Wow didn’t even realize we’d done 30. HOO freakin RAY.Doesn’t it feel like Gatorade Frost just came out not that long ago? Weird.Who the hell does Mississippi think they are? Ole Miss???????? I guess if your state is that horrible maybe you have to make yourselves stand out somehow. Maybe some would say that’s what we do with this show. But does it even stand out? Maybe it sits down to stand up. Have you ever heard that song where he screams that? I have. It rocks so hard.Hey… can you believe we never got a picture when Brian and I had an entire wall of our apartment dedicated to local sex offenders? Brian if you’re reading this and I haven’t texted you yet… lemme know if you have a picture… or kept the map. HE SERIOUSLY DREW THE MAP!!! Of Chicago!!!! TO SCALE (I think.)If you have ideas on how to spell that “word” at the end, let us know. My brain is convinced it knows the answer but I’ve been wrong about many things a lot of times. That’s the thing about people who think they are never wrong… they’re wrong A LOT and you CAN’T TRUST THEM.  But y’all can trust me. Even tho I just told you I’m wrong a lot. ?hmm Weird. Maybe you can’t trust me either then.Or Ms. F…. SHE CAN’t EVEN SPELL ALIBI! OR SQUIRL WITH 2 Rs!!!!Keep listening.We have love for you.

Mr. Fitxit

Episode 30 - Sex Offenders Who Win Spelling Bees

Hey..Have you ever made hash browns from scratch before?Have you ever been wearing red pants with the fly open and have any bits and/or pieces sticking out in the middle of class?Hey... aren&apos;t you glad you weren&apos;t born with that thing in your brain that makes you decide one day to murder your family and get a documentary made about you???But what if you have that thing and just don&apos;t know it yet????? That&apos;d be the freakin&apos; WORST!!!!!Also... why would a person... who later gets shot in the face and kidney (with a gun) ... decide to do THAT to a BAT???????Hopefully someone out there can answer our questions about why planes can&apos;t just turn like cars... and also answer the age old question...WHERE DOES VINEGAR COME FROM?????????????Thanks for listening.Please meat Jim & Bob and us at [Texas (Road{house})] to throw shit all over the floor.We love you.

Episode 29 - A Shot of Fuel into the Carb Throat

Wow can you figure out why there&apos;d be a pic of Martin Mull on the cover of this one????? That can be a little game for "y&apos;all" to figure out. Wow. That&apos;s cool. What&apos;s not cool is the kid from the Nirvana cover doing that thing he did. I can/can&apos;t believe it.This is probably the greatest episode ever.But we must have faith that future ones will continue to get better... so much better, in fact, that we look back at this one and say, "wow... that song during the capillaries part SUCKED." Well that&apos;s your opinion, young man. And you&apos;re an IDIOT.Hey does this show count as ASMR?? I think it might actually. I&apos;m going to tag it with that. I think these are probably best listened to with headphones/ear goggles anyway. Sitting at your desk at a job you hate with co-workers who are willing to just get fat and do nothing but their dumb job 10-12 hours a day not including the hour and a half part in the morning where you&apos;re just filled with despair making coffee ....plus the commute time to and from.....  and then just watch sports at night time and say things to you the next day like, "did you see the game?" or "hey you look like that one fighter... the Irish guy" ... pretty cool we humans decided upon this system and to just do that for our short time on this planet.Not me though... nooooo sir... I&apos;m recording PODCASTS and turning things Ms. F says about freaking PENISES into sooooongs man!That story about Ozzy Osbourne pretty much sums up my entire life I think.Please tell your friends about our songs about penises and also our songs about capillaries.We love you.

Episode 28 - Redact My Genitals

I&apos;m going to start shortening the titles of these things. Titles are nice... not just "things that the episode is about" yknow? And it&apos;s not like this episode ISN&apos;T about headbutting kids in first grade anyway.....yknow?We finally get to the see-el-eye-tee-oh-are-eye-ess Clippers submissions this week. Sheesh it&apos;s about time. Did y&apos;all know that cool fact about paper and folding things in half? Wow. Remember ... you can&apos;t judge a book by it&apos;s cover unless it&apos;s a self help book. Can you imagine actually reading / finishing a non fiction book?  Wow.I have made 2 to 4 websites in my day... but probs none as good as that first one we talk about in this one. Really wish / am glad it&apos;s not still there.Really happy they contacted JOZVEJCORP about making the music for the "Penguins and Skeletons" video game.Keep lis&apos;n&apos;n&apos;Love you.

Episode 27 - Headbutting People

Wow what a fun episode.Don’t you think someone should be able to win the whole Olympics? And if you were to retroactively turn a pseudo “conversation” about Malört  into a pseudo “song,” wouldn’t you also make it in 11/4 time? Oh you don’t know anything about music theory? Neither do I. But I know how to count to 11 boy do I ever. And boy have I ever been learning how to say things about horses and bread in Portuguese on a popular language teaching-you-how-to-speak-it app. What a hoot.We love you.

