grow themselves and their teams,” says Michelli. BUY Stronger Through Adversity: World-Class Leaders Share Pandemic-Tested Lessons on Thriving During the Toughest Challenges RECOMMENDATIONS Watch a funny clip about customer service from Meet the Parents. Check out this scene from Love Actually making fun of customer service overperformance. 

Nonfiction4Life

N4L 182: "Stronger Through Adversity" by Dr. Joseph Michelli

SUMMARY Dr. Fred Luskin, author of the bestselling book Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, founded and currently serves as Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects. His forgiveness work has been applied the world over in veteran’s hospitals, churches, in resolving legal disputes, with cancer patients as psychoeducation, and in psychotherapy. Luskin has had extraordinary success helping people recover from the murder of their family members as a result of political violence in Northern Ireland, as an aftermath of the attacks on 911, in Sierra Leone after their civil war, and in artic Canada where native populations deal with the loss of their ancestral lands. LESSONS FROM LUSKIN How do grudges start? “Renting too much space in our mind to a problem comes from taking something too personally. Blaming someone else for our feelings then takes away our power, and we progress to forming our grievance story. Behind the process lies our tendency to make unenforceable rules that the world or other people are supposed to follow.” What stops us from forgiving? “The major obstacle to forgiving is a lack of understanding just what forgiveness is. Some of us confuse forgiveness with condoning unkind actions.” What is forgiveness? “Forgiveness is the feeling of peace that emerges as you take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell.” Why should we forgive? “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it changes the present. Forgiveness means that even though you are wounded you choose to hurt and suffer less. Forgiveness means you become a part of the solution. Forgiveness is the understanding that hurt is a normal part of life. Forgiveness is for you and no one else.” BUY Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness RECOMMENDATION Read the book, "Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption." Connect with us on social media! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 181: "Forgive for Good" by Dr. Fred Luskin

SUMMARY Harvard-trained geriatrician and award-winning author Louis Aronson introduces a revolutionary perspective on growing old in her book, “ELDERHOOD: Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, Reimagining Life.” Sharing stories from her personal and professional life, and drawing from history, Aronson offers clarity and understanding about “elderhood,” the third and final stage of life after childhood and adulthood and a period that can span up to 40 years or more. With new insights into aging, medicine, and humanity itself, Aronson teaches us how to move beyond wrinkles and baldness and reframe these later decades of elderhood so we can better prepare for and thrive during our final years. QUOTES FROM ARONSON “In medicine, we spend most of most days really dealing with some pretty intense things that fill us with emotions and feelings and thoughts and experiences that are the stuff of literature.” “Elderhood, or the specter of being seen old by others,…pretty much starts somewhere between 60 and 70 for most people…but if you’re in Silicon Valley, and if you’re over age 30 or 35, you’re already old.” “People start getting happy in their late 50s, and their happiest time of life…is, hands down, the 60s and 70s.” “When asked the recipe for a good old age, I often give a list: good genes, good luck, enough money, and one good kid, usually a daughter.” “A majority of the most powerful people in politics and many other industries are people in their 60s and early 70s.” “We have created a society where we do everything possible to stay alive yet dread being old.” BUY Elderhood: Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, Reimagining Life RECOMMENDATIONS Enjoy watching a TEDTalk of a mother and son’s tender photographic journey through dementia. For a practical guide to living out the final years with joy and resilience,  BUY Successful Aging: A Neuroscientist Explores the Power and Potential of Our Lives by Daniel J. Levitin. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube  Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 094: Repost - "Elderhood" by Louise Aronson

