Changing one of our own behaviors can make us uncomfortable.  In fact, behavioral change can often cause us to feel like we're being pushed beyond what we can bear.  The amount of stress we can tolerate, either physically or psychologically, is called our "Distress Tolerance."  Research has found that our ability to endure discomfort or stress can affect the degree to which we will stick with behavioral change.So, what do we do if we find ourselves stressed-out and uncomfortable because of the changes we're trying to make in our lives?  This episode outlines 5 strategies to help us enhance our "Distress Tolerance".  They include distraction, self-soothing, thought modification, acceptance, and 'adulting'.  Tune in and understand how to apply these methods to improve your own change efforts!

With Lisa

Ep2.16 5 Ways to Deal with the Stress of Change

Over a year ago, my good friend, Alissa Rieth and I were having coffee and talking about writing projects.  After finding out we both journaled regularly, I asked, "Wouldn't it be interesting if we pulled our old journal entries, and then wrote responses to our younger selves, from our current age in life?  We could share what we have learned, what we would do differently, and then use our insights from the past to guide our futures, etc.."Alissa's mouth fell open and she shared that exactly 2 weeks prior to our coffee, she had written this exact same concept down as a writing idea in her journal.   We took it as a sign from God and began working on how to write a book or record a podcast which would include writings from all ages of Christian women, dealing with different circumstances and experiences.We want to take one "With Lisa" episode a month, and share unique insights into the lives of women who have walked through a variety of experiences and come out on the other side stronger and wiser.  Our vision is to have our listening community submit writing responses to your own past journal entries, or photos or anything that represents a prior time of your life - and then we can share your contribution on this podcast!    Alissa and I will start with our own writings, but we hope to hear from you.  We want to be able to learn from each other! (You can submit your own writing via my webpage, withlisa.com, and just click on the Contact page for my email.)This first episode shares a letter written from my 44 yr old self to my 21 yr old self.  At the time, I was struggling with body image issues, being single while friends were in relationships, and frustration at my own inability to love others more.Here's a small excerpt...December 3, 1995Age 21"BUT THEY TELL YOU…“It’s okay, your time will come” “God has something very special planned for you” “God’s preparing him for you right now, Lisa”UGH!!!  Taunt…..  Taunt……. Taunt…….  I have a love problem!!  Why can I not love these people (in relationships) enough to be excited for them?  Forget my own loneliness and desires. Why can’t I be happy for their happiness no matter what the cause of it is?!?  No, I’m too freaking self-centered to do that… aren’t I.   Humpfgh."

Ep2.15 Dear Younger Self 1

May is the month for mothers, especially in my family.  My Mom has a birthday AND Mother's Day back-to-back!  As I was thinking about the month of May, and this season's on-going theme of living our lives from the inside out, (instead of being tossed around by emotions or circumstances), I thought there was a solid connection in topics.In order to live our lives from the inside out, we have to know what we believe deep down inside of us…. And of course, as you may have experienced as well, a big part of who I am and what I believe has been informed by my Mom.  So today, I want to share 11 valuable lessons I learned from my Mom.  I believe these lessons have helped me achieve success along my journey, and I hope they direct and support you through yours!While you listen, I'd love for you to reflect and ask...Do any of these lessons resonate with me?  Are there any lessons here I want to teach someone else?  Am I living in alignment with my intentions?Are there things I DON'T want to be doing?Take ownership for the lessons with which you want to be aligned, as well as the lessons you don't….   I hope you enjoy!

Ep2.14 Lessons from Mom

This past week, I found myself thinking a lot about a financial mistake made in an organization with which I'm involved.  As I pondered how I would advise this group to handle the situation (not that anyone was asking!), I thought about these 5 simple steps.  These 5 steps will help anyone working to fix a mistake.  They will put you on a path to recovery as fast as possible.  1. Take ownership for the mistake, 2. Share the black and white data clearly, 3. Show that you understand the IMPACT of the mistake, 4. Explain the get well or 'go forward' plan, and finally,5. Let it Go and Move on. I've followed these steps in dealing with my own past mistakes, and I promise, they work like a charm!

Ep2.13 Fix your Mistakes Like a PRO in 5 Steps

Unless we think about our thoughts - they JUST HAPPEN. Thoughts do not always tell the truth - sometimes they even lie to us.  We don't have to believe every thought that goes through our heads!  We need to start examining our 70,000 thoughts/day to see if they help us or hurt us.  When we find ourselves wanting to participate in unhealthy thinking, feeling, or activities, we have to examine the triggering event or circumstances and what are we thinking about them.  What pre-recorded tapes are playing in our brains?  What reckless thinking is getting in our way?It's amazing how our brains can help us see more clearly.  3 pounds, 100 billion neurons, 100,000 miles of blood vessels…..  We can leverage our brains and specifically, our thoughts, to make our lives better.