Episode 26 - Olympics vs CrossFit Games, Malört, Speaking in Portuguese

Twelve is a solid number of eps per season YKNOW??????!Plus I do feel we are in a NEW ERA of the show… so it feels right to have a NEW STARTING POINT or sumthin.I KNOW that the Z-word we refer to is ACTUALLY just someone who MAKES the stuff, not necessarily a CONNOISSEUR of the stuff but let’s “be real”… if you’re gonna make the stuff, you “should” be a CONNOISSEUR of the stuff…. AND VICE VERSA FREAKIN PROBABLY!!!?PS our “editing team” cut out an entire 6+ minutes from this about picking your own line at the grocery store vs getting into a separate pre-line with your fellow shoppers so you all have the best chance of getting the best available line. Ms. F had NO IDEA what I was talking about and it was STUPID… but I’m sure “y’all” would back ME up on that anyway right??????!And I KNOW it’s EASY to “make fun of” prescription drug commercials BUT WTF is that side effect for your Type 2 diabetes pill, JARDIANCE®️?????PS I don’t think we’ll ACTUALLY talk about the Olympics every week bc they’re over now (I think?) and we didn’t even watch em.MAYBE WE WILL THO!WATER POLO LOOKS LIKE GYM CLASS! Keep listening… TELL YOUR FRIENDS!SEND @MRFITXIT YOUR WINNIFRED CLEO SUBMISSIONS!!!We LOVE YOU!!!C-L-I-T-O-R-iiiii-S….C-L-i-P….P-E-R-S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!C-L-I-T-O-R-iiiii-S….C-L-i-P….P-E-R-S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Episode 25 - Brushing Teeth, Dressin’ Folks’ Salads for Them, Wine, Prescription Drugs

Uh ohhhhhhhhh have you ever used THAT as a substitute for freakin&apos; toilet paper? I was once like you. But now I&apos;m like me because I have.Ms. F has a nice little theme now... it sounds like a video game rhythmic ceremonial ritual in a field with horns or somethin&apos; IMHO.... or maybe even a song from Winnifred Cleo and her li&apos;l pink button band.. but that&apos;s for Y&apos;ALL to decide ANYway.Imagine going into your work room in the basement where your kid has been having recurring dreams about in which a monster pops out of at the end and catches your kid at the top of the basement stairs before he wakes up and you look in the corner by the water heater and find two soaking wet blonde wigs and then pick em up and realize they&apos;re soaked in freakin&apos; piss.And speaking of that... can you imagine that happening to your turquoise binder / Trapper Keeper-esque thing? WOW.Ay yi yi.... Please submit your Winnifred Cleo ideas. Our li&apos;l clapping/singing piece at the end happened COMPLETELY ORGANICALLY. Wow can you believe it? Winnifred is in the air and was meant to be. Keep listening.Love you.   

Episode 24 - Code Brown on Level 27, Calling 911, Coffee Ice Cubes, Peeing on Wigs, Penguins on TV

Hope you all have been watching / have watched the John Stamos BASKETBALL SHOW ! WOW I can&apos;t even believe it. As I type this, I already know what the whole first season meant for Johnny Stay-Mo to be a DAD. Dallas Police can&apos;t pull MR. F over in his LUXURY SEDAN hell no!Wow I didn&apos;t know THAT was why raspberries had that hole in &apos;em. Still don&apos;t know why they have pubes tho!Do you like the new theme song variation? Expect some more of those!Thanks for the BIG FLOPPY submissions!Stick around to learn our next fake band! REAL EXCITED ABOUT THIS ONE!!!!

Episode 23 - The John Stamos Basketball Hour, Raspberries, Mr. F The Magician, BIG FLOPPY Submissions

Whoa we were on such a roll and now here we are like a month-and-a-quarter later or somethin&apos; finally gettin&apos; this next one out. Ah well.Are you supposed to say, “I could care less,” or, “I couldn’t care less,” when talking about if you want to hear us talk about anyway vs. anyways aGAIN this week????What ever happened to that Cinnamon Toast Crunch shrimp tail assh0le?Is vanilla even white? Pretty sure vanilla beans are dark brown as hell.Can you believe Ms. F&apos;s old car was leaking and there was water all over the damn place? And that she traded it in for the same damn car?  VROOM VROOM!!!PS I had to go on a deep innernet search to find the music from the adult film I saw in 5th grade. But I found it. Please appreciate that… And all the music in this one. EXPECT MORE AND MORE MUSIC IN FUTURE EPISODES!!!No more BIG FLOPPY submissions necessary. We ALREADY RECORDED episode 23!!!DON&apos;T WORRY!!!!REAL EXCITED ABOUT OUR NEXT FAKE BAND/ MuSICAL ACT!Tune in next week or WHENBEBVER it POSTs!TTYS/L/IAMAAQ (in a month and a quarter [but hopefully sooner <like next week>])