SUMMARY Canadian astronaut, author, and CEO Dave Williams in Leadership Moments from NASA: Achieving the Impossible examines the resilient culture and diverse leadership styles at NASA. In an organization where decisions can literally be matters of life and death, leadership styles matter! Using oral histories and interviews, Dave Williams and his co-author Elizabeth Howell help us understand many triumphs and tragedies spanning more than 50 years of space exploration. We learn how NASA was able to send a man to the moon in less than a decade of John Kennedy’s announcement and how it continues to daringly push the limits of space exploration with confidence and courage. Despite all its setbacks, NASA has persisted as a place that continues to attract the best and brightest minds. KEY LEADERSHIP INSIGHTS Listen to your team; encourage people to speak up. Hire a diverse workforce using a competency-based model; empower bright, capable employees to use their expertise. Avoid the pitfall of “not saying we were wrong when we were wrong.” Organizational resilience and agility are critical and are often built through bouncing back from failure. QUOTES FROM WILLIAMS “The NASA culture defies the limits of traditional leadership by creating peak-performing teams where each individual strives relentlessly to build their competency, to build trust and to create strong links in a chain that binds the team together.” “Leadership is the art of influencing others.” “The perspectives on leadership at NASA…have been validated through the results that were achieved with their widespread utilization over the past 60 years of human spaceflight.” BUY Leadership Moments from NASA: Achieving the Impossible RECOMMENDATION Learn of Williams’s personal experiences in space and NASA leadership in his memoir, Defying Limits: Lessons from the Edge of the Universe. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube  Website Special thanks… Music Credit 

N4L 180: "Leadership Moments from NASA" by Dr. Dave Williams

SUMMARY "In My Mother's Footsteps" by Mona Hajjar Halaby layers the history of the Arab-Israeli conflict with honest recollections of a Palestinian mother and daughter who both lived in their homeland at different times. Leaving California to spend a year teaching conflict resolution to schoolchildren in Ramallah, Halaby keeps a journal of her observations, feelings, experiences, and impressions of the challenges of living in a militarized, occupied town. This sabbatical gives her a chance to claim a homeland where she'd never lived.: “For me—a Palestinian in the Diaspora, whose mother has been denied the right to return to her home lost in 1948—my coming back and living in Palestine was a way of reinstating my connection to the land of my mother and grandparents. Like a homing pigeon who always returns to its coop, it was a way of saying, 'I might be far away geographically, but I still belong here.'” Then, after 59 years of exile, Mona's mother also returns to Jerusalem where, in a poetic role reversal, Mona would guide her through the narrow cobblestone alleys of the Old City where she grew up. Throughout the book, Halaby recounts seminal political decisions, such as the Balfour Declaration and the British Mandate for Palestine, all etching a deep and long-lasting mark on the country and her family. Ultimately, however, she has much deeper reasons for raising her voice: “I cannot turn a blind eye to the injustices perpetrated against the Palestinians, or to any dispossessed or subjugated people. Can I forgive, or forget, what was, and is still being done to the Palestinians? With work, forgiving is doable, but forgetting is unthinkable. I cannot and do not want to forget the tragedies that have shaped my family and my people’s lives. I want to honor the memory of their forced exile and share their story with the rest of the world.” QUOTES FROM HALABY “Jerusalem was known to be one of the most tolerant places in the world, where different cultures and religions lived side by side, and respected one another, living in balance and harmony.” “Mama was larger than life. The puffiness of her palm reminded me of a loaf of warm pita bread, and when she laced her fingers into mine like a pretzel, I felt safe. I would have walked with her to the ends of the earth.” “Refugees are like seeds that scatter in the wind, and land on different soils that become their reluctant homes.” “I kept trying to imagine what the Ramallah siege must have felt like for younger children...I would have anticipated the opposite. I always assumed that children experiencing trauma and military violence grow up too fast.” “Palestinians are strong and tough, like sabir, the cactus plant growing in their indigenous land, and which also means “patience” and “endurance” in Arabic. Not only have they survived the indignity and brutality of the Occupation, but they have also done it with dignity and pride. They will not surrender their struggle for Liberation.” “It’s not a conflict about ancient hatred, or religion, as it is a modern struggle over land and who gets to live on that land.” BUY In My Mother's Footsteps: A Palestinian Refugee Returns Home RECOMMENDATION Watch “Jerusalem, We Are Here,” a virtual tour created by displaced Palestinians, including Mona Halaby as English narrator. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 179: "In My Mother's Footsteps" by Mona Hajjar Halaby