Ep2.12 Thinking about our Thoughts

Creativity is defined as the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, or relationships, to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations… etc. Why should we be creative?Creating gives us a sense of meaning and fulfillment.  Brene Brown says, "If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild an engine, sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sing – it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning."  Whoa, cultivating meaning -- it makes sense if we think about it.  We're making sense of the world around us - processing a million different inputs and producing an output which is our unique perspective.  We've created meaning.Why is it so hard to be creative?  How can you spark your own creativity?  I share 4 of the biggest struggles to being creative and 8 ideas to spark your creativity. I hope you enjoy!

Ep2.11 How to Spark Creativity

Most of us face multiple decisions on a daily basis--and many of us wonder how we can improve our decision making skills so we can make clear, confident choices. It doesn't matter our role…. Whether we're managers, mothers, teachers, business owners, coaches or anything else, we all want to make the best possible decisions.By the end of this episode, you will know 10 tips for how to feel more clear and confident about the decisions you're making daily - and stop second-guessing yourself once and for all!

Ep2.10 10 TIPS for Decision-Making with Confidence

Now that we have identified our needs and values (in episodes 2.7 and 2.8), I think it's the perfect time to provide some guidance regarding goal-setting.  If we want to be deliberate about creating a life around our values, then setting goals aligned to our values makes sense! This episode covers the process of aligning goals to values first, but then touches on a variety of approaches you can take to setting goals for yourself. You can find as many different goal-setting practices out there as there are business book authors.  SO, I'll cover a few methods for goal setting here, but because this is where the rubber really meets the road, where talk is translated into action, I only give you a "taste" of the goodness here, and then invite you to join my "Setting Goals Webinar" in the beginning of May.  That course will not only expand on what I'm covering here, but it will include the newest goal setting advice from James Clear and Charles Duhigg and then highlight the processes I have found most helpful for me.  So, enjoy the 3 exercises provided in this episode, and I'll be sure to let you know the specific date of the webinar through my weekly emails - so if you're not subscribed, please do so at withlisa.com.  Thanks!

Ep2.9 How to Set Goals You Will Achieve!

In Ep 2.7, we talked about the importance of identifying our basic needs, and making sure that they're being met in a constructive manner.  This is because we cannot live fullfilled and balanced lives while our needs are driving the bus - needs are what we need to function in life, so addressing these needs comes FIRST and eventually clears the path for us to focus on and align with our values. This week's podcast defines 'values', the importance of identifying our values, how to identify our values - and then how to make sure we're living in a way which is consistent with our values.  We want to live consistently with our values because this will help us lead our lives from the inside out - which ultimately brings us fulfillment.Get your journal ready, there are hands-on exercises outlined in this episode which I hope you find super helpful!

Ep2.8 How to Identify your Values

Hello! Welcome back to Season 2, a series which is about how to lead our lives from the inside out - instead of living tossed around by emotions or circumstances.Our last 2 episodes were pretty deep, so I'm lightening up this week and talking about something everyone can relate to...  NEEDS!  I'll be talking about why it's so darn important to recognize them and make sure they're being met, and how this can be key to living a more fulfilling life. I don't care if you are 10 yrs old or 75 yrs old, we all have needs - so this episode explains how to identify them and make sure they are being met in a constructive way.  Tactical exercises will help you personalize this material and apply it to your life!

Ep2.7 How to identify your needs: You can't always get what you want, but you should get what you need!

Welcome to Season 2, podcast #6 in a series which is about how to lead our lives from the inside out - instead of living tossed around by emotions or circumstances. The secret to making this happen is all in the way we think about ourselves, how we think about the pieces of our personality, our centered inner self - and where we go to find power to make things better when we need help.The mental framework being discussed views humans as being made up of an Inner/Core Self and many Parts (or sub-personalities).  We have parts of us who operate like managers (running the show), firefighters (who numb and distract us) and child-like exiles, who are buried underneath the surface due to shame, fear, guilt, sadness or anger.  The managers and firefighters are called protectors, because they are busy trying to prevent emotional distress (the managers ) or they help eliminate emotional distress once it has occurred (these are the firefighters).  Finally, emotional distress can exist in any of our parts in the form of burdens, which are extreme beliefs, thoughts, feelings or sensations.  Just like we can't operate and remove a part of our body without it affecting other areas of our body - when we heal or address emotional pain in one part, it effects other parts of our system as well.  This podcast talks specifically about the relationship between our Manager and Firefighter parts.  How do these personalities within us relate to each other, and how does that effect how we move them from their extreme roles into healthy, cooperative roles connected to our Inner self?You can find me on FB. (www.fb.com/withlisacoaching) or on my website…. (withlisa.com)I would also encourage you to read the resources I'm referencing for this podcast.Spirit-Led Life by Mary Steege, Boundaries for your Soul, by Dr. Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller, and Internal Family Systems Therapy by Richard Schwartz