Whoa we were on such a roll and now here we are like a month-and-a-quarter later or somethin&apos; finally gettin&apos; this next one out. Ah well.Are you supposed to say, “I could care less,” or, “I couldn’t care less,” when talking about if you want to hear us talk about anyway vs. anyways aGAIN this week????What ever happened to that Cinnamon Toast Crunch shrimp tail assh0le?Is vanilla even white? Pretty sure vanilla beans are dark brown as hell.Can you believe Ms. F&apos;s old car was leaking and there was water all over the damn place? And that she traded it in for the same damn car?  VROOM VROOM!!!PS I had to go on a deep innernet search to find the music from the adult film I saw in 5th grade. But I found it. Please appreciate that… And all the music in this one. EXPECT MORE AND MORE MUSIC IN FUTURE EPISODES!!!No more BIG FLOPPY submissions necessary. We ALREADY RECORDED episode 23!!!DON&apos;T WORRY!!!!REAL EXCITED ABOUT OUR NEXT FAKE BAND/ MuSICAL ACT!Tune in next week or WHENBEBVER it POSTs!TTYS/L/IAMAAQ (in a month and a quarter [but hopefully sooner ])

Episode 22 - Buying Playboys in 7th Grade, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shrimp, Ms. F's New Car, Macaro(o)ns

Episode 21 wow we&apos;re finally old enough to drink.Maybe you saw the video of me running out in a dress during a hail and lightning storm to move my car into the garage. Maybe you didn&apos;t! It&apos;s on Instrogam tho so whatever. Maybe I actually will venmo y&apos;all if you can send a story similar to that one I describe involving dangly ones. Even if you don&apos;t have the same bits & pieces, I&apos;m sure it&apos;s relatable.... maybe more relatabler TBHh. Hope you idiots appreciate the musical element of this show. I certainly don&apos;t view it... or ANY of this show... as a "waste of time."Please tell your friends about us. Thank you Please continue with your Big Floppy submissions. 

Episode 21 - Ball Water Feature, Flying Kites on the Beach, Egging and Window Tapping, Graduation vs. Funeral

Wow the time is finally here to read our GRUNDLE CRUNCH submissions. But not before we talk about LASERDISCS and a certain type of bed that weren’t unpopular in Mr. F’s house growing up. And speaking of houses we grew up in... how bout those GHOST STORIES we share??? I don’t know about you but I got chills up and down my grundle when I heard those in my ear goggles. EERIE AF! But seriously... imagine a ghost actually changing clothes to go haunt people. Or an eternity in the outfit you died in???? GET REAL, MS. F!!!! YOU KNOW GHOSTS ARE ALWAYS NAKED!!!!!!

Episode 20 - LaserDics, Ghost Stories, Cool Beds, GRUNDLE CRUNCH Submissions

Wow... you still have time for Grundle Crunch submissions. Sheesh I mean we went on a road trip and spent a week in West Texas, y&apos;all... you can imagine how one could get behind. Or actually you probably can&apos;t. YOU don&apos;t know what it&apos;s like to have a damn podcast in which you release episodes whenever the hell you want do you... DO YOU!!!? Wow how many times does my voice crack in this episode? Maybe because I was trying not to awaken any Marriott Courtyard guests idk...Would you want to actually eat a platter of grundle?The more I think about it, the more I&apos;d like to.

Episode 19- Oil Change, "Crazy" Coincidences, Voice Cracks, Road Rage

Wow this is the first time it isn&apos;t just one moron talking non stop and / or abruptly yelling in Spanish for several minutes. Can you imagine being called THAT as a 3 year old? Or is it all made up? Thanks for everyone&apos;s fake album/song titles for TAMPON SLAP. Next time (or the time after that) we will read everyone&apos;s submissions for the fake band GRUNDLE CRUNCH. This is the longest one yet... It might take you 3-4 V or A Steams to get through it. KLILY.

Episode 18- Introducing Ms. Fitxit, Barfing on Your Standardized Test, Water Bag Fight, Tampon Slap Submissions

5 days of some whacko ice and no power and then 70 degrees? What IS this place???? Imagine not chewing a burrito. Or going to a bowling alley....

Episode 17 - Texas Ice Storm, Melting in Your Mouth, Being a Detective

How is football still a thing? How much does it cost to become a manager at Panera freakin&apos; Bread Co.????? Y Santiago... tu peinado esta loco.... 

Episode 16 - Stealing Baseball Cards then Becoming a Cop, Freakin Football, Santiago Looking Like a Member of a Violent Street Gang

Fitness Fixer also offering real good tips for life and other nice things too. Host can almost do a 1 arm pull up and has been in the fitness industry for over a decade so he has seen a lot of BS and he also likes 80s pop music and a lot of other music and movies and shows also. Also is a good cook and is sexy. Would highly recommend.

hubhopper

Mr. Fitxit

hubhopper