SUMMARY In his book “Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less,” Leidy Klotz shows how we systematically overlook the concept of taking away. Instead, we tend to default to fixing through adding. Moreover, additive ideas come to mind quickly and easily; subtractive ideas require more cognitive effort. So, Professor Klotz from the University of Virginia, where he directs the Convergent Behavioral Science Initiative, has pioneered behavioral research pinpointing how and why we underutilize this fundamental approach to problem-solving. He also offers several tools for “using the minus sign” to gain greater satisfaction in our personal and professional lives. KEY POINTS Providing proof of competence after subtracting can be challenging. Synaptic pruning, when our brains clean up unused connections between neurons, is an example of natural, physiological subtraction. By repeating the word “more” and asserting “Greater production is the key to prosperity and peace,” President Truman’s eschewed subtraction and set the United States on a path of accumulation. To subtract effectively, use “stop-doing” lists and “lesslists.” “Remove” first, then apply the popular trifecta of “reduce, reuse, recycle.” QUOTES FROM KLOTZ “Subtraction is the act of getting to less, but it is not the same as doing less. In fact, getting to less often means doing, or at least thinking, more.” “When we subtract information from our mental storerooms, our processing speeds up like a computer after closing a memory-intensive program that has been running in the background. Working at full capacity, we can create new knowledge—and perhaps even distill it into wisdom.” “Subtractors need not be minimalists, laid-back, anti-technology, or possessed of any other philosophy that owes some of its popularity to its ease.” BUY Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less RECOMMENDATIONS  For a children’s take on subtraction, BUY The Lorax by Dr. Seuss. Watch this video to simplify your home by mastering Marie Kondo’s way of folding basic clothing items. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube  Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit  

N4L 178: "Subtract" by Leidy Klotz

At age 70, Letty Cottin Pogrebin felt fit as a fiddle on that fateful day she walked three miles to her routine mammogram. A founding editor of Ms. (magazine) and women’s rights activist, she had energy and to spare until she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Facing six weeks of radiation treatment, she was now obligated to join others in the waiting room of Memorial Sloan-Kettering in New York City. So, putting on her journalist hat, she began interviewing fellow patients. The result? How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick–an invaluable handbook about “The New Illness Etiquette” for both the sick and their friends. 00:10   Intro to Letty Cottin Pogrebin, book author and founding editor of Ms. (magazine) 01:15   Flu and cold season begins 01:45   Pogrebin gets a routine mammogram at age 70 02:10   Breast cancer diagnosis comes without warning signs 04:00   Shares news of cancer and radiation with close friends via email 05:00   Searches in vain for a book about sickness and friendship 05:50   Interviews waiting-room patients for How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick 06:31   Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center attracts people the world over 07:45   Discovers discrepancies between their the experiences and wishes of sick people 08:15   Unexpectedly learns about caregivers’ needs 09:30   Illness has a ripple effect, touching families and friends 09:50   Bottom line: people want to be honest—both the sick and their friends 10:40   What a friend should be able to ask a sick friend 11:10   What a sick person should be able to say to a friend 11:55   Truth-telling and “The New Illness Etiquette” 12:30   A friend reacts perfectly to Pogrebin’s diagnosis 13:15   Asking “Do you want to talk about it?” gives a sick person control 13:25   Other lines that are both true and helpful 14:30   Sick people don’t want to hear or answer, “How are you?” 15:55   Their responses can overwhelm friends with TMI 16:15   Asking “What’s happening?” gives patient control over how much to disclose 17:30   Nobody wants to be labeled sick (such as “cancer girl”) 18:15   Saying, “You look great!” can give false reassurance and seem disingenuous 18:30   “Empathy translated into action equals kindness” 18:50   “Illness is friendship’s proving ground” 19:15   Guidelines for visiting sick friends – be considerate 20:40   Guidelines for giving gifts to sick friends – pay attention to diagnoses 21:00   Examples of inappropriate gifts and insensitive comments 22:30   Personalize a friend’s illness to the point you know what gifts to give 24:15   Humor and laughter depend entirely on how well you know the patient 24:50   Remembers laughing at Marlo Thomas’s funny jokes 26:00   Disparages fruit baskets and extols massages (and other sensitive gifts) 27:20   Why ice cream scoops adorn the book cover 28:50   Contrasts generous gifts with the gift she really wanted 29:15   Follow up “What would you like?” with “You know I’m bringing something.” 30:25   Illustrates differences between sick men and sick women 30:50   25% of men interviewed hadn’t disclosed their illness 31:15   Tells a heartbreaking story of Orthodox Jewish man hiding his cancer diagnosis 33:45   Cultural and gender barriers prevent many men from sharing the truth 34:10   Women tend to feel comfortable confiding in close friends 35:30   The book includes many lists for how to be helpful & honest 36:00   First step: learn what to say to a friend who’s sick (“Do no harm.”) 36:20   Also, learn appropriate things to say to the bereaved 37:10   Recommendation – Ryan Hamilton: Happy Face (on Netflix) BUY How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick Watch the trailer for Ryan Hamilton: Happy Face. Connect with Nonfiction4Life on social media: Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L Repost 60: "How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick" by Letty Cottin Pogrebin