Ep2.6 Binging again? How to address the mental battle with internal family systems

After learning about our internal "protectors", (firefighters and managers) last week, this week's episode presents the last category of a person's internal parts, the Exiles.  The definition of burdens is also explained, as well as a 12-step process to UN-burden.What is an exiled part and how does it show up in our lives?What is a burden and where does it come from?How do we unburden parts and create space for our spirit-led inner-self to lead us from the inside out?Join me to learn these answers and more!If this is resonating with you, if you'd like to learn more.... I'd love to have a free discovery call with you. You can actually schedule directly on my website now! www.withlisa.comThis podcast was informed by:"Internal Family Systems Therapy" by Richard Schwartz"Boundaries for Your Soul" by Alison Cook, Phd and Kimberly Miller"The Spirit-Led Life: A Christian Encounter with Internal Family Systems" by Mary Steege

Ep2.5 12 Step Guide to Laying Your Burdens Down: with internal family systems

Episode 2.4 teaches us more about our internal parts - specifically, our "protectors". These parts are called protectors because just like Superman, Scarface, Dirty Harry, or the Terminator….  We have parts which can act like each one of these characters… well, at least I do…Protector parts have a goal of hiding our vulnerabilities, our soft spots, and making sure we don't get hurt or that we don't spend our days stuck in overwhelming feelings.There are two key types of protector roles, and everyone has both types of protector parts within them.  This episode walks through them both (managers and firefighters).  I'll explain how to recognize them, what they want for us or their intentions, and how we can work with them. Working with our protectors from our inner selves with the Spirit of God, will change the way we think, act and feel in our daily lives. If this is resonating with you, if you'd like to learn more.... I'd love to have a free discovery call with you. You can actually schedule directly on my website now! www.withlisa.comThis podcast was informed by:"Internal Family Systems Therapy" by Richard Schwartz"Boundaries for Your Soul" by Alison Cook, Phd and Kimberly Miller"The Spirit-Led Life: A Christian Encounter with Internal Family Systems" by Mary Steege

Ep2.4 Are you more Superman or Terminator? internal family systems

This is the 3rd podcast in a series which is about how to lead our lives from the inside out - instead of living tossed around by emotions or circumstances. It's about how we can feel healing where we need it, and drive change where we most want it.  And none of this is possible without a connection or relationship to God's Spirit within us.This episode will answer the following questions:What is your "inner/core self"?How can you tell if you're in SELF?  How can you be sure you're in SELF and not just in another PART?What are the 8 C's of SELF?So what do you do to get to know your CORE SELF?This podcast was informed by: "Internal Family Systems Therapy" by Richard Schwartz "Internal Family Systems Therapy Meets Evangelical Christianity: Integration of Diverse Communities and Theories" by William J. Richardson, Ph.D."The Spirit-Led Life: A Christian Encounter with Internal Family Systems" by Mary Steege

Ep2.3 How to Find Your "SELF": internal family systems

Why do we know what we should do, and then we don't do it?  What's going on in our brains when that happens?  And further, how can we possibly find ourselves lovable or acceptable when we act this way?This episode is about our mental "PARTS" and self-consciousness.  Humans have the ability to self-reflect, self-witness, self-communicate, self-monitor, etc..  But who is our SELF reflecting to?  Witnessing to? Communicating to?  Our "SELF" is communicating to our parts - and we have a LOT of them.  Parts make up our system, and they intend good for us, but they don't see the whole picture.  Learn more about your mental "PARTS" in this episode, why it's important to identify them, how to identify them, and what to do next.  Starting with an understand of our mental "parts" is critical if we are ever going to be successful at reconciling our inconsistent thoughts with actions, and making lasting behavioral change. This podcast was informed by: "Internal Family Systems Therapy" by Richard Schwartz "Internal Family Systems Therapy Meets Evangelical Christianity: Integration of Diverse Communities and Theories" by William J. Richardson, Ph.D."The Spirit-Led Life: A Christian Encounter with Internal Family Systems" by Mary Steege

Ep2.2 How to Love Yourself When You're Bad: internal family systems

I'm a life and leadership coach with the mission to build up your heart, soul, mind and strength! You're never alone when you're WITH LISA.Want to know more? I’m a former corporate executive from Facebook, Accenture, and Cerner. After 21 years in Human Resources, I made significant changes in order to live a more ‘aligned’ life…. living in a way which was consistent with my needs, values and life purpose. I’ve dealt with the challenges of frequent change, difficult people, dating and being single, depression, loneliness, self image & weight, etc., so I’ve either been on your road, or am still on the road with you! There’s LIGHT ahead!!

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