SUMMARY Mother of presumably the most musical family in the world, Kadiatu Kanneh-Mason, in her breakout memoir “HOUSE OF MUSIC,” opens up about what it takes to create a musical family in a Britain divided by class and race. Kadiatu describes the difficulties of navigating the professional world of classical music while raising seven extremely gifted Black musicians in a normal home in Nottingham, England. Rising above a family history pocked by prejudice and riddled with racism, she and her husband Stuart pour their love and support into their children through unwavering emotional, financial, and intellectual commitment. Although lacking the privilege and polish of elite music schools, all seven children have developed exceptional skills and brilliant stage presence, catapulting them into the toughest musical competitions, extraordinary opportunities, and undisputed world fame. The Kanneh-Masons are a remarkable family. But what truly sparkles in this eloquent memoir is the joyous affirmation that children are a gift and we must do all we can to nurture them. KEY MOMENTS “I saw from my [unwed] sister and my mother that motherhood was a state of determination and constancy, and that love of one’s children was the single urgent mission of life.” “The children relied on the rules and regularity we constructed, using them as a boundary within which their imaginations were free.” “When over two billion people already agog at an English prince marrying an African-American, tuned into the wedding and saw this teenage Black cellist framed between the flowering arches and playing with all the love and passion he knew, it was clear the world was going to change.” [When the oldest six children played on "Britain’s Got Talent"], “they were determined to bring the message that the power and depth of classical music can be accessed by everyone.” QUOTES FROM KANNEH-MASON “Playing music was an organic part of family life, rooted in the routine of the wildness of every day." “Children who are gifted are often gifted with more than one direction, and these gifts have to be discovered and chosen. We were keenly aware of how responsible we were for giving our children access to who they needed to be.” “Music encompasses a vast emotional and intellectual world, and spending time to know it and to be its instrument is a great privilege. But the cost is high.” “The family home has evolved almost organically into a house of music. Our conversations are about music: listening, playing, concerts, practice. Most of the jokes and teasing insults are musical, and no day can be planned or imagined without first working out the logistics of each music commitment.” “To become a classical musician is similar to training as an athlete. It demands intense physical discipline, being alert to injury and being mentally strong.” “It has taken generations of love and sacrifice to create the conditions and the confidence for our children to be classical performers.” BUY House of Music RECOMMENDATION Watch and listen to Sheku Kanneh-Mason play “Shostakovich Cello Concerto No. 1” as he wins his title as 2016 BBC Young Musician. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube  Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 177: "House of Music" by Kadiatu Kanneh-Mason

SUMMARY In his memoir ONE BY ONE BY ONE, Dr. Aaron Berkowitz traces his journey as a young doctor grappling to bridge the gap between one of the world’s richest countries and one of the world’s poorest. On assignment in Haiti with Partners in Health, he meets Janel, a 23-year-old man with the largest brain tumor he or any of his colleagues at Harvard Medical School have ever seen. Trying to make the first big save of his medical career as a neurosurgeon, and determined to “to bring the benefits of modern medical science to those most in need” and work toward “solidarity rather than charity alone,” Dr. Berkowitz aims to save Janel’s life by bringing him back to Boston for a 12-hour brain surgery.  With heart-wrenching twists and turns, the story of Janel’s uncertain medical future parallels Dr. Berkowitz’s own uncertainties as a doctor. Berkowitz brings the reader to the front lines of global humanitarian work as he struggles to overcome the challenges that arise when well-meaning intentions give rise to unintended consequences, when cultures and belief systems clash, and when it’s not clear what the right thing to do is, let alone the right way to do it. KEY FACTS About 4 billion people lack access to basic healthcare. Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. More than 10,000 non-governmental organizations (NGOs) work in Haiti (one for every 1,000 people), yet Haiti remains one of the poorest countries, with some of the worst health, education, and sanitation statistics in the world. QUOTES FROM BERKOWITZ "I learned how a few individuals working together might just be able to make a small difference in those big billions, one by one by one.” “From illiteracy to entitlement and corruption, from going to the bathroom with the door open to refusing to sit near the bathroom, Haiti’s inequities and their juxtaposition are in plain view before even arriving there.” “PIH [Partners in Health] describes its work as being based on solidarity rather than charity alone. Charity is necessary, of course: those who have more should help those who have less. But charity means us giving to them, to some abstract all. Solidarity redefines this relationship. It invites all of us to share with each other because we are each part of the same all.” “PIH recognized early on that health is not only about medicine but also about combating poverty.” “If we frame problems in terms of their constraints rather than their possibilities, prioritizing risk avoidance above all else, we are less motivated to find solutions.” BUY One by One by One: Making a Small Difference Amid a Billion Problems RECOMMENDATION Learn more about Partners in Health and their mission by visiting their website. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube  Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 176: "One by One by One" by Aaron Berkowitz

SUMMARY Christina Soontornvat thrills readers of all ages with her 2021 Newbery Honor Book, All Thirteen: The Incredible Cave Rescue of the Thai Boys’ Soccer Team. Winner of numerous nonfiction awards, All Thirteen is a gripping page-turner. What begins as a simple afternoon adventure for teenage boys exploring a cave escalates into a global life-or-death mission to save a soccer team and their coach. Of Thai descent, Soontornvat happened to visit Thailand on the same day the boys were lost in the cave, and she returned to the U.S. the same day they were finally rescued. With the heart of a scientist and an author, she knew she needed to capture this compelling true story. In All Thirteen, Soontornvat combines science, culture, and real-life suspense to explain the complexities of the rescue operation while simultaneously sharing the emotional and mental struggles of the thirteen young people trapped underground. RULES FOR CAVE DIVING (developed by Sheck Exley in the 1970s) Always use a single, continuous guideline from the entrance of the cave throughout the dive. Always use the “Thirds Rule”: Use one-third of your air supply on the way in, use one-third on the way out, and save one-third in case you run into an emergency. Avoid deep diving in caves. Avoid panic by building up experience slowly and being prepared for emergencies. Carry at least three lights per diver. Use the safest possible scuba equipment. Avoid stirring up silt on the bottom. Practice emergency procedures with your partner before diving, and review them often. Always carry equipment for emergencies and know how to use it. Never let overconfidence allow you to think it’s OK to break any of these rules. QUOTES FROM SOONTORNVAT “For many of the people of northern Thailand, caves are particularly sacred places that deserve respect.” “Thailand’s tourism slogan is the ‘Land of Smiles,’ and visitors to the country often say that people here smile more than most. But in Thailand, smiling isn’t something you do solely to express happiness. Thai people may smile during an argument, or when they’ve just lost their wallet, or when they get into a fender bender. A smile is a way to make the people around you feel comfortable, to keep the situation cool, and to keep cool yourself.” “The lesson I wanted to share the most comes from Coach Ek and the boys, who—like their rescuers—defied impossible odds. They taught me that ‘impossible’ exists only in your mind. You are capable of so much more than you can even imagine.” BUY All Thirteen: The Incredible Cave Rescue of the Thai Boys' Soccer Team (Newbery Honor Book) RECOMMENDATION Watch the moment the two British cave divers found the thirteen stranded young men, a YouTube video that immediately went viral.  Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 175: "All Thirteen" by Christina Soontornvat

SUMMARY Emmy award–winning journalist and media expert Frank Sesno teaches how to question others in his book, Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change. Sesno shares the secret sauce to asking the right question at the right time. Mastering this simple skill sets apart successful people in all disciplines from the pack. With more than three decades of diverse journalistic reporting under his belt, Sesno knows how to use questions to break down barriers, discover secrets, solve puzzles, and imagine new ways of doing things. He explores all different types of inquiries—from strategic and confrontational questions to empathy and creativity questions. Sesno’s advice will help you know what to ask and when, what you should listen for, and what you can expect as the outcome. By asking more, you can get people talking! KEY INQUIRY SKILLS HELP YOU… Connect with strangers Enhance friendships Cement relationships Land career opportunities Interview candidates Advance short and long-term goals Improve dinner-party conversations Solve mysteries Challenge experts Learn to listen Develop sharp strategies Discover your legacy Invent and innovate Express empathy Convey interest Generate trust Hold people accountable Advocate effectively Project moral authority Drive creative thinking Confront power Develop mission statements Solve problems Generate trust Find meaning Shape the future Change the world! QUOTES FROM SESNO “Questions are humanity’s unique attribute. They are our investment in ourselves and in the future. When we ask more, we open our minds and challenge others to open theirs. We organize our thoughts so we can tackle big ideas and probe with precision. We learn and lead and discover.” “Smart questions make smarter people.” “A few well-placed questions will jump-start a conversation. The more you ask, the more you get. You decide what and how much you want to serve up. The ingredients for this recipe are readily available and require just a little preparation.” “Questions are our way to connect with other human beings. I believe that inquiry, not imitation, is the sincerest form of flattery.” BUY Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change RECOMMENDATION Get more tips for asking great questions by listening to Nonfiction4Life podcast episode #110: The Book of Beautiful Questions: The Powerful Questions That Will Help You Decide, Create, Connect, and Lead by Warren Berger. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube  Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 174: "Ask More" by Frank Sesno

SUMMARY For more than 20 years, Heather Lende has written obituaries for the Chilkat Valley News in the tiny town of Haines, Alaska. Now, the New York Times bestselling author weaves her own life lessons together with recollections of the deceased. And we get Find the Good: Unexpected Lessons from a Small-Town Obituary Writer, a gentle, insightful memoir mixed with humor and sensitivity. More than a storyteller, Lende is a “story catcher” who knows the challenge of describing life with words that both honor the dead and bless the living. But she manages well. "Find the Good" reminds us all to live more gratefully by seeing life through the lens of optimism. 00:25   Intro to author Heather Lende from Haines, Alaska 01:25   Obituary writers describe a life in 500-600 words 01:30   Lende’s mantra: “Find the good.” 02:00   Writing our own obituaries, every day 02:25   Unpacking the title, “Find the Good” 03:45   Countering sadness 04:15   Lende’s career begins in 1996 05:45   Characteristics and qualifications of a good obituary writer 07:45   Be a “story catcher” 08:45   Who approves obituaries? 11:00   Lende’s own brush with death changes everything 12:20   Recovery breeds empathy and gratitude 12:45   Wounds, seen and unseen 14:00   Deaths hit close to home 15:00   “I’m just the chronicler of these tragedies,” trying to give families hope 15:40   Using her art to make a difference and move hearts 16:30   Lende faces her own grief with unwed daughter’s pregnancy 17:00   “Draw lines in the sand so you can move them.” 17:45   Wisdom from an elderly Southern lady 19:00   Sometimes the “Big Worry” isn’t a worry at all 19:40   “Practice staggered breathing” 20:25   Life lessons from choir metaphors 22:00   “Writing obituaries is my way of transcending the bad news.” 22:25   The story of Richard Boyce, a fisherman lost at sea 24:45   The power of a father’s love 25:20   Story of Russ, the town cemetery gardener 26:00   A long-lost son returns, dies, and gives his home to hospice 27:00   The power of simple greeting cards and the family Bible 28:32   The story of Rene—writing a pre-death obituary for a breast-cancer victim 29:02   What would you do with your remaining days? 30:42   Quantity vs. quality of life 30:59   Everyday blessings 31:20   Life’s two greatest regrets 31:45   Longing for small-town living 32:10   The downsides of small-town living 34:05   Navigating “spiritual boot camp” 35:00   Nurturing the skill of “finding the good” 35:20   Hearts turn to stone, but stones also turn to hearts 36:15   The story of Vic—proof people can change 37:15   How to get a good obituary 37:45   Who will write Lende’s obituary? 38:30   The immediate value of an obituary 39:10   What Lende hopes her readers feel 39:40   How to create small towns anywhere QUOTES FROM LENDE "If indeed all the wisdom I had in my heart was to be summed up in final words and it was difficult to speak more than, say, three, what would I rasp before my soul flew up the chimney? Find the good. I surprised myself with this pretty great notion. Find the good. That’s enough. That’s plenty. I could leave my family with that." "Awful events are followed by dozens and dozens of good deeds. It’s not that misery loves company, exactly; rather, it’s that suffering, in all its forms, and our response to it, binds us together across dinner tables, neighborhoods, towns and cities, and even time. Bad doings bring out the best in people." "I have a friend who says we spend the first half of our life building it and the second half preventing it from falling apart. I’d rather be under construction when I die." “We are all writing our own obituary every day by how we live. The best news is that there’s still time for additions and revisions before it goes to press.” "The invisible part of a mother’s heart is the strongest and most flexible because it enlarges with each child and grandchild. Rather than divide the heart’s chambers into smaller rooms as the family grows, love multiplies them." "No matter how many obituaries I write, I will never get used to talking to someone one day and learning that they’ve left town, and the entire planet, the next. It may not shock me the way it does others, but that doesn’t make it any easier. There is no good in missing someone so badly you can’t even hum." BUY Find the Good: Unexpected Life Lessons from a Small-Town Obituary Writer Other Books by Heather Lende BUY If You Lived Here, I'd Know Your Name: News from Small-Town Alaska BUY Take Good Care of the Garden and the Dogs: A True Story of Bad Breaks and Small Miracles RECOMMENDATIONS Listen to Nonfiction4Life podcast episode 102, Farewell: Vital End-of-Life Questions with Candid Answers from a Leading Palliative and Hospice Physician by Dr. Edward T. Creagan with Sandra Wendel. Check out Nonfiction4Life podcast episode 172, The Parlay Effect: How Female Connection Can Change the World by Anne Devereux-Mills. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube  Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 039: Repost - “Find the Good” by Heather Lende

SUMMARY “The Power of Kindness: Why Empathy Is Essential in Everyday Life” by Dr. Brian Goldman is the result of a veteran ER physician questioning his empathy quotient. Concerned his ability to be kind has diminished, Goldman travels the world looking for stories and data about empathy. Relieved to learn neuroscientists believe humans are hard-wired to experience empathy, he investigates why kindness is so vital to our very existence. KEY TERMS Empathy – the ability or capacity to imagine what it’s like to be someone else and have your actions be informed by that Empathy Fatigue - can result from a barrage of media images and news coverage designed to make us care about one cause after another Compassion – the doing part of empathy, sometimes called emotional concern Validation - a method used to show empathy towards Alzheimer’s patients Synchrony - the superhighway that leads to connection and to kindness Apathy – the antonym of empathy The dark triad ­– those not kind at all: narcissisists, psychopaths and sociopaths, Machiavellianism Callousness – a general disregard for other and a lack of empathy QUOTES FROM GOLDMAN “When I’m kind to people, I see them as being like me, and me like them.” “You’re more likely to empathize with members of another group if you discover reasons to like [them].” “Some of us are born extraordinarily kind. But most get there only after experiencing pain and then learning from it.” “If you want to be kind to others, the first person you must connect with is you.” BUY The Power of Kindness: Why Empathy Is Essential in Everyday Life RECOMMENDATION Watch Dr. Brian Goldman’s TED Talk, “Doctors make mistakes. Can we talk about that?” Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 173: “The Power of Kindness” by Dr. Brian Goldman

SUMMARY  Anne Devereux-Mills, once a powerful New York advertising executive, captures her story of creating authentic female connections in her book, “The Parlay Effect: How Female Connection Can Change the World.” After experiencing a “trifecta of setbacks”—losing her job, health, and last child (to college)—Devereux-Mills found herself in a new city with no real female friends. Tired of transactional relationships, she was hungry for “four quarters instead of a hundred pennies.” So, she invited complete strangers into her home for food and conversation, and Parlay House was born. In her words, Anne “set out to replicate [the] magic of growth through difference—and to do it by building a community of women. Ideally, the organization I envisioned would include a wide-ranging group of dynamic women and provide a safe place for us to gather, laugh, relax, talk about important ideas and, for at least a few hours every month, put ourselves first, something women rarely do. I wanted to explore this idea of self-expansion.” KEY TERMS Parlay – to speak; a bet where the stakes are higher when you’re doing it together with others Parlay House – an inclusive series of in-person and digital gatherings for women that fosters authentic connections and supportive relationships, especially for women at inflection points and crossroads The Parlay Effect – goodness transferred one-to-one then often multiplied exponentially as people observe positive acts and begin to pass them on; an action from one person to another amplified and replicated at an exponential level that generates the hope that small actions can truly be part of a significant cascade of good One Small Thing – a single act of kindness Cascading – when one small thing triggers multiple empathetic acts QUOTES FROM DEVEREUX-MILLS “When I lost power, I lost connections, and I didn’t want to have relationships that were based on transactions.” “Empowered by other women, women don’t just pay it forward; they pay it outward.” “I have a personal saying that goes like this: ‘We are stronger when we are connected.’ This is what inspired me to create the community of Parlay House. It taught me that the company of other women helps me to feel grounded, fulfilled and empowered.”  BUY The Parlay Effect: How Female Connection Can Change the World RECOMMENDATION To find how and where women are connecting with other women, check out the Parlay House website. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube  Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 172: "The Parlay Effect" by Anne Devereux-Mills

SUMMARY Pediatric occupational therapist Angela Hanscom, author of “Balanced and Barefoot,” urges parents, teachers, and administrators to embrace “free play” for children of all ages. Today, without merry-go-rounds and teeter-totters, time to roll down hills and get dirty, these modern kids are experiencing an alarming increase in sensory and emotional disorders. But Hanscom, comes to their rescue with “Balanced and Barefoot,” a book full of compelling reasons to encourage unrestrained outdoor play and movement. Not only is free play more fun, she argues, but, without it, cognitive and physical development are stunted. As a mother and therapist, Angela Hanscom observed a steep decline in sensory-motor development among her children’s peers. So, she started TimberNook as a vehicle to get children outdoors where they could enjoy the rich sensory experiences nature offers. What began as a backyard experiment has now grown into a movement to inspire, restore, and challenge little minds and bodies in communities across the world.  KEY TERMS “Active free play”- being fully engrossed with our whole body in an experience “Deep play” – play that involves purpose and teaches social skills “Vestibular sense” – sense of balance controlled by little hairs in our inner ear; helps us effectively navigate and move around our environment “Proprioception” – the ability to sense what different parts of our body are doing without even looking at them; awareness of where our body is in space “Loose parts” – multi-purpose play items (e.g., a stick, planks, baskets) KEY POINTS Research shows kids are in a seated position for about 9 hrs/day. Spinning helps kids to integrate all their senses and to organize their brains. Playgrounds have morphed into colorful, very safe, low-to-the-ground, low-risk places for play easily mastered by age four or five. The unpredictability of outdoors challenges and develops all the senses. Constantly keeping a baby upright endangers a child, including creating more ear infections. QUOTES FROM HANSCOM "Active free play outdoors is a kind of play that promotes healthy sensory and motor development in children. It is the antidote to your child spending hours sitting indoors and staring at screens, and to you as a parent being too busy and overscheduled with kid activities to enjoy parenting. The outdoors awakens and rejuvenates the mind and engages all the senses." "In nature, children learn to take risks, overcome fears, make new friends, regulate emotions, and create imaginary worlds. "Active free play--particularly in the outdoors--is absolutely the most beneficial gift we as parents, teachers, and caregivers can bestow on our children to ensure healthy bodies, creative minds academic success, emotional stability, and strong social skills."   "Having the ability to play away from the adult world opens up many opportunities and feelings of freedom." "When children play outdoors, they are naturally motivated to move--strengthening their muscles with each move, each step, and every encounter with nature." BUY Balanced and Barefoot: How Unrestricted Outdoor Play Makes for Strong, Confident, and Capable Children RECOMMENDATIONS Check out the Playgroundology website and blog. Listen to Nonfiction4Life podcast #36 with Richard Louv, author of Vitamin N: 500 Ways to Enrich the Health & Happiness of Your Family & Community. Connect with us! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit 

N4L 104: Repost - "Balanced and Barefoot" by Angela Hanscom